Funny Thanksgiving stories

Chipmunk415

Anyone have fun Turkey day stories they'd like to share? 

My mother nearly set a kitchen on fire as a guest...she was assisting in final prep, and everyone forgot about the bread in the oven.

My niece announced for all to hear, just as her daddy started to carve the turkey, that when she was born, she came out of her mother's vagina. My sister is an OB/GYN. Niece was maybe 4. All of Sister's 40 in laws were in attendance. Sis excused herself to pour a huuuge glass of wine. Her MIL followed her in and poured the second round.

I've an epic story, but don't want to scare off everyone from posting here

JCbride2015

I MUST have the epic story!

We've had various turkey mishaps like most families, I think.  My mom forgot to take out the giblet bag once and we found it while cutting up the turkey for leftovers.  Eeewwwww.

My grandfather taught my sister and me a goofy Thanksgiving song, which the family now still asks us to sing every single year.  To the tune of Frere Jacques:

It's Thanksgiving, it's Thanksgiving

Don't eat bread!  Don't eat bread!

Stuff it up the turkey, stuff it up the turkey,

Eat the bird!  Eat the bird!

Edited for grammar failz

holyguacamole79

My mom used to be a home-ec teacher and now runs a b&b. So she is a ninja on thanksgiving. My grandfather insisted one year on helping out in some fashion, so she had him make the pumpkin pie. Papa was glad to help, but forgot to put the sugar in the recipe. So, the pie tasted like shit. We chunked it into the bonfire later that night.

Chipmunk415

@JCbride....for the epic story, we're all going to need more wine.

firebabe6519

Two years ago FI nearly caused a turkey day disaster. An aunt of his had put soap on FI's cast iron pans when she was trying to be helpful and clean up before dessert. So FI freaked out and just HAD to recure the pan right then and there.

So he has the oven at 400+ degrees. Pops in a two pans with oil to cure. But he didn't have enough oil to cure the final third pan. So he googles that you can cure cast iron with tequila too.

Well in goes the final pan with tequila. And about half an hour later while we are all polishing off dessert, the oven explodes! Grandma nearly had a heart attack; fire alarms are going off. Cousin is frantically running about looking for the fire extinguisher.

Thankfully the poof of flame burned itself out very quickly and no damage a good oven cleaner couldn't fix was done. It was an epic Thanksgiving.

loro929

I have no really epic stories to share... but I am waiting with virtual wine for the tale from @chipmunk415

climbingsingle

Sadly all of our Thanksgivings are pretty normal. Though since I come from a family of photographers, we always have to take a group photo. Setting that up is such a process. And then we have to take like 25 different shots. And my grandma, who is 92, insists on taking pictures of all of us WHILE we're eating. 

Christmas is when we get really rowdy. We have our annual wrapping paper fight, and it gets brutal. I might wear a helmet this year. My cousin's kids are older and then both have good aim. 

theycallmelinz

One year, my mom had been wishing death on her stove for WEEKS. My dad said he wasn't buying another one until the current one was gone. Welllll fast forward to Thanksgiving-eve and we're baking as much as we can that night so we won't have so much to do the next morning. All of a sudden, the oven catches on FIRE and something explodes inside. We lost 3 pies and the entire stove. Of all the times, it had finally died haha. So my parents were at Lowes at 7am the next morning (Thanksgiving) buying a new stove.

jenna8984

Junior year of college I had just finished the Wednesday morning class and was so excited to head home. Drove 1 mile from school and my car died. A random kid from one of my classes was driving by and saw my just standing there crying so he gave me a lift back to my apartment. Made my brother come get me (2 hours each way).

Senior year of college, my parents went on vacation for Thanksgiving so I packed up to go to a friend's house for the 4 day break. Thanksgiving day was awesome. Then on Sunday we go to pop wings in the oven for the football game...and find the mostly eaten turkey still in the oven. We still made fun of her dad for forgetting it in there.

afox007

The first Thanksgiving that FI came to my parents had just bought a new house and were showing us around. We went outside where it was wet and dark and my clumsy ass fell all the way down the stairs on the back deck.  FI thought my parents were jerks because everyone just started laughing, he didn't realize I fall so regularly that no one is ever concerned any more.

 During dinner my youngest sister who was 4 at the time tried to take a sip of my moms wine, but we caught her in time. A few minutes later she snuck up behind my dad and took a tiny sip from his glass, got a HUGE smile of her face and then pounded the glass. Her face looked something like this:

flutteringinfl

My Thanksgivings have all been pretty tame, but I do know of an unfortunate situation that happened to my uncle. He and his wife alternate Thanksgivings with his family and hers, and this happened on a year they went to her family's. Her sister was in charge of the turkey, and she forgot to baste it (or she didn't know she was supposed to, maybe). He described it as basically the turkey turning to dust in their hands. It was a scary image for me since one of my favorite parts of Thanksgiving is a good, moist, tender turkey.

Chipmunk415

Here is the epic story....im on my phone so I apologize if TK eats my paragraphs. This occurred before evil chipmunk was old enough to make me known of her presence.

From the time I was 7, my dad would decide we would go to Miami for thanksgiving or Christmas. ..the day before or day of, to see a friend of his. This was an 8-9 hour drive minimum and my mom and I hated it. When I was 16, he decided a week in advance that we would go. The early notice was due to the fact that the friend's girlfriend was hosting. We will call the friend mike and the gf jane. We'd been to Jane's home before. Her two sons were eith their father for thanksgiving so its me and 4 adults.

But then it gets better. See, dad and mike had an acquaintance/colleague named bob. Bob had recently divorced and was involved with sue. Mike and Jane invited bob and sue to dinner. Bob mentioned his parents were in town. Jane graciously extends the invite to the parents as well. So now for this set up, its 16 year old chipmunk, and 8 adults over the age of 40. Woohoo fun times.

Dinner was to be served at 6. We arrived early so mom could help jane with last minute prep. 6 comes and goes, no sign of bob, sue, or parents (we can call them the hellions here). 7 pm, 8pm come and go. No bob, no sue, no hellions. We call in case they were lost or something bad happened. Nope they are en route just had some car issues. Ok. At 9 pm I decide to take a little nap. Im awoken by my mother at 1015- bob sue and the hellions are here.

You read that right. They arrived 4 hours and 15 minutes late. And jane, mike and my folks held dinner till they got there. Im half asleep and very hungry. The bird is dry but what the hell, I will eat. Im seated across from the hellions. Here's where it gets really fun.

The hellions and bob are originally from a culture that favors very late dinners. Despite bob telling his parents otherwise his mother insisted he had the time wrong and dinner wouldn't possibly be served till 10 and cocktails would have started at 8-9 pm. The hellions were keeping their tones polite but were b*tching each other out across the table. They thought they could get away with it, as they were speaking Spanish. Their son spoke it but ignored them; to their knowledge no one else at the table spoke the language.

Unfortunately, at that point I had been taking Spanish for 5 years and was in college level Spanish. Try not to shoot wine out your nose as you picture me, 16, sitting there in a state of shock at the nasty comments being traded across the table from me, ranging from her stupidity and bitchiness to his apparent inability to satisfy her in 50+ years of marriage and beyond. Truly nasty stuff. I realized quickly that I was the only one who understood what was happening and I had to sit through it for an hour and a half with a straight face and no alcohol.

I didn't say a word to my parents until the next day when my dad asked what I thought of bobs folks. I then told him precisely what happened and my mom and I used that as leverage to have holidays at home. Dad later informed bob of what happened, and to date, bob cannot look me in the eye.

theartistformerlyknownas

flutteringinftmyers said:

My Thanksgivings have all been pretty tame, but I do know of an unfortunate situation that happened to my uncle. He and his wife alternate Thanksgivings with his family and hers, and this happened on a year they went to her family's. Her sister was in charge of the turkey, and she forgot to baste it (or she didn't know she was supposed to, maybe). He described it as basically the turkey turning to dust in their hands. It was a scary image for me since one of my favorite parts of Thanksgiving is a good, moist, tender turkey.

