Budget question & statistics

glittergh

Hi Everyone,

I got engaged in January 2014 and will be getting married in October 2015. While going through the planning process, I started stressing about the finances and budgets—as I’m sure many of you are as well! My fiancé and I have been struggling to keep everything in budget and with the level of quality both of our families seem to expect. When I get stressed like this, I like to look at statistics and see how many people are in the same boat I am. I was really shocked (and I guess not too shocked) to learn that according to The 2006 Retail Business Market Research Handbook, the average cost of a wedding in 2006 was $22,000, comparatively the average cost of a wedding in 2011 was $27,021 and, if trends continue as they have been, by 2014 the average cost is projected to be around $30,000. Additionally, these averages do not reflect the couple’s honeymoon expenses.

How are you guys keeping budgets in check?

 

southernbelle0915

One thing that struck me about your post is that you said "the quality your families expect". If they aren't paying for anything, they get exactly zero say in anything wedding related. That's probably the biggest way you can manage the budget - do not discuss the wedding or your plans with your families. When they bring it up, say "thanks for the suggestion." and change the subject.

wandajune6

We started by figuring out our budget then deciding the top things that were priorities to us. Using this approach, we focused on a bigger guest list and food but minimized our budget for things like flowers, decor, and fancy invitations. We worried so much about blowing our budget that we actually came in under budget- though it helped that we only had 70% attendance.

climbingsingle

southernbelle0915 said:

One thing that struck me about your post is that you said "the quality your families expect". If they aren't paying for anything, they get exactly zero say in anything wedding related. That's probably the biggest way you can manage the budget - do not discuss the wedding or your plans with your families. When they bring it up, say "thanks for the suggestion." and change the subject.

Ditto this. Screw the level of quality they expect. Host what you can afford, and host it properly. As long as you stick with that, you'll be golden. 

We cut things out of the budget that we didn't feel necessary. We didn't have flowers. I made my own centerpieces, and a friend offered to make brooch bouquets as her gift to me. We had a very small bridal party (just a MOH and BM). We hired a friend of a friend to DJ, and got a good deal. Same thing with the photographer. We didn't do favors or out of town bags or programs - more things to save money on. We splurged on the venue, the food and the liquor. IMO, that makes a good wedding. All of the extras are not things people even remember. 

esstee33

Keep in mind that the "average" cost of a wedding includes both the very low-budget and the very, very high. There are LOTS of things factored into that average that are, strictly speaking, not remotely necessary. Nobody needs ice sculptures, but some people have them. Nobody needs uplighting, but some people have it. See also: elaborate centerpieces, tons of fresh, out-of-season flowers, top shelf open bar, filet, designer dresses, etc. 

You can host a perfectly wonderful wedding without any of those "luxury" things. If you're stressing about budget, remind yourself that the only things you actually need at the end of the day are you, your fiance, an officiant, and some witnesses. Everything else is bonus. 

Also also keep in mind that the easiest way to control your budget is to control your guest list. The more people you invite, the more your costs are going to add up. 

emmyg65

We sat down at the very beginning of planning and listed our top three spending priorities and three words that described how we wanted the wedding to feel. If something didn't match one of those lists, we cut it or scrimped on it.

amelisha

I think weddings are a colossal waste of money, honestly, so it hasn't been hard to keep ours reasonable, and the biggest thing we have done to that end is just not invite many people.

Our extended family is just going to have to get over it. The only people who really need to be there are our parents. Everyone else will survive if they don't get to watch me get married, you know? I think it's kind of vain to assume that people really care that much about it, in truth.

We decided it was better to just invite twenty people who are really important to us, not just superficially (or just because of family obligation.) Every single person we invited is someone I'd give a kidney or split a lottery jackpot with. And with twenty people, we get to have the whole thing under $5000 and provide limo transport for everyone, a restaurant dinner and unlimited alcohol, etc etc etc.

vulpiepop

We started with 2 different figures: budget that my parents gave us to stay in or under, and max budget (how much we can pay in addition to the budget my parents gave us just in case we have to go over) and then we sat down and pointed out what are the most important to us and then took the top 2 to focus on while we cut costs in other places (and those priorities too sometimes as we over budgeted in a lot of places).

We also decided to keep the guest list small because our budget is on the lowside and the reception would be the most expensive part of the wedding so we had to estimate how many people we can comfortably afford to feed, seat, etc. for the budget we had set for the reception.

Cookie Pusher

We kept our guest list modest, found a venue that allowed us to bring our own alcohol, booked a caterer with an all-inclusive package at a reasonable rate, and cut out things that were redundant/extraneous/frivolous. For example, we got married in an outdoor garden so we felt no need to purchase flowers - I instead crafted them myself for pennies. We also went with inexpensive, edible favors. We booked at a hotel that provided a free shuttle service but gave us the same room rate as other hotels in the area. I purchased a non-wedding dress (still white and still lovely) for under $100 and DH wore a suit instead of renting a tux.

jenna8984

I couldn't agree more with @amelisha. I'm an accountant who comes from a long line of cheapskates so I personally think huge, extravagant weddings are crazy and I'd never go near the $20k mark. But that is all personal preference since I know some people on here who had no problem spending over $75k.

I felt the same was as Amelisha- my parents, siblings, grandparents, and 2 best friends needed to be there (same for husband's side). There was no need to include 100 other friends and aunts and cousins that we never see. We had 23 people and we able to go all out with the dress I wanted, the flowers I wanted, the food and booze I wanted for under $5,000.

KatWAG

I really dont give two flying fucks what other people spend on their wedding. Spend what you can afford and what you are comfortable with.

I kept my budget in check my dealing only with H and my expectations and not everyone elses.

CMGragain

DH and I are far from being impoverished.  Our daughter's wedding in 2011 cost about $11,000.  This was in the Washington, DC area, which is quite expensive. 
I am a retired church organist, and I have seen hundreds of weddings.  The tackiest one was also the most expensive.  They went all out to show off to friends and relatives. The guys acted as if they were in a frat house, and ready to party.  Tuxedos in the early afternoon?  Eight limousines?  I could hear guests talking about how much was spent on the dress, the ring, the honeymoon, etc.  Ew!  (That expensive dress was butt ugly IMHO!)
The nicest wedding was very small.  The bride's dress was made by her grandmother.  She had three bridesmaids. The guests behaved appropriately for the church ceremony.  Everything was very simple and meaningful.  Lovely!  Their reception was a catered roast beef dinner in the church basement.

FiancB

I really doubt those figures because I really have to wonder if they include elopements at the courthouse that cost no more than the marriage license, KWIM?  While also counting weddings like Kim Kardashian's. Averages aren't always the most accurate way to find what most people do, sometimes the median  is more accurate. IMO I would think around $12k is much closer to "average". 

Don't sweat the stupid stuff. No one cares if you have chair covers or a "vision". 

Cookie Pusher

FiancB said:

I really doubt those figures because I really have to wonder if they include elopements at the courthouse that cost no more than the marriage license, KWIM?  While also counting weddings like Kim Kardashian's. Averages aren't always the most accurate way to find what most people do, sometimes the median  is more accurate. IMO I would think around $12k is much closer to "average". 

Don't sweat the stupid stuff. No one cares if you have chair covers or a "vision". 

I think the average thing is mostly useless. Geography, time of year, time of day, what level of formality, etc. will cause such wild variations in cost. We had less than 100 people but chose a Saturday night in season with a buffet and full open bar - cut out flowers, hired vendors who gave us massive discounts, etc... and still came in close to 20k. We could have hosted a cake and punch on a Sunday afternoon in March for 150 and could have kept the budget to 1/10th of what we spent.

tammym1001

I wouldn't pay any attention to averages or what your family expects. Plan the wedding that you and your FI can afford and want and don't worry about what everyone else is doing. 

[Deleted User]

The prices of weddings can vary a lot by location. We kept our budget in check by keeping things simple but classy. Here are examples

• Did simple 5x7 invites with just RSVP envelope which were diy kit. Only insert was a self made business card with website address for hotel info & directions & other wedding details. By doing this we were able to send the invite out for the cost for a regular forever stamp.
• The price per person at our venue included linens & our cake & a card box which was built into a table for extra security. Cake flavors were simple, but really, but most of our guests like simplier things and not crazy flavors. Using their secured box meant I wasn't stuck with something to sell or store or throw away (also something I didn't have to remember to bring). Also I used their centerpieces which were simple but nice, I just had to buy the candles for them
• Figured out how many guests we could afford to hosts based on our budget & stuck to that.
• Photography - we got lucky on that, my SIL has a professional study & basically gifted us our photography, she only asked us to pay the hourly rate of her photographer that was working the day, everything else was taken care of
• Transporation - again we got lucky on that, my husband was working part time as a limo driver at the time and the owner let us pick out which limo we wanted and all we had to do was pay for the gas and the driver's hourly rate & tip.
• Music - we shopped around, try to have each dj play the same song, just because they are expensive, doesn't mean they have good music
• Google was my best friend when shopping around for things
• Favors - we kept it simple & did chocolate suckers which since we were going that route, a friend of our did them for us as a wedding gift.
• Flowers - yes we did fork out some money for that
• Clothing - we had our budgets & even paid for most of our wedding parties outfits

