Wedding Party

Out-of-town, busy BM begging to help me

I have a great group of BMs who all know each other and are a lot of fun. They're all pretty involved in my life: easy to get in touch with, always asking about wedding stuff, etc. I obviously haven't demanded anything of them but I do know they're already planning my bach party and whatnot.

Then I have one other BM who, I hate to say it, is kind of the outsider. I met her at work several years ago and she doesn't know any of my other BMs. We were really close when we worked together and I was also in her wedding this past summer. I have no regrets about asking her to be a BM, but it's hard to keep her involved in my wedding planning. She has a demanding job and lives in a different part of the country, and it doesn't help that she's really hard to get in touch with. I'll email her or call her, and it will be a week before she gets back to me. If we're lucky, we talk once a month. 

The last time we talked, she expressed to me that she really wants to help with my wedding, and wants to know what she can do. I have to admit she's under the impression that BMs are the bride's slaves. She was a little demanding as a bride herself, asking me and her other BMs to do extra stuff for her (that went beyond buying a dress and showing up for the wedding), and I think she expects me to ask her to do stuff like that for my wedding. And I think she wants to do extra stuff, to feel involved, and is disappointed that she's not. 

So that begs the question: do I a) just tell her everything is fine and she doesn't have to do anything (which will continue her feeling of feel like a loner BM), or do I b) give her a something to do so that she feels involved? 
Daisypath Anniversary tickers


Re: Out-of-town, busy BM begging to help me

  • peachy13 said:
    I have a great group of BMs who all know each other and are a lot of fun. They're all pretty involved in my life: easy to get in touch with, always asking about wedding stuff, etc. I obviously haven't demanded anything of them but I do know they're already planning my bach party and whatnot.

    Then I have one other BM who, I hate to say it, is kind of the outsider. I met her at work several years ago and she doesn't know any of my other BMs. We were really close when we worked together and I was also in her wedding this past summer. I have no regrets about asking her to be a BM, but it's hard to keep her involved in my wedding planning. She has a demanding job and lives in a different part of the country, and it doesn't help that she's really hard to get in touch with. I'll email her or call her, and it will be a week before she gets back to me. If we're lucky, we talk once a month. 

    The last time we talked, she expressed to me that she really wants to help with my wedding, and wants to know what she can do. I have to admit she's under the impression that BMs are the bride's slaves. She was a little demanding as a bride herself, asking me and her other BMs to do extra stuff for her (that went beyond buying a dress and showing up for the wedding), and I think she expects me to ask her to do stuff like that for my wedding. And I think she wants to do extra stuff, to feel involved, and is disappointed that she's not. 

    So that begs the question: do I a) just tell her everything is fine and she doesn't have to do anything (which will continue her feeling of feel like a loner BM), or do I b) give her a something to do so that she feels involved? 
    I'm kind of in the same situation. I think a good way to make her feel involved is to have her "help" you pick something. Like maybe e-mail her with a few different pictures of earrings and ask, "can you please help me pick a pair of earrings/give me an opinion on these?" 

    Then she feels like she's included and she's helping make decisions, but it won't put much of a demand on her time, and if you end up not even hearing back from her, it won't really matter. 
    image
    peachy13theycallmelinz[Deleted User]mhoffman17
  • I second what Novella said. My MOH couldn't be "helpful" either due to being out of state, but she did have input on the timeline of the day and she threw my bach party.  Maybe your friend can help with some details for your bach party's that's being planned. Have you been able to connect her with your other attendants?
    If nothing else, you can lightly say, "Oh, please don't worry. You're not a 'bride slave' haha. I really appreciate your willingness to help but I promise you, being by my side on my wedding day is enough."  
    ________________________________


    novella1186peachy13mrscomposer
  • I'd just keep telling her you've got everything covered. 
    beetherymhoffman17
  • I had one BM who really wanted to feel involved (which is awesome!! I just didn't need major help).  But I created a *secret* wedding board on pinterest and invited my BM to be able to post too.  She was constantly adding pictures of flowers, and decor, etc, and was an easy way for her to be involved without actually being present for dresses, showers, etc. 
    714hbbride
  • I think there isn't much you can do. Like one PP, if you are torn between options on something, send her an email & ask her opinion, if she doesn't respond in time, then don't worry about it. When she asks what she can do, just tell her at this point you have everything under control & that what you really need from her to just be there for you on your wedding to help you.... enter in whatever here like "get me into my dress" or "make sure I remember to eat" or "help bustle up my dress" or "help to keep me calm"
    lc07
  • For my friend's wedding (I was the MOH) one her her bridesmaids lived out of state but wanted to be involved.  She wasn't able to make it to the bridal shower or bachelorette party, but I kept her in the know the entire time.  She ended up helping the bride a ton the day before the wedding because she was able to fly in early the week of the wedding.  I couldn't get off from work so she helped the bride put together bouquets and all of the last minute details.  

    I dunno about everyone else, but even when I was a bridesmaid, I wanted to help the MOH as much as possible to relieve some of the stress.  The bride was forever grateful for all of my help, as was the MOH.  

    If you have a tight knit group of bridesmaids, and one who doesn't know anyone, I would try to find a way to get everyone together and meet up.  It can suck to be the odd one out and I'm sure she just wants to stay informed.  Even creating a FB group with your bridal party will help everyone feel "involved"
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards