Sexist jerks

holyguacamole79

So this conversation happened on my Dad's Facebook this morning:

I posted the last comment.  My dad is a freaking good cook, as is my mom.  So, why is my mom considered to be "so trusting" to send him to the grocery store?  

I'm just annoyed by the stereotype that men are idiots who can't do stuff like women can.  When I called my parents and asked what dish we can bring for Thanksgiving, they both said "Oh, have your husband bring that potato casserole we both love!"  Men are just as capable as women.  And vice versa.

novella1186

Yeah this kind of goes along with my big angry rant yesterday in the SAHM thread, about my cousin --who's a man-- being a far better parent to his child than the mother is. The mother isn't around at all, so my cousin does "mom stuff" and "dad stuff" and he does a really fucking good job. 

You don't have to have a vagina to carry out basic functions as an adult. 

novella1186

Also, out of curiosity, did anyone respond to your comment? Or did the logic scare them away? 

ChemFanatic25

Before I did the thanksgiving dinner my dad was the one who always did it. He loved hosting parties and cooking for everyone. My mom is an okay cook but nothing compared to what my dad did. It does annoy me to hear those comments though because my SO is an amazing cook and I have learned a lot from in the short time we have been dating. 

holyguacamole79

Yeah, the second poster (who is my Dad's SIL ... I don't like calling her my aunt) said "oh we were just joking".  I just wrote back "it just bugs me."

lovegood90

This attitude is super annoying! It happens all the time and people just brush it off as a joke.

Reminds me of a time years ago when I moved into my own apartment; my guy friends stopped by and were shocked to see I was *gasp* building my own IKEA furniture! I know, my vagina doesn't prevent me from being able to do this, it's crazy! 

sal2015

I've been getting increasingly frustrated by things like this. The older I get, the more I see this sort of thing everywhere - whether it's about taking care of the home or kids or in the workplace. 

wandajune6

That stuff pisses me off.

My dad did most of the cooking while I was growing up. He's the one who taught me how to cook. My mom's a great cook too but my dad's used to taking the lead. He's also a better grocery shopper than my mom.

Right before I met DH, I went on a date with a guy who seemed incredulous that I could put together my own Ikea furniture. I mentioned that I had just bought and assembled 3 new bookshelves- and how the hardest part was getting the boxes up the twisty stairs of my building.

Though I will admit that DH is useless with anything cooking-related. He can follow directions but needs to be told specifically what to do. I blame his mama- she kept her boys out of the kitchen when they were growing up.

themuffinman16

My sister bought my nephew a toy Dyson vacuum cleaner for Christmas, last year.  He loves vacuuming at the same time he sees his mom vacuum. His uncle came by one day, and was mortified that his nephew was using a "girl's toy."  To which my sister replied, "FBIL, do you vacuum?"

He replied with a yes.  My sister said, "So how is it a girl's toy?"  Her FBIL replied, "Just don't get him a kitchen set!"  My sister said, "We are getting him one for Christmas." FBIL-" That's definitely a girls toy."  Sis said, "FBIL, do you cook?"  He said he did.  Sis said," So how is that a girl's toy?" FBIL had no answer, and just sat there, disappointed that my sister is not reinforcing gender stereotypes at an early age.

VulgarGirl

I am a woman. I have a vagina and boobs and everything. I can't cook worth shit. If something is more then 5 steps I can't make it. 

I can grocery shop. But only with a super detailed list, which Wifey happily makes for me. But left to my own devices...we'd live on chips and dip and ice cream. And I'd probably come home with a llama. I don't make the best decisions under pressure.

So I'm pretty sure being a woman doesn't make you a good cook/shopper, which would mean being a man doesn't make you bad cook/shopper. 

themuffinman16

My H is the guy who can't cook for shit, but my BIL is one of the best cooks I know.  He makes the best bloody mary, the best pot roast, and the best Gruyere mac n cheese.  He can cook anything without a recipe, but loves cooking with recipes, as well.  I have told H i want him to take cooking lessons from my BIL.

