Wedding Party

Are we nuts?

My FI has six people he wants to invite to be GM's: Two old Army buddies, two friends from high school he still talks to regularly, his brother, and his BIL. My mom has been helping me plan the wedding, and she seems to think six is way too many people. But these are the people FI wants to stand up with us, and frankly I couldn't care less if it was one person or twenty. If that's who he wants, then I think that's awesome.

For me, though, the decision of who to pick has been harder. I knew I for sure wanted my sister, and FI's two sisters who I'm pretty close to. But I wanted friends up there as well and hadn't been able to decide who. Finally, I thought to myself, "Who are the friends that I turn to when I'm happy or sad?" And four girls came to mind, all classmates from grad school. So assuming everyone says yes, that's six GM's and seven BM's.

Honestly, rational me says, "What does it matter? All they need to do is wear a nice suit/dress, hold some flowers if they're a girl, stand next to you during the ceremony, and pose for some pictures." These are the people I and FI feel emotionally closest to, besides each other. But the irrational part of me is listening to my well-meaning mother wail about my "million people" wedding party.

So please, if I'm nuts and this is too many people, tell me. If I'm not, please tell me that too. I need thoughts from people who have been there and who are not related to me.
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Re: Are we nuts?

  • It's not "nuts" to have a large wedding party. It's nuts to conform your wedding party to what other people think it should look like. Some people have wedding parties even bigger than what you're suggesting. 

    I do have one question, how big is your wedding? 
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    happilyeverthacker
  • How is your 'million people' wedding party affecting your mom?  (Answer: it's not).

    Honestly, you had me at "who are the friends that I turn to when I'm happy or sad?".  THAT'S what you're looking for.  If that means you have seven bridesmaids, then go for it.  As long as you have the budget for that large of a wedding party (flowers, bouts, gifts, etc), I don't see a problem.

    **The OMH formerly known as jsangel1018**
    agenevieve22016
  • You and your FI are not nuts, your Mother is nuts.

    Now if you came on here and said that you wanted 20 people on each side then I would think you were a tad nuts, but your wedding party numbers are pretty normal, IMO.

    agenevieve22016
  • My FI has 6 GMs and I have 5 BMs. We asked the people we love the most that we wanted to have standing with us on our wedding day. That's all that matters. 

    I don't think having 6 GMs and 7 BMs is too many. It's not nuts. Some people have bridal parties far bigger than that and it works out (although I wouldn't recommend it. 20 BMs seems a bit excessive to me). 

    If those people are your nearest and dearest, then ask them! 
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  • It's not "nuts" to have a large wedding party. It's nuts to conform your wedding party to what other people think it should look like. Some people have wedding parties even bigger than what you're suggesting. 

    I do have one question, how big is your wedding? 
    We haven't finalized the guest list yet, and I don't plan on asking any potential wedding party members until we have. Because of where we're having it and other factors, I'd estimate the final guest count will be around 80-100 people.
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  • I think you're totally fine to have 6 groomsmen and 7 bridesmaids. Not nuts at all. 
  • It's not "nuts" to have a large wedding party. It's nuts to conform your wedding party to what other people think it should look like. Some people have wedding parties even bigger than what you're suggesting. 

    I do have one question, how big is your wedding? 
    We haven't finalized the guest list yet, and I don't plan on asking any potential wedding party members until we have. Because of where we're having it and other factors, I'd estimate the final guest count will be around 80-100 people.
    You're fine, really. I was just curious because if you were having an extremely intimate affair, most of the folks at the wedding could end up in your wedding, which would not be wrong per se, but might make the not in the wedding folks feel odd. 
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    holyguacamole79
  • I think it's nuts if your wedding only has 50 guests and so practically a quarter of them are in the wedding party, but if it's a relatively large wedding it's not enormous.

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    weddingcactus
  • We had 4 GMs and 8 BMs . I was happy with our choice. The only thing I would remind you to think about it is you also have to account for the fact you will need to buy them all a thank you gift and possibly bouts and bouquets if you're doing them, so if cost is an issue, you might want to keep it smaller. Otherwise, do what you want!
    flutteringinflnovella1186
  • kat1114 said:
    We had 4 GMs and 8 BMs . I was happy with our choice. The only thing I would remind you to think about it is you also have to account for the fact you will need to buy them all a thank you gift and possibly bouts and bouquets if you're doing them, so if cost is an issue, you might want to keep it smaller. Otherwise, do what you want!
    That's a good point. Honestly, everyone here, thank you for your thoughts! I pretty much knew it was okay but I really needed to hear it from others who have been there. I love my mother dearly and she has been so helpful, but sometimes her advice is a little...stuffy.