Granted we got the deals on the photo & transporation. Not counting those items, we had a beautiful wedding at beautiful church & then a traditional reception for 118 people in total for about $11,000. Had we gone with a different venue where the decor would have been fancier and gone with more expensive food options, I could have easily have gotten it in the $20,000 range. But we had salad, roast beef, chicken, sides, and an amazing dessert table along with a basic app table & open bar. It was still very classy, just not at a crazy price.

klk111415

My future sister-in-law paid over 30K for her wedding, and her husband questioned why we weren't putting more money into our own wedding.  We decided that the most important thing was that we include everyone, they are well fed, and we have a good time.  We decided on our max budget and are now well below that.  I couldn't rationalize paying over 6K for a photographer, or over 3K for a DJ. And most of the stuff like flowers and center pieces I'm going to do myself.

Ignore the crazy statistics.  It include everyone, and all locations.  I didn't think I could do a wedding under 15K in New York, but I'm making it happen. 

badbnagdway

We are still in the planning stages, so it will be interesting to see how it all shakes out. We started with a $10k budget, but we also started with a 60 person guest list. I was down for a small wedding but FI just has trouble excluding people. I melted down about that for a while because our list got too big for the venues I really had wanted (in our area, I found that once we got over 80 people we just really had to spend a lot more overall on the space and/or rentals). I am now anticipating the budget at $13,500, which is a 35% increase, but we also added 66% more people (and growing) to our guest list. 

Anyway, I agree with the guidance above that keeping the list small is the key to keeping the budget reined in. Also, be careful on stuff like decorations. I do think no one will remember your centerpieces, unless they are really over the top or really ugly. I think it's easy to get caught up in how your wedding is going to look but ultimately you and your guests will remember more about the way it felt. As long as you have adequate food and drink for people, and generally treat them like adults, they will have a good time. 

You also really have to figure out where your priorities are. Frankly, we are spending a lot of our budget on photography, $2,449 total including two shooters and also a separate photo booth. I know we will look at our wedding photos the rest of our lives and don't want to regret the photographer choice. The photobooth was a high priority for me because I think it gives folks a respite from the dance floor and also provides favors that are fun while giving us pictures of our guests. 

I am discovering a low priority for me -- and that is stationary. If you start shopping for wedding invitations you will quickly realize that you can easily spend $6 per person/couple because you have the invite, the RSVP card, the reception info, the envelope, and so on. So I am trying to get myself comfortable with cheaper invites -- those are going in the trash anyway. I don't even think I still have the invite for my sister's wedding, which was only two years ago, and which I thought I'd keep. 

kipper88

Our budget is going to be around $5000.  My parents are picking up the venue and my dress, and I'm not sure what his parents are planning on doing yet.

Instead of hiring a DJ, we are going to get a premium subscription to Spotify and make playlists between now and the wedding.  Then on the day of, our best man will just have to play the playlists when appropriate.  No sense paying a DJ to do what we can do ourselves.

esstee33

badbnagdway said:

Anyway, I agree with the guidance above that keeping the list small is the key to keeping the budget reined in. Also, be careful on stuff like decorations. I do think no one will remember your centerpieces, unless they are really over the top or really ugly. I think it's easy to get caught up in how your wedding is going to look but ultimately you and your guests will remember more about the way it felt. As long as you have adequate food and drink for people, and generally treat them like adults, they will have a good time. 

Seriously. I don't remember a single centerpiece from any wedding I have ever been to. 

What I do remember: awesome venues, music, and food. 

[Deleted User]

We actually really enjoyed the very beginning stages of planning our wedding - when we decided on our budget and "vision" (I know a lot of people roll their eyes at this, but I think all weddings are based on some sort of vision even if it specifically laid out).