HaileyDancingbear

I hate this mentality.  The most recent annoyance is that my neighbors downstairs, while they are otherwise perfectly nice, keep calling FI "The man of the house" in this tone that ivies HE is in charge of things and it's pissing me off- because while FI is actually living in a dorm in college most of the week, and only here on weekends, I pay the ENTIRE RENT and ALL UTILITIES with MY income I earn MANAGING a small business (and running my Etsy on the side, which is starting to pick up- in the past month and a half I jumped up from 9 to 21 sales!  Woohoo!)  I am 100% the breadwinner right now, and I work my ASS OFF.

I love FI, but as far as paying for the apartment and keeping the fridge full etc. FI doesn't do anything.  I don't mind at all, he's brilliant and doing an amazing job in college, and obviously when he is done with school he will have a job and contribute.  But when I am paying for EVERYTHING, when I am the one that FOUND the place, when I am the one who moved in and assembled ALL the furniture, and am the one who fixes anything that breaks, DO NOT act like FI is the one "in charge" of the apartment just because he has a penis and I don't.  

And one of the reasons I love FI is that he was the first person to bring up how fucking annoying that is- we came in after one conversation with them and said "That whole 'man of the house' thing is pretty fucking obnoxious"  and we proceeded to have a long feminist rant about it.  

[Deleted User]

pinkcow13

That annoys the hell out of me. My dad is an AMAZING cook, and I became such a fabulous cook (If I do say so myself. At one point in HS I even considered going to culinary school), and learned all my skills from him. My mom is an okay cook, and she has gotten better over the years, but sorry to say, she does not hold a torch to my dad. And my dad was and is competent enough to not only go to the grocery store alone, but cook a delicious meal, and *gasp* help out with the laundry and cleaning at times as well!

Last I checked it's 2014...

climbingsingle

That's really annoying. My dad actually does 90% of the shopping and 100% of the cooking. 

theartistformerlyknownas

Ugh. My dad was always the cook and the shopper in my family. My mom hated shopping and wasn't that great of a cook. Dad handled just about everything except the mashed potatoes for Thanksgiving, even though he always managed to forget the celery and needed to go to the store again in the morning.

Someone posted a pic yesterday of monogrammed Christmas stockings that happened to spell out her initials, and said they were calling to her. Someone was like "won't be ABC for long, you'll be ABD soon!" to which she replied "or ACD, haven't decided yet." Someone replied "only if you're a feminist, haha!" And she was like "oh no, my mom did that and she's definitely not a feminist!" So of course I had to chime in "uhh nothing wrong with feminism, but I wouldn't consider keeping the name your father gave you along with taking the name your husband gives you is a particularly feministic trait." Not what it fucking means, people. Quit throwing "feminist" around like a pejorative.

holyguacamole79

When I bought my car, my dad was with me only because I was trading in my old car (the title was in his name because he had a better credit rating at the time).  During negotiations, the salesman looked at my dad a few times to get his opinion.  Finally, Dad said - "she's running the show.  I'm just here to sign over the title for the other car."  And when it was time for my husband to get a car, I was the one who drove the negotiations again because I have a great credit rating and I had done the research (and I'm ballsy).

Stereotypical gender roles can suck it.

Aray82

My dad did much of the shopping among other domestic chores but my mom still doesn't allow him to buy fruit. It's like he will go out of his way to pick the saddest most beat up apples in the bunch. Just because his parents didn't really buy fruit growing up and he doesn't like to eat it so has no idea what to look for, not because he's a dude. DH needs some guidance in this area as well since he doesn't really care for fruit but he's gotten better (mostly with my texts about getting "happy-looking" apples and fruits that are actually in season.) He was telling me there was a ny times article recently about how more men are making dinner in the house...but at least the comments were all "why is the nytimes writing about this? How is this news?" At least there's that. More of us need to call out the sexist bs on our Facebook feed, even in "joke" form!

levioosa

@MagicInk, this is all I could think of with your post.

novella1186

Along these same lines, our landlord called the other day and said he has another house that's opening up soon, and is much bigger than the house we're currently renting from him. He knows we need more space. So he took us to look at the house. It kind of sucked, so we said we needed to think about it. He looked at my FI and said, "You mean you'll wait for HER [meaning me] to make the decision and then she'll tell you what to do!" and laughed about it. 

He makes comments like that to us all the time, like Oh I'm the woman of the house so I must be runnin' the show and bossing FI around! Haha! Um... NO. I would hate to be that type of person. FI and I always discuss things together and decide on things together and I always take his opinion to heart. Our relationship is 50/50. And I know the landlord was just kidding around, but shit like that really bugs me. I'm not FI's boss, nor do I care to be. 

