Etiquette

Another reason to not "get married now" and have a PPD later

LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
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I awoke to a social media post (Drama, thy name is Facebook!) from a woman I know (we were casual friends). I was invited to her wedding last year (really surprised I was invited as we aren't really close) but couldn't go because of a business trip. The post says something along the lines of "5 years ago today I met my Husband. Two years ago today we went to the registry office and signed our marriage papers, and and last year today we had our real wedding. I love you, HUSBAND!"

That is the moment my news feed blew up. Replies were exactly what you would expect:

1.) "wait, what do you mean you were married 2 years ago?! What did I go to last year?"
2.) "You mean I paid for a hotel and train tickets and it wasn't even your wedding?"
3.) Why didn't you get married at your "real wedding"? I'm hurt I didn't see you actually get married. 


She responds as everyone is getting very cross: "We kept it quiet, even from our best friends that we were already married as we wanted to celebrate with everyone! We  You have to understand that!"

Best friend responds: "Yes, it is true, she didn't even tell me... nice to know someone you consider a sister will lie to you for a year."

They aren't speaking now....

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Re: Another reason to not "get married now" and have a PPD later

  • Who could have seen that coming?

    Oh right, everyone.
    image
    MobKazMaggie0829PrettyGirlLostfwtx5815
  • raissyraisraissyrais London member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Well, what a tragedy. But our friends all love us, they will understand!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm surprised she didn't try to backpedal and explain why they HAD to marry quickly and quietly, because it is ALWAYS for a good reason.  I guess not every guest felt that being in "that moment" with them outweighed the lies and deceit.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Wow. I'm glad  people  spoke up. 
    ________________________________


    PrettyGirlLostMegalega14Kauris
  • MobKaz said:
    I'm surprised she didn't try to backpedal and explain why they HAD to marry quickly and quietly, because it is ALWAYS for a good reason.  I guess not every guest felt that being in "that moment" with them outweighed the lies and deceit.
    She keeps saying they had "reasons" but wanted her big day to be the real deal.... Apparently she didn't want it enough to ACTUALLY get married then. 

    I would feel bad for her as I think she is genuinely blindsided at how angry everyone is. However, she really did bring this on herself. 

    It is getting really crazy. Here are some Updates:
    -I didn't realise they had booked a place in the countryside where you had to stay at least 2 nights, so that means everyone who went spent a minimum of £700 on trains and accommodation. Posts are coming in all over saying they wish they could have just been invited to the registry office and saved everyone money. It is becoming a bit of a pile on.

    -Husband is posting responses to everyone saying leave wife alone and they had reasons we couldn't possibly understand. He is disappointed at all these people bringing negative thoughts about their marriage and now knows who is true friends are.

    - Groom's aunt says "Are you saying the lace I made you by hand for your wedding dress wasn't actually used in your wedding? I wish you had told me and saved me the time."

    I'll keep you updated. It is getting ridiculous (Husband and Wife are really handling this in the worst way possible).

    Christmas in this house is going to be awkward this year....



    SIB
    The first bolded made me laugh. The second bolded made me cringe so bad. Do they seriously think it was ok to lie to all these people, and then a year after the fact, reveal that they had lied all along in a FACEBOOK post???? And people would just be like "Aw how wonderful!" and not care? 
    image
    esstee33Liatris2010Kauris[Deleted User]
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I am absolutely loving everyone who is speaking up about how pissed they are!  

    Let this be a lesson to those SS brides who think that your friends and family will love you and understand regardless.

    novella1186PrettyGirlLost
  • I am absolutely loving everyone who is speaking up about how pissed they are!  

    Let this be a lesson to those SS brides who think that your friends and family will love you and understand regardless.
    Too bad you can't just post this entire facebook mess on TK along with all the angry comments 
    image
  • I'm surprised they just haven't quieted down or deleted the post. Like, at some point, just stop justifying what you did and back down. It makes me think of the quote "If you run into an ***hole in the morning, you ran into an ***hole. If you run into ***holes all day, you're the ***hole." Everyone is pretty angry at them. They need to pipe down and recognize what they did was selfish and wrong, or at least just pipe down. 
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    novella1186[Deleted User]
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Annnnnnnnnnnnnd the post has been deleted!

    Husband/Wife have the same cryptic passive aggressive message:

    "We are dissapointed to learn at the immaturity of our so-called friends and their willingness to judge us on something that has no effect on them. The message still stands, we love each other and will overcome any obstacles that may face us together. You live a sad life if you care that much about how we chose to get married. To everyone thriving on pettiness and jealousy of our fantastic weddings, GROW UP!"

    I am not going to lie- I have been petty and have watched it blow up like this: image
    This whole thing makes me want to vomit and punch them all at the same time.  And I really love how they threw out the jealousy card.  Yeah, everyone is so jealous of you.  I guess none of your friends or family have any right to be pissed at you because you LIED to them.  Why are people such assholes? 

    novella1186PrettyGirlLostwrigleyville[Deleted User]
  • Annnnnnnnnnnnnd the post has been deleted!

    Husband/Wife have the same cryptic passive aggressive message:

    "We are dissapointed to learn at the immaturity of our so-called friends and their willingness to judge us on something that has no effect on them. The message still stands, we love each other and will overcome any obstacles that may face us together. You live a sad life if you care that much about how we chose to get married. To everyone thriving on pettiness and jealousy of our fantastic weddings, GROW UP!"

    I am not going to lie- I have been petty and have watched it blow up like this: image
    This is disgusting. They sound like terrible people, not to mention total morons. Yeah, I'm sure everyone's just jealous of your tacky fake wedding. That must be it. People getting pissed at them for being assholes is not an "obstacle," it's them getting called out for being assholes. I have feeling they won't have too many friends after this. JFC. 
    image
    PrettyGirlLostesstee33[Deleted User]
  • lovegood90lovegood90 Ontario member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper

    Oh wow! You KNOW people have reached the peak of ridiculousness when they pull out the jealous card. YEP, you got me!

    Formerly martha1818

    image


    PrettyGirlLost
  • lyndausvi said:
    The funny thing is most people DO understand that circumstances can cause plans to be modified.
    I'm with you on this. A friend of mine had to get legally married in the US before she could get married in her church in her home country - her priest wouldn't marry them otherwise, and there were some citizenship hoops, etc. But she didn't hide it; they got married civilly and had a party to celebrate that, then had the religious ceremony back home and another party to celebrate that. Both ceremonies were (and are) equally important and meaningful to her and her H (they celebrate both anniversaries), and she wasn't just getting married in a foreign country for some pretty beach pictures - it was her hometown church, and where all her family lived. I don't begrudge her that for a second.

    However... most of the other reasons, ESPECIALLY any reasons that refer to a "real wedding" or involve any form of dishonesty, get a giant NOPE from me.

    image
    image
    lyndausvi
  • marie2785marie2785 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited November 2014
    lyndausvi said:
    The funny thing is most people DO understand that circumstances can cause plans to be modified.

    For example, our good friends had plans to be married in Austria in August.  It was a Catholic wedding so you have to go through pre-cana and stuff.     She is from Austria and her green card was about to expire.  Her company was going to sponsor her and pickup the tab to have it renewed.  Then they found out she was getting married and decided not to sponsor her anymore since she can get the green card via her husband. 
    Same thing happened to my brother and SIL. It was ridiculous. But yes, they got legally married 6-8 months in advance of their Catholic wedding at the advice of their lawyer (and after getting an OK from the church). Sad thing was her family told her to just lose her job and go back to Canada, they were so freaked out about the legal vs church wedding issue and what people would think. But the lawyer explained that would mess immigration up even more, so it was best to do the paperwork and legally marry ahead of time. Her going back to her home country would only make the immigration process harder.

    Immigration is tricky, and one of those areas I allow people ALOT of leeway in when it comes to wedding related issues. 
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited November 2014
    Annnnnnnnnnnnnd the post has been deleted!

    Husband/Wife have the same cryptic passive aggressive message:

    "We are dissapointed to learn at the immaturity of our so-called friends and their willingness to judge us on something that has no effect on them. The message still stands, we love each other and will overcome any obstacles that may face us together. You live a sad life if you care that much about how we chose to get married. To everyone thriving on pettiness and jealousy of our fantastic weddings, GROW UP!"

    I am not going to lie- I have been petty and have watched it blow up like this: image
    Holy shitballs. What assholes! 

