Save the Dates & RSVP?

Courtmac28

Hi ladies!

We are getting married July 2015 and we are on a tight budget (and have large families!)

I am fairly certain that some of my family members will not be able to make it to the wedding (for many reasons) but I do want to send them an invitation. However, my planning brain (curse of a teacher!) wants to have a solid headcount sooner than later (for planning and budgeting!)

I can see a few options: 

1 - Send out invitations relatively soon (so like 8 months in advance) 

2 - Send out save the dates and then get word back that they wont be able to attend

3 - Send out save the dates with an rsvp (and from a quick google search I can see that this is probably a no-no ...)

What do you think??

Maggie0829

Courtmac28 said:

Hi ladies!

We are getting married July 2015 and we are on a tight budget (and have large families!)

I am fairly certain that some of my family members will not be able to make it to the wedding (for many reasons) but I do want to send them an invitation. However, my planning brain (curse of a teacher!) wants to have a solid headcount sooner than later (for planning and budgeting!)

I can see a few options: 

1 - Send out invitations relatively soon (so like 8 months in advance) 

2 - Send out save the dates and then get word back that they wont be able to attend

3 - Send out save the dates with an rsvp (and from a quick google search I can see that this is probably a no-no ...)

What do you think??

I understand that you want a firm headcount soon, but what you need to do is decide on a budget and then make a guest list that you can afford to host on that budget.  This may mean making some hard decisions and leaving certain people off the guest list.

STDs should go out about 6-12 months prior to your wedding date.  Invites no more the 6-8 weeks prior to your date.  RSVPs should have a response date of approximately 2-3 weeks before your wedding date (This is of course dependent on when your venue wants a final headcount.  So for example if your venue requires a headcount 2 weeks before your date then you should have a RSVP date of 3 weeks before to allow a week for you to call anyone who may have forgotten to RSVP).

But what you want to do will most likely backfire on you.  Not very many people know their schedule that far in advance and some people cannot even ask off work (if necessary) that far in advance.  So you may have some people RSVPing yes 8 months out but then back out as the wedding gets closer and their schedule gets more defined.  Or you may have people RSVPing no to the STD but then yes when they get the invitation.

So this is what you should be focusing on right now...

1) Determine a budget

2) Make a guest list

3) Find a venue that fits your guest list and budget

fwtx5815

Yes to all of that^^

Budget comes first, then the guest list.

Two things that are also important:
Do NOT over-invite in anticipation of getting x number of declines. People will surprise you. You don't want to have to scramble to make adjustments to your plans because you invited over your venue capacity or budget.

Anyone that receives a STD must also get an invitation. Even if Aunt Sally tells your mom that she can't make the trip, she still gets an invite because it would be rude not to send one. You can make a mental note of it, but nothing is final until the RSVPs are back.

etf spelling

cat885

I wanted that also. I sent out save the dates with our wedding website on it, and on the website I had an RSVP page. We sent out 135 save the dates. One person RSVPd and that was my only uncle...
I know you want a head count before hand, but its likely that you wont get a good one. I think you normally are supposed to get around 50% of people you invite.  I would just plan the wedding around the number of people you can afford, becuase its not the best idea to do a RSVP with the save the date, and even after RSVPS you wont know exactly who is going to show up.

CMGragain

Imagine you are planning a field trip for your students.  Would you send out permission slips eight months in advance?  I don't think so.
Do not invite more guests than you can accommodate. Be content with the RSVPs you get from your invitations, which you may send no sooner the eight weeks before your wedding.
Save the Dates do not require a reply of any kind.

Maggie0829

cat885 said:

I wanted that also. I sent out save the dates with our wedding website on it, and on the website I had an RSVP page. We sent out 135 save the dates. One person RSVPd and that was my only uncle...
I know you want a head count before hand, but its likely that you wont get a good one. I think you normally are supposed to get around 50% of people you invite.  I would just plan the wedding around the number of people you can afford, becuase its not the best idea to do a RSVP with the save the date, and even after RSVPS you wont know exactly who is going to show up.

First bolded, they probably didn't RSVP because what they received was not an invitation, but rather a notice of your wedding date.

Second bolded...no, no, no.  You must plan for 100% attendance.  You cannot assume that a certain percentage will not show up.  When you assume something like that you can pretty much be guaranteed to be wrong.  For example, H and I invited 135 people to our wedding and 130 RSVPd yes.  Now if we went by your 50% rule, we would have been totally fucked.

Third bolded, the whole point of RSVPs is to have a 99.9% certainty of who will show up.

[Deleted User]

1 - Send out invitations relatively soon (so like 8 months in advance) I wouldn't do this as peoples schedules can change in that amount of time. People who say yes now may not be able to by then or people who can't come now may be able to later & want to change their rsvp

2 - Send out save the dates and then get word back that they wont be able to attend

People typically won't let you know this far in advance if they will be able to come or not

3 - Send out save the dates with an rsvp (and from a quick google search I can see that

Again, peoples schedules can change & anyone who RSVP's yes can turn into a no & declines can turn into a yes

 

Other posters, please read the full statement I'm about to make before attacking me...lol  If you aren't sure if you can afford to host everyone, now is the time to B list people. You send Save the Dates to the VIPS and the number of guests you know 100% you can afford to host. When it comes time to send out the actual invites, you'll know then if you can afford to invite more people & then add them to the list when the actual invites go out. There is nothing wrong with sending an invite to someone who didn't get a save the date. Now B listing people when it comes to the actual invites, that's wrong, but I'm sure you already knew that. 

 

For the record, Maggie is right, you have to plan for 100% attendance. My MIL said, don't worry at least 30% of my list won't come. Guess again, only 2-4% of her list declined and out of the 115 guests that RSVP yes, only 4 didn't come but one who said no to the reception ended up coming after all.