VulgarGirl

That's what I was thinking of when I wrote it! But I couldn't remember what he got and couldn't find the right quote.

charlieyankee03

My parents both cooked growing up, but my dad did more of the fancy, in-depth stuff.

My brother is the cook in his family. He can make anything and it's always amazing. I've never seen my SIL make more than a salad.

My FI is an insane cook. Just about all of our friends and family are trying to encourage him to open a restaurant. I love everything he makes.

 

I can barely boil water.

levioosa

novella1186 said:

Along these same lines, our landlord called the other day and said he has another house that's opening up soon, and is much bigger than the house we're currently renting from him. He knows we need more space. So he took us to look at the house. It kind of sucked, so we said we needed to think about it. He looked at my FI and said, "You mean you'll wait for HER [meaning me] to make the decision and then she'll tell you what to do!" and laughed about it. 

He makes comments like that to us all the time, like Oh I'm the woman of the house so I must be runnin' the show and bossing FI around! Haha! Um... NO. I would hate to be that type of person. FI and I always discuss things together and decide on things together and I always take his opinion to heart. Our relationship is 50/50. And I know the landlord was just kidding around, but shit like that really bugs me. I'm not FI's boss, nor do I care to be. 

Ew, reminds me of a friend of mine.  His wife wanted to get a new SUV, and she went to the dealer by herself to test drive it.  The car salesman looked at her, laughed, and said, "Why don't you come back here with your husband, so we can make some real decisions.  We don't want to waste anyone's time."  

Needless to say, that dealership didn't get their business.  

amelisha

This is a great example of why sexism hurts men too, because it implies to men that it's normal to not know how to take care of themselves properly without a woman. Encouraging the kind of thinking that a man is incapable of navigating a shopping list at the grocery store is telling that man, if something happens to his wife or whatever, that he won't be able to manage on his own, and that's not fair. It's the same as women of previous generations who didn't work outside the home and wound up helpless when the man providing for them financially was out of the picture. It's also hurting men who ARE good at/enjoy household stuff like cooking and cleaning and are treated like there's something wrong with them because of it.

Frustrating. I cannot wait until society realizes that sexist treatment of women simultaneously reinforces sexist stereotypes for men and that the expectations are wrong on both sides. Maybe if men's machismo isn't a thing any more and they are also free to defy stereotypes, it will make it easier for women also trying to do the same. 

I'm not minimizing sexism against women, which is an issue very dear to me as a proud feminist. I just think the best way forward is for men as a whole to understand why sexism hurts them too if we're ever going to get past it.

cupcait927

levioosa said:

novella1186 said:

Along these same lines, our landlord called the other day and said he has another house that's opening up soon, and is much bigger than the house we're currently renting from him. He knows we need more space. So he took us to look at the house. It kind of sucked, so we said we needed to think about it. He looked at my FI and said, "You mean you'll wait for HER [meaning me] to make the decision and then she'll tell you what to do!" and laughed about it. 

He makes comments like that to us all the time, like Oh I'm the woman of the house so I must be runnin' the show and bossing FI around! Haha! Um... NO. I would hate to be that type of person. FI and I always discuss things together and decide on things together and I always take his opinion to heart. Our relationship is 50/50. And I know the landlord was just kidding around, but shit like that really bugs me. I'm not FI's boss, nor do I care to be. 

Ew, reminds me of a friend of mine.  His wife wanted to get a new SUV, and she went to the dealer by herself to test drive it.  The car salesman looked at her, laughed, and said, "Why don't you come back here with your husband, so we can make some real decisions.  We don't want to waste anyone's time."  

Needless to say, that dealership didn't get their business.  

Okay, normally I don't get offended when people make remarks regarding stereotypes of men and women, I'll just brush it off (like saying that women are better at cooking/cleaning than men - we all know that's not true and I just let it go). But shit like the bolded makes me rage. It is completely inappropriate in 2014 for things like that to be said. I am perfectly capable of making decisions without my husband. He doesn't speak for me.

