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Well that was . . . . odd

I just had lunch with DH at a restaurant in town.  As we were eating a couple came in and sat behind us, man woman and tiny infant.  The baby was maybe 2 months old.  The waitress approached them and started gushing over the baby.  The mom was responding to her, and the whole interaction showed me that they did not know each other at all.  The mom started saying stuff like "i'm not a baby person, I would have preferred to just have had a four year old" "I can't wait until she is big enough to do stuff, I never wanted a baby."  The second time the waitress went over she was making comments about baby girls.  The mom said "well, I actually wanted a boy."  The whole interaction was just strange. . . . made stranger when the mom went to the restroom and the man with her was holding the baby who had started crying, the waitress came over and took her and was holding her trying to calm her.

I was kinda laughing about the absurdity about what was happening, but I also kinda felt bad for that sweet, adorable little baby girl!

Re: Well that was . . . . odd

  • Wow! Children are not accessories, lady!

    Formerly martha1818

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  • Kinda sounds like postpartum depression to me. I have a friend who had a baby last year and said stuff like that all over facebook for a while. My heart went out to her and her family, but she got help and she's a lot happier now.

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  • esstee33esstee33 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited November 2014
    Why not just adopt an older kid if you (general you) never wanted a baby? There are lots of older kids who need homes and are already big enough to "do stuff." 
  • Or maybe she wasn't in the mood for random strangers to be fussing over her child while she was trying to eat so she was just fucking with the waitress. . . .

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • kaos16 said:
    I just had lunch with DH at a restaurant in town.  As we were eating a couple came in and sat behind us, man woman and tiny infant.  The baby was maybe 2 months old.  The waitress approached them and started gushing over the baby.  The mom was responding to her, and the whole interaction showed me that they did not know each other at all.  The mom started saying stuff like "i'm not a baby person, I would have preferred to just have had a four year old" "I can't wait until she is big enough to do stuff, I never wanted a baby."  The second time the waitress went over she was making comments about baby girls.  The mom said "well, I actually wanted a boy."  The whole interaction was just strange. . . . made stranger when the mom went to the restroom and the man with her was holding the baby who had started crying, the waitress came over and took her and was holding her trying to calm her.

    I was kinda laughing about the absurdity about what was happening, but I also kinda felt bad for that sweet, adorable little baby girl!

    As a new- ish mom, I can understand thinking/ saying all of this. Not everyone bonds with a baby immediately. It took me weeks. And I felt like I could talk to anyone about it because no one would understand. Some people myself included, feel like the baby is a stranger invading your world.

    I remember my mom made me feel so guiltly that I was more bonded with my dog than I was with my baby. But I had known my dog for years and the baby was brand new to me. Now, my little dude and I are obsessed with each other.

    That mom was probably venting to a stranger who doesnt have any stake in her life.

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • KatWAG said:
    kaos16 said:
    I just had lunch with DH at a restaurant in town.  As we were eating a couple came in and sat behind us, man woman and tiny infant.  The baby was maybe 2 months old.  The waitress approached them and started gushing over the baby.  The mom was responding to her, and the whole interaction showed me that they did not know each other at all.  The mom started saying stuff like "i'm not a baby person, I would have preferred to just have had a four year old" "I can't wait until she is big enough to do stuff, I never wanted a baby."  The second time the waitress went over she was making comments about baby girls.  The mom said "well, I actually wanted a boy."  The whole interaction was just strange. . . . made stranger when the mom went to the restroom and the man with her was holding the baby who had started crying, the waitress came over and took her and was holding her trying to calm her.

    I was kinda laughing about the absurdity about what was happening, but I also kinda felt bad for that sweet, adorable little baby girl!

    As a new- ish mom, I can understand thinking/ saying all of this. Not everyone bonds with a baby immediately. It took me weeks. And I felt like I could talk to anyone about it because no one would understand. Some people myself included, feel like the baby is a stranger invading your world.