    ETA: Honestly, I'd never speak to those people again if I were friends with them. 

  • I love that they had the predictable response after they couldn't take the heat.
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I am absolutely loving everyone who is speaking up about how pissed they are!  

    Let this be a lesson to those SS brides who think that your friends and family will love you and understand regardless.
    As much as I 110% agree with you, we all know that the SS brides will argue that in their case, that would NEVER happen because they REALLY put the "special" in SS.  Their situation is different/unique/one of a kind.
    ladyamanuet
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Annnnnnnnnnnnnd the post has been deleted!

    Husband/Wife have the same cryptic passive aggressive message:

    "We are dissapointed to learn at the immaturity of our so-called friends and their willingness to judge us on something that has no effect on them. The message still stands, we love each other and will overcome any obstacles that may face us together. You live a sad life if you care that much about how we chose to get married. To everyone thriving on pettiness and jealousy of our fantastic weddings, GROW UP!"

    I am not going to lie- I have been petty and have watched it blow up like this: image
    Of course they will deflect to anyone else rather than accept personal responsibility.  Certainly it is not THEIR selfishness and immaturity that created the problem.  Their lies and deceit indeed had an effect on their guests, to the tune of hundreds of dollars, time spent traveling or creating special momentos in recognition of the day they THOUGHT they were sharing.  How good of a friend are you, bride, to go out of your way to lie to your nearest and dearest?

    It is the business of no one else ONLY if you do not involve anyone else.
    novella1186Liatris2010
  • dcbride86dcbride86 Washington, DC member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    MobKaz said:
    I am absolutely loving everyone who is speaking up about how pissed they are!  

    Let this be a lesson to those SS brides who think that your friends and family will love you and understand regardless.
    As much as I 110% agree with you, we all know that the SS brides will argue that in their case, that would NEVER happen because they REALLY put the "special" in SS.  Their situation is different/unique/one of a kind.

    I actually DO have a SS example that everyone understood - but they were upfront with everyone.  The grooms mother was going to die of cancer before the wedding.  They were married at her death bed, with nobody else present. 

    They still had their fancy wedding a couple months later, wedding gown and all, and to my knowledge, nobody side eyed because - come on.  But those truly were extenuating circumstances and people knew about what happened.

    kmmssg
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    MobKaz said:
    I'm surprised she didn't try to backpedal and explain why they HAD to marry quickly and quietly, because it is ALWAYS for a good reason.  I guess not every guest felt that being in "that moment" with them outweighed the lies and deceit.
    She keeps saying they had "reasons" but wanted her big day to be the real deal.... Apparently she didn't want it enough to ACTUALLY get married then. 

    I would feel bad for her as I think she is genuinely blindsided at how angry everyone is. However, she really did bring this on herself. 

    It is getting really crazy. Here are some Updates:
    -I didn't realise they had booked a place in the countryside where you had to stay at least 2 nights, so that means everyone who went spent a minimum of £700 on trains and accommodation. Posts are coming in all over saying they wish they could have just been invited to the registry office and saved everyone money. It is becoming a bit of a pile on.

    -Husband is posting responses to everyone saying leave wife alone and they had reasons we couldn't possibly understand. He is disappointed at all these people bringing negative thoughts about their marriage and now knows who is true friends are.

    - Groom's aunt says "Are you saying the lace I made you by hand for your wedding dress wasn't actually used in your wedding? I wish you had told me and saved me the time."

    I'll keep you updated. It is getting ridiculous (Husband and Wife are really handling this in the worst way possible).

    Christmas in this house is going to be awkward this year....
    Wow, poor Auntie.  Fuckery, thy name is Bride!!!!!!!

    I'm so glad that so many people are outraged, though.  It shows that common sense and decency still reign, despite what the PPDers here and in the wedding industry would lead us to believe.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    novella1186Liatris2010firebabe6519
  • sarawifenowsarawifenow Denver, baby! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    This sounds just like my experience on FB with the SS I knew! People are so delusional.
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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    banana468 said:
    Can this be a sticky?
    I was just thinking I should bookmark this thread and link to it whenever we have one of those, "But my family and friends love me and would understand," responses.

    novella1186Liatris2010
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