I have feelings

6fsn

My uncle is dying.  Like any minute now really. I'm sad of course, but I think this is going to be such a load off of the family.  He's 76 and has been in a home for Alzheimer's patients for a few years.  Even the decision to place him almost tore the family apart.  The local daughters knew how bad it was, the sons that lived further didn't think it was fair to dad. The sons tried to take him on one last golfing trip and lost him. 

A few months ago he fell and just never recovered.  I know the local daughters were traveling several times a week to see him and it was awful for them.  One cousin confided just how mean he was and wondered why she bothered to visit. My aunt has "done her duty" but it's taken a serious toll on her too.  She feels guilty meeting new people and she feels guilty not spending every second with him, but it kills her.

Of course prior to all of that he was a wonderful man.  Quiet and loving and had some serious accomplishments.  He's leaving behind 7 kids, 6 daughters and sons in law and 15 grandkids. 

mrsconn23

I'm sorry, 6.  That sounds absolutely awful for everyone involved.  T+P's for all of them. 

tawillers

Sorry, 6.

GBCK

I'm sorry.  I want to say 'fuck dementia' at least as much as we say fuck cancer.

6fsn

I have a massive "fuck dementia" sentiment.  sMIL struggles with it too.

MesmrEwe

When FIL passed, it was hard to make that bridge because chronic illness is such a different set of emotions from someone who suddenly passes, but ultimately as much as we loved him we'd never wish him back in the condition he was at the end.  We went to a pro basketball game during the "any second now" time (tickets had been purchased 4 or 5 months in advance) and SIL broke out crying at one point because she felt guilty she was there having fun.  She felt better when I said "(SIL) you also have to take care of the caregiver, being in a constant state of stress isn't healthy for you nor the kids, (FIL) would have gotten PO'd if he paid that much for tickets if they weren't used!!" (FIL was known to be "thrifty")... 

Keep your chin up and remember that what you're feeling is ENTIRELY normal.  Make sure the care givers are also taking care of themselves to know it's o.k. to go do something to break away from the stress. 

VarunaTT

I'm sorry for your family's grieving and loss, 6.  

All of your (and your family's) emotions are completely normal and there's nothing "bad" about them.

NOLABridesmaid

6, it's still hard. I'm sorry that your family is going through such a rough time, but I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

MNNEBride

So sorry, 6.  Any disease the alters a person's personality is so hard to deal with.  Prayers for everyone involved.

natswild

thinking about you and your family

*Barbie*

I'm sorry your uncle and family are dealing with Alzheimer's - DK's grandfather also had Alzheimer's, and I understand how much it can devastate a family. 

DixieNormous330

6, I'm so sorry.

From my personal experience with my dad, when his liver was completely shot and he wasn't himself, it was very difficult to go see him. And it's still painful to admit that I sometimes dreaded visits.

Your family's reactions and emotional responses are very common. I would recommend that they might consider an Alzheimer's or Dementia support group.

AuntFlo

I'm sorry.

PMeg819

I'm sorry AF. Dementia sucks just as hard as cancer.

6fsn

Thanks all.  It's kind of strange how a group of essentially strangers can make you feel better.

I think there's also that selfish thought about my own parents.  I mean they are still working and just booked a trip to Europe, but my dad is turning 70.