Just Engaged and Proposals

Christmas Ring

I am planning on proposing to my girlfriend around Christmas time. Mostly likely it will be within the first couple weeks before Christmas. I understand that the ring should not be considered a Christmas present. That would be a very cheap way to start off our lives together if I was already trying to kill two birds with one stone.

With all of that being said, what would be a good gift to get her for Christmas? Is there something that either goes nicely with the ring, or something that is a good gift for new couple to get each other? Please Help!

Thank you!

southernbelle0915[Deleted User]

Re: Christmas Ring

  • I am planning on proposing to my girlfriend around Christmas time. Mostly likely it will be within the first couple weeks before Christmas. I understand that the ring should not be considered a Christmas present. That would be a very cheap way to start off our lives together if I was already trying to kill two birds with one stone.

    With all of that being said, what would be a good gift to get her for Christmas? Is there something that either goes nicely with the ring, or something that is a good gift for new couple to get each other? Please Help!

    Thank you!

    Whatever you'd normally get her for Christmas or her birthday.

    I got engaged on 12/14 last year, and... uh, I don't remember what my now-H got me. It definitely wasn't anything wedding-related. Shit what did he give me? I might be a terrible person. But at any rate, there isn't any greater pressure on this gift than any other gift.

    Good luck with the proposal and pre-congrats!

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    wrigleyville
  • My FI proposed last year on Christmas Eve underneath a mistletoe, and if that was my only gift I totally would've been fine with that. However, he bought me princess cut diamond earrings to match my ring. I thought it was a really nice gesture, and you might be able to get a nice pair on sale this time of year! I agree with PP that it doesn't absolutely have to be something that goes with the ring. Shop like it's any other Christmas. :) Good luck and congrats!! 

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  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I really dont think its "cheap" to give an engagement ring as a christmas gift. But to each, their own.
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  • lilacck28lilacck28 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited November 2014

    KatWAG said:
    I really dont think its "cheap" to give an engagement ring as a christmas gift. But to each, their own.
    Not to be a total bummer but....

    Legally, if it is a Christmas gift and she breaks off the engagement, it is much harder for OP to get the ring back unless she voluntarily gives it back  to him(her?). But, if it is explicitly an engagement ring that is not given on Christmas, and the contract implied (that she will marry OP) is not fulfilled, then OP has a tighter legal claim to the ring, and more opportunity for recourse.

    (States are handling this differently, some take the no-fault approach which means the giver automatically gets the ring back, but linking the ring to Christmas just makes it all a bit messier.)
  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    lilacck28 said:

    KatWAG said:
    I really dont think its "cheap" to give an engagement ring as a christmas gift. But to each, their own.
    Not to be a total bummer but....

    Legally, if it is a Christmas gift and she breaks off the engagement, it is much harder for OP to get the ring back unless she voluntarily gives it back  to him(her?). But, if it is explicitly an engagement ring that is not given on Christmas, and the contract implied (that she will marry OP) is not fulfilled, then OP has a tighter legal claim to the ring, and more opportunity for recourse.

    (States are handling this differently, some take the no-fault approach which means the giver automatically gets the ring back, but linking the ring to Christmas just makes it all a bit messier.)
    I think if you have to rely on legal methods to assist in breaking off an engagement...then there are bigger issues than just the ring itself.

    As for the Christmas gift: DH and I aren't big Christmas gift givers. We tend to buy what we want/need through the year (especially him!).

    DH proposed on Christmas day. He also bought me a pair of small diamond earrings and those were my Christmas gift (it made it fun with friends when they asked to see what then-Fi gave me for Christmas!). I just bought him some seasonings since he likes to cook. We also bought a Keurig together and wrapped it, so that was a joint gift. I also got him a subscription to a magazine.

    So, really, Christmas isn't all that big of a deal to us. And since we're (obviously) not getting engaged this Christmas I imagine that our gifts will be even less impressive.

    Write her a nice card. I mean, you're in the process of starting your life together. If she gets upset that she didn't get a physical gift then this probably isn't something you should consider spending the rest of your life with.
  • lilacck28lilacck28 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited November 2014
    lilacck28 said:

    KatWAG said:
    I really dont think its "cheap" to give an engagement ring as a christmas gift. But to each, their own.
    Not to be a total bummer but....

    Legally, if it is a Christmas gift and she breaks off the engagement, it is much harder for OP to get the ring back unless she voluntarily gives it back  to him(her?). But, if it is explicitly an engagement ring that is not given on Christmas, and the contract implied (that she will marry OP) is not fulfilled, then OP has a tighter legal claim to the ring, and more opportunity for recourse.

    (States are handling this differently, some take the no-fault approach which means the giver automatically gets the ring back, but linking the ring to Christmas just makes it all a bit messier.)
    I think if you have to rely on legal methods to assist in breaking off an engagement...then there are bigger issues than just the ring itself.

    As for the Christmas gift: DH and I aren't big Christmas gift givers. We tend to buy what we want/need through the year (especially him!).

    DH proposed on Christmas day. He also bought me a pair of small diamond earrings and those were my Christmas gift (it made it fun with friends when they asked to see what then-Fi gave me for Christmas!). I just bought him some seasonings since he likes to cook. We also bought a Keurig together and wrapped it, so that was a joint gift. I also got him a subscription to a magazine.

    So, really, Christmas isn't all that big of a deal to us. And since we're (obviously) not getting engaged this Christmas I imagine that our gifts will be even less impressive.

    Write her a nice card. I mean, you're in the process of starting your life together. If she gets upset that she didn't get a physical gift then this probably isn't something you should consider spending the rest of your life with.
    Hah! Yes, very true. But it's been known to happen. Those rings are usually very expensive, and if the engagement gets called off, OP may want that ring back.

    My grandma told me that my uncle was going to marry a woman before he met my aunt. My grandma did not like this woman... I guess she smoked and didn't want kids, and wasn't that nice, while my uncle did not smoke and wanted kids. Anyway, If I'm remembering the story correctly, he was going to give the ring as a birthday or Christmas gift I think, but my grandma convinced him not to, and to just give it on a different date. And then the woman broke off the engagement/ relationship and she wanted to keep the ring, and said "it was a gift! You can't have it back!" and he said, no, it was a contract that you didn't fulfill... and got it back. I think he sent her legal precedents to show that it would be hard for her to win. Yeah. That's my family :)

    Also, good luck OP! I hope you know that this was just an aside, and I don't want you to think that I think your relationship will probably fail. I'm sure it will be a lovely engagement, and any type of Christmas gift you give will be great!
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    lilacck28 said:

    KatWAG said:
    I really dont think its "cheap" to give an engagement ring as a christmas gift. But to each, their own.
    Not to be a total bummer but....

    Legally, if it is a Christmas gift and she breaks off the engagement, it is much harder for OP to get the ring back unless she voluntarily gives it back  to him(her?). But, if it is explicitly an engagement ring that is not given on Christmas, and the contract implied (that she will marry OP) is not fulfilled, then OP has a tighter legal claim to the ring, and more opportunity for recourse.

    (States are handling this differently, some take the no-fault approach which means the giver automatically gets the ring back, but linking the ring to Christmas just makes it all a bit messier.)
    I understand your point. But I dont think that is even remotely close to the OP's line of thinking.
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    southernbelle0915
  • Yeah, I know that wasn't the original line of thought. Sometimes I just can't stop myself from commenting when a thought pops into my head...
  • I love the idea of getting a pair of earrings, especially in the shape of the ring (but only because I'm cheesy like that). What would you normally get her? If you want to keep it away from the wedding, then anything goes. If you want something to continue the wedding bliss, think about getting her a really nice wedding planner book that can be used in the planning process, but also as a nice keepsake for later. Other people may shoot that idea down, but I'm very sentimental so I think it would be sweet. 
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    nicole4793justbeingme93
  • @minttobemrsb I really love the wedding planner idea!! That's actually really adorable. 

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    minttobemrsb
  • BF and I have had the discussion that our E-ring is on order currently. And I just paid for a vacation for us. We decided that these are our presents to each other for pretty much everything for the whole year. Anniversary, holidays, birthday, valentines day . . .ect.

    Of course we have discussed the fact that of course we will end up giving each other presents for these things anyway - because thats what we do. But we put a small price cap on it. 


    Otherwise I agree with PP - shop for christmas as you normally would - but I think she would understand if you spent a slightly smaller dollar amount this year . . . 
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  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    You could also get her a ring holder, something to keep by the sink or nightstand for when she takes it off. 

    I'd recommend getting her something non-wedding related though. Weddings are awesome, but it's not her life. Get her something related to a hobby of hers, wine, books, dvds, crafting supplies, gift cards, etc.
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    Anniversary
    southernbelle0915esstee33nicole4793
  • I got engaged 12/14 and my now husband got me a food processor for Christmas :)  I'd shop for her like normal!  However, if you're set on getting something ring/wedding related, a nice jewelry box or ring holder would be great. 
  • Congrats in advance!! If you want to get her another gift, get her something that'll be useful. Victoria's Secret is always nice--from fragrances to pajamas...there options are limiteless & you won't be all day choosing a Christmas present. The holidays are already stressful enough :)
  • dcbride86dcbride86 Washington, DC member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    lilacck28 said:

    KatWAG said:
    I really dont think its "cheap" to give an engagement ring as a christmas gift. But to each, their own.
    Not to be a total bummer but....

    Legally, if it is a Christmas gift and she breaks off the engagement, it is much harder for OP to get the ring back unless she voluntarily gives it back  to him(her?). But, if it is explicitly an engagement ring that is not given on Christmas, and the contract implied (that she will marry OP) is not fulfilled, then OP has a tighter legal claim to the ring, and more opportunity for recourse.

    (States are handling this differently, some take the no-fault approach which means the giver automatically gets the ring back, but linking the ring to Christmas just makes it all a bit messier.)

    No it's not.  An engagement ring is always a conditional gift, regardless of the circumstances.  If the condition is not met (if they don't get married), the gifter is legally entitled to the ring.  Just because the proposal takes place on Christmas, the nature of the conditional gift doesn't change.
  • dcbride86 said:
    lilacck28 said:

    KatWAG said:
    I really dont think its "cheap" to give an engagement ring as a christmas gift. But to each, their own.
    Not to be a total bummer but....

    Legally, if it is a Christmas gift and she breaks off the engagement, it is much harder for OP to get the ring back unless she voluntarily gives it back  to him(her?). But, if it is explicitly an engagement ring that is not given on Christmas, and the contract implied (that she will marry OP) is not fulfilled, then OP has a tighter legal claim to the ring, and more opportunity for recourse.

    (States are handling this differently, some take the no-fault approach which means the giver automatically gets the ring back, but linking the ring to Christmas just makes it all a bit messier.)

    No it's not.  An engagement ring is always a conditional gift, regardless of the circumstances.  If the condition is not met (if they don't get married), the gifter is legally entitled to the ring.  Just because the proposal takes place on Christmas, the nature of the conditional gift doesn't change.
    In some states this is true, and in other's this isn't the case.  All depends on where you live.  Some courts even take into consideration who did the breaking up, and others don't.  

    To the OP- Definitely get your soon to be fiance a "Christmas" gift.  And treat it as if you didn't give her the ring.  You don't have to go overboard- maybe a nice necklace or matching earrings if she likes jewelry, or you can get creative and put together a photo book with all of your special memories.  If she has hobbies, get her something you know she will enjoy that won't break the bank.  If you have the money for it, maybe take her on a weekend getaway to celebrate the engagement, something you both can enjoy.
  • dcbride86dcbride86 Washington, DC member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    kk111415 said:
    dcbride86 said:
    lilacck28 said:

    KatWAG said:
    I really dont think its "cheap" to give an engagement ring as a christmas gift. But to each, their own.
    Not to be a total bummer but....

    Legally, if it is a Christmas gift and she breaks off the engagement, it is much harder for OP to get the ring back unless she voluntarily gives it back  to him(her?). But, if it is explicitly an engagement ring that is not given on Christmas, and the contract implied (that she will marry OP) is not fulfilled, then OP has a tighter legal claim to the ring, and more opportunity for recourse.

    (States are handling this differently, some take the no-fault approach which means the giver automatically gets the ring back, but linking the ring to Christmas just makes it all a bit messier.)

    No it's not.  An engagement ring is always a conditional gift, regardless of the circumstances.  If the condition is not met (if they don't get married), the gifter is legally entitled to the ring.  Just because the proposal takes place on Christmas, the nature of the conditional gift doesn't change.
    In some states this is true, and in other's this isn't the case.  All depends on where you live.  Some courts even take into consideration who did the breaking up, and others don't.  

    To the OP- Definitely get your soon to be fiance a "Christmas" gift.  And treat it as if you didn't give her the ring.  You don't have to go overboard- maybe a nice necklace or matching earrings if she likes jewelry, or you can get creative and put together a photo book with all of your special memories.  If she has hobbies, get her something you know she will enjoy that won't break the bank.  If you have the money for it, maybe take her on a weekend getaway to celebrate the engagement, something you both can enjoy.


    Oh wow, it looks like you're right.  Sorry!  My family law professor just went by general rules, and I didn't really look into it much.  But now I see there was a 2001 New York case where the ring was seen as a non-conditional gift because it was given at Christmas (Marshall v. Cassano).  However, it also looks like the court considered the fact that he broke off the engagement - so basically, if he had allowed the condition to take place (the wedding), it would have.

