Wedding Party

Why is a long dress so difficult?

Just a little bit of a vent here, and I also wouldn't mind some opinions. I'm not even really that upset, I'm honestly just kind of confused as to why it's so hard to pick out a long dress. I'm letting my BMs pick their own dresses. I gave them a color palette, so they have several different colors to choose from. The only "requirements" are that the dress is long, and not satin. And I'll totally compromise on those requirements. 

For example, one of the BMs asked if she could wear a dress she already owned which was kind of tea length/ankle length and it was in the color palette. So yes, of course she can wear that one rather than spend money on a new one. But then to be fair to the other girls, I said that if they preferred tea length or ankle length instead of floor length, that's ok. One of them jumped on it and said "what about knee length?" I know this is stupid, and I know it shouldn't matter, but just as my own personal preference, no. I'd prefer it if they didn't wear knee length. It's just too short. 

Two of the girls are really excited to wear floor length. One of them told the other girls that she plans on possibly getting the dress hemmed to a shorter length after the wedding so that she can wear it as a cocktail dress. Perfect! Another girl started a facebook group for all the BMs since we live in different cities and one of them is in a different country, so they could all talk to each other via the group. This girl has been finding great deals on floor length dresses online and has been posting them to the group to help out the other girls (she found an amazing dress in the right color that was floor length for $24 on clearance; she always finds great stuff like that). 

I thought since they got to pick their own, have their own budget, decide on whichever color in the palette they like, decide from 3 different choices in length, etc that it would be no big deal. I thought this would be more fun and easier for them than having to wear a dress that I choose that they may not like, may not fit their body type, etc. 

This morning I get a text from the same girl who had asked to wear knee length before, and she asked again. "Can I wear knee length or is that too short?" Maybe she forgot that we talked about this before, who knows. I said "sorry, too short." But then I thought, "Why does she keep asking this?" I understand that ankle length is definitely NOT popular (or flattering on some heights) and I understand that some people hate floor length dresses. Which is exactly why I gave them the option of tea length. I really don't understand. Am I being awful by saying no knee length? I mean, there's hardly any requirements for this stupid dress. I didn't think I was asking much. Now I'm starting to wonder if I'm totally wrong. 

And I'll also add, this is a hill that's not worth dying on for me. There's still almost 6 months till my wedding, so the girls still have plenty of time to pick a dress. If the short dress girl insists on wearing a short dress, I'm not going to fight her on it or be demanding in anyway. I'll just say fine, wear the short dress. But honestly it bothers me a little bit. They're doing their hair however they want (and I offered to pay for them to get their hair done if they want it), and wearing whatever jewelry/shoes/accessories they want. Why is the stupid length of the dress so difficult? 

Am I being an asshole? Is it dumb to even care about the length? What should I do here? 
image

Re: Why is a long dress so difficult?

  • lovegood90lovegood90 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited November 2014

    I don't think you're being an "asshole" at all! But if they really are more comfortable in knee length and you say you won't die on this hill, why not just let them?

    For example just speaking for myself, I'm 5'4 and have a bit of a pear-shaped, size 6 body, AKA not tall and slim that any style of dress would flatter. I would be very uncomfortable in an ankle or tea length dress because sorry but I don't think they look flattering on me at all. Maybe your BMs have similar feelings? Knee length dresses are just easiest to find, easiest style that is flattering, and can be used the most for other events in the future. Unlike a floor-length dress which wouldn't really have the same level of wearability in the future.

    I think you've been very flexible in your requirements, but speaking from experience dress shopping can be pretty difficult and stressful for some people, so maybe that's why the length is becoming a bigger deal to them?

    Formerly martha1818

    image


  • That's a good point... maybe she just hasn't found anything in the longer lengths. I thought the other BM was being super helpful by posting those long dresses, though. It's definitely not worth getting upset over, but I was slightly annoyed at first. 

    It's good to hear it from your perspective. It makes more sense now. 
    image
  • Oh true, I forgot your other BM was posting tons of options! Maybe they're just being difficult because they have their heart set on a shorter dress. I just know for me, with dress shopping, I'm super critical of every detail because my body is so hard to dress! So it could be that, or they could just be difficult for no reason..

    Formerly martha1818

    image


  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited November 2014
    Just out of curiosity, if there isn't a venue rule or something about skirt length, why would knee length be too short?  Most of my skirts are about that long.  I don't mind longer skirts but they aren't always flattering.
  • Jen4948 said:
    Just out of curiosity, if there isn't a venue rule or something about skirt length, why would knee length be too short?  Most of my skirts are about that long.  I don't mind longer skirts but they aren't always flattering.
    I just meant too short in my own opinion, for the style I was going for. I could've just said floor-length, end of story. I've been to plenty of weddings where everyone is in a floor-length dress. I just wanted to be helpful in saying tea length is fine too, even though I didn't love the idea. Trying not to be demanding but still stick to the style I had in mind. 
    image
  • Meh, I don't think you're being difficult. You're not specifying a certain dress and giving a ton of latitude. You're not even really specifying a certain shade. But you've made a length cut off. So that's that.