We had bought the Knot wedding planning binder (not particularly useful overall, but has some good parts) so we decided to each look at the "wedding style worksheet" on our own over the course of a week and think about our budget, and then discuss it over brunch. That worksheet has questions including:

- Describe the event (options include things like grand, romantic, glamorous, intimate, …)

- Where you want to have it (specific location)

- Ideal size (intimate, average, large, approx number of guests)

- Ideal season/preferred month

- Your reception priorities (involves ranking 10 elements including time of year, guest list, food and drink, etc…)

We had actually come up with the same ideas: we both had the same ballpark (relatively low) budget figure, the size was the same (50 guests), and most of our priorities aligned (intimate wedding and food and drink were the top 1 and 2 on both of our lists).

Wedding planning can be quite easy if your priorities and budget align (and you're able to ignore the "expectations" of those who are not contributing). If we had wanted to have 200 guests with a four-course plated meal on our $10,000 budget, then we would have been in trouble because those parameters simply don't align. I think that the key is to ensure that the bride and groom are in agreement on priorities and that those could align with their budget. Then it's a matter of finding the exact options that actually fit.

In our case, that means no flowers/limited decorations, no DJ, simple DIY invites, and limited photography. It also means having to tell parents that some of their friends are not invited (parents are not contributing to the wedding) and that we won't have big flower arrangements (FMIL was quite disappointed, but she fully understands). On the flip side, it also means that we can have a sentimental wedding ceremony without people feeling like they are intruding on a private moment because every guest knows us very well directly (or is accompanying someone who does).

I would strongly recommend that the two of you do do this type of exercise (if you're the kind of person who looks at budget statistics, then you're probably the kind of person who would enjoy this type of reflection lol). PM me if you want to have the particular questions on the worksheet, I'll gladly send them along.

badbnagdway

esstee33 said:

badbnagdway said:

Anyway, I agree with the guidance above that keeping the list small is the key to keeping the budget reined in. Also, be careful on stuff like decorations. I do think no one will remember your centerpieces, unless they are really over the top or really ugly. I think it's easy to get caught up in how your wedding is going to look but ultimately you and your guests will remember more about the way it felt. As long as you have adequate food and drink for people, and generally treat them like adults, they will have a good time. 

Seriously. I don't remember a single centerpiece from any wedding I have ever been to. 

What I do remember: awesome venues, music, and food. 

Right. For sure. It is hard to keep that in mind sometimes I think, partly because decorations feel like something you can plan in advance and it's easy to grab on to that and become pinterest obsessed but really when you are on a budget you do have to keep reining yourself back in. 

kipper88

We're getting married outside, so I would love for the scenary to serve as our decor.  Why detract from the natural beauty?

CJandRyan

We started saving before we started planning. We couldn't set a budget without having an idea of how much we would be able to save. After 6-12 months we had a better idea of what would be feasible for us. We're keeping it as minimal as possible - small ceremony, immediate family only, no formal reception, just a dinner afterwards. Not only are we not spending a lot of money but there's less stress in planning!

esstee33

CJandRyan said: We started saving before we started planning. We couldn't set a budget without having an idea of how much we would be able to save. After 6-12 months we had a better idea of what would be feasible for us. We're keeping it as minimal as possible - small ceremony, immediate family only, no formal reception, just a dinner afterwards. Not only are we not spending a lot of money but there's less stress in planning!
************
As long as you're taking your ceremony guests out to dinner afterward, that is your reception. Sooooo much less stress, I'm sure!

amelisha

esstee33 said:

CJandRyan said:

We started saving before we started planning. We couldn't set a budget without having an idea of how much we would be able to save. After 6-12 months we had a better idea of what would be feasible for us. We're keeping it as minimal as possible - small ceremony, immediate family only, no formal reception, just a dinner afterwards. Not only are we not spending a lot of money but there's less stress in planning!

************

As long as you're taking your ceremony guests out to dinner afterward, that is your reception. Sooooo much less stress, I'm sure! Yep, that's why we're doing that too. Good food with many choices, well-made drinks and a big wine list, and no speeches or dances or decoration or anything. It's incredibly easy.

simplyelegant2015

I want to thank you for your post.  It kinda put me at ease, I don't know the first thing about planning a wedding. These budgets that everyone is speaking of are for the wedding ceremony as well as the reception (party) afterwards, correct? 

redheadbride15

It's really unnerving to me how quickly the spending can get out of control, even when you're doing your best to cut corners and simplify things. When we first got engaged I thought $10k would be more than enough. When we sat down and looked through how much things actually cost and discussed what we wanted, we settled on $15k.