    I remember my mom made me feel so guiltly that I was more bonded with my dog than I was with my baby. But I had known my dog for years and the baby was brand new to me. Now, my little dude and I are obsessed with each other.

    That mom was probably venting to a stranger who doesnt have any stake in her life.

    Yeah, just because someone isn't gushing and over the moon about their child doesn't automatically mean they have post-pardum insert diagnosis here.

    Babies can be needy, tiring, pains in the asses. . . especially sick ones.  I was a colicky preemie that screamed- not cried- screamed constantly due to the colic.  I'm amazed I am alive, actually.

    Also, look at some of the responses in the "Childless by Vhoice" thread on this very board.  A few people mentioned they aren't really all that into having a child but would do it for their spouse. . . maybe that lady did the same thing?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • KatWAG said:
    kaos16 said:
    I just had lunch with DH at a restaurant in town.  As we were eating a couple came in and sat behind us, man woman and tiny infant.  The baby was maybe 2 months old.  The waitress approached them and started gushing over the baby.  The mom was responding to her, and the whole interaction showed me that they did not know each other at all.  The mom started saying stuff like "i'm not a baby person, I would have preferred to just have had a four year old" "I can't wait until she is big enough to do stuff, I never wanted a baby."  The second time the waitress went over she was making comments about baby girls.  The mom said "well, I actually wanted a boy."  The whole interaction was just strange. . . . made stranger when the mom went to the restroom and the man with her was holding the baby who had started crying, the waitress came over and took her and was holding her trying to calm her.

    I was kinda laughing about the absurdity about what was happening, but I also kinda felt bad for that sweet, adorable little baby girl!

    As a new- ish mom, I can understand thinking/ saying all of this. Not everyone bonds with a baby immediately. It took me weeks. And I felt like I could talk to anyone about it because no one would understand. Some people myself included, feel like the baby is a stranger invading your world.

    I remember my mom made me feel so guiltly that I was more bonded with my dog than I was with my baby. But I had known my dog for years and the baby was brand new to me. Now, my little dude and I are obsessed with each other.

    That mom was probably venting to a stranger who doesnt have any stake in her life.

    Yeah, just because someone isn't gushing and over the moon about their child doesn't automatically mean they have post-pardum insert diagnosis here.

    Babies can be needy, tiring, pains in the asses. . . especially sick ones.  I was a colicky preemie that screamed- not cried- screamed constantly due to the colic.  I'm amazed I am alive, actually.

    Also, look at some of the responses in the "Childless by Vhoice" thread on this very board.  A few people mentioned they aren't really all that into having a child but would do it for their spouse. . . maybe that lady did the same thing?

    I would NEVER admit this to anyone in my real life. But this is me. I never really wanted to be a mom. But my H wanted kids and it was a deal breaker for him. We talked about it and I decided it was something I could do.

    Having a kid is honest to god work. I dont she needs some randoms in a restaurant judging her bad day.

    And FWIW, if I was at a restaurant and came back from the washroom and found the waitress holding my kid (crying or not) I would not be happy.

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • My mom had told me that while she loves me very much, she had a hard time with the baby stage. Once I hit like 2 she thought I was pretty fantastic and liked hanging with me. But when I was just a crying lump (can we be honest, that's what babies are), she wasn't exactly over the moon. She was also a very young mom.
  • KatWAG said:
    KatWAG said:
    kaos16 said:
    I just had lunch with DH at a restaurant in town.  As we were eating a couple came in and sat behind us, man woman and tiny infant.  The baby was maybe 2 months old.  The waitress approached them and started gushing over the baby.  The mom was responding to her, and the whole interaction showed me that they did not know each other at all.  The mom started saying stuff like "i'm not a baby person, I would have preferred to just have had a four year old" "I can't wait until she is big enough to do stuff, I never wanted a baby."  The second time the waitress went over she was making comments about baby girls.  The mom said "well, I actually wanted a boy."  The whole interaction was just strange. . . . made stranger when the mom went to the restroom and the man with her was holding the baby who had started crying, the waitress came over and took her and was holding her trying to calm her.

