Please stop asking

Belthil

My little sister got engaged on Monday and I am so excited for her. Her fiance and her complement each other very well and make each other very happy. They posted their engagement on Facebook and within a few minutes had people asking when the wedding was (one of which is a great aunt that will need to travel if she's invited). I get that every one is excited for them and its a common question to ask but a different aunt has also asked *several* times, all by posting on my sister's wall. And it bugs me. 

H and I took 2 months to pick our date, my brother and his fiance took that long as well (I know this isn't typical). But my aunt's constant asking in just rubbing me the wrong way.  This aunt was in and out of our lives while growing up but made a point to tell us and everyone else what a fabulous aunt she was and how she was the best aunt ever. In the past few years the only time us kids have heard from her is if there's something that she wants from us. And this is the first time any of us have heard from here in several months.

I know this is a really minor imposition and it's not even against me. It's just irking me off. I just wanted to get this off my chest so I can move on and ignore it.Thanks for reading!

Side note: my sister is pretty oblivious when it comes to etiquette and I can see this triggering a whole slew of over sharing via social media that may blow up in her face. I will be directing her here the next time we talk.

esstee33

Oh, brother. 

FI and I got engaged on a Wednesday morning, so THAT DAY all my coworkers started harassing me about wedding plans. Like, seriously? We've been engaged LIKE FOUR HOURS and haven't made wedding plans yet, FFS. 

pinkcow13

UGH. FMIl was asking about grand children immediately after we got engaged. CAN WE GET MARRIED FIRST?!!?

Vent away. Something like that would bug me as well.

holyguacamole79

That would bug me, too. My brother and I got engaged 6 months apart, and people often asked me when my sister was going to get married ... because apparently the 3 of us need to go through this together.

novella1186

People did that to me too and I found it extremely irritating. It started pretty much a matter of minutes after we got engaged and didn't stop till we had finally picked a date. It got to the point that I just wanted to say "No, we don't have a date, and we'll fucking pick one when we pick one!" 

I didn't even know I was going to get engaged, so how the hell would I have had a date picked minutes later?! 

theartistformerlyknownas

My aunt did the same thing, but it was in this weird way like she was worried I wouldn't invite her and needed to keep reminding me that she needed the date, or was trying to make me look inconsiderate for not telling her. She'd post things like "I'm hoping to visit for the wedding, but don't know what the date is yet..." YES YOU DO WOMAN, I posted it (to a specific privacy list of people who were invited) and you commented on it. NO, you haven't gotten your fucking invitation yet because they won't go out for months. COOL. YOUR. JETS.

mikenberger

Lol my FI and I got engaged in Mexico. As we're coming off the beach, "So when's the big day?!" We're not even in our home country. IM NOT WEARING SHOES. Its plainly obvious I don't have a date picked.

jdluvr06

When we got engaged everyone kept asking me if I was pregnant. It took a while to convince them I wasnt.

loveislouder

When FI and I got engaged we were at his cabin. We literally went outside, he did his thing, I cried, got inside and the first thing his family said: "CONGRATS!! WHENS THE BIG DAY?!" It has LITERALLY been 4 minutes. Back the eff away.

sarawifenow

Ugh I feel for your sister!

 

When H and I got engaged and eventually put it on FB I was flooded with questions about the wedding. People asking when we were getting married, do I know where yet, what does my dress look like, blahblahblah.

novella1186

sarawifenow said:

Ugh I feel for your sister!

 

When H and I got engaged and eventually put it on FB I was flooded with questions about the wedding. People asking when we were getting married, do I know where yet, what does my dress look like, blahblahblah.

