Wedding Party

Bridezilla or Bridesmaidzilla?

My older sister is one of my bridesmaids and I love her dearly, and she has always been the most supportive person in my life, until my wedding. She has been upset with every decision I have made and now won't return my calls or emails. There was never a fight, just her telling me she was upset. Here are the details, I would love your suggestions on how to handle this:

1 - She is furious that I am not inviting her two best friends to my bachelorette weekend. It would make my weekend with 12 girls total and I don't want that many. Also these two friends (a female couple) caused some drama at my little sisters bachelorette weekend, and I am not that close with them. She told me several times I need to call them and tell them they aren't invited. I never invited them in the first place.

2 - She is upset with me because we aren't having children at the wedding, the same couple mentioned above have a son together that she is the God Mother of and she wants him there. I am not caving on the no children, it comes down to numbers. If we have kids than there is a whole group of adults I can't afford to invite, and it was the decision my fiancé and I made together. Everyone who has children I have personally called and they are ok with it, some thrilled for a weekend away even.

3 - She told me before she would wear a dress if I wanted her too. I know she is uncomfortable in one so I found a nice pant suit for her. She complained to my mother that they look too tight and she wont wear them. They are straight leg pants. She is very petite but prefers to wear mens pants because they are more comfortable. But this is my wedding, don't I get to pick an outfit? I am not putting her in a dress. I want her to be happy but I also want my party to look nice and tailored.

With all of this my feeling are hurt from her constant complaining but she is my older sister and I don't want to fight with her. I would appreciate anyone else's point of view.

Re: Bridezilla or Bridesmaidzilla?

  • acgordon3 said:

    My older sister is one of my bridesmaids and I love her dearly, and she has always been the most supportive person in my life, until my wedding. She has been upset with every decision I have made and now won't return my calls or emails. There was never a fight, just her telling me she was upset. Here are the details, I would love your suggestions on how to handle this:

    1 - She is furious that I am not inviting her two best friends to my bachelorette weekend. It would make my weekend with 12 girls total and I don't want that many. Also these two friends (a female couple) caused some drama at my little sisters bachelorette weekend, and I am not that close with them. She told me several times I need to call them and tell them they aren't invited. I never invited them in the first place.  You are the bride so you get say over the guest list.  If you don't want to invite two people that you aren't close to that is your right.

    2 - She is upset with me because we aren't having children at the wedding, the same couple mentioned above have a son together that she is the God Mother of and she wants him there. I am not caving on the no children, it comes down to numbers. If we have kids than there is a whole group of adults I can't afford to invite, and it was the decision my fiancé and I made together. Everyone who has children I have personally called and they are ok with it, some thrilled for a weekend away even.  So she is upset because her Godson won't be at the wedding?  Weird.  But again, this is you and your FI wedding and unless your sister is footing the bill she doesn't get a say in your guest list.

    3 - She told me before she would wear a dress if I wanted her too. I know she is uncomfortable in one so I found a nice pant suit for her. She complained to my mother that they look too tight and she wont wear them. They are straight leg pants. She is very petite but prefers to wear mens pants because they are more comfortable. But this is my wedding, don't I get to pick an outfit? I am not putting her in a dress. I want her to be happy but I also want my party to look nice and tailored.  Personally her overall comfort should be more important then how tailored you want everyone to look.  I am guessing all the men in your wedding are wearing pants made for men and I am sure they will look very tailored.  Why do you think your sister won't look tailored in men's pants?  As long as they fit correctly, are hemmed at the right length and are pressed then she will look very tailored and presentable.  And I have seen and worn many pant suits with non-straight leg pants and have looked very professional and put together.  Why not go on a shopping trip together and have her pick out a few things that she likes and see how they work?

    With all of this my feeling are hurt from her constant complaining but she is my older sister and I don't want to fight with her. I would appreciate anyone else's point of view


  • I like the style of the pant and think it would look good on her, she has never tried it on before so I guess I just want her to give it a chance before she says no. She wears men's dress pants to work and the length and leg are fine, but she is so petite that the extra "crotch" fabric in the pants looks odd in my opinion and I won't tell her that. It would hurt her feelings.

     I am planning on going shopping with her, just so far everything I have said she complains about. I am starting to wonder if I should just pick it, tell her to buy it, instead of spending a whole day of being made to feel bad about my wedding choices. If I can get her to even go.

  • She's being kind of out of control over the first two things. But you might want to compromise more on what she's wearing since SHE'S the one who has to wear it, and in the bigger picture, I don't think that's worth fighting over. 

    I asked my crazy sister to be MOH which ended up being a huge mistake. Based on my experience, I'd say all you can do is give her some distance and take a break from all the drama. When she gets pissed about you not inviting kids, just remind her that this wedding is for you and your FI, and it's what the two of you have decided on. Then change the subject. Other than that, avoid talking about wedding stuff around her, because she's not going to calm down and start being nice. 