    I was kinda laughing about the absurdity about what was happening, but I also kinda felt bad for that sweet, adorable little baby girl!

    As a new- ish mom, I can understand thinking/ saying all of this. Not everyone bonds with a baby immediately. It took me weeks. And I felt like I could talk to anyone about it because no one would understand. Some people myself included, feel like the baby is a stranger invading your world.

    I remember my mom made me feel so guiltly that I was more bonded with my dog than I was with my baby. But I had known my dog for years and the baby was brand new to me. Now, my little dude and I are obsessed with each other.

    That mom was probably venting to a stranger who doesnt have any stake in her life.

    Yeah, just because someone isn't gushing and over the moon about their child doesn't automatically mean they have post-pardum insert diagnosis here.

    Babies can be needy, tiring, pains in the asses. . . especially sick ones.  I was a colicky preemie that screamed- not cried- screamed constantly due to the colic.  I'm amazed I am alive, actually.

    Also, look at some of the responses in the "Childless by Vhoice" thread on this very board.  A few people mentioned they aren't really all that into having a child but would do it for their spouse. . . maybe that lady did the same thing?

    I would NEVER admit this to anyone in my real life. But this is me. I never really wanted to be a mom. But my H wanted kids and it was a deal breaker for him. We talked about it and I decided it was something I could do.

    Having a kid is honest to god work. I dont she needs some randoms in a restaurant judging her bad day.

    And FWIW, if I was at a restaurant and came back from the washroom and found the waitress holding my kid (crying or not) I would not be happy.

    Do you think i'm judging her?  I think I was just confused by how bizarre the whole interaction between strangers (her and the waitress) seemed.  

    I don't have kids at this point, and I certainly don't know what feelings and emotions come with having them. . . . . i'm just basing this discussion on the strangeness of what I saw.
  • edited November 2014
    Yeah, I think it sounded like post partum depression, too.  I have known really good people, and they have told me that they had considered running away. Two different moms.  They felt really awful about their thoughts afterward. In the midst of PPD, these mothers will say awful things about not wanting children, and say it blandly, in a way that is matter of fact. They are detaching  themselves from the child, because, for some reason, they do not feel a connection with their child (detachment is very common in mothers who have had cesareans). It is, partly, due to lack of natural oxytocin that occurs during natural birth, but women can have PPD from natural childbirth, as well. 
       But even if it isn't PPD, every mom can't be the ideal parent they teach you to be in the parenting books. It is a good thing to strive for, but let's face it, every day raising a child is hard.  Somedays you will snap at them, some day you can't keep the house clean enough,. or play enough with them, or get them to stop throwing tanturms.  On those days, I can imagine it would be hard to always have a smile on my face and say nice things.
  • Babies are pains in the asses LOL.  That's part of parenthood.  Nothing is ever going to be perfect but they should accept it.  I think it's OK if parents complain about them; as long as it's without any malice.  I've talked mothers of 19 year olds and all they kept saying was that their 19 year daughter was a massive bitch! LoL...I'm sure my parents said that about me growing up.
  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited November 2014
    Yeah, I think it sounded like post partum depression, too.  I have known really good people, and they have told me that they had considered running away. Two different moms.  They felt really awful about their thoughts afterward. In the midst of PPD, these mothers will say awful things about not wanting children, and say it blandly, in a way that is matter of fact. They are detaching  themselves from the child, because, for some reason, they do not feel a connection with their child (detachment is very common in mothers who have had cesareans). It is, partly, due to lack of natural oxytocin that occurs during natural birth, but women can have PPD from natural childbirth, as well.

    Are you a doctor? If not, I wouldnt speculate about a serious medical condition.

