Wedding Party

Thoughts about choosing a bridesmaid...

So, in my previous relationship with a really awful human being, whom I was not married to, whom was incredibly emotionally abusive and I changed a lot - and I didn't want to hear it from anyone because I "knew better". Hindsight is 20/20 I really alienated a fair amount of people during that relationship and some of the friendships with women I would have asked to be in my wedding with the love of my life.... were not able to be repaired.

I have since met the wife of one of fiancee's best friends, he has known her since she met his best friend, and her husband will be our best man... that being said, we have a LOT in common, we have hung out several times and we continue to make plans to go out, and we text during our favorite reality TV shows and I think she is just an awesomely genuine person and honestly, I think I see her long term someone I will become much closer to. 

I need to make a decision soon on the wedding for bridesmaids and unfortunately a lot of my friends are male and I do not intend to ask them to be in the bridal party on the Bride's side... and the few females drifted away. I have two other females that I am very close to that are in the wedding, but I think that I would like to ask her to be in the wedding since her husband is in the wedding and I genuinely see her as being someone I will become much closer to. 

What are your thoughts?
Alyssa & Drew 
10/4/15
St. Louis


Re: Thoughts about choosing a bridesmaid...

  • I don't understand why you need help. Here is a woman whose company you enjoy and with whom you intend to grow friendship-wise. Why wouldn't you ask her?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    OliveOilsMomMaggie0829lyssalouandrewsarawifenow
  • So, in my previous relationship with a really awful human being, whom I was not married to, whom was incredibly emotionally abusive and I changed a lot - and I didn't want to hear it from anyone because I "knew better". Hindsight is 20/20 I really alienated a fair amount of people during that relationship and some of the friendships with women I would have asked to be in my wedding with the love of my life.... were not able to be repaired.

    I have since met the wife of one of fiancee's best friends, he has known her since she met his best friend, and her husband will be our best man... that being said, we have a LOT in common, we have hung out several times and we continue to make plans to go out, and we text during our favorite reality TV shows and I think she is just an awesomely genuine person and honestly, I think I see her long term someone I will become much closer to. 

    I need to make a decision soon on the wedding for bridesmaids and unfortunately a lot of my friends are male and I do not intend to ask them to be in the bridal party on the Bride's side... and the few females drifted away. I have two other females that I am very close to that are in the wedding, but I think that I would like to ask her to be in the wedding since her husband is in the wedding and I genuinely see her as being someone I will become much closer to. 

    What are your thoughts?
    If your wedding isn't until next October, I'd wait to ask until after Christmas, but if you're still good friends, I'd go ahead and ask her.  And I'd ask your guy friends too if you want.  It's silly to not have them stand beside you on your wedding day just because they have a penis.
    OliveOilsMomesstee33lc07
  • Seconds to what AddieCake said.
  • AddieCake, I think it was just more along the lines of etiquette and whether or not it would seem strange that I am asking her after only knowing her since May. And between May and August I had only seen her twice since she was in the process of moving back to STL.

    I guess I know the answer, I was just trying to hear it "out loud" as to whether or not this was something "acceptable". Most of the time I meet women who have a huge bridal party and they have known the women for years well into the double digits... etc. New to this. My first wedding, I was just a baby. ;)
    Alyssa & Drew 
    10/4/15
    St. Louis


  • adk19 said:
    So, in my previous relationship with a really awful human being, whom I was not married to, whom was incredibly emotionally abusive and I changed a lot - and I didn't want to hear it from anyone because I "knew better". Hindsight is 20/20 I really alienated a fair amount of people during that relationship and some of the friendships with women I would have asked to be in my wedding with the love of my life.... were not able to be repaired.

    I have since met the wife of one of fiancee's best friends, he has known her since she met his best friend, and her husband will be our best man... that being said, we have a LOT in common, we have hung out several times and we continue to make plans to go out, and we text during our favorite reality TV shows and I think she is just an awesomely genuine person and honestly, I think I see her long term someone I will become much closer to. 

    I need to make a decision soon on the wedding for bridesmaids and unfortunately a lot of my friends are male and I do not intend to ask them to be in the bridal party on the Bride's side... and the few females drifted away. I have two other females that I am very close to that are in the wedding, but I think that I would like to ask her to be in the wedding since her husband is in the wedding and I genuinely see her as being someone I will become much closer to. 

    What are your thoughts?
    If your wedding isn't until next October, I'd wait to ask until after Christmas, but if you're still good friends, I'd go ahead and ask her.  And I'd ask your guy friends too if you want.  It's silly to not have them stand beside you on your wedding day just because they have a penis.
    Seconding all of this. I'd wait until the end of the year before asking anyone, but definitely ask her! And if you have close guy friends, they can stand up with you, also. You should be choosing your bridal party based on your relationships with them, not on their genitalia. 
    [Deleted User]
  • Understand. I don't conform to social norms usually, but the relationships that I have with those guys are not those kinds of relationships. We hang out a lot or used to hang out a lot before the selling/buying houses, took over our life, but we do not share things on any personal level - if that makes sense. The penis isn't a problem. ;) I could easily put them in a suit with a gold tie, but those aren't the same types of relationships for me. 

    We weren't planning on asking our bridal party until Christmas time at the "friends" Christmas get together or somewhere around there... because my ring is not in yet - it is a custom piece - and we haven't told everyone that we are engaged because then they will want to "see the ring" and then it will be all "well.....we ordered it..... its not here yet...." etc etc.

    So I guess that's good timely advice. Thank you. 
    Alyssa & Drew 
    10/4/15
    St. Louis


  • Understand. I don't conform to social norms usually, but the relationships that I have with those guys are not those kinds of relationships. We hang out a lot or used to hang out a lot before the selling/buying houses, took over our life, but we do not share things on any personal level - if that makes sense. The penis isn't a problem. ;) I could easily put them in a suit with a gold tie, but those aren't the same types of relationships for me. 

    We weren't planning on asking our bridal party until Christmas time at the "friends" Christmas get together or somewhere around there... because my ring is not in yet - it is a custom piece - and we haven't told everyone that we are engaged because then they will want to "see the ring" and then it will be all "well.....we ordered it..... its not here yet...." etc etc.

    So I guess that's good timely advice. Thank you. 
    I would ask your wedding party individually, not at a group gathering.  When you ask in a group you put pressure on those you are asking to say yes even if they may want to say no.  Asking individually is always best and is more personal that way.

    [Deleted User]lc07
  • Let me clarify, it would be a little custom made notecard inside their Christmas cards that wouldn't be opened that evening. :) 

    But, we may wait, depending on whether or not ring is hopefully here by then!
    Alyssa & Drew 
    10/4/15
    St. Louis


  • Let me clarify, it would be a little custom made notecard inside their Christmas cards that wouldn't be opened that evening. :) 

    But, we may wait, depending on whether or not ring is hopefully here by then!
    I still think asking face-to-face is a better idea.  Or even over the phone.  A personal conversation is always better, especially for something like this.

    climbingsingle
  • I was engaged for over a month before I had my ring.  It's just a ring.  You can tell people you're engaged.
    image


    Maggie0829lc07
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