11/13/2014

ktornst1

Tomorrow is me and y bfs anniversay. It will be 3 years. I have been putting the pressure on him (though trying hard not too) to get married. I am ready to start our lives as husband and wife, with a house and kids.

I have no idea if he will propose or not, he is really good at surprises and i think he would do it because he thinks i might be expecting it. Plus he told me it wouldnt be for months. If it doesnt happen I am not stressing we are trying to save up to buy a house next year and we are going to Disney World next year.

The whole wedding planning just sounds like too much. I have been looking at many different idea. But I just want a ceremony in the backyard of the house we plan to buy if it is big enough. With some friends and family. For it to be a day about love, family and eating good food. Because I am not one of those girls who knows exactly what she wants and has it all planned out. Yes the big important things but things like my bouquet, centerpieces and colors i am clueless.

lifeisajourney

Happy anniversary! Congrats on 3 years of happiness. 

labro

Happy early anniversary!

Don't worry about wedding planning. You aren't engaged yet. It's ok to start to plan by say - creating a general savings account...but seriously you DO NOT need to be thinking about it with any level of detail. Things will start to come together when you get engaged and have a budget and create a vision with your future FI.

Stop looking at planning ideas. Try focusing on a new hobby or a goal (like running a 5k if you aren't a runner). It sounds like the engagement will happen soon and like your BF wants to surprise you. The wait will be much harder and more painful if you don't try to distract yourself and enjoy your life the way it is right now.

phira

One huge thing I learned from planning a wedding: none of the dreaming and planning and plotting I did before I was engaged meant anything. None of it really mattered.

So many of my ideas were immediately nixed by our budget, or because we went to another family wedding that incorporated an idea I loved. Most of them were thrown out because my fiancé didn't like them at all once we sat down and talked about planning. And finally, so many details I thought I cared about ... I totally didn't. Didn't care about bridesmaids dresses. didn't care about the menu (besides, "Tastes good"). I wasn't even very helpful explaining to my stylist what kind of hair style I wanted because ... I didn't care.

I implore you to devote your mental energy elsewhere. I wish I had!

Dignity100

Congrats on your 3 year anniversary!!  As others have alluded to; concentrate on your relationship as it is, don't worry about getting engaged, if it's meant to happen, it'll happen - no pressure needed.

ktornst1

Thanks everyone!

 

I'm not in too much of a hurry. I really dont think 3 years is enough time were it feels like we should have been married a long time ago.

I just worried that once the actual planning happens its going to be even more stressful because i keep changing certain things and when you actually plan you have to put things into motion.

Peaseblossom55

Don't worry about when you will get engaged.  Enjoy your relationship as it is now.  I ruined too many events with my then BF thinking it would be the moment he proposed.

nicole4793

Happy anniversary! For my FI and me, the more I hinted at proposals, the longer it took. When I stopped talking about it altogether (he has me pay bills from his checking account for him, so I saw the ring purchase... whoops!!), he finally did it. He finally wanted to do it, but it was all on his own without any gentle nudges from me. I know it's so exciting to think about, but just relax and focus on house hunting and your awesome Disney vacation!! Wedding planning is stressful, but FI and I have been having a lot of fun because we have the same tastes. Don't stress yourself out about it yet!

phira

ktornst1 said:

Thanks everyone!

 

I'm not in too much of a hurry. I really dont think 3 years is enough time were it feels like we should have been married a long time ago.

I just worried that once the actual planning happens its going to be even more stressful because i keep changing certain things and when you actually plan you have to put things into motion.

So, this is something that I know I struggled with, with my fiancé. What I'll recommend (once you're planning) is to just make a decision final, and don't revisit it. Like, once you pick the song for your first dance, you stop looking for first dance songs. Once you decide what kind of dress you want, stop looking at other styles.

Last week, J and I were joking that we should use "The Final Countdown" as our last song of the night, as an Arrested Development joke (we have a ton of AD fans among our family and friends). But we'd already picked another last song of the night, and so we just shrugged and said, "Eh, whatever, it won't matter," and that was the end of it. It'll be easier than you think. Planning now? Nothing you do now is set in stone anyway, so it'll just stress you out more.

eilis1228

phira said:

ktornst1 said:

Thanks everyone!