    What you could do is send several options that fit your criteria and are in various price ranges. Originally when I was going to let my BMs pick whatever, they all kind of looked like deer in the headlights and asked for more guidance. Basically they didn't want to pick something on their own. Fine. So I gave them about 4 or 5 options in their budget. Maybe that'd help for people having a hard time making a decision.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    novella1186
  • Meh, I don't think you're being difficult. You're not specifying a certain dress and giving a ton of latitude. You're not even really specifying a certain shade. But you've made a length cut off. So that's that.

    What you could do is send several options that fit your criteria and are in various price ranges. Originally when I was going to let my BMs pick whatever, they all kind of looked like deer in the headlights and asked for more guidance. Basically they didn't want to pick something on their own. Fine. So I gave them about 4 or 5 options in their budget. Maybe that'd help for people having a hard time making a decision.
    That is a really good idea. Maybe I'll do some of my own research and find stuff. Even if they don't like what I pick, maybe it will give that one girl some ideas on places to find longer dresses. 
    image
  • In my opinion, I think you should put your foot down on the length thing. You already did. Lather, rinse, repeat. You're already being incredibly flexible and the other maids are already being very helpful. 

    I was at a wedding this past weekend where the women wore floor-length gowns (jersey, I think). One of them had to tie it in a knot at shin-length in order to dance, but who cares?  This is what seamstresses are for: get the dress to a length where one won't fall on their face walking down the aisle. 
    ________________________________


    novella1186
  • In my opinion, I think you should put your foot down on the length thing. You already did. Lather, rinse, repeat. You're already being incredibly flexible and the other maids are already being very helpful. 

    I was at a wedding this past weekend where the women wore floor-length gowns (jersey, I think). One of them had to tie it in a knot at shin-length in order to dance, but who cares?  This is what seamstresses are for: get the dress to a length where one won't fall on their face walking down the aisle. 
    Right, part of me was thinking "All I want is for you to wear a longer length, and everything else is your choice. So just wear the damn length I picked!" But then the other part of me was like "Maybe that's too demanding? Maybe I shouldn't even care." 

    It's good to know that some of you Knotties don't think I'm being unreasonable, because I was starting to wonder :S 
    image
  • scribe95 said:
    I think you have been more than flexible. If they ask again just say you prefer a longer dress. It seems more formal to me. 
    Ditto this. You really aren't asking much. 

    Is she short? Maybe she doesn't want to have to have it hemmed? 
  • scribe95 said:
    I think you have been more than flexible. If they ask again just say you prefer a longer dress. It seems more formal to me. 
    Ditto this. You really aren't asking much. 

    Is she short? Maybe she doesn't want to have to have it hemmed? 
    That's another thing I kind of don't understand. She's tall. So if she gets a long dress she may not have to have it hemmed? Maybe? And if she gets a tea length dress I think she'll look great in it. 
    image
  • She's got three choices of length already. Between tea, ankle, and full she can surely get the fuck over it and wear one of those. And hem it shorter afterward if she so chooses.
    image
    novella1186LittleWohlscheid
  • If she is very tall, I can speak from experience as a tall woman that it is hard to find a dress that's long enough. I usually have to try on quite a few dresses (or read the descriptions online very carefully) in order to find a floor length dress. Particularly if I'm trying to wear heels, which I prefer to do. However, she has lots of time, and part of the awesomeness that is online shopping is the ability to read reviews and see what other tall ladies have to say. Even Rent the Runway has longer lengths available in a lot of the styles. I think you're being reasonable in asking for a particular length to establish the formality of the event, particularly given your flexibility on so many of the other parameters. 
    novella1186doeydo
  • I agree, you've been flexible enough. I'd stand my ground. She can find a dang long dress.

    I'd bet money that it's not an aversion to long dresses at all, but there's just some knee-length dress that she wants to buy and is trying to use your wedding as justification for splurging on it. Just my hunch.

    image
    image
    novella1186lovegood90artbyallie
  • I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.  I'm 5' tall and personally would never buy a tea length dress because they look terrible on me, but that's a personal preference.  You've been really flexible with them, and I don't think it's unreasonable to say that you prefer a floor length or ankle length dress. Asking for a specific color and floor length is not outrageous and it would honestly annoy me if she kept going on about it.

    I had never heard the "give parameters and then let your girls pick their dresses" until TK.  In some ways, I think it does make things more complicated.  That's just my personal opinion though.  


    image
    novella1186
  • levioosa said:
    I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.  I'm 5' tall and personally would never buy a tea length dress because they look terrible on me, but that's a personal preference.  You've been really flexible with them, and I don't think it's unreasonable to say that you prefer a floor length or ankle length dress. Asking for a specific color and floor length is not outrageous and it would honestly annoy me if she kept going on about it.

