Wedding Etiquette Forum

Re: l

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited November 2014
    A courthouse wedding IS an "actual wedding."  You may not be wearing a big white gown; you may not be swearing vows in your religious traditions; you may not have bridesmaids and groomsmen; you may not be "given away," and there may not be a first dance, cake cutting, etc., but it joins you as a legally recognized married couple with all the benefits of marriage.  If that's what you want, then go ahead and do it, but any "wedding" that follows while you are not legally divorced from each other is a re-enactment-not a "wedding."

    If you don't want to go to the courthouse, then you need to wait until you can have a bigger wedding with the bells and whistles.  What you cannot politely do is have the courthouse wedding, keep it secret, and pretend not to be married while planning a "wedding" later.  That's fraud and it hurts the feelings of those who find out later about the secret courthouse wedding.  And they will find out.

    PS-My parents had a tiny "military wedding" where my father was stationed, and are happily married 45 years later.
    fwtx5815[Deleted User]
  • A courthouse wedding is an "actual wedding" and the way you have listed your question is very insulting to those who have had courthouse weddings. An "actual wedding" is where you get married- the other stuff is the party.

    That said, its entirely possible to throw a small wedding- a great way to do it is renting out a private room at a restaurant with your immediate family and a few close friends and host a nice dinner. Weddings don't have to be huge blow out dancing affairs

  • lovegood90lovegood90 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited November 2014
    A courthouse wedding IS a real wedding, and that's extremely insulting that you say it's not.

    Formerly martha1818


  • Your courthouse wedding would be your real wedding. A re-do wedding ends up hurting your guests, especially if you keep it a secret.

    If you wanted to do a small wedding instead, then that's fine too and can be done provided that there's a solid date that it can happen. Call around, see if your date is available and book a venue, caterer, etc. Since your FI may be away until the wedding, you'll probably have to plan it all yourself.

    If you wanted a big wedding with the works, then you'll have to wait until you can have it.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Please lurk before you post. 
  • Hello there, so my fiance is in the marines and we have been debating whether to get married when he is home on leave or to wait til hes completely out. Our biggest problem is the fact that his leave dates change all the time so we wouldnt really be able to plan a whole lot for an actual wedding ahead of time. I would prefer to have an actual wedding instead of the courthouse type wedding because A. I'm afraid if we just do the courthouse and say we're going to plan a bigger ceremony for later it will never happen later on and B. We have always wanted to an actual wedding. However, we really want to get married! I have been thinking that if it were possible, to have some sort of small wedding instead of a courthouse wedding while he is on leave but I'm not entirely sure how that would work out either. Just need some advice please!
    First, you only get one wedding!  Make it one that you can be happy with.

    I planned my church wedding in two months.  I bought my dress off the rack (past season's sample).  We had a traditional church ceremony with a cake and punch reception in the church hall.  I had two attendants in different dresses.  It was just what I wanted.
    My sister had a wedding in a city park.  She borrowed her wedding dress from a friend.  They served picnic food and a sheet cake from the grocery store.  It was great!

    You have some options.  Get busy planning today.  You can have a party with dancing and dinner at some other time, but you only get one wedding!  Both my grandmothers eloped.  That was their "actual wedding", so please don't imply that a courthouse wedding isn't good enough.  You insult thousands of brides when you do this.

    You can print your own invitations from kits sold at Michaels and Hobby Lobby.
    Order flowers.  No hurry.  Keep them simple.
    If you want a religious service, contact a pastor and see when the church is available.  If not, check restaurants, parks, VFW Halls.  You can always hire an officiant.
    DJ and dancing are not necessary.  You can record music on an Ipod yourself.
    An afternoon ceremony with sandwiches, cake and punch is easiest and very budget friendly.  You can order sandwiches from Costco, Sam's Club, or the grocery store.

    Get going!
  • You should post on the Military Brides board also. The ladies over there are very good at planning with very little time! You only get one wedding, so make sure it's how you want!

    polly212PrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]
  • What I would do is go ahead and plan a small wedding for before he leaves. Either rent a room in a restaurant or book a church/venue on a Sunday afternoon with cake and punch. Then you have a lovely wedding without a fake redo.
  • So. You haven't lurked at all on these boards today, huh? 
  • Since you said his leave dates change all the time, what I would do is wait until he's out to get married.
    The added benefit is that you have time to save money and have a bigger ceremony and reception with all the traditional bells and whistles it seems you guys want.  

    However, not being military myself, I understand there may be benefits you also want and get by being married. In that case, plan a small celebratory event and enjoy being married.  Five or ten or 20 years down the line, you could consider a vow renewal and/or anniversary blow-out.  

  • I concur with everything PPs have said. Note how open and upfront we are with you about how insulting and offensive it is for you to insinuate that courthouse weddings aren't actual weddings, us being perfect strangers, and now imagine how your friends and family will talk about you behind your back if you do something like this.
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