    You have every right to not include people in your bachelorette party if you're not even close to them, don't want them invited, whatever. It's your party! Not your sister's. 
    image
  • Agree with PPs.  I don't see why her two friends or their godson would need to be invited to the wedding related parties or wedding itself.  I do think maybe you should compromise on the pants since that's probably not a hill you want to die on.  Just get them tailored to fit her perfectly.  

    I'd also like to add that you might want to stop sharing details with her.  She can't snark on what she doesn't know about.  


    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited November 2014
    In the first two instances, I think she's being 'zilla since she has no right to decide who gets invited to your bachelorette party.  If you don't want her friends or their godson to come, then you have every right not to invite them and she needs to get over that.  She's not the host or honoree.  If she wants them to be invited to a party, then she should throw it.

    When it comes to her outfit, if she doesn't feel comfortable in it, I'd be more compromising.  Yeah, technically you get to choose the outfit, but I wouldn't hold too tightly to forcing her to wear an outfit or a style she doesn't feel good in.  I'd try to find something that works for both of you.
  • Agree with PPs. The first two instances - she's in the wrong. She shouldn't be inviting people you're not friendly with to your bach party. And she's the one that needs to tell these people they're not invited. 

    I'd let her pick out whatever pants she wants. 
  • Thank you! I think I was just being overly sensitive about the pants after what happened with the first two instances. My feeling are just hurt by her reaction, hopefully we can find pants that look good and she is comfortable in.

    Hopefully I can calm down my FI. After seeing me cry when I got off the phone with her last time he wants to take both her friends off the wedding list. I can't do that, it would hurt my sister too bad. I would risk her not coming.

  • acgordon3 said:

    Thank you! I think I was just being overly sensitive about the pants after what happened with the first two instances. My feeling are just hurt by her reaction, hopefully we can find pants that look good and she is comfortable in.

    Hopefully I can calm down my FI. After seeing me cry when I got off the phone with her last time he wants to take both her friends off the wedding list. I can't do that, it would hurt my sister too bad. I would risk her not coming.

    Wait, what? Your sister seriously wouldnt come to your wedding if you didnt invite her friends? That is incredibly childish.

    I am a spiteful asshole and would call her bluff by not inviting the friends.

    BabyFruit Ticker
    OliveOilsMomLittleWohlscheid
  • Your sister's reaction to her friends not being invited seems absurd, unless she is secretly in a poly-amorous relationship with them.

    If I'm way off base, I'm sorry! That's just where my head went.
    MyNameIsNot
  • You should stand your ground on the first two items, involving guest lists. If your sister invited her 2 friends to your bp, she, not you, should fix that. Ditto, if she told them that their kids are invited to the wedding.

    You should work with your sister on the clothing issue. If she typically wears men's clothes, couldn't you allow her to wear what the gm are wearing?

                       
    PrettyGirlLost
  • acgordon3 said:

    Thank you! I think I was just being overly sensitive about the pants after what happened with the first two instances. My feeling are just hurt by her reaction, hopefully we can find pants that look good and she is comfortable in.

    Hopefully I can calm down my FI. After seeing me cry when I got off the phone with her last time he wants to take both her friends off the wedding list. I can't do that, it would hurt my sister too bad. I would risk her not coming.

    Why are HER friends on your guest list? Unless they are also friends of yours, it makes me wonder if their presence was also one of your sister's "demands".
    MairePoppyPrettyGirlLost
  • Not a demand to invite them, but one of them has been her best friend since college so I have known her through my sister for about 12 years. My sister considers them family and two people is not a big deal to me. I don't mind inviting them but they are starting to be a lot of trouble. She didn't say she wouldn't come if I don't invite them because I haven't said it to her, but my parents believe she wouldn't come. Any further complaints from her or them will result in them not being invited, not due to me but my FI is tired of it and already wants them off the list.

  • acgordon3 said:

    Not a demand to invite them, but one of them has been her best friend since college so I have known her through my sister for about 12 years. My sister considers them family and two people is not a big deal to me. I don't mind inviting them but they are starting to be a lot of trouble. She didn't say she wouldn't come if I don't invite them because I haven't said it to her, but my parents believe she wouldn't come. Any further complaints from her or them will result in them not being invited, not due to me but my FI is tired of it and already wants them off the list.

    Your sister considers them family.  But how do you consider them?  Just because you have known them for 12 years does not mean that they are your friends.  You even said that you aren't close to them.  By inviting these people you are just allowing your sister to continue to act like an immature brat.  If she won't come to your wedding because two of HER friends aren't invited then she deserves to miss it and regret her decision later.


    I agree with Maggie. It doesnt sound like you or your fi want them at your wedding. So I wouldnt invite them. I think she can handle one night away from her friends. And if she cant, then that is on her.

    On a side note, do her friends even want to come to your wedding? If they dont know you well, why would they want to come?