Soooo...you're not actually supposed to baste a turkey. The dryness of the turkey is dependent on how long it cooks. Opening the oven door to baste just lets heat out and prolongs the cooking time, drying out the bird. Basting doesn't make the meat more moist at all - it just adds more flavor to the skin. Best way to keep turkey moist - brine it first in salt and sugar, don't stuff it (the stuffing takes longer to get to temperature; by the time it does, the meat is overcooked), use an accurate meat thermometer and TAKE IT OUT when it's done cooking.

NowIamMrsKlein

One year my aunt decided to try cooking the Turkey in this 'Turkey Bag' type thing that was supposed to seal in the juices. She bought turkey that was above the recommended weight for the bag. Figured that since the turkey still fit in the bag it wasnt that big of a deal.

Well the whole thing exploded, knocked the door to the oven open and coated the kitchen in turkey goo. Thankfully no one was in the kitchen at the time otherwise someone would have been seriously hurt.

flutteringinfl

lolo883 said:

flutteringinftmyers said:

My Thanksgivings have all been pretty tame, but I do know of an unfortunate situation that happened to my uncle. He and his wife alternate Thanksgivings with his family and hers, and this happened on a year they went to her family's. Her sister was in charge of the turkey, and she forgot to baste it (or she didn't know she was supposed to, maybe). He described it as basically the turkey turning to dust in their hands. It was a scary image for me since one of my favorite parts of Thanksgiving is a good, moist, tender turkey.

Soooo...you're not actually supposed to baste a turkey. The dryness of the turkey is dependent on how long it cooks. Opening the oven door to baste just lets heat out and prolongs the cooking time, drying out the bird. Basting doesn't make the meat more moist at all - it just adds more flavor to the skin. Best way to keep turkey moist - brine it first in salt and sugar, don't stuff it (the stuffing takes longer to get to temperature; by the time it does, the meat is overcooked), use an accurate meat thermometer and TAKE IT OUT when it's done cooking.

Huh. Well, never cooked a turkey before myself, so just went by what he said. Whatever she did, that turkey was dry as dust.

sarawifenow

When I was little (maybe 5?) I remember hanging out in my grandma's kitchen on Thanksgiving and watching her stuff the bird with oranges, lemons, and onions.

 

At dinner people were commenting on how delicious it was and I stood up on my chair and announced, "The turkey is delicious because grandma stuffed oranges up its butt".

 

To this day everyone says that the turkey is great because of the oranges. We all know what they mean.

pinkcow13

Chipmunk415 said:

