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way out of my comfort zone/panic/ vent

 First engaged a few weeks, I'm 34 never married, he has never been married. I haven't worn a dress since 99'. Only been to a couple weddings never anything fancy, I'm not comfortable being the center of attention. I haven't even been in a wedding or a part of planning one so yeah out of my element. The only thing I know is I do want a certain dress, the color blue, and I refuse to wear heels. If it weren't for that fact this is the only time I WANT to be in a dress, and both our families I wouldn't even worry about any of it. The past few days I have been asked so many questions by him about what I want I'm getting nervous, and realize how clueless I am on all this. We aren't doing a wedding planner a couple grand budget is more than enough. I'm not a chick who has ever thought about "when I get married" if I did it's been long forgotten. Oh and blue roses. 

Re: way out of my comfort zone/panic/ vent

  • Congratulations on your engagement! Take a deep breath, relax and enjoy it. It's okay to wear a blue dress. It's okay to have a small, inexpensive wedding. If that's what makes you happy, then go for it. A wedding doesn't have to be big and overwhelming to plan. And of course, we're here to help with any questions you have.
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  • blabla89 said:
    Congratulations on your engagement! Take a deep breath, relax and enjoy it. It's okay to wear a blue dress. It's okay to have a small, inexpensive wedding. If that's what makes you happy, then go for it. A wedding doesn't have to be big and overwhelming to plan. And of course, we're here to help with any questions you have.
    Ditto this! Well said, and more eloquent than what I was about to type lol 
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  •  First engaged a few weeks, I'm 34 never married, he has never been married. I haven't worn a dress since 99'. Only been to a couple weddings never anything fancy, I'm not comfortable being the center of attention. I haven't even been in a wedding or a part of planning one so yeah out of my element. The only thing I know is I do want a certain dress, the color blue, and I refuse to wear heels. If it weren't for that fact this is the only time I WANT to be in a dress, and both our families I wouldn't even worry about any of it. The past few days I have been asked so many questions by him about what I want I'm getting nervous, and realize how clueless I am on all this. We aren't doing a wedding planner a couple grand budget is more than enough. I'm not a chick who has ever thought about "when I get married" if I did it's been long forgotten. Oh and blue roses. 
    Congratulations! Time to breath :-) You just got engaged. You don't have to rush all of the planning. As for the dress, you can wear whatever you want. @phira wore a beautiful blue gown for her wedding and she looked amazing. Check out some of her pictures. Also, it's your wedding, as long as you take into account the comfort of your guests and you and your FI are paying, you can do anything you want (within legal reasons).

    Also, what helps you calm down? If you feel yourself getting anxious try to do that activity to bring your anxiety down a notch. Organization really helps too. If you have some ideas jot them down and put them away so you're not stressing about what you remembered and forgot later. 

    And come to the knot and chat with us. There are tons of brides, single women (who are/are not in relationships), and married women that will show you support and give amazing advice. Good luck and congratulations again!
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I agree with the above and want to add: it's fine to not really care about a lot of the details, or not even to have those details! I did not care about center pieces or linens or any number of things. Some things we just skipped (seriously, what is the point of an aisle runner) and others we made quick, easy choices on (caterer recommends ivory and green linens? Great).

    I think there can be a lot of pressure to care deeply about every tiny thing and you really don't have to. If you don't care about something, chances are your guests won't either (with the obvious caveat of things like enough chairs, some sort of food, no cash bar etc. that are about guest comfort). Don't let it stress you out!
  • I totally get where you're coming from.  I had been to 3 weddings in my life (well, 4 if you count the one that I was flower girl in and can't remember).  Every single one of them was totally different.  I was completely overwhelmed because I had never been involved in planning and had always been a guest.  The extent of my knowledge of weddings was to wear a nice dress, show up on time, and bring a gift.  I didn't have the slightest idea where to begin with planning my own wedding and within 24 hours of me getting engaged 5 different people asked me about a date.  

