Creative ways to ask friends to be Bridesmaids

jenniferjoy37

What were some creative ways you (or how you were asked) to be a bridesmaid?  I have 2/4 friends who live out of the state/country who I wanted to ask, so I can't ask in person.  Any awesome suggestions?

Also, 3/4 are married, so are they Matrons? I know Matron of Honor, but what if they are just a "bridesmaid" and not in the "position of honor"?

lovesclimbing

I was a married maid of honor recently and am currently one again.  Both of them have called me matron.  I hated it.  I am not a matron.  I even told them so and they still called me matron or argued that I was a matron. Every single definition out there carries connotations of an older woman, which I am not.  I'm in my twenties. 

As for creative ways, they all either called me and asked over the phone or asked me in person when I saw them, and that's what I did with my bridesmaids as well.

Maggie0829

A personal phone call is the best way to ask someone to be a BM when they are out of state.  Or you could Facetime them if you want.

I absolutely detest the word matron.  That word makes it sound like I should be 80 years old.  And really, the wording is not a big deal, so just call them your MaidOH and BMs regardless of their marital status.

lacqueredlover

I made them each a little box with their names on it, wrote a handwritten card with all the reasons I love them and why I can't imagine not having them next to me the day I'm married (It also said on the front "if I promise no ugly colors, bows on the butt, puffy sleeves and you can bitch slap me if I go all bridezilla, will you be my _______") and had a cute nail polish made that said "will you be my _____" (I'm a nail polish blogger so it was kinda perfect for me.)  I hand delivered them to all my friends in NY and mailed them to my 3 that are out of town.

southernbelle0915

I think BM proposals are a passing (hopefully) trend. Pinterest has kind of made it a thing when it really doesn't need to be. The thing is, the BM proposal puts a lot of pressure on people to say yes when they might not really be able to. 

My BMs were in 3 different states. I called all of them and just asked them. I still remember every single conversation as really special without any distractions of little gifts, poems, ring pops or whatever. 

peachy13

Agreeing wholeheartedly with southernbelle. I really don't like the frilly, over-the-top, DIY, candy/bag/box/wine glass/whatever "bridesmaid proposal." And I can't help but roll my eyes when brides do this and then post pictures on instagram/FB tagging all the maids; I find it to be really childish. Buttt.... totally okay if this is the route you want to go. Pinterest has a lot of ideas.

When I was ready to ask my wedding party, I asked each bridesmaid whenever I saw her in person, which was usually followed by a "yes" and a hug. Easy does it.

And I would refrain from using the word "matron." It just sounds like you're calling someone old.

Jen4948

I was asked simply and straightforwardly, with just me and the bride present.  No "popping" the question, no gifts, no "creative" or "cute" gimmicks, wording, or anything other than "I'd love for you to be my bridesmaid.  Would you be willing?"

And that's what I'd prefer each and every time, without a production and without trying to be "creative."  It doesn't impress me or make me feel valued-it just makes me feel like a captive audience for some kind of Pinterest photo op moment and not like a person the bride would call to help her bury a body at 3am.

lacqueredlover

For the record, neither me nor any of my friends posted the pics to anything, I just wanted to give them something special that was meaningful to me and meaningful to them.  From my friends I've gotten flowers, a little leather pouch, a ring pop, and just a card.  But then again I knew my bridesmaids would say yes as I've been in 4 out of 7 of their weddings, another is my future sister in law and the other 2 are super close friends.  

To each their own.  I think it's cute if you want to make a little gift or do something special and it's totally fine if you just want to ask them.  I know I always smile when I see the little things my friends have given me to ask me so I wanted to do the same.  

arrrghmatey

I just asked my local bridesmaids in person over a drink (individually). Called the OOT bridesmaids and asked. I'm too lazy to be creative, and I prefer to just ask them straight-up.

NowIamMrsKlein

I live far away from all my BM's. And am really not a phone person at all and don't have a 'phone relationship' with any of them. Its all emails, texts, fb etc.

I just bought some nice 'thinking of you' friendship cards from the store. Wrote a nice little letter about our friendships and why it it was important to me to have them stand up with me. Popped it in the mail. Simple, thoughtful and personal.

fwtx5815

I did make small boxes for my BMs because we enjoy that kind of stuff.

2 of my 3 maids were sorority sisters and in sororities, crafting is like a love language.

I think it's most important to ask them privately and not in a big group.

Denise40

@dallasbetch‌ Did you make that gift or buy it? That is too cute!

mrscomposer

We were planning our wedding before we announced our engagement, so my best friends and sister already knew about it.  When it came time, I just called them all individually and said "OBVIOUSLY I want you as my ______.  You in?"

Jen4948

One thing to keep in mind:  Don't ask anyone in such a way that they would be uncomfortable if they have to say no.  The more elaborate and/or less private your request is, the more likely you are to make them uncomfortable.