 

It reminds me of the time that my car broke down and had to be towed to a service shop after hours. When the office opened the next day, they tracked down my dad's phone number, despite my information being provided with the car and it was registered in my name. They kept calling him despite him telling them that it was my car and I was responsible for it. And then eye rolling and condescension I got when I finally picked up my car was ridiculous. They just assumed that I was a stupid girl who knew nothing about cars so why would they bother talking to me?

[Deleted User]

novella1186

levioosa said:

novella1186 said:

Along these same lines, our landlord called the other day and said he has another house that's opening up soon, and is much bigger than the house we're currently renting from him. He knows we need more space. So he took us to look at the house. It kind of sucked, so we said we needed to think about it. He looked at my FI and said, "You mean you'll wait for HER [meaning me] to make the decision and then she'll tell you what to do!" and laughed about it. 

He makes comments like that to us all the time, like Oh I'm the woman of the house so I must be runnin' the show and bossing FI around! Haha! Um... NO. I would hate to be that type of person. FI and I always discuss things together and decide on things together and I always take his opinion to heart. Our relationship is 50/50. And I know the landlord was just kidding around, but shit like that really bugs me. I'm not FI's boss, nor do I care to be. 

Ew, reminds me of a friend of mine.  His wife wanted to get a new SUV, and she went to the dealer by herself to test drive it.  The car salesman looked at her, laughed, and said, "Why don't you come back here with your husband, so we can make some real decisions.  We don't want to waste anyone's time."  

Needless to say, that dealership didn't get their business.  

That is just way too douche-tastic. I'd be PISSED. 

flutteringinfl

Ugh this shit really bugs me. I remember once I had to get the battery on my FOB replaced and the guy at the store had to take it off the key ring. I asked if he'd be able to put it back on because that mofo is huge and getting it on or off the ring is really painful for my stubby little fingers. He was basically like, "Oh, you don't want to mess up your manicure right?" Uh, yeah, I didn't have one, but nice try. He showed me where he was going to put it and asked, "Is that spot okay?" I said fine, doesn't really matter to me. He said, "Well I don't want to put it in the wrong place and have you complain about me later. Women can be really sensitive about that, haha!"

Yeah, if I was going to complain about you, it wouldn't be because you put my key in the "wrong" place.

thisismynickname2

You know what I fucking hate? Commercials that show women as the cleaners, shoppers, etc. Men are hapless idiots that make big messes in the kitchen that the women have to clean up. My marketing friends just say, "Yeah, I know, but really, the demographic for cleaning supplies is still majority women so..." So, don't reinforce to those women that their men are dumbasses, howsabout? There must be other ways to market products. 

 

novella1186

thisismynickname said:

You know what I fucking hate? Commercials that show women as the cleaners, shoppers, etc. Men are hapless idiots that make big messes in the kitchen that the women have to clean up. My marketing friends just say, "Yeah, I know, but really, the demographic for cleaning supplies is still majority women so..." So, don't reinforce to those women that their men are dumbasses, howsabout? There must be other ways to market products. 

 

OMG me too! That's why I really love some of the new Tide (?) commercials that show the dads folding laundry, talking about removing stains, etc, and there's no women in sight. Yeah I know this is a weird scary thing, but men can do laundry too! Gasp! FI actually kicks ass at laundry. He even knows not to put my bras in the dryer, and he remembers exactly which sweaters I don't like to put in the dryer. Knows which of my clothes are considered "delicate," even rolls my socks together for me. I don't even bother to roll my socks together! 

lovegood90

novella1186 said:

thisismynickname said:

You know what I fucking hate? Commercials that show women as the cleaners, shoppers, etc. Men are hapless idiots that make big messes in the kitchen that the women have to clean up. My marketing friends just say, "Yeah, I know, but really, the demographic for cleaning supplies is still majority women so..." So, don't reinforce to those women that their men are dumbasses, howsabout? There must be other ways to market products. 

 

OMG me too! That's why I really love some of the new Tide (?) commercials that show the dads folding laundry, talking about removing stains, etc, and there's no women in sight. Yeah I know this is a weird scary thing, but men can do laundry too! Gasp! FI actually kicks ass at laundry. He even knows not to put my bras in the dryer, and he remembers exactly which sweaters I don't like to put in the dryer. Knows which of my clothes are considered "delicate," even rolls my socks together for me. I don't even bother to roll my socks together! 

I LOVE those commercials so much!!