    Sorry.  This is probably not at all interesting to anyone else.  I kind of wish I still had my Westlaw access, though.  I can't find the actual decision online.  Good god, I am such a nerd.

    lilacck28klk111415thisismynickname2chibiyui
  • My FI proposed christmas eve and it was one of my gifts. it was not a cheap way out of things in anyway. just get her the thing and maybe something else that is not to big. honestly she will be happy about the ring more than getting other gifts.
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  • Oh I remembered! He got a remote starter installed in my car. :) Not wedding related AT ALL but a wonderful gift!

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    VulgarGirlwrigleyville
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Oh I remembered! He got a remote starter installed in my car. :) Not wedding related AT ALL but a wonderful gift!
    Wait you can just go and get those installed?! Wifey's car came with one, but mine didn't and now I want one. Oh sure, it's not super cold here and we don't really need it but I WANT IT.
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited November 2014
    MagicInk said:
    Oh I remembered! He got a remote starter installed in my car. :) Not wedding related AT ALL but a wonderful gift!
    Wait you can just go and get those installed?! Wifey's car came with one, but mine didn't and now I want one. Oh sure, it's not super cold here and we don't really need it but I WANT IT.
    So you can get one installed. But depending on the type of car you drive it could be considered an after purchase modification (there is a real term for it, i just dont know what it is) and this type of change to your car can void your warranty. So be careful.
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  • KatWAG said:
    MagicInk said:
    Oh I remembered! He got a remote starter installed in my car. :) Not wedding related AT ALL but a wonderful gift!
    Wait you can just go and get those installed?! Wifey's car came with one, but mine didn't and now I want one. Oh sure, it's not super cold here and we don't really need it but I WANT IT.
    So you can get one installed. But depending on the type of car you drive it could be considered an after purchase modification (there is a real term for it, i just dont know what it is) and this type of change to your car can void your warranty. So be careful.
    He was such a good hubby that he called my car dealer first (it's a lease) and asked if it was OK. He said it was no problem, just be sure to have it uninstalled before we turn the car back in otherwise they charge like $500 to take it out. @MagicInk you should totally look into it! You can pre-COOL your car!

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    VulgarGirl
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    cafarrie said:
    I got engaged 12/14 and my now husband got me a food processor for Christmas :)  I'd shop for her like normal!  However, if you're set on getting something ring/wedding related, a nice jewelry box or ring holder would be great. 
    Ok, this reminds me of Father of the Bride where they called off the wedding (for all of a couple hours) because Annie thought the blender Christmas gift was some commentary on Brian's idea of what their marriage would be like. "What is this, 1950 to get the little wife a blender?"

    So... um, OP, I wouldn't go with any household items myself... LOL
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    ReginaLambert13
  • KatWAG said:
    MagicInk said:
    Oh I remembered! He got a remote starter installed in my car. :) Not wedding related AT ALL but a wonderful gift!
    Wait you can just go and get those installed?! Wifey's car came with one, but mine didn't and now I want one. Oh sure, it's not super cold here and we don't really need it but I WANT IT.
    So you can get one installed. But depending on the type of car you drive it could be considered an after purchase modification (there is a real term for it, i just dont know what it is) and this type of change to your car can void your warranty. So be careful.
    aftermarket modification. make sure the vehicle is not manual shift, those like to go flying across parking lots with remote start.
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  • I think earrings/a necklace to wear at the wedding would be a nice idea.  Or maybe a fancy embroidered handkerchief for her to carry.  A picture frame with a shot of the two of you?

    Honestly, something she might really love depending on her likes might be a spa treatment/day.  I would LOVE as a newly engaged woman (esp with the stress of the holidays) to get to relax and spend a day being pampered.  Maybe a mani-pedi and a massage?  Man, now I want one!!

    I see NOTHING wrong with just giving her the ring, esp with all the costs you'll have coming up but something for the wedding might be nice or something for your new home if you'll be moving in together for the first time.  Otherwise I think just something to spoil her.
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    cafarrie said:
    I got engaged 12/14 and my now husband got me a food processor for Christmas :)  I'd shop for her like normal!  However, if you're set on getting something ring/wedding related, a nice jewelry box or ring holder would be great. 
    Ok, this reminds me of Father of the Bride where they called off the wedding (for all of a couple hours) because Annie thought the blender Christmas gift was some commentary on Brian's idea of what their marriage would be like. "What is this, 1950 to get the little wife a blender?"

    So... um, OP, I wouldn't go with any household items myself... LOL
    This is one of those "you need to know the person" things. If H got me something kitchen-related, I'd be STOKED.

  • I think a matching set of earrings or necklace would be nice. I know I'm getting proposed to this Christmas and I'd love to get something matching. :D
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