    First, just get ready for people to ask you a lot of questions and be ready to just tell them "We haven't thought about it yet" or "FI and I have been discussing it and we haven't made a decision yet."

    Second, hang out here.  Read the boards and lurk for a while and you will find out a lot of information.  I have no idea how many questions I had answered without ever asking them just because they were discussed on these boards.  Ask questions here.  People will give you honest and great answers.

    Third, have fun planning!  If you feel like you are getting overwhelmed, take a step back. Don't let it freak you out.  There are tons of lists and resources out there for you to lean on to figure out everything that needs to be taken care of.  Grab a timeline and do a little bit of research on a particular topic a little bit at a time.  
  • RosieC18 said:

    I agree with the above and want to add: it's fine to not really care about a lot of the details, or not even to have those details! I did not care about center pieces or linens or any number of things. Some things we just skipped (seriously, what is the point of an aisle runner) and others we made quick, easy choices on (caterer recommends ivory and green linens? Great).

    I think there can be a lot of pressure to care deeply about every tiny thing and you really don't have to. If you don't care about something, chances are your guests won't either (with the obvious caveat of things like enough chairs, some sort of food, no cash bar etc. that are about guest comfort). Don't let it stress you out!

    This - at the end of the day all you need is an officiant, a fiance, and something to feed anyone who attends. Getting panicked about centrepieces and bridesmaids and favours is crazy to me because you don't need it.



    I'm doing a Vegas wedding because I felt the same way and in Vegas you can easily just get a package with your ceremony, transportation, flowers, music, photos, whatever all included without having to deal with any of it. We're doing that and then just having dinner at a restaurant because I also was totally freaked out at the idea of toasts, cake cutting, dancing, entrances...but none of it is necessary. And you'll be just as married at the end of it if you don't care about chair covers or unity candles.

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  • We had 7 guests at our wedding (12 including H and I and his children).  It was a wonderful day for us.  Big weddings and big budgets are not necessary to have a great day.  Take a deep breath and come on here whenever you need advice.
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  • BREATHE. The great thing is that you can make your wedding exactly the way you want (as long as your guests are properly hosted). 
    If you're not into being the center of attention, considering having a small wedding. 
    You can wear whatever you want! It doesn't have to be a big, fancy event. And the planning, really, doesn't have to be stressful. I cut out everything I thought wasn't necessary, so I was only dealing with 3 vendors (venue, photog, DJ) and it was great. 
  • I agree with everything PPs have said. It's about you and your fiance. Do what you want! Do what makes you happy!! I was also overwhelmed with planning, and I have found the checklist here on TK to be very helpful. It keeps me focused and organized, but it allows me to delete anything I don't want to do/don't care about and add in anything I want. You could do a small wedding with a very small group of family and possibly friends, and then have a casual dinner in your own backyard later. Some friends of ours got married last year. They were both into being outdoors, hiking, rock climbing, etc. So they had immediate family & a wedding party witness their ceremony on a rock outcropping in a remote area of a mountain they loved. Later in the evening, they had a big party in the bride's father's backyard. My FI was in the wedding party, so he attended the ceremony, but I did not. Fine by me... all I cared about was the party anyway :) It was very lovely & was a very fun party, but because it was just a big party, not a lot of focus was on the bride and groom as there is at the actual ceremony. Maybe that would be your style?
  •  First engaged a few weeks, I'm 34 never married, he has never been married. I haven't worn a dress since 99'. Only been to a couple weddings never anything fancy, I'm not comfortable being the center of attention. I haven't even been in a wedding or a part of planning one so yeah out of my element. The only thing I know is I do want a certain dress, the color blue, and I refuse to wear heels. If it weren't for that fact this is the only time I WANT to be in a dress, and both our families I wouldn't even worry about any of it. The past few days I have been asked so many questions by him about what I want I'm getting nervous, and realize how clueless I am on all this. We aren't doing a wedding planner a couple grand budget is more than enough. I'm not a chick who has ever thought about "when I get married" if I did it's been long forgotten. Oh and blue roses. 
    Wear what makes you feel beautiful.  Colour doesn't matter.  

