Addressing for soon-to-be-divorced

peachy13

I hate that I even have to ask this, and just typing the words make me feel sad. A very good friend of mine who is definitely invited to my wedding is on the threshold of divorce with her husband. They are still living together and nothing is official yet, but unfortunately I don’t think they’ll still be together by my wedding next fall. I hate to sound insensitive but whenever I talk to my friend, she is pretty confident about ending her marriage.

And so I wanted to ask about how best to handle inviting her/them. My FI and I are hoping to send out save the dates after the holidays and I was planning on just sending the save the date addressed to both of them, and then dealing the invitation address months down the road, when there might be a clearer status of their relationship (where I might possibly addressing the invitation to my friend "plus guest." Or do I just skip sending them a save the date? It’s just a little awkward and I was wondering if anyone had advice or previous experience dealing with a similar situation.

Thanks everyone!

redoryx

The rule with STDs is that anyone who receives one gets a wedding invitation so if you send the STD addressed to both I don't know if you can really "take it back" down the road and essentially uninvite him. (which is what it sounds like if you would switch it to your friend plus guest. If you still plan on inviting her husband even if they get divorced, than it doesn't matter)

STDs are not required. You could just verbally let your friend know and then wait and send a wedding invitation once things are a little more clear.

peachy13

If they're divorced before the wedding, my friend's husband wouldn't be invited. And thanks for the reminder about "taking back" the invitation. It's so awkward! Maybe i will skip on sending her a STD.

cafarrie

I wouldn't send her a STD for all the reasons listed above.  Just tell her the date in conversation and send her (and possibly H, possibly guest) an invitations when you send the rest.  I would never expect a STD from anyone since they're not required.  Especially when I already know the date

Jen4948

I'd probably just tell the person casually, either mouth-to-mouth or in email, rather than sending her a save-the-date.

[Deleted User]

Maybe put a STDate in your purse if there's a chance you'll see her at a holiday party or at dinner sometime after the holidays.  Just pull it out of your purse, "OMG, check these out!  I'm so excited to have them.  I'm mailing them out after the holidays.  But here, do you want this one right now?  Save me a stamp?"  Then, since there's no envelope with either of their names on it, you didn't really un-invite him later.  She can put it up in the house she shares with him, or just keep it in her planner, but she'll have the date and he will if she wants him to.

MairePoppy

Either hand her the STD without addressing it or send her an email with all the pertinent information on it.

huskypuppy14

Just like any other relationship that ends before the invitations go out, the primary person needs to be invited, but her ex husband does not.

If Sally is in a relationship with Mike when STDs go out, you need to include Mike on the STD. If by the time the invites go out, Sally is now dating Steve, than Steve should be invited not Mike. Mike is no longer invited, because he was only invited in the first place because he was the SO of Sally.

 Honestly, this is the reason people don't want to include SO on invites/STD because they are afraid that they will then have to invite the unwanted ex SO. This is not the case. Just because someone is married, doesn't change this.  

Why don't you ask her how she would like the STD addressed?

My husband has a friend that was going through a divorce during the time our STDs went out. When my husband was asking him his address, he said, just send it to me at my new apartment, and gave him the address. We just addressed the STD to him, and then when the invitations went out, we addressed it to him and guest.

MyNameIsNot

If he was only invited by virtue of being her spouse, you do not have to invite him if they break up before the wedding, even if you've sent a STD. 

Pretty much every wedding is going to have a break up or divorce on the guest list within the year preceding. It's just numbers. Everyone couple does not invite all these exes, nor do hosts need to check the health of every guest's relationship to determine whether it's safe to send an STD that far out.

Send the STD. If one of them moves out before invitations, invite her without him.  

  

badbnagdway

I like the idea of handing it to her if possible. I agree STDs are not mandatory and you could also just tell her about the date if you don't live close enough to do a hand off.