Wedding 911

And where do we go from here?

Hello everyone!

My fiance and I are in a pickle at the moment and we aren't really sure of what we should do about our wedding. Here is our dilemma:

My fiance and I have been engaged a little over a year now. We have the date set for May of next year, we have our venue and I have my dress, the only problem is we are straight up broke at this point and can't afford to really put much more money into it. He and I are both college students still (didn't plan on it taking this long) and we are tight on money. Our parents either can't afford to help us or simply won't help us out. We live in Georgia but I am from Louisiana and all of my family is still there. I know it will be hard on family members to travel but a lot of them are also very high up there in age so traveling this far isn't an option. I also am not sure if they will make it to our wedding date. My grandmother is working on 90 and she's one of the biggest inspirations in my life so I'd love to have her there before she passes.

Our families have been tugging us every which way in trying to suggest options for us and it's getting really stressful on top of everything else going on in our lives. Here's what we have thought about doing so far. Not eloping as much as just taking a weeks "honeymoon" to New Orleans with a few friends who could make it and get married there. Then come May, we can still have a reception with a more relaxed atmosphere.

We have obviously also thought about postponing the wedding until we can afford it which was our first plan but again, I'd really like some of my family members to be there for it who I know won't be with us much longer. Both of my grandmothers, an uncle and an aunt of mine are not far from passing unfortunately.

If you have any suggestions or advice, please throw it my way. I'd be very appreciative of your responses - only kind ones please =]

Re: And where do we go from here?

  • Why not just get married at this reception in May? 
  • Why not just get married at this reception in May? 
    Yes. I second this. It is the reception is the expensive part of your planning - not the actual wedding.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Hello everyone!

    My fiance and I are in a pickle at the moment and we aren't really sure of what we should do about our wedding. Here is our dilemma:

    My fiance and I have been engaged a little over a year now. We have the date set for May of next year, we have our venue and I have my dress, the only problem is we are straight up broke at this point and can't afford to really put much more money into it. He and I are both college students still (didn't plan on it taking this long) and we are tight on money. Our parents either can't afford to help us or simply won't help us out. We live in Georgia but I am from Louisiana and all of my family is still there. I know it will be hard on family members to travel but a lot of them are also very high up there in age so traveling this far isn't an option. I also am not sure if they will make it to our wedding date. My grandmother is working on 90 and she's one of the biggest inspirations in my life so I'd love to have her there before she passes.

    Our families have been tugging us every which way in trying to suggest options for us and it's getting really stressful on top of everything else going on in our lives. Here's what we have thought about doing so far. Not eloping as much as just taking a weeks "honeymoon" to New Orleans with a few friends who could make it and get married there. Then come May, we can still have a reception with a more relaxed atmosphere.

    We have obviously also thought about postponing the wedding until we can afford it which was our first plan but again, I'd really like some of my family members to be there for it who I know won't be with us much longer. Both of my grandmothers, an uncle and an aunt of mine are not far from passing unfortunately.

    If you have any suggestions or advice, please throw it my way. I'd be very appreciative of your responses - only kind ones please =]
    So can you or can you not afford the wedding that you are planning for May 2015?  Like PP said, getting married, aka the actual ceremony, is not the expensive part.  The expensive part is the reception held after the ceremony.  So just because you get married a head of the planned reception does not mean you are really going to be saving any money.

    So you either cut back big time on your plans for your May wedding (cut the guest list to just the essentials, cut back on flowers, change the time so you can have a cake and punch reception, etc) so that you can afford it, OR, you postpone your wedding until you can afford the wedding that you and your FI want.  Just know that even if you keep your May date, those individuals that you really want to be there may not be able to make it for whatever reason.  I get you want certain people there but there are no guarantees in life.  What if they are too ill to travel?  What if they don't want to travel because of their age?

    So you and your FI need to discuss and decide what is most important to you...having the wedding you both are envisioning or having the wedding sooner, making concessions with the plans and possibly being able to have those that you want there?

  • One of my best friends from high school had a punch and cake reception after their 10:15am wedding. It was dry and there was no dancing, but I had a blast. They did the ceremony in the church sanctuary and the reception in the church all-purpose room. It was a great time being able to see them get married and enjoy some punch and nuts with friends. 

    This kind of wedding is totally etiquette approved and budget friendly.

    Also, check out VFWs and similar halls or park pavilions to keep your costs down. 

    You can also think about doing a Sunday wedding at maybe 2pm. That will save on the reservations and you don't need to provide a full meal.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • You can't afford the wedding in May, but you can afford a week-long vacation prior to May AND a party in May that's just as big as your wedding?

    If you can't afford the wedding in May, cancel it. If you've sent STDs, send a note to all those people saying "The wedding of X and Y will not take place as planned." Then have your small New Orleans wedding and reception with just the close friends and family, but NO later reception/celebration.

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  • Sorry, but you have no right to expect financial help from anyone but yourself and your FI. If your family "won't" help you out, that is absolutely their right to do what they please with their money. I would seriously adjust your attitude because you sound mega entitled.