 

I'm not in too much of a hurry. I really dont think 3 years is enough time were it feels like we should have been married a long time ago.

I just worried that once the actual planning happens its going to be even more stressful because i keep changing certain things and when you actually plan you have to put things into motion.

So, this is something that I know I struggled with, with my fiancé. What I'll recommend (once you're planning) is to just make a decision final, and don't revisit it. Like, once you pick the song for your first dance, you stop looking for first dance songs. Once you decide what kind of dress you want, stop looking at other styles.

Last week, J and I were joking that we should use "The Final Countdown" as our last song of the night, as an Arrested Development joke (we have a ton of AD fans among our family and friends). But we'd already picked another last song of the night, and so we just shrugged and said, "Eh, whatever, it won't matter," and that was the end of it. It'll be easier than you think. Planning now? Nothing you do now is set in stone anyway, so it'll just stress you out more.

I know them feels, too. It's hard to go from "Oh i could do this! or this! or this!" and then suddenly having to make a decision and stick to it. Like @phira said, you just have to stick to that decision and move on. It can be daunting, but at the end of the day, all that matters is you're getting married.

Also, @phira, I love that idea! FI and I are thinking about doing a fun Games of Thrones Red Wedding thing. We want the DJ to play "The Rains of Castamere" and then the wedding party will start fighting with foam swords. This may end up being too much work, but I do love the idea of a goofy send-off dance. What did you guys end up deciding on for your last dance?

I should also offer advice to OP for the purpose of the thread--- as others have said, just focus on your relationship right now. Enjoy your anniversary and don't focus on any of the wedding planning. You guys aren't engaged, and as others have said, plans you think you have will definitely change once you look at budget, venues, etc. All of the excitement regarding a wedding will come in due time. I went BSC leading up to the proposal, and I definitely regret it. For our 3-year anniversary last February, FI was dropping hints that made it seem like he was proposing. I got waaaaay too crazy and ended up snooping through his email. I saw an email from Gemvara and was convinced he'd bought a ring we'd looked at on that website. I got so worked up and excited that I could barely breathe. It then dawned on me that a jewelry retailer carries more than just rings, so I snooped AGAIN and opened the email. I found out it was a necklace, and I felt like a total ass. I was so disappointed and mad at myself for even snooping that it took me a few days to get excited again about my present. I should have just chilled out and let him surprise me for our anniversary. So, moral of the story: Don't be dumb like me. Just enjoy your night out with your SO and don't worry about what he may or may not do. It will all come in due time.

cu97tiger

eilis1228 said:

Also, @phira, I love that idea! FI and I are thinking about doing a fun Games of Thrones Red Wedding thing. We want the DJ to play "The Rains of Castamere" and then the wedding party will start fighting with foam swords. This may end up being too much work, but I do love the idea of a goofy send-off dance. What did you guys end up deciding on for your last dance?

We did 'Raise Your Glass' by P!nk. I have that song on my iPod and everytime I hear it, I think about how happy I was in that moment.

eilis1228

@cu97tiger That's a great send-off song! Gets everyone going for one last hoorah. I think I'll put that on our list of potential songs.

phira

@cu97tiger "Raise Your Glass" is on our must play list

@eilis1228 We opted for Daft Punk's "Get Lucky." I wanted something classic, like something by Queen, but none of the songs we loved from them seemed like a good fit for the last song. And then we both thought it would be fun to use a Red Sox song, but he wanted "Sweet Caroline" and I wanted "Dirty Water" (um because they play it at the end of a Sox win, it makes total fucking sense; the end of the night is not the middle of the 8th!). So we dropped that idea.

WildMagelet

@cu97tiger  That's awesome!  I love P!nk  We went to see her in concert last year and it was epppiiccc.

Congrats on your anniversary @ktornst1!  Like pp said, try not to focus on it too much.  It'll drive you absolutely crazy.