Yeah that was another weird thing, people started asking about my dress right off the bat. Oh yes, I already picked a dress moments after we got engaged because there's secretly a bridal boutique in our linen closet. Clam down, people. 

princessofgenovia

Pfft, we got engaged in September and we still don't have a date yet. And of course everyone wants to pester us about it. One of my cousin's (who is my mom's age) did a big dramatic "Well I don't know if I'll even be invited since she hasn't told me the date yet!" to my grandma. Yeah...you don't know cause I don't know and if I don't know I can't tell people about it. 

princessleia22

Yeah, we waiting two months after getting engaged to really start seriously discussing wedding plans, it took us 2 more months to even narrow it town to an approximate date/month, then another 2 months before we booked venue and had a hard date set.  So, that was 6 months of putting up with people asking when the wedding was before we actually knew the date.  And we had a small wedding, so many of the people asking for the date were people that we didn't even invite to the wedding.  I got really good at saying "we are enjoying our engagement right now and just starting to discuss wedding plans, so we aren't sure about the date yet, but will let you know when we figure it out."

natswild

Yup, been through the same thing...my parents were the ONLY ones to not ask about a date when we called everyone to let them know, geesh!

Belthil

I know my sister doesn't have a date picked yet. They had picked a date but my brother's fiance has a course that she can't miss that weekend so now I think they're good with any date that summer that the venue she wants has open.

This aunt has to travel so she'll need to book time off but even if they get married in June that's still 7 months away. I can see her trying to guilt the details out of my grandparents, despite the fact that they won't know either. Which in turn will lead to my grandparents getting worried because they don't know any details either.

I love how weddings bring out the crazy in everyone.

novella1186

Belthil said:

I know my sister doesn't have a date picked yet. They had picked a date but my brother's fiance has a course that she can't miss that weekend so now I think they're good with any date that summer that the venue she wants has open.

This aunt has to travel so she'll need to book time off but even if they get married in June that's still 7 months away. I can see her trying to guilt the details out of my grandparents, despite the fact that they won't know either. Which in turn will lead to my grandparents getting worried because they don't know any details either.

I love how weddings bring out the crazy in everyone.

Oh man, they sure as hell do! 

thisismynickname2

For this reason alone, I try to be much more vague with newly engaged couples. "Is there a time-frame you're thinking of?"  That lets them say things like, "Well, we're still in school so it'll be awhile, " or, "We're kind of thinking New Years but not sure yet."

amelisha

I think the date question is often just people trying to be friendly and interested...they don't actually care if you have a date or not, they just love you and want to chat with you about your exciting news. I admit it's silly when people have been engaged for like five minutes but I think most people who ask have their hearts in the right place.

We got engaged at a party so I definitely had to spend the rest of the evening having that or similar discussions with EVERYONE but I know it was coming from a friendly place, so it was hard to get too annoyed. 

Bubblegum5586

We knew almost immediately the month and year we wanted... but had to figure out a venue before a final date. And didn't even get the date I really wanted bcause it as booked. How could you possibly know a date that quickly unless your having at a place (like someone's house) where you know you can have it any date you want!?

[Deleted User]

I also had some people asking pretty early on.  We had an idea of when we wanted it to be as we'd talked about a fall wedding, so I could at least just say, "next fall," but come on. 

Belthil

@amelisha I completely understand people asking to be friendly and show their excitement (I think still think it's a little silly, but I do get why people ask it). It's the repeated asking by one person that had me a little irked.

So far my sister hasn't responded to the questions (on public FB at least) which makes me very proud of her.

steph861

MIL asked me what our colours were within a few days of getting engaged, and asked repeatedly until we finally chose them quite a few months later (we knew we wouldn't be getting married for at least a year and a half). 

It seems like some people expect women to have their entire weddings planned in their heads from the time they're little girls. A few probably do, but I'd guess that most don't.

princessleia22

steph861 said:

MIL asked me what our colours were within a few days of getting engaged, and asked repeatedly until we finally chose them quite a few months later (we knew we wouldn't be getting married for at least a year and a half). 

It seems like some people expect women to have their entire weddings planned in their heads from the time they're little girls. A few probably do, but I'd guess that most don't

Before getting engaged, DH and I knew we wanted a small, informal wedding, we had talked about maybe doing a Vegas wedding, and we knew we weren't in any rush.  When he finally popped the question, our discussions with each other went as far as saying we wanted something small and no rush, so maybe 2-3 years away.  We decided to think about other possible destination or in-town wedding options. But, that was it for planning for about 2-3 months.  I was never one to plan out my dream wedding, so I had no ideas in my head about what I wanted.  Even our wedding color was chosen by my sister.  And my mom suggested our destination wedding location.  But, it's true that not every woman plans ahead what her wedding will be.