    Why is it so hard to believe that this mom was having an off day? This woman didnt say she wanted to run away or didnt want the child. She said she would have prefered a boy (whethere people admit it or not, its natural to have a preference) and to not enjoying the baby phase. Plenty of moms and dads enjoy their children more when they are more responsive and can actually play more. Like say, a 4 year old.

    edit: mixed up a word

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I am not a doctor, but PPD  is extremely common.  I would not judge a kid for throwing a temper tantrum, because he could have autism.  I am not trying to say I am a doctor, but I am letting  OP know that there could be other reasons why the mother was saying these things. 
      At the bottom of my post, I also said it might not be PPD, and she could have just had a hard day. And as a mother, you can't be the ideal parent every day. PPD wasn't a diagnosis, it was to tell her she doesn't know the whole story.

  • I am not a doctor, but PPD  is extremely common.  I would not judge a kid for throwing a temper tantrum, because he could have autism.  I am not trying to say I am a doctor, but I am letting  OP know that there could be other reasons why the mother was saying these things. 
      At the bottom of my post, I also said it might not be PPD, and she could have just had a hard day. And as a mother, you can't be the ideal parent every day. PPD wasn't a diagnosis, it was to tell her she doesn't know the whole story.

    Is it, really?  If you aren't a doctor how do you know what the actual diagnosis stats are?  Sure we can all Google stats, but that doesn't make them accurate or correct. . . Lies, damn lies, and all.

    Not everyone likes being a mother or likes babies.  We just discussed all that.  She could also have been annoyed at the waitress injecting herself into her lunch and was fucking with her.  Who knows, none of us were there to ask this lady!

    Arm chair psychiatry can be fun, but it's a stretch for anyone here to affirmativley say, "Oh yes she has PPD" just based on OP's limited account of what she saw and heard.  I find those declarations to just be ridiculous.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • From now on I'm just going to throw out random declarative diagnoses from the DSM-5 when people post :-P

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • Because I took my sister to the doctors and her doctor gave her the statistics. I was in the room.
  • Because I took my sister to the doctors and her doctor gave her the statistics. I was in the room.
    Ok, but where was the doctor getting his/her stats from?  How big was the N that these stats were extrapolated from?

    Working in research where I witness the manipulation of stats all of the time, I am very critical of them.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • I am not a doctor, but PPD  is extremely common.  I would not judge a kid for throwing a temper tantrum, because he could have autism.  I am not trying to say I am a doctor, but I am letting  OP know that there could be other reasons why the mother was saying these things. 
      At the bottom of my post, I also said it might not be PPD, and she could have just had a hard day. And as a mother, you can't be the ideal parent every day. PPD wasn't a diagnosis, it was to tell her she doesn't know the whole story.

    Is it, really?  If you aren't a doctor how do you know what the actual diagnosis stats are?  Sure we can all Google stats, but that doesn't make them accurate or correct. . . Lies, damn lies, and all.

    Not everyone likes being a mother or likes babies.  We just discussed all that.  She could also have been annoyed at the waitress injecting herself into her lunch and was fucking with her.  Who knows, none of us were there to ask this lady!

    Arm chair psychiatry can be fun, but it's a stretch for anyone here to affirmativley say, "Oh yes she has PPD" just based on OP's limited account of what she saw and heard.  I find those declarations to just be ridiculous.
    I'm the first one to have said it, but I certainly didn't say it definitively. Just mentioning a possibility. And it is one.

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  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited November 2014
    I am not a doctor, but PPD  is extremely common.  I would not judge a kid for throwing a temper tantrum, because he could have autism.  I am not trying to say I am a doctor, but I am letting  OP know that there could be other reasons why the mother was saying these things. 
      At the bottom of my post, I also said it might not be PPD, and she could have just had a hard day. And as a mother, you can't be the ideal parent every day. PPD wasn't a diagnosis, it was to tell her she doesn't know the whole story.

    Ya. I dont believe this. I think saying its extremely misunderstood would be a bit more accurrate. But I wouldnt want to speculate bc I am not a doctor.

    Can you provide some stats from the ACOG?