    But I needed to let you know, @kat1114, that you have one of the most wonderful sig gifs.
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    kat1114novella1186levioosa
  • kat1114 said:
    We had 4 GMs and 8 BMs . I was happy with our choice. The only thing I would remind you to think about it is you also have to account for the fact you will need to buy them all a thank you gift and possibly bouts and bouquets if you're doing them, so if cost is an issue, you might want to keep it smaller. Otherwise, do what you want!
    That's a good point. Honestly, everyone here, thank you for your thoughts! I pretty much knew it was okay but I really needed to hear it from others who have been there. I love my mother dearly and she has been so helpful, but sometimes her advice is a little...stuffy.

    But I needed to let you know, @kat1114, that you have one of the most wonderful sig gifs.
    Thank you! I didn't know if anyone would know what it's from. I love Key & Peele!
    flutteringinflagenevieve22016
  • You are not nuts.  13 people in a wedding party is totally manageable. Tell your mom she needs to get over this.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I agree that as long as your wedding guest list is proportional, you should be just fine. If you were having 30 guests, it might be weird. But 80-100 guests with a wedding party that size sounds just fine. Just don't have them all do speeches or readings (since that would take forever).
  • I have 9 bridesmaids, my FI has 8 groomsmen and a ring bearer. They are all siblings and close friends, all of whom we both really wanted to ask. When people ask me about the size of my bridal party and they give me a judgy eyebrow raise when I answer, I just say "I don't even care. I want them all up there with me." 
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers


  • Do what you want.

    The more people, the more herding though.  The more dealing with running late, scheduling hair/make up/whatever appts if you're doing that, schedules to align for bachelorette party if you're doing that, more people to fit if you're transporting bridal party with you anywhere (reason number zillion to say no to the Hummer limo that's tacky anyway if you have too many people), the more people to schedule if you want to meet them for dress shopping, etc.

    I picked the one person I was closest to because I love her, but also so I wouldn't be herding a huge bridal party around for things.  That wasn't my idea of fun.  Having small wedding party made the logistics a lot easier, which made me happy.  But to each their own.
  • We have 6 and 6. All 12 of them are people we couldn't imagine getting married without them standing beside us, and that's what's important.
  • No, you aren't nuts. If the people you want up there with you are the friends that you and your FI turn to when you're happy or sad, then all of them deserve to be there. It's not up to your mom. This is one decision that's entirely up to you and not her.
  • The number of people isn't what's important, it's that you've asked those who you feel closest to and support the two of you taking this step. FI and I are having 6 of our nearest and dearest on each side, and we wouldn't have it any other way :)
  • Thanks again everyone! I called my grandmother (mom's mom) earlier today to chat, and she said, "So I heard FI has six groomsmen?" I told her that I actually might have seven bridesmaids if they all say yes, and said I was sure my mom would have something to say about it. She said, "Oh, you tell her to mind her own business!"

    I love my grandma. And I love my mom too, even when she gives slightly overbearing advice. And I love all of you!
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    [Deleted User]
  • One more "not nuts" vote
  • My FI and I each have seven. To be honest, it's kind of been a nightmare because it is IMPOSSIBLE to please  14 people, but I know it will be worth it, because ultimately, I'd be sad if I didn't have any of those people in my wedding.
  • Your wedding is exactly what is is titled "your wedding" that being said it is all about what you want. I have heard a general rule of thumb that 1 person for every 10 people is a good average...

    Personally we are inviting approx 125 adults and 8 under 21 (including wedding party)

    We have 3 bridesmaids, 3 groomsmen, BM and MOH, Junior groomsman and Junior MOH and a mini best man/ringbearer (my will be 10 year old stepson) and I feel like  have plenty. My FI has soooo many good guy friends that he is still clseo with that it was hard to limit the number, and I have mostly guy friends so that was where we compromised. Luckily the guys he couldnt have in the groomsmen he is asking to be ushers... so I think we will be just fine with that!!!

     

    Good Luck,

    Congrats!

  • We had 8 each.  DH is one of 6 and I have some very close friends and cousins...there was no way not to include them all...I wanted them all up there and it worked out fine.  Just keep in mind that you need to host all of these people and their SO's at a rehearsal dinner if you have one. 
  • That's not nuts at all. I have 7 on each side. It's definitely more expensive, but it's more fun too.
  • We had 9 BMs and 6 GM (7 of which were 13 and under).

    No regrets.   We asked the people we really wanted up there.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • It's not nuts to have a large wedding party, depending on your budget. Yes all they have to do is put on a suit/dress & hold flowers & show up. But this is how the number of people inyour wedding party effects you. For every bridal party member you need to budget for:

    • Gifts
    • Person at rehersal dinner (and their SO)
    • Flowers for each person
    • If you plan on renting transportation, the more people you have the larger the vehicle you will need & the more it will probably cost
    • All the different personalities when planning and organizing
    • Who will make sure all the BM & GM are where they need to be & when & keep them in line for getting lined up at church, photos & things like intros at reception

    I'm in no way saying don't have a large wedding party, just that the more people you have, the more it will affect your budget & if you are working on a limited budget, a large party could make things more difficult on your budget.

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