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • acgordon3 said:

    My older sister is one of my bridesmaids and I love her dearly, and she has always been the most supportive person in my life, until my wedding. She has been upset with every decision I have made and now won't return my calls or emails. There was never a fight, just her telling me she was upset. Here are the details, I would love your suggestions on how to handle this:

    1 - She is furious that I am not inviting her two best friends to my bachelorette weekend. It would make my weekend with 12 girls total and I don't want that many. Also these two friends (a female couple) caused some drama at my little sisters bachelorette weekend, and I am not that close with them. She told me several times I need to call them and tell them they aren't invited. I never invited them in the first place.  Are you even inviting these girls to your wedding?  You don't invite anyone to your bach party that isn't invited to your wedding.  I'd ignore your sister on this one.

    2 - She is upset with me because we aren't having children at the wedding, the same couple mentioned above have a son together that she is the God Mother of and she wants him there. I am not caving on the no children, it comes down to numbers. If we have kids than there is a whole group of adults I can't afford to invite, and it was the decision my fiancé and I made together. Everyone who has children I have personally called and they are ok with it, some thrilled for a weekend away even.  Your sister needs to get over this one, too.  I'm curious as to why you are inviting these women to your wedding in the 1st place if you aren't close to them.

    3 - She told me before she would wear a dress if I wanted her too. I know she is uncomfortable in one so I found a nice pant suit for her. She complained to my mother that they look too tight and she wont wear them. They are straight leg pants. She is very petite but prefers to wear mens pants because they are more comfortable. But this is my wedding, don't I get to pick an outfit? I am not putting her in a dress. I want her to be happy but I also want my party to look nice and tailored.  I'm with your sister on this one.  It's great that it's your wedding, but why would you want anyone to wear something all day that they are uncomfortable in?  You get to pick your dress, let your BM's pick their own dresses/pant suits.  Everyone will be happier and will look better.

    With all of this my feeling are hurt from her constant complaining but she is my older sister and I don't want to fight with her. I would appreciate anyone else's point of view.



    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • bridefor2015bridefor2015 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited November 2014

    They expect to be invited, the one I have known for 12 years considers me a sister and I do care for her and I like her partner ok now (she was a hot selfish mess when I first met her) but I have always felt a little bullied by her when she doesn't agree with me and the couple complains when they don't get there way. So my sister is constantly hearing them complain about my decisions which she then turns on me. Which I understand in a way, but don't appreciate.

     I just don't say anything when someone says she is like my family, I don't feel that way at all but I don't want to hurt her feelings. I am truly indecisive if I want them there or not for myself, but avoiding drama and a hurt sister by inviting them may be worth it to me. They will behave in a large group of people, I think.

  • lilacck28 said:
    Your sister's reaction to her friends not being invited seems absurd, unless she is secretly in a poly-amorous relationship with them.

    If I'm way off base, I'm sorry! That's just where my head went.
    I thought the same thing.  She seems overly attached to this couple and their child, and now she considers them family? 
    PrettyGirlLost
  • How many people would be at your wedding if you invited everyone who expects to be invited?  Honestly if there was someone peripherally in my life like this couple is in yours, who made me feel bullied because my opinion didn't agree with hers, and who complained whenever she doesn't get her way, there is no way on earth she/they would be invited.  Especially in light of your last sentence:  They will behave in a large group of people, I think.
    LittleWohlscheid
  • You shouldn't have to invite them to the wedding, but if you are trying to spare yourself future drama, I understand why you would invite them. They do NOT need to be invited to the bachelorette party, that's for sure. And stand your ground on kids. Definitely work with your sister on the pants and let her wear what is most comfortable to her.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    lc07novella1186
  • acgordon3 said:

    They expect to be invited, the one I have known for 12 years considers me a sister and I do care for her and I like her partner ok now (she was a hot selfish mess when I first met her) but I have always felt a little bullied by her when she doesn't agree with me and the couple complains when they don't get there way. So my sister is constantly hearing them complain about my decisions which she then turns on me. Which I understand in a way, but don't appreciate.

     I just don't say anything when someone says she is like my family, I don't feel that way at all but I don't want to hurt her feelings. I am truly indecisive if I want them there or not for myself, but avoiding drama and a hurt sister by inviting them may be worth it to me. They will behave in a large group of people, I think.

    You should be more considerate of your FI's feelings over your sisters.  This is his wedding too and he has expressed that he does not want them invited.  I have known many of my siblings friends for a very long time, but I didn't invite any of them to our wedding.  If this couple has not received a STD, then I would remove them from the invite list.  
    LittleWohlscheid
  • I disagree with the PPs about the bachelorette party. Is your sister the host of the party? If so, I think she has every right to invite her friends (assuming they are invited to the wedding). If you don't like that, you can decline the party. If your sister is not the host then she has no say in the guest list.
  • lovegood90lovegood90 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited November 2014
    I still don't get why you even have to invite these people to the wedding.

    Formerly martha1818

    image


    PrettyGirlLost
  • Is your sister married or in a committed relationship?? Or is she a miserable hag? there may be some jealousy. *shrugs*
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards