Adult Only Reception Question

d&bbride2015

Okay, So my fiancé and I have decided that we would like to have an adult reception. (21 years and older preferably)

I have expressed this to family and friends that do have children already just kind of as a heads up and they're all 

perfectly fine with it. AWESOME! YAY! well here is my problem. All of my friends who are married already all had adult receptions

and have warned me that when we send out our invites even though it will say "Adult Only" some people will RSVP with their 

children included and some will call and ask if they can bring their children. How do you tell someone we would rather not 

have children there without hurting anyone's feelings??? 

BTW I love children and it's nothing against anyones kids its the fact my fiancé's family is HUGE and cutting out kids it opens up like 

30 or more seats (That's just counting first cousin's babies) like i said huge family. 

HELP! has anyone else run into this problem?

novella1186

DO NOT put "adults only" on the invitations!!!! 

This is incredibly rude. Address the invitation specifically-- and only-- to those individuals who are invited and they should get the hint. You can also put on the RSVP card something like "We have reserved 2 seats in your name." If it goes to a family of 4, they will extra get the hint. 

No matter what, people will still RSVP for themselves AND their children. In which case, you'll have to make a phone call and have that awkward conversation. When that happens, or when someone calls and asks to bring their kids, you simply say: 

"I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. We are not able to accomodate children, but I hope you and your spouse are able to attend" 

sarawifenow

Danielle0413 said:

Okay, So my fiancé and I have decided that we would like to have an adult reception. (21 years and older preferably)

I have expressed this to family and friends that do have children already just kind of as a heads up and they're all 

perfectly fine with it. AWESOME! YAY! well here is my problem. All of my friends who are married already all had adult receptions

and have warned me that when we send out our invites even though it will say "Adult Only" some people will RSVP with their 

children included and some will call and ask if they can bring their children. How do you tell someone we would rather not 

have children there without hurting anyone's feelings??? 

BTW I love children and it's nothing against anyones kids its the fact my fiancé's family is HUGE and cutting out kids it opens up like 

30 or more seats (That's just counting first cousin's babies) like i said huge family. 

HELP! has anyone else run into this problem?

JIC

 

And I agree with @novella1186. Putting "adults only" anywhere is very rude.

d&bbride2015

novella1186 said:

DO NOT put "adults only" on the invitations!!!! 

This is incredibly rude. Address the invitation specifically-- and only-- to those individuals who are invited and they should get the hint. You can also put on the RSVP card something like "We have reserved 2 seats in your name." If it goes to a family of 4, they will extra get the hint. 

No matter what, people will still RSVP for themselves AND their children. In which case, you'll have to make a phone call and have that awkward conversation. When that happens, or when someone calls and asks to bring their kids, you simply say: 

"I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. We are not able to accomodate children, but I hope you and your spouse are able to attend" 

I had no idea the "adult reception" on the invite was a NO, NO. I'm not even kidding the last 8 weddings we've gone to the invites stated it was "Adult Only". Good to know! Great idea with stating we have reserved two seats. I really hope I can avoid the awkward convo. I don't want to hurt anyones feelings.

novella1186

Danielle0413 said:

novella1186 said:

DO NOT put "adults only" on the invitations!!!! 

This is incredibly rude. Address the invitation specifically-- and only-- to those individuals who are invited and they should get the hint. You can also put on the RSVP card something like "We have reserved 2 seats in your name." If it goes to a family of 4, they will extra get the hint. 

No matter what, people will still RSVP for themselves AND their children. In which case, you'll have to make a phone call and have that awkward conversation. When that happens, or when someone calls and asks to bring their kids, you simply say: 

"I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. We are not able to accomodate children, but I hope you and your spouse are able to attend" 

I had no idea the "adult reception" on the invite was a NO, NO. I'm not even kidding the last 8 weddings we've gone to the invites stated it was "Adult Only". Good to know! Great idea with stating we have reserved two seats. I really hope I can avoid the awkward convo. I don't want to hurt anyones feelings.

Some people may choose to have hurt feelings over this, but there's not much you can do about it besides be polite, ya know? You have every right to not invite kids to your wedding if that's what you want. So they'll just have to get over it. 

Jen4948

If you leave the names of kids off your invitation envelopes (which is the correct way to indicate that they're not invited) but someone RSVPs for them anyway, you tell them, "I'm sorry for the confusion, but the invitation is only for you (and your SO). We cannot accommodate anyone who's not listed on the invitation."

AddieCake

I'm always curious when someone only says "adult reception" as opposed to "adult wedding." You do know that you can't invite the kids to the ceremony, either, then, right?

abbyj700

Our wedding included one child - DH's daughter. When we addressed our invites - we wrote out each name specifically. Along with this each invitation was specific on how many seats were "reserved in your honor." We didn't have to call a single person to correct their RSVP. 

DH's brother was upset about his children not being invited. But honestly, he was upset about tons of things not being what he wanted - so he didn't attend. He also didn't RSVP - so those who are going to be dicks about no kids probably won't be courteous enough to respond anyways. :-)

d&bbride2015

abbyj700 said:

Our wedding included one child - DH's daughter. When we addressed our invites - we wrote out each name specifically. Along with this each invitation was specific on how many seats were "reserved in your honor." We didn't have to call a single person to correct their RSVP. 

DH's brother was upset about his children not being invited. But honestly, he was upset about tons of things not being what he wanted - so he didn't attend. He also didn't RSVP - so those who are going to be dicks about no kids probably won't be courteous enough to respond anyways. :-)

so on the RSVP cards we should state "2 seats reserved in your honor"? I was also told by others that I will just have people that will show up with their kids or with a guest even if they were not given a date! AHHH so stressful!!! I would NEVER do that to someone. crazy! thanks for the reply  

holyguacamole79

Danielle0413 said:

abbyj700 said:

Our wedding included one child - DH's daughter. When we addressed our invites - we wrote out each name specifically. Along with this each invitation was specific on how many seats were "reserved in your honor." We didn't have to call a single person to correct their RSVP. 

DH's brother was upset about his children not being invited. But honestly, he was upset about tons of things not being what he wanted - so he didn't attend. He also didn't RSVP - so those who are going to be dicks about no kids probably won't be courteous enough to respond anyways. :-)

so on the RSVP cards we should state "2 seats reserved in your honor"? I was also told by others that I will just have people that will show up with their kids or with a guest even if they were not given a date! AHHH so stressful!!! I would NEVER do that to someone. crazy! thanks for the reply  

------

Its a badge of honor. Welcome to the club.

jenajjthr

I got an invite from a co-worker. It had "We've reserved 2 seats for you" It let me know it was for me and hubby, along with only being addressed to J & K.   Guess what....I got that my kiddos weren't invited and I was ok with that. I didn't need the invite to point out specifically that they weren't invited, that would have been rude. 

I did side-eye it telling me how to dress, but that is a different thread. 

d&bbride2015

jenajjthr said:

I got an invite from a co-worker. It had "We've reserved 2 seats for you" It let me know it was for me and hubby, along with only being addressed to J & K.   Guess what....I got that my kiddos weren't invited and I was ok with that. I didn't need the invite to point out specifically that they weren't invited, that would have been rude. 

I did side-eye it telling me how to dress, but that is a different thread. 

I honestly didn't know that putting "adult wedding or reception" was a NO, NO. Honestly, every invite to wedding's lately have stated it on the invite. 

I asked because I've been to weddings where its supposed to be adults only and there were kids. Actually last summer at my friends wedding 35 kids showed up. She was so stressed out and so upset people just showed up with their children even after being asked not to. The food almost ran out and there wasn't enough seats for the invited guests. 

Btw can i ask what was stated on the invite about how you "should" dress?? I started that other thread about a formal wedding. 

plainjane0415

Danielle0413 said:

jenajjthr said:

I got an invite from a co-worker. It had "We've reserved 2 seats for you" It let me know it was for me and hubby, along with only being addressed to J & K.   Guess what....I got that my kiddos weren't invited and I was ok with that. I didn't need the invite to point out specifically that they weren't invited, that would have been rude. 

I did side-eye it telling me how to dress, but that is a different thread. 

I honestly didn't know that putting "adult wedding or reception" was a NO, NO. Honestly, every invite to wedding's lately have stated it on the invite. 

I asked because I've been to weddings where its supposed to be adults only and there were kids. Actually last summer at my friends wedding 35 kids showed up. She was so stressed out and so upset people just showed up with their children even after being asked not to. The food almost ran out and there wasn't enough seats for the invited guests. 

Btw can i ask what was stated on the invite about how you "should" dress?? I started that other thread about a formal wedding. 

I think a lot of people are just too lazy to address their invites the correct and proper way that they decide that putting "adults only" kind of blankets everyone, and it's quick and easy.  They don't realize that it's not the proper way. 

esstee33

Danielle0413 said:

jenajjthr said:

I got an invite from a co-worker. It had "We've reserved 2 seats for you" It let me know it was for me and hubby, along with only being addressed to J & K.   Guess what....I got that my kiddos weren't invited and I was ok with that. I didn't need the invite to point out specifically that they weren't invited, that would have been rude. 

I did side-eye it telling me how to dress, but that is a different thread. 

I honestly didn't know that putting "adult wedding or reception" was a NO, NO. Honestly, every invite to wedding's lately have stated it on the invite. 

I asked because I've been to weddings where its supposed to be adults only and there were kids. Actually last summer at my friends wedding 35 kids showed up. She was so stressed out and so upset people just showed up with their children even after being asked not to. The food almost ran out and there wasn't enough seats for the invited guests. 

Btw can i ask what was stated on the invite about how you "should" dress?? I started that other thread about a formal wedding. 

RE: the bolded -- this is why we say that just because things are commonly done, it doesn't make them not rude. Cash bars are common in my area, but they're still rude, no matter how many people have them. 

You may have people who show up with kids anyway, and there's nothing really you can do about that unless your venue strictly prohibits them. They're the rude ones in that case. My stepmom's family RSVP'd yes for everyone who was invited, then half of them didn't show and my aunt decided to bring her grandson instead, despite him not being invited, and being one of only two children there (the other was my nephew, who was in the bridal party and was invited). Life goes on. 

thelastdreamer

Make your RSVP card look something like this. Don't tell them it's adults only. Lots of people do rude things while planning their wedding, sometimes without realizing it because they don't bother to find out, but you are classier than that  

novella1186

Danielle0413, welcome to TK. I like you!

d&bbride2015

novella1186 said:

Danielle0413, welcome to TK. I like you!

Thanks for the welcome!!!! I like you too!! 

SP29

Agreed- no "adults only", address the invite to who it is for.

If anyone shows up with their kids (or an uninvited date) that will look bad on them when there is no place for them to sit or meal to eat (and no, I don't think you should be responsible for trying to accommodate them- they were rude, not you). 

We put the "X" seats have been reserved for you. No issues with people bringing extras, or awkward phone calls. Granted though, we did have people RSVP yes, then not show up (including one child- her parents- my cousin and his gf- were there). 

zitiqueen

Or you could list each person individually on the RSVP like this:

Bob Smith ____ will attend _____ is unable to attend
Sheila Smith _____ will attend ______ is unable to attend

lc07

I think the "Two seats are reserved in your honor" thing is not the greatest idea. Anyone who doesn't already get the hint about people being named on the invitation being the only ones invited are going to say "Well, my husband can't come so I'm bringing little Susie! You reserved two seats for me!" Just invite those who are invited by name. If someone RSVPs with a child let them know the invitation was for Mr + Mrs only and you cannot accommodate other guests and that you hope they can still attend.

jenajjthr

There were kids at this wedding, but I would assume they were family of the B&G. Just because my kids weren't invited doesn't mean all kids were not invited. The groom didn't know my kids and I didn't expect them to be invited. I would have been the rude one to RSVP for more people than he invited, 2 people, or different people than he invited, my husband and I. He wasn't the rude one to only invite who he wanted at his wedding. 

As for the attire, please do not tell me how to dress. I hate dresses with a passion above all others. But I do know that for a wedding, in a fancier venue, "cocktail attire" .....dress.... is probably better than my usual attire of jeans or work pants for my job. I don't need you (general you) telling me that. 

holyguacamole79

jenajjthr said:

As for the attire, please do not tell me how to dress. I hate dresses with a passion above all others. But I do know that for a wedding, in a fancier venue, "cocktail attire" .....dress.... is probably better than my usual attire of jeans or work pants for my job. I don't need you (general you) telling me that. 

Yes.

d&bbride2015

jenajjthr said:

There were kids at this wedding, but I would assume they were family of the B&G. Just because my kids weren't invited doesn't mean all kids were not invited. The groom didn't know my kids and I didn't expect them to be invited. I would have been the rude one to RSVP for more people than he invited, 2 people, or different people than he invited, my husband and I. He wasn't the rude one to only invite who he wanted at his wedding. 

As for the attire, please do not tell me how to dress. I hate dresses with a passion above all others. But I do know that for a wedding, in a fancier venue, "cocktail attire" .....dress.... is probably better than my usual attire of jeans or work pants for my job. I don't need you (general you) telling me that. 

I definitely know not to tell anyone how to dress now lol Thanks for the advice! you guys are the best  

holyguacamole79

Stick around!

raissyrais

So much love. See how nice we can be sometimes! *SIGH*

[Deleted User]

novella1186

pinkrevenge said:

I was very afraid of this, so here's what I did:

told the family gossips I was planning to have an adults-only wedding, so they could spread it by word of mouth.

Made the RSVPs out to basically say

 _ seats have been reserved in your honor. _/_ attending.
M _______________
Please initial food choice.
___ chicken
___ beef
___ fish

For any questions, comments, or food restrictions, please write here
__________________

I then filled out the 1st and 3rd blank to the number allotted for that invite.That way I knew how many were coming and exactly who they were. I also numbered the RSVPs in case someone didn't actually fill out their names or initial.

I don't think I could have been any more obvious that I was saying you get X amount of seats and THESE are the people invited and I need the names of everyone coming and their food choice SO I WILL KNOW IF YOU BRING YOUR KID UNINVITED.

I did not have a single person try to sneak in a kid. I had two say they couldn't come, but they were already a long shot without adding kids in the mix, it was NBD.

The bolded is super genius. I was actually a little worried about what would happen if I got RSVPs back with no names. I'm totally gonna steal your trick!

chrissy0905

URGH! I've just run into this problem, so I understand your fears completely!

After reading these boards and talking to various people, I understood that saying the event is "adult only" would be rude and to be avoided... so that's what I did. I also addressed the invitations to the adults using their names only (and avoided the dreaded "and family").

We are using an online RSVP system (via our wedding website), and set it up so that people have to write in the names of the people attending (and are limited to a maximum of 2 people). Even with these precautionary methods, my cousin tried to bring her 3 children (ages 6-12). She only RSVPed for 2 (her and her husband), but her mother told my father that she would be bringing the kids. And of course, she never bothered asking me