My sister, on the other hand, had her Pinterest wedding page already going before she even had a boyfriend and knew exactly what she wanted her wedding to look like.  She booked her venue & caterer the day after getting engaged.  Within a week she had already booked the photographer, flowers, cake, DJ... a week later she had picked out her dress & BM dresses.  So, her whole wedding was literally set and booked, with all attire ordered, within 2 weeks of getting engaged.

steph861

princessleia22 said:

steph861 said:

MIL asked me what our colours were within a few days of getting engaged, and asked repeatedly until we finally chose them quite a few months later (we knew we wouldn't be getting married for at least a year and a half). 

It seems like some people expect women to have their entire weddings planned in their heads from the time they're little girls. A few probably do, but I'd guess that most don't

Before getting engaged, DH and I knew we wanted a small, informal wedding, we had talked about maybe doing a Vegas wedding, and we knew we weren't in any rush.  When he finally popped the question, our discussions with each other went as far as saying we wanted something small and no rush, so maybe 2-3 years away.  We decided to think about other possible destination or in-town wedding options. But, that was it for planning for about 2-3 months.  I was never one to plan out my dream wedding, so I had no ideas in my head about what I wanted.  Even our wedding color was chosen by my sister.  And my mom suggested our destination wedding location.  But, it's true that not every woman plans ahead what her wedding will be.

My sister, on the other hand, had her Pinterest wedding page already going before she even had a boyfriend and knew exactly what she wanted her wedding to look like.  She booked her venue & caterer the day after getting engaged.  Within a week she had already booked the photographer, flowers, cake, DJ... a week later she had picked out her dress & BM dresses.  So, her whole wedding was literally set and booked, with all attire ordered, within 2 weeks of getting engaged.

People like this frighten me. How long was their engagement?

fwtx5815

steph861 said:

princessleia22 said:

steph861 said:

MIL asked me what our colours were within a few days of getting engaged, and asked repeatedly until we finally chose them quite a few months later (we knew we wouldn't be getting married for at least a year and a half). 

It seems like some people expect women to have their entire weddings planned in their heads from the time they're little girls. A few probably do, but I'd guess that most don't

Before getting engaged, DH and I knew we wanted a small, informal wedding, we had talked about maybe doing a Vegas wedding, and we knew we weren't in any rush.  When he finally popped the question, our discussions with each other went as far as saying we wanted something small and no rush, so maybe 2-3 years away.  We decided to think about other possible destination or in-town wedding options. But, that was it for planning for about 2-3 months.  I was never one to plan out my dream wedding, so I had no ideas in my head about what I wanted.  Even our wedding color was chosen by my sister.  And my mom suggested our destination wedding location.  But, it's true that not every woman plans ahead what her wedding will be.

My sister, on the other hand, had her Pinterest wedding page already going before she even had a boyfriend and knew exactly what she wanted her wedding to look like.  She booked her venue & caterer the day after getting engaged.  Within a week she had already booked the photographer, flowers, cake, DJ... a week later she had picked out her dress & BM dresses.  So, her whole wedding was literally set and booked, with all attire ordered, within 2 weeks of getting engaged.

People like this frighten me. How long was their engagement?

And did her fiancé get any say!? Damn

mrscomposer

We did things a little backwards - we decided we were going to get married, set a date, booked venue, church, etc, told our parents and siblings... and then two months later, announced our engagement to everyone else.  By that point, we could basically just coast because our major stuff was already taken care of.

Plus it was a little fun, the phone call to one of my grandmas (in July):
"We're getting married!" 
"That's wonderful, honey!  Have you picked a date?" 
"Yeah, October 18!"
"OCTOBER???!?!!"

raissyrais

That is bizarre because no one really asked us when the big day would be except towards since months into our engagement. We did have a few questions here and there but I guess people got tired of asking because we decided we wanted to have a "long" engagement anyway. I suppose 2 yrs and 3 mths is long right?