Here is the epic story....im on my phone so I apologize if TK eats my paragraphs. This occurred before evil chipmunk was old enough to make me known of her presence. From the time I was 7, my dad would decide we would go to Miami for thanksgiving or Christmas. ..the day before or day of, to see a friend of his. This was an 8-9 hour drive minimum and my mom and I hated it. When I was 16, he decided a week in advance that we would go. The early notice was due to the fact that the friend's girlfriend was hosting. We will call the friend mike and the gf jane. We'd been to Jane's home before. Her two sons were eith their father for thanksgiving so its me and 4 adults. But then it gets better. See, dad and mike had an acquaintance/colleague named bob. Bob had recently divorced and was involved with sue. Mike and Jane invited bob and sue to dinner. Bob mentioned his parents were in town. Jane graciously extends the invite to the parents as well. So now for this set up, its 16 year old chipmunk, and 8 adults over the age of 40. Woohoo fun times. Dinner was to be served at 6. We arrived early so mom could help jane with last minute prep. 6 comes and goes, no sign of bob, sue, or parents (we can call them the hellions here). 7 pm, 8pm come and go. No bob, no sue, no hellions. We call in case they were lost or something bad happened. Nope they are en route just had some car issues. Ok. At 9 pm I decide to take a little nap. Im awoken by my mother at 1015- bob sue and the hellions are here. You read that right. They arrived 4 hours and 15 minutes late. And jane, mike and my folks held dinner till they got there. Im half asleep and very hungry. The bird is dry but what the hell, I will eat. Im seated across from the hellions. Here's where it gets really fun. The hellions and bob are originally from a culture that favors very late dinners. Despite bob telling his parents otherwise his mother insisted he had the time wrong and dinner wouldn't possibly be served till 10 and cocktails would have started at 8-9 pm. The hellions were keeping their tones polite but were b*tching each other out across the table. They thought they could get away with it, as they were speaking Spanish. Their son spoke it but ignored them; to their knowledge no one else at the table spoke the language. Unfortunately, at that point I had been taking Spanish for 5 years and was in college level Spanish. Try not to shoot wine out your nose as you picture me, 16, sitting there in a state of shock at the nasty comments being traded across the table from me, ranging from her stupidity and bitchiness to his apparent inability to satisfy her in 50+ years of marriage and beyond. Truly nasty stuff. I realized quickly that I was the only one who understood what was happening and I had to sit through it for an hour and a half with a straight face and no alcohol. I didn't say a word to my parents until the next day when my dad asked what I thought of bobs folks. I then told him precisely what happened and my mom and I used that as leverage to have holidays at home. Dad later informed bob of what happened, and to date, bob cannot look me in the eye.

LMFAO this is hilarious! Wow I cannot believe you sat through all that with a straight face!

Years ago I was at a job fair, right after I graduated college. For some reason I ended up talking to some random girl there. We were waiting on line to meet with some company. I can't remember why exactly but she then started talking to me in Spanish about the girls right in front of us on line. Now, I speak Spanish, but I know better than to speak about someone in front of them because you NEVER know who also speaks the language. So I just stood there, not responding to her remarks, when one of the girls angrily turns around and says  to her "Well. You never know who speaks Spanish." She said this to her in Spanish. The look on her face was priceless.

Sammyantha13

The first time H came home with me during college it was Thanksgiving, and I had to take him to the emergency room on Thanksgiving night.  

After dinner, we were hanging out with my brother and sister in our basement/den.  H had the brilliant idea to play tag, on our hands and knees, in the dark.  He was chasing one of us and ran right into the corner of the ping pong table.  Sliced his eyebrow open.  We went upstairs to tell my parents and my dad was just like, "Okay Samantha, you can take him to the emergency room."  That was when we realized we were adults--when our parents didn't want to take us to the emergency room anymore, haha.  

So he had to get a bunch of stitches and my family held off on having pie until we got back from the hospital.  Ha!  

theycallmelinz

Sammyantha13 said:

The first time H came home with me during college it was Thanksgiving, and I had to take him to the emergency room on Thanksgiving night.  

After dinner, we were hanging out with my brother and sister in our basement/den.  H had the brilliant idea to play tag, on our hands and knees, in the dark.  He was chasing one of us and ran right into the corner of the ping pong table.  Sliced his eyebrow open.  We went upstairs to tell my parents and my dad was just like, "Okay Samantha, you can take him to the emergency room."  That was when we realized we were adults--when our parents didn't want to take us to the emergency room anymore, haha.  

So he had to get a bunch of stitches and my family held off on having pie until we got back from the hospital.  Ha!  

Poor guy!! I'm glad he stuck around haha

emmaaa

Here I was thinking I didn't have any funny Thanksgiving stories. Most of our get togethers are fairly tame but I just remembered a pretty good one.

The first year FI and I started dating we were in high school. We were planning to go to all of our families' meals together. My mom's side of the family does hers on the Saturday following Thanksgiving. The night before FI and I were making out and I gave him a huge hickey on his neck. He had to go to meet my mom's family for the first time ever with a huge hickey! He was so embarrassed and still feels uncomfortable around them.