    I had never heard the "give parameters and then let your girls pick their dresses" until TK.  In some ways, I think it does make things more complicated.  That's just my personal opinion though.  
    Yep. I thought it would be so easy. Like "here are some general guidelines, get whatever you want!" Done deal. I thought if I picked one specific dress, no matter what, someone would hate it. Or it wouldn't fit with someone's body type. Or someone would be uncomfortable with it. Whatever. But doing it the way I'm doing it isn't so easy either lol
    image
  • If all you are really dictating for the dresses is the length then I think you have every right to put your foot down on this issue.  I would be thrilled to have a bride say "buy a dress in this color palette and make sure it is long."  To actually be able to buy a dress that I really like instead of a so-so dress that is picked because it was the one that looked the best on 10 girls would be a present in itself.

    novella1186
  • I think you're being reasonable -- but its true, it might be confusing to her because there are too many options.  Talk to her about the length. Stand your ground, but maybe find out her concerns.

    As a very tall woman here (6'3) I can also say that length is a true problem for me with dresses.  Especially long ones, because they are never really long enough and look silly.  Tea length would just be horrible on me.  But, if you find out her concernes and find a good seamstress, you can both be happy!
    novella1186lc07doeydo
  • I can certainly accept the idea mentioned above that she's trying to get your approval for a knee length dress she already picked out, but I am wondering if she may be unclear about how long "tea length" or "full length" is.

    You can tell her, "I'm sorry, but knee length is too short. The skirt needs to be at least [calf/ankle/floor] length.  Please don't ask me about skirt length again." 
    doeydo
  • I just thought of something. My BFF is very tall and was complaining because she had to buy a long gown for her sister's wedding. Apparently, because she's tall, she had to first pay to have additional length added AND pay to have it hemmed back to the proper length! She was like, "Why can't they just add the proper amount of extra length?"
    So, given her situation, maybe the struggle and expense to get the proper length is turning her off long and making her want knee-length.  Just a thought.

    But stand your ground anyway. 
    ________________________________


    novella1186doeydo
  • Bubblegum5586Bubblegum5586 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited November 2014
    I don't think your guidelines are confusing and I think you are being more then accommodating. I like the different style dresses look... but don't love when I see different lengths. Ankle, tea and full are close enough that it works... but I see how adding in knee length doesn't fit with your vision.

    Stand your ground on what you want. I say this because what you want is more then reasonable.

    ETF - spelling
    image


    Anniversary
    novella1186doeydo
  • You know I'm all about BMs getting to pick whatever dress they want. I do think you've been very accommodating just short of telling them to pick whatever. I would find out what her concerns are with the longer dresses to see if it's a price/height/self-conscious thing so perhaps you can trouble shoot with her. While I love the pick whatever! plan I do not advise you go that route with her at this point, solely because it would be unfair to the other BMs. What if they would have preferred to wear a shorter dress, too and didn't per your guidelines and have already bought a dress but now this girl gets to wear a short dress.
    doeydonovella1186
  • lc07 said:
    You know I'm all about BMs getting to pick whatever dress they want. I do think you've been very accommodating just short of telling them to pick whatever. I would find out what her concerns are with the longer dresses to see if it's a price/height/self-conscious thing so perhaps you can trouble shoot with her. While I love the pick whatever! plan I do not advise you go that route with her at this point, solely because it would be unfair to the other BMs. What if they would have preferred to wear a shorter dress, too and didn't per your guidelines and have already bought a dress but now this girl gets to wear a short dress.
    You're right. I'm gonna call her tomorrow just to chat and see what her concerns are. Thanks!
    image
  • levioosa said:
    I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.  I'm 5' tall and personally would never buy a tea length dress because they look terrible on me, but that's a personal preference.  You've been really flexible with them, and I don't think it's unreasonable to say that you prefer a floor length or ankle length dress. Asking for a specific color and floor length is not outrageous and it would honestly annoy me if she kept going on about it.

    I had never heard the "give parameters and then let your girls pick their dresses" until TK.  In some ways, I think it does make things more complicated.  That's just my personal opinion though.  
    I agree with this.  I don't think you're being unreasonable, but I do think this type of bridesmaid dress "picking" tends to make things complicated.  As a current bride and bridesmaid, I understand both sides of the coin.  As a bride, you want your maids to be super comfortable and look great in their dresses.  You want to be flexible.  But as a bridesmaid, I'm so glad I didn't have to pick out my own dress.  Will I ever wear the one the bride picked again?  Doubtful.  But I hardly ever wear dresses anyway.  I would have been a lot more stressed to have to go out shopping for a dress in a specific color/length/etc.  I'd constantly be wondering, "will the bride actually like this?  will I stand out?"  Plus, I just don't like shopping that much. 

    I guess what I'm saying is, I wouldn't necessarily compromise on the length, but maybe have an understanding that this maid is just a little more easily overwhelmed by the dress shopping experience.
    novella1186
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards