Etiquette

OUR Wedding- Not Hers

I love my mother i really do and we want her involved in the wedding planning but she keeps trying to take over and do what she wants...I know she just wants the best for me and him but is there anyway I can get her to backoff without ticking her off?????

Re: OUR Wedding- Not Hers

  • lovegood90lovegood90 Ontario member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Who's paying for the wedding?

    Formerly martha1818

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  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Is she paying?
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If she's paying, she does get a say in whatever she's paying for. If you don't want her to have any say, then you and your FI need to pay for the whole thing.

    If you and your FI are paying, then you have the power of final decision, and you can instruct your vendors that only the two of you have authority to make, change, or cancel wedding-related decisions and not discuss your decisions with your mother.
  • Best way to keep others from having a say is to pay for everything yourself. If no one else's money is spent, then they have no business in your decisions.

    And if your mom persists in trying to demand her way, then just bean dip and don't discuss wedding stuff around her.
  • I agree- depends who is paying. If she is paying then she gets a say.

    If she is not paying, or if she is willing to help out for a few things (but not the whole wedding), you could tell her that you'd like her to help you choose a cake/flowers/whatever but keep the rest of the wedding to yourselves.

    Otherwise, don't talk about the wedding, or keep it very open, either a) We've decided on pink linens "oh no, not pink!"- the decision has been made and its final, or b) Oh, we haven't decided on that yet... bean dip! 
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I love my mother i really do and we want her involved in the wedding planning but she keeps trying to take over and do what she wants...I know she just wants the best for me and him but is there anyway I can get her to backoff without ticking her off?????

    Jic
  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    As PPs stated, if she's paying, she gets some say. 

    If she's not paying, then just change the subject. My favorite line when planning my first wedding was "we'll take that into consideration." My sister tried to talk me into changing just about everything from my colors to my flowers (the SCANDAL of me not wanting roses!!!! How could I not want roses?!). 
    image
  • sarawifenowsarawifenow Denver, baby! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer

    I just love when people post and then don't come back to answer the follow up questions.

     

    I agree with PPs, if she is paying, she definitely gets to be involved in the planning. Period.

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    firebabe6519
  • hyechica81hyechica81 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    edited November 2014
    my parents helped out a little bit they gave me some money towards my dress my mom paid for my veil, she gave me half for my second deposit on the venue, she bought the favors for the reception. she  paid for my bridal shower because my moh my sister was in college full time with hardly any income coming in. paid for the save the dates and stamps.  I let her have a say in things she didnt ask for much except to help with guest list and to help me pick out my flowers 

    if you are getting any help from your parents you have to let them have a say you could say to them hey i wanted to get some imput on the wedding plans is there anything you want to help me with like guest list, choosing my favors flowers etc 
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