By the way, I found this breakdown useful in thinking about the budget. I can't remember where this particular one that I used came from, but there are loads of websites out there that give similar versions of a budget breakdown so you have a sense of how much you should be willing to spend for each item.
ceremony (location rental, officiant, any decor) 2%
reception (location rental, food, bar, cake) 48%
music (ceremony music, DJ or band) 8%
flowers and reception decor 8%
photography and video 10%
attire (dress, hair/makeup, accessories, suit/tux) 8%
stationery 2%
gifts (including favors) 2%
rings 2%
transportation 2%
miscellaneous/cushion 8%

Where we're splurging:
1. Photography - we both agreed this is really important to us because we will be looking at these photos our whole lives. We found a two-person team we love and are spending $3500 for 7 hours w/ two shooters, an engagement session, and full digital printing rights to the images. This is nearly double the recommended 10% of your total budget.
2. Booze - open bar all night long, yes! Not top shelf, however.
3. Food - well this isn't really a splurge because we aren't doing anything particularly fancy. But I do want to make sure there is plenty of it available at all times.
4. Rings - considering we'll wear them for the rest of our lives, we decided to splurge on ones that we really liked and would hold up well. They say you're supposed to spend 2% of your total budget on rings (for us that wold have been $300 for two rings) but we're spending more like $1500.

Where we're saving:
1. Music - iPod playlists and a set of rented speakers for the reception, a music student for the ceremony. This will be about 2% of our budget (rather than 8%)
2. Small guest list - we'll have about 60 adults and 20 kids, which saves big time on the reception costs.
3. Flowers - just a bridal bouquet and a groom's boutonniere. I'm going to DIY any other decor on the cheap. It helps that my reception venue is really pretty just as it is.
4. No formal wedding party (no need for extra bouquets and gifts)
5. Cake - We'll get the simplest/cheapest cake available and just put a fun cake topper on it.
6. Stationery - yeah, I never understood the need for fancy invites. Simple paper with the necessary information, and postcard-style RSVP.

redheadbride15

Also - go to this website. It allows you to check typical budgets in your area and helps put the idea of "average" wedding budgets in perspective. For any mathematically-oriented people out there, we should probably all be more concerned with median budgets than average ones.

Liatris2010

FiancB said:

I really doubt those figures because I really have to wonder if they include elopements at the courthouse that cost no more than the marriage license, KWIM?  While also counting weddings like Kim Kardashian's. Averages aren't always the most accurate way to find what most people do, sometimes the median  is more accurate. IMO I would think around $12k is much closer to "average". 

Don't sweat the stupid stuff. No one cares if you have chair covers or a "vision". 

This is the right answer. Those aveages are based on surveys of users of wedding websites. If you are on a wedding planning website you are having a bigger wedding. People wed at the JOP don't usually hang out and take wedding planning surveys on the internet.

My cousin and I were married a year apart. She easily spent twice as much on her wedding than we did, and the only noticiable differences were that our cocktail did not include a raw bar and we did not have limos. But, we had better booze. There are ways to cut costs without sacrificing guest experience.

714hbbride

I'm keeping my budget in check by starting early, doing lots of research and looking for deals. 

I looked around for a photographer and found one who had a style that I liked but was just starting out. He is still a professional-quality photographer with beautiful photos. We booked him for under $2k and it includes an engagement session, album, 2 day-of photographers, wedding album, full digital rights to all of the final photos and several other things. Most of the other photographers I saw STARTED above $2k. We booked him early and he just raised his prices by $600 for our package. This is $600 I now can put somewhere else since I booked early. 

My coordinator actually found me!! She liked a photo I posted on instagram and started following me so I followed her back. I saw that she had been running several specials so I asked her about them. She told me about a 50% off special she was running so we booked her. 50% off!!!!

Look around and see what you like. Get price quotes to compare. Don't be afraid to ask if your potential  vendors are running promotions/specials (worst thing is that they say no. All couples hosting weddings are looking to save money, they know that). Look on groupon, instagram, blogs, etc. There are lots of people who are just starting out and are trying to promote themselves by using lower prices. Many of these people have experience with other companies but are just starting out on their own. Ask about where they have worked in the past and look up the portfolios of these companies so you can see the kind of events they are used to working.  When you do find something you like and is within your budget book ASAP as their prices are likely to rise as time goes on (true of all companies, not just new ones).