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From Reddit: grandma invites everyone to small wedding

OMG I would die! Seriously, what is wrong with people!? 


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Funny story: My grandma saw my wedding seating chart and told me I have to change it so that Susie and Bob can sit at the table. I say Susie and Bob weren't invited. Grandma says, "Of course they are! They already bought a gift for you!"

It turns out that grandma has been inviting people to my wedding without telling me. Some of them are distant family members, some are family friends I don't know very well, some are people I have never met. She even put an announcement in her church bulletin (running every single week) about the location and date/time.

So far she remembers inviting around 2 dozen people that SHE has told me about. However, 8 people so far have told me that she invited them, and she herself had forgotten. She thinks "most" of the people she has invited will come. Her church has more than a hundred members and I have no idea how many people would attend based on her church bulletin. She says "a bunch of people" sounded like they would.

Our wedding guest list is small (38 adults with everyone RSVP'd and attending) and it's too late to change that. We picked a tiny church my parents got married at, and it only seats 46 people. We have already paid for our reception venue, which charges by the number of attendees. I have also given our final head count to the caterer and bakery. Tables and chairs have been rented, centerpieces made, menus and programs printed up...the whole deal. On top of all that, we really can't afford to increase the guest list at this point. We have budgeted down to the dollar and I can't afford dozens of extra guests.

So basically, to make that long story short, I cannot accommodate these extra guests.

I have asked my grandmother to un-invite everyone she has invited and to post a correction in the church bulletin. However, since she can't even remember everyone she has invited, I am betting there will be at least a few people that show up that weren't officially invited by myself and my future husband.

How do I handle turning them away at the door?

I hired a "security guard" of sorts for the wedding (long story - family member has a history of getting drunk and starting fights). I am considering giving him a guest list and having him check people off at the door.

Is there a better way to do this?


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Re: From Reddit: grandma invites everyone to small wedding

  • Holy. Shit.
    Anniversary
  • Oh my lord. I would be totally horrified. 
  • Grandma ought to get her affairs in order, because she wouldn't be long for the world ifyaknoooooowwhatimean.
    --

    I'm the fuck
    out.

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  • Oh noooo....  Wow, just wow.... I don't even know what I would do If I was her. I guess have someone at the door turn them away as well as inform them they were invited with out the bride and grooms knowledge so there simply isn't a place for them.
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  • Oh hey girl, haven't seen you in a while, glad you're back!

    And oh my goodness, I would be mortified if my grandmother did that.
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  • Crap. This is so bad, I think I wouldn't know whether to laugh because its so rediculous or cry.
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  • WTF. That's all.
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  • Oh man... granny is off her meds 
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  • blabla89 said:
    Oh hey girl, haven't seen you in a while, glad you're back!

    And oh my goodness, I would be mortified if my grandmother did that.
    Ditto! I have totally wondered for the last month or 2 where you've been! Thinking maybe your DH did land a job in one of the other states and you're busy moving?

                                                                     

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  • Ahh! I would DIE. Also I wonder if these people are getting physical or just verbal invites from grandma? I would never go to a wedding if I was just verbally invited...

    Formerly martha1818

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  • Off to the home you go grandma
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  • jenna8984 said:
    blabla89 said:
    Oh hey girl, haven't seen you in a while, glad you're back!

    And oh my goodness, I would be mortified if my grandmother did that.
    Ditto! I have totally wondered for the last month or 2 where you've been! Thinking maybe your DH did land a job in one of the other states and you're busy moving?
    I've just been really busy with my new job. I no longer have as much time to go online. But I've been slacking in my mod responsibilities so I have to at least make time for that.
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  • Oh mah gah. I would have a freaking heart attack. 
  • Grandma better cough up some cash for reparation. It would have been bad enough to run the announcement once in the bulletin...but for weeks?


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  • This reminds me of a few years ago when my parents and grandparents got a phone call from the MOB to invite them to her daughters wedding (my 2nd cousin) .. the wedding was the following day. My Grandma felt bad for saying no so I think she ended up going... If I remember right a few family members got the same call... I got a FB invite :) yea did NOT attend that one. NOR did I send a gift. Actually I think I acted like I knew nothing about it.
  • edited June 2015
  • I just wonder where this idea comes from... Did the people who do this just get married in a court house and have no reception so it doesn't occur to them all that's involved?

    My DH's step-grandmother invited her good friend along to the wedding. Never even told us. There was just this random stranger sitting at their table at the reception that they had to pull up an extra chair for. It didn't end up being a problem with the caterer because we also had some people who RSVPed "Yes" who never showed up, but still... uhm... yeah, not really ok to do. Our wedding isn't a show for people who like to attend weddings. Though we said nothing and moved on because clearly it's not worth it. I just can't fathom why some people think that's perfectly fine.
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  • I just wonder where this idea comes from... Did the people who do this just get married in a court house and have no reception so it doesn't occur to them all that's involved?

    My DH's step-grandmother invited her good friend along to the wedding. Never even told us. There was just this random stranger sitting at their table at the reception that they had to pull up an extra chair for. It didn't end up being a problem with the caterer because we also had some people who RSVPed "Yes" who never showed up, but still... uhm... yeah, not really ok to do. Our wedding isn't a show for people who like to attend weddings. Though we said nothing and moved on because clearly it's not worth it. I just can't fathom why some people think that's perfectly fine.
    My MIL was an absolute mess with invitations. She never got me a full list and insisted she handed out her invitations. Most of them were handed out without any names on them so it wasn't super clear how many people were actually invited. Thankfully, I put a place for people to tell me how many they were RSVPing for because I knew it was going to be a problem.

    One of my husband's cousins, who is married without any kids RSVPed for three. My MIL freaked out. Who was he bringing? She called him up and the third RSVP was for his wife's grandmother. Someone not even my husband was met. MIL couldn't believe it but said nothing. So I had some random old lady at my wedding. 
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