Gifts for wedding guests as a Christmas gift??? -- Update/Second question in thread!

novella1186

So... I don't know what to make of this lol. I'm just curious to see what you guys think. 

Here's what happened: FSIL e-mailed me last night and said she had been to a wedding where there were welcome bags for guests and thought it was a great idea. She offered to put together welcome bags for my wedding guests as well as a packet of information about local restaurants and stuff (wedding is in May) and this would be her Christmas gift to me. 

She's been really sweet and really supportive with the wedding stuff. I was flattered that she wanted to help out with something, but I had to turn her down because I'm a mega-planner and I do things way early, so I actually already have the welcome bags and packets of info. I did hours and hours of research via yelp, reviews, blog posts, etc to find all the best local places to put in the packet (the wedding is in a city none of us live in, so the research was necessary to make sure I didn't inadvertently direct anyone to an undercover drug den or something) lol. I actually LOVE to do stuff like this, and I don't think I would like letting someone else take over just because I'm neurotic like that, and I get enjoyment out of putting stuff like this together. (But obviously she doesn't know that, so it was still a super nice gesture). The bags aren't actually assembled yet because it's too soon, but I have everything I need. She, of course, was super nice about it and said she'd just think of other ideas. 

Then I thought about it a little more, and I thought "Wait... that's not a Christmas gift! Giving something to my GUESTS is not a gift for me!" I mean, if I hadn't already done the bags, she would've saved me time and money, which would've been very very nice of her, and very thoughtful. So... maybe it does count as a Christmas gift? I honestly would rather just get a nice hand-written card for Christmas than something that's meant to be given away to my guests (and most of that is because, as I said, I get enjoyment out of doing this stuff myself). But is that really selfish and stupid of me? I have no idea how I feel about this! The more I thought about it, the more odd it seemed. Not that it's a big deal by any means, and I've probably already thought about it more than I need to (I tend to do that) but... is this weird?  

Obviously I'm not offended or angry at all. I'm honestly touched that she's been so supportive. But how do you guys feel about this? Welcome bags to give to the guests as a Christmas gift to the bride, when the wedding is in May? (And maybe the wedding date is irrelevant here?) Just curious for other opinions!

dcbride86

I think that would ABSOLUTELY be a Christmas gift.  She's donating her time and money to help you with something.  It's not something you will personally use, but it's definitely for you, because it's helping you with a gift that will save you time and money

holyguacamole79

I think it's a thoughtful gesture.  I mean, she could get you a scarf that willl hang in the back of your closet for years or "get" you something you'll use.  

I had always wanted to do welcome bags for our guests.  When the time to do it actually rolled around, I was so overwhelmed with other stuff, though.  Had my mom not done it, it would not have been done.  

Maggie0829

Would you have thought differently if she said that this would be her wedding gift to you?

loro929

dcbride86 said:

I think that would ABSOLUTELY be a Christmas gift.  She's donating her time and money to help you with something.  It's not something you will personally use, but it's definitely for you, because it's helping you with a gift that will save you time and money

Yes. I agree 100% with this. I would prefer that 100x more  as a Christmas gift than a gift basket full of soaps and lotions that I will never use.

emmaaa

It wouldn't bother me. She was offering her time as a gift. Maybe she doesn't have a lot of money to spend and this was her way of giving you something; time.

novella1186

Maggie0829 said:

Would you have thought differently if she said that this would be her wedding gift to you?

That's a good question... I probably would have thought the same; not that I wanted anything different, but just that I didn't want her to do the welcome bags (because I already have them, and because as I said, I love to do this stuff). 

I still would have been really touched that she wanted to, though, whether it was for a Christmas gift, wedding gift, whatever. 

I guess I just don't associate the wedding at all with Christmas, because it's in May and it's unrelated, ya know? Maybe that's why it seemed a little odd? And again, it was very appreciated, just not needed. 

theartistformerlyknownas

If you get cash as a Christmas gift, is it any less of a gift if you use it to pay the electric bill, or buy a present for someone else? In the grand bucket of income and expenses, does it really matter which money is used for what? Not really, IMO. So I think the same goes for time, effort, thought, etc. 

She would be giving her time and effort to save you yours, and that is a gift no matter who the ultimate recipient is. You still benefit from her efforts; it's still your gift.

sal2015

I think that would definitely be a Christmas gift. Her time, money, and thought behind it all make that a gift - a huge gift in my opinion. The timing also does not seem odd to me. You've already got most of this done and did it well before Christmas.

novella1186

lolo883 said:

If you get cash as a Christmas gift, is it any less of a gift if you use it to pay the electric bill, or buy a present for someone else? In the grand bucket of income and expenses, does it really matter which money is used for what? Not really, IMO. So I think the same goes for time, effort, thought, etc. 

She would be giving her time and effort to save you yours, and that is a gift no matter who the ultimate recipient is. You still benefit from her efforts; it's still your gift.

This is totally true. Seems like I've over-thought things yet again lol. 

levioosa

Definitely a gift.  

Also, I hate crafts, so the assembly part of the bags would have been the biggest gift to me.  haha.

novella1186

I feel like I need to come up with a crafty thing or fun thing for her to help me with, cuz I feel bad that I had to turn down her offer. 

She also tried to help several months ago; she went to a friends wedding and asked the friend if I could buy/have some of her wedding stuff. The friend offered me her burlap bows. I had to politely decline and tell FSIL that burlap bows "just didn't quite fit the look we're going for." I bit my tongue HARD on that one lol. 

But see, she keeps being super nice and super helpful, and I feel like a jerk for having to keep shutting her down! Any ideas on how I could involve her with something? 

dcbride86

Does she live close to you and do you like spending time with her?  If so, you could say you'd love to do the bags WITH her.  That way, you can have control over the vision/contents of the bag, but she can help put them together.

Otherwise, my FMIL is helping me to a late night candy bar.  I could tell she wanted to help, but she also really wanted to respect my mom's "control" or whatever over the wedding.  But my mom isn't really the DIY type (she was surprised that we would have to put the invitations together... seriously), so I thought helping me with a cute candy buffet was perfect.  You could help select the colors/candies and ask for her help to make it cute and fun for everyone

steph861

I think it would be more appropriate as a wedding gift than a Christmas gift.