AddieCake

I am not a fan of the "cute" ways of asking people, but if you do them, PLEASE don't go overboard with it. Like PPs said, don't pressure people, and don't include lists of duties and schedules, etc in them. I also hate the word matron.

annakay511

Bridesmaids are bridesmaids, whether they're married or not. I got a cute card from etsy that said "Now its my turn to pop the question" (with champagne bubbles on it) and then on the inside asking "Will you be my bridesmaid?" and I wrote a meaningful message inside. I didn't want to go over the top, so I included a mini bottle of champagne and a ring pop with the package. Most of my friends I was able to ask either in person or at our engagement party (in private). But my sister lives in NYC (she already knew/assumed she was MOH) and two of my friends that live out of state couldn't make it and I wouldn't see for awhile. So I sent their packages in the mail (overnighted) and let them know to expect something from me. Everyone seemed thrilled and my sister bawled like a baby when she got her package!

I have been a BM or MOH in 5 other weddings and only one other one I got asked in a "special" way - my bff made us a gift package with a personalized poem about our friendship, a wine glass personalized with my initial and "Maid of Honor", and a mini bottle of wine. It was very sweet!

They will be honored no matter how you ask them!

Jen4948

annakay511 said:

Bridesmaids are bridesmaids, whether they're married or not. I got a cute card from etsy that said "Now its my turn to pop the question" (with champagne bubbles on it) and then on the inside asking "Will you be my bridesmaid?" and I wrote a meaningful message inside. I didn't want to go over the top, so I included a mini bottle of champagne and a ring pop with the package. Most of my friends I was able to ask either in person or at our engagement party (in private). But my sister lives in NYC (she already knew/assumed she was MOH) and two of my friends that live out of state couldn't make it and I wouldn't see for awhile. So I sent their packages in the mail (overnighted) and let them know to expect something from me. Everyone seemed thrilled and my sister bawled like a baby when she got her package!

I have been a BM or MOH in 5 other weddings and only one other one I got asked in a "special" way - my bff made us a gift package with a personalized poem about our friendship, a wine glass personalized with my initial and "Maid of Honor", and a mini bottle of wine. It was very sweet!

They will be honored no matter how you ask them!

Not necessarily.  Sometimes asking the wrong way, especially if you go over-the-top with "cute" and "creative" poems, DIY projects, and "popping the question" can make a person not feel "honored" at all but very, very uncomfortable-especially if they can't accept.

Anyone I asked would be very uncomfortable with a "package" at all.  Luckily my SIL didn't offer me a "package" but just asked me.  If she'd done a "ring pop" and a bottle of champagne, I'd have felt very, very uncomfortable and not "honored" but "pressured."  That's not how you, OP, want your wedding party members to feel.

fwtx5815

Denise40 said:

@dallasbetch‌ Did you make that gift or buy it? That is too cute!

@Denise40‌ thank you! I made them. I got some small craft boxes from Michaels and painted them. I used a quatrefoil pattern from Pinterest and Microsoft Word to make the wording on the inside and hot glued it. The little gemstones and the paper filling in the box were also from Michaels.

[Deleted User]

I wanted to echo that I think you don't have to make gifts, cards, etc to ask someone to be a bridesmaid.  The last wedding I was in, I received a "Will you be my bridesmaid?" card.  The bride had already asked me in person so I didn't understand why I got a card in the mail that made its way to the trash can later.

Maggie0829

crabbylucy said:

I wanted to echo that I think you don't have to make gifts, cards, etc to ask someone to be a bridesmaid.  The last wedding I was in, I received a "Will you be my bridesmaid?" card.  The bride had already asked me in person so I didn't understand why I got a card in the mail that made its way to the trash can later.

Same thing happened to me.  I had already tried on BM dresses and then I received the card in the mail.  Um, pretty sure I had already agreed and had been asked since I had tried on dresses.

jenniferjoy37

Thanks everyone!  I think that was much needed helpful information!  I was worried I had to do something super elaborate. 

edenisle

Do whatever you feel comfortable with!  I am sending a small little gift, with a cute card.  I was just sure to include in there my feelings toward our relationship and my understanding if they are unable to accept, AND that even if they can't accept, we would still love for them to join us as a guest to celebrate, if they are able.  I obviously worded it more eloquently, but I feel this is appropriate for me and my (hopeful) attendants.  I think it will make them feel special, but won't make them feel obligated to stand up.  At the end of the day, they are still my friends and I will understand/stand behind whatever decision they make.

Jen4948

CsyLyn87 said:

Do whatever you feel comfortable with!  I am sending a small little gift, with a cute card.  I was just sure to include in there my feelings toward our relationship and my understanding if they are unable to accept, AND that even if they can't accept, we would still love for them to join us as a guest to celebrate, if they are able.  I obviously worded it more eloquently, but I feel this is appropriate for me and my (hopeful) attendants.  I think it will make them feel special, but won't make them feel obligated to stand up.  At the end of the day, they are still my friends and I will understand/stand behind whatever decision they make.