    Don't worry about feeling like the centre of attention.  While you technically will be, you may not even notice people while you get married.  I couldn't tell you anything about what anyone else was doing during my ceremony.  I was just so excited to see DH and get married.  If it is a bigger anxiety problem, try a smaller wedding.

    I never really dreamed of a wedding either.  Don't worry about the details if that's not your thing.  As long as any guests are fed and watered properly, you're fine.  If you need help with etiquette for this, we'll fill you in.  

    Ask your FI for some time off.  Just cos you're engaged doesn't mean you have to start planning right now.  Enjoy being engaged for a few weeks/months.  Show off your ring, maybe look through wedding magazines, etc.  But you don't necessarily have to start planning immediately.  When you are ready, start with your budget, guest list and VIP's, then find a venue and set a date.  Book your important vendors first (for us, it was photography) and then anything else you think you need to take care of.  The checklist here is pretty thorough, and you can just delete or check off anything that doesn't apply to you.  Happy engagement!!

  • You will need an officiant.  You will need invitations.  You will need a place to have your ceremony and reception.  If you have your ceremony in the middle of the afternoon, you can have a cake and punch reception, which is very budget friendly. That is really all you need.  Relax.   Blue is a beautiful color.
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  • I've also had a really hard time not getting overwhelmed/intimidated by the whole "wedding thing". I'm also in my 30s, never married, never sat around daydreaming about my wedding. It's been helpful for me to remember that everything we see out there - in the media, on theknot, in wedding magazines, in other people's posts and other people's expectations - is all a product of the mass marketing of weddings. It's targeted toward grand/expensive/large, and this is just not right for every couple. Quite frankly, I've found some of it kind of sickening.

    The only thing that matters is you, your fiancee, and the love and commitment that you have for each other. Sit down with him and figure out what is important for the two of you, and ignore everything (and everyone) else. For us these things were the exchange of vows followed by a fun and casual party for immediate family and close friends. Everything else is superfluous, and when I get stressed out about one detail or another it helps for me to remind myself of this.

    It's your marriage. Therefore, it's your right to keep everything in your comfort zone. Congratulations!!!


  • Congrats on getting engaged!  

    All the previous posters have given you great advice. I just want to echo one thing: you don't have to start planning now! Tell your FI you want some time to enjoy being engaged... and then relax and enjoy! I got engaged this past March and we didn't do any real planning until we started looking for venues in September.  Take some time to think about what you want this day to be like and know that as long as you're taking your guests' comfort into consideration, it can be whatever you want it to be.  
  • Just echoing what all the other ladies are saying!! Here's what you need to get married:

    Yourself
    Your SO
    An officiant 
    A witness/witnesses
    Marriage license 

    Everything else is extra! Don't want to dance? Then don't dance. Want to do something unconventional like get married while sky diving? Then jump away. And so on and so forth. 

    There's a few etiquette rules you'll want to be sure you follow, but those are pretty easy and all center around guest comfort. You want a chair for every butt. If you have a reception that goes through a meal time, you'll want to provide food. And if you plan on providing alcohol- you host it. Everything else is pretty much common sense. 

    There's tons of great resources here- check lists, DIY and budget wedding forums, so on and so forth that will help you make sure the day is everything you want it to be and nothing more. And be careful on Pinterest!!! Most of that stuff is ridiculous and unnecessary. You don't need decorations, let alone custom monogrammed streamers and cutesy wooden signs. 

    Try not to be overwhelmed yet. Bask in the glory, pick up some bridal magazines, and start thinking of things like who you want to invite and how you want your wedding to feel. Then you can dive into the more important things like date and venue. 
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