Walking Down the Aisle Parent Dilemma

futuremrsgaston

I'm not sure what to do about walking down the aisle, and who (if anyone) should escort me. I have a much better relationship with my stepdad, who's been there for me through thick and thin, than I do with my bio dad, who has always been around but very emotionally disconnected. However, I'm trying to make things better with my dad recently and thought about asking him to walk me down the aisle. I'm afraid if I do that, though, my stepdad will get offended and vice versa. I also thought about asking my mom, since we are MUCH closer than I am with either of my dads, but again I'm afraid I'll offend someone. Also, as I'm the only girl in the family, I'd hate to deprive my dad of the only opportunity for such an experience. I'm not sure how I feel about walking down the aisle myself... I feel like no matter what I choose someone's feet are getting stepped on. Help!

Maggie0829

What about asking your step-dad to walk you down the aisle and the other to do the Father/daughter dance?  Or vice versa?

In the end this is your decision and your decision alone.  You need to do what your gut tells you to do and hopefully those involved will understand and respect your decision.

ETA:  Or what about having both your Dad and Step-Dad walk you down the aisle together?  Or have you step-dad walk you halfway and your Dad walk you the rest of the way?

novella1186

Maggie0829 said:

What about asking your step-dad to walk you down the aisle and the other to do the Father/daughter dance?  Or vice versa?

In the end this is your decision and your decision alone.  You need to do what your gut tells you to do and hopefully those involved will understand and respect your decision.

ETA:  Or what about having both your Dad and Step-Dad walk you down the aisle together?  Or have you step-dad walk you halfway and your Dad walk you the rest of the way?

The bolded is exactly what I was going to suggest. Those are both really important/significant moments in a wedding, so you could honor bio dad and step dad by letting one do one, and the other do the other. If that makes sense. 

futuremrsgaston

That's a great idea, I never thought of that!

lilacck28

or have your bio-dad and mom walk you down the aisle and do the father daughter dance with your stepdad, or walk down the aisle with your step dad and mom and do the father daughter dance with your bio dad. Or, walk down the aisle with your mom, and do a father daughter dance with both dads (either two dances, or a half of a song with each).  Lots of options!

Jen4948

It's really up to you who walks you down the aisle, but if your relationship with your biological father isn't very warm and fuzzy now, I wouldn't have any expectations that asking him to walk you down the aisle will warm it up. This is not to suggest that you shouldn't ask him, only that it probably won't magically improve things between you on a permanent basis. So I'd make your decision keeping that in mind.

frenchiekin

I am in almost the exact situation.  My bio-dad has always been around, but the last few years we've had many rough patches in our relationship.  We've always had issues and he's been absent for a lot of things, BUT he's also the type of dad who would probably be devastated if I didn't have him involved in the traditional father-daughter things (he can be a little clueless).  I love him, but also wanted to honor my stepdad with whom I have a great relationship.  

At this point (we are still 10 months out), I think I am going to walk down the aisle with both my mom (who is my absolute rock - I couldn't imagine walking without her, regardless of the dad situation) and my bio-dad.  I'm either going to dance to slightly shortened songs with both of my dads, OR just my stepdad.  I'm still going back and forth on that one - like you, I don't want to hurt any feelings.

You have to do what feels right to you.  Make sure you honor each of them in a way that feels true to your relationship with them.  Good luck!!

[Deleted User]

STARMOON44

You didn't stop to think you father might not want to walk down the aisle with his ex wife?

charcoalandblush

STARMOON44 said:

You didn't stop to think you father might not want to walk down the aisle with his ex wife?

As a child of divorced parents who absolutely HATE each other, I would hope that even the least civil exes would put their differences aside for 45 second of their child's wedding.

charcoalandblush

I had the same dilemma, and I knew that SOMEONE'S feelings would be hurt no matter what I did. I considered four options: biodad only, stepdad only, biodad and stepdad together, and mom only. 

Ultimately I decided that I wanted my biodad and stepdad to walk me down the aisle together. My mom is very traditional/old fashioned, and also pretty shy/introverted, I don't know that she would have been comfortable walking me down the aisle anyway. My relationships with both my biodad and my stepdad are extremely important to me, so I thought that was the best way to honor both of them. 

I'll also be splitting the father-daughter dance half-and-half.

MegEn1

I'm in a similar situation. For a Jewish wedding, both parents walk both the bride and the groom down the aisle. I'd just walk myself given my choice, but I thought it would look weird with FI's parents and him, then me all alone. Not weird as in aesthetic, but weird as in offensive to my family.

So I asked my grandmother (since my mother has died) and planned to ask my dad (who I'm not close with but we're all each other has) but hadn't gotten around to it yet. Grandmother misunderstood, though she and grandpa were doing it, told my Aunt, Aunt called Dad to rub it in, Dad called me demanding to know wtf was going on.

FAMILIES PLEASE SETTLE YOURSELVES.