I think that doing all that for someone who might not want or be able to be in your wedding party would make them feel uncomfortable and/or pressured rather than honored. It seems to me that anyone who feels the need to give gifts and be "cute" to express their affection to a person they want in their wedding party, above and beyond just asking them directly in a dignified way, is overthinking things big-time.

fwtx5815

Jen4948 said:

It seems to me that anyone who feels the need to give gifts and be "cute" to express their affection to a person they want in their wedding party, above and beyond just asking them directly in a dignified way, is overthinking things big-time.

I think this just really depends on the friendships and shared interests among the friends. It would strike me as odd if a 45+ bride with no interest in crafting felt the need to do it in a really cutesy way. For me, a young twenty-something asking her sorority little, for whom I've crafted LOTS of gifts and vice versa, it was really not even something I thought twice about.

lacqueredlover

I think it's a know your audience kind of thing.  My bridesmaids super appreciated the nail polish I had made up for them because they know it's a personal thing and thought it was sweet.  When my BFF sent me an orchid because she knows it's the only flower I can keep alive, that was super sweet of her.  My sis in law is very low key and just sent me a card (since we live 3,000 miles away) and it was perfect for her.  For others, just a phone call is appropriate.  

redoryx

mrscomposer said:

We were planning our wedding before we announced our engagement, so my best friends and sister already knew about it.  When it came time, I just called them all individually and said "OBVIOUSLY I want you as my ______.  You in?"

My sister did something similiar. She got engaged, no mention of wedding party, and my mom starts asking me if I've started looking at BM dresses or anything and I'm like "Well, she hasn't said anything and I'm not just going to assume..."

My mom told my sister who called me up and is like "OF COURSE I want you for my MOH!"

Jen4948

dallasbetch said:

Jen4948 said:

It seems to me that anyone who feels the need to give gifts and be "cute" to express their affection to a person they want in their wedding party, above and beyond just asking them directly in a dignified way, is overthinking things big-time.

I think this just really depends on the friendships and shared interests among the friends. It would strike me as odd if a 45+ bride with no interest in crafting felt the need to do it in a really cutesy way. For me, a young twenty-something asking her sorority little, for whom I've crafted LOTS of gifts and vice versa, it was really not even something I thought twice about.

Unfortunately, no matter how into crafting or "creativity" or "cuteness" or "uniqueness" someone might otherwise be, I think it makes it that much more painful and/or embarrassing for both bride and friend if the friend has to decline. I'd take that into consideration before trying to be "cute." And they might feel really, really pressured by a "cute" gesture when they really can't make that commitment because of difficult financial, work, school, health, or other issues that realistically just don't make being a bridesmaid possible.

fwtx5815

@Jen4948‌ no doubt. It's certainly not for everyone. But there's always a chance that they'll turn down your request even if you just straight up ask. Everyone is potentially setting themselves up for awkward when they ask someone to be in their WP, no matter how elaborately they ask.

I guess in my mind, it wouldn't be that awkward if they had to say no because we're close and giving crafts/gifts is the type of stuff we do for each other, sometimes for no reason at all.

Truthfully, I think a really sappy, heartfelt note is more awkward to turn down than a bottle of champs and OPI nail polish. (I didn't write a note btw. But I think a lot of people on tk would recommend a note over a small gift.)

Jen4948

While it's certainly true that there's a chance they'll decline no matter how you ask, I think that the more trouble you take with coming up with some "cute" or "creative" DIY gift or gimmick just for asking someone to be your bridesmaid, the harder you make it for them if they do need to decline. And I'd hate to make someone I cared about enough to ask to be a bridesmaid uncomfortable because of my need to be "cute" or "creative" or "unique."

So I'd just ask them straight and save the "cuteness" and "creativity" for gifts for those who do accept after they actually accept-not before, when there's still a chance they'll say no and be uncomfortable after receiving the gift or the gimmick.

themermaidbride118

I wanted to have the best of both worlds, so I asked my bridesmaids each in person/ facebook chat for OOT girls.

Then once I had the yes, I gave the each the first gift at the dress shopping appointment. It was a bracelet with a locket and inside said "Will you be my bridesmaod/ MOH?" It was kind-of "cheating" since I already asked, but it was something for them to hold on to as a keepsake and it was cute. 

Jen4948

themermaidbride118 said:

I wanted to have the best of both worlds, so I asked my bridesmaids each in person/ facebook chat for OOT girls.

Then once I had the yes, I gave the each the first gift at the dress shopping appointment. It was a bracelet with a locket and inside said "Will you be my bridesmaod/ MOH?" It was kind-of "cheating" since I already asked, but it was something for them to hold on to as a keepsake and it was cute. 

That's nice. But it wasn't "cheating" because you already asked. I'd be willing to bet that it went over better with them because you had already asked them and they said yes than the bracelets would have been when you actually asked them.