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • A doctor told me. I believed him. Sorry.
  • amelisha said:
    I am not a doctor, but PPD  is extremely common.  I would not judge a kid for throwing a temper tantrum, because he could have autism.  I am not trying to say I am a doctor, but I am letting  OP know that there could be other reasons why the mother was saying these things. 
      At the bottom of my post, I also said it might not be PPD, and she could have just had a hard day. And as a mother, you can't be the ideal parent every day. PPD wasn't a diagnosis, it was to tell her she doesn't know the whole story.

    Is it, really?  If you aren't a doctor how do you know what the actual diagnosis stats are?  Sure we can all Google stats, but that doesn't make them accurate or correct. . . Lies, damn lies, and all.

    Not everyone likes being a mother or likes babies.  We just discussed all that.  She could also have been annoyed at the waitress injecting herself into her lunch and was fucking with her.  Who knows, none of us were there to ask this lady!

    Arm chair psychiatry can be fun, but it's a stretch for anyone here to affirmativley say, "Oh yes she has PPD" just based on OP's limited account of what she saw and heard.  I find those declarations to just be ridiculous.
    I'm the first one to have said it, but I certainly didn't say it definitively. Just mentioning a possibility. And it is one.
    Being tired and cranky is also a possibility.  Along with Borderline Personality Disorder, regular old Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Irritable Mood. . . .


    KatWAG said:
    I am not a doctor, but PPD  is extremely common.  I would not judge a kid for throwing a temper tantrum, because he could have autism.  I am not trying to say I am a doctor, but I am letting  OP know that there could be other reasons why the mother was saying these things. 
      At the bottom of my post, I also said it might not be PPD, and she could have just had a hard day. And as a mother, you can't be the ideal parent every day. PPD wasn't a diagnosis, it was to tell her she doesn't know the whole story.

    Ya. I dont believe this. I think saying its extremely misunderstood would be a bit more accurrate. But I wouldnt want to speculate bc I am not a doctor.

    Can you provide some stats from the ACOG?

    I don't personally believe it either.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • A doctor told me. I believed him. Sorry.
    Don't be sorry, you didn't do anything wrong.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • amelisha said:
    I am not a doctor, but PPD  is extremely common.  I would not judge a kid for throwing a temper tantrum, because he could have autism.  I am not trying to say I am a doctor, but I am letting  OP know that there could be other reasons why the mother was saying these things. 
      At the bottom of my post, I also said it might not be PPD, and she could have just had a hard day. And as a mother, you can't be the ideal parent every day. PPD wasn't a diagnosis, it was to tell her she doesn't know the whole story.

    Is it, really?  If you aren't a doctor how do you know what the actual diagnosis stats are?  Sure we can all Google stats, but that doesn't make them accurate or correct. . . Lies, damn lies, and all.

    Not everyone likes being a mother or likes babies.  We just discussed all that.  She could also have been annoyed at the waitress injecting herself into her lunch and was fucking with her.  Who knows, none of us were there to ask this lady!

    Arm chair psychiatry can be fun, but it's a stretch for anyone here to affirmativley say, "Oh yes she has PPD" just based on OP's limited account of what she saw and heard.  I find those declarations to just be ridiculous.
    I'm the first one to have said it, but I certainly didn't say it definitively. Just mentioning a possibility. And it is one.
    Being tired and cranky is also a possibility.  Along with Borderline Personality Disorder, regular old Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Irritable Mood. . . .

    I didn't say it wasn't.

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  • edited June 2015
  • From now on I'm just going to throw out random declarative diagnoses from the DSM-5 when people post :-P
    PLEASE DO THIS. You will crack me up every time.
  • I had TERRIBLE PPD, but I am definitely not going to speculate on someone else's condition. But what I can tell you is that for me, it was nothing like "I don't really like babies", and more like "MY KID HATES ME. WHY DOES HE HATE ME. I CAN'T STAND THAT FUCKING NOISE HE MAKES. KILLMEPLS." followed by an almost-suicide attempt.
  • Anne Lamott's Operating Instructions about her son's first year of life is well worth reading. She says all the things that parents think but don't say outloud.
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