    Formerly martha1818

    image


  • Hello everyone!

    My fiance and I are in a pickle at the moment and we aren't really sure of what we should do about our wedding. Here is our dilemma:

    My fiance and I have been engaged a little over a year now. We have the date set for May of next year, we have our venue and I have my dress, the only problem is we are straight up broke at this point and can't afford to really put much more money into it. He and I are both college students still (didn't plan on it taking this long) and we are tight on money. Our parents either can't afford to help us or simply won't help us out. We live in Georgia but I am from Louisiana and all of my family is still there. I know it will be hard on family members to travel but a lot of them are also very high up there in age so traveling this far isn't an option. I also am not sure if they will make it to our wedding date. My grandmother is working on 90 and she's one of the biggest inspirations in my life so I'd love to have her there before she passes.

    Our families have been tugging us every which way in trying to suggest options for us and it's getting really stressful on top of everything else going on in our lives. Here's what we have thought about doing so far. Not eloping as much as just taking a weeks "honeymoon" to New Orleans with a few friends who could make it and get married there. Then come May, we can still have a reception with a more relaxed atmosphere.

    We have obviously also thought about postponing the wedding until we can afford it which was our first plan but again, I'd really like some of my family members to be there for it who I know won't be with us much longer. Both of my grandmothers, an uncle and an aunt of mine are not far from passing unfortunately.

    If you have any suggestions or advice, please throw it my way. I'd be very appreciative of your responses - only kind ones please =]
    How on earth does this save you any money at all?



  • If you got married before May, then the party you are thinking of having several months later wouldn't be a reception. It would just be a celebration of marriage and it would still cost you money. A lot of brides who plan to do this don't end up following through because it's not a wise use of funds once you are husband and wife. (And side note- you'd still have to host some kind of reception in NOLA=$$$)

    You can go through with your original plans and have a relaxed and budget-friendly wedding reception if you have a non-meal time reception and keep your guest list in check. As far as your elderly wedding guests, there are never any guarantees. Even for young guests, you never know.

    ----


     fka dallasbetch 


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    Lilypie Maternity tickers

  • I understand where you're coming from, but this plan is going to end up costing you way more in the end. Can you just scale back the plans you already have for May, since you already have a venue and, presumably, deposits paid? There are lots of different ways to cut costs and still host people appropriately. 
  • weddingcactusweddingcactus member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2014
    Hello everyone!

    My fiance and I are in a pickle at the moment and we aren't really sure of what we should do about our wedding. Here is our dilemma:

    My fiance and I have been engaged a little over a year now. We have the date set for May of next year, we have our venue and I have my dress, the only problem is we are straight up broke at this point and can't afford to really put much more money into it. He and I are both college students still (didn't plan on it taking this long) and we are tight on money. Our parents either can't afford to help us or simply won't help us out. We live in Georgia but I am from Louisiana and all of my family is still there. I know it will be hard on family members to travel but a lot of them are also very high up there in age so traveling this far isn't an option. I also am not sure if they will make it to our wedding date. My grandmother is working on 90 and she's one of the biggest inspirations in my life so I'd love to have her there before she passes.

    Our families have been tugging us every which way in trying to suggest options for us and it's getting really stressful on top of everything else going on in our lives. Here's what we have thought about doing so far. Not eloping as much as just taking a weeks "honeymoon" to New Orleans with a few friends who could make it and get married there. Then come May, we can still have a reception with a more relaxed atmosphere.

    We have obviously also thought about postponing the wedding until we can afford it which was our first plan but again, I'd really like some of my family members to be there for it who I know won't be with us much longer. Both of my grandmothers, an uncle and an aunt of mine are not far from passing unfortunately.

    If you have any suggestions or advice, please throw it my way. I'd be very appreciative of your responses - only kind ones please =]
    First, determine what your budget is and what is most important to you and your fiance and go from there. It sounds to me like what is most important to you is to get married with certain family members in attendance, specifically your beloved grandmother. It's ok to change your wedding plans if you've determined you cannot afford the wedding you initially planned or if you want to move the date up so your grandma can attend. You might lose a small venue deposit, but that's ok. 

    From what you've said, it sounds like you're saying that you cannot even afford the wedding you initially planned in May. If that's the case then it's best to acknowledge that now, cancel those plans, and move forward. As others mentioned, it's your and your fiance's responsibility to pay for the wedding and no one else's. A wedding ceremony is cheap, it's the reception and extras that can really add up. Step back and determine what you can afford, and go from there. 

    I absolutely agree with others that doing a week long trip to New Orleans to "honeymoon" and get married doesn't sound very affordable or as if it meets your desire to have your family there. I would focus your money on what is most important to you and make your wedding plans accordingly. If that means getting married soon so your grandma can come and having a less lavish wedding, then that's ok. There are ways to have a more affordable but still fun wedding reception. Or if you'd rather postpone until you can afford what you really want, then that's ok too.
  • Get married in May and just have a small reception with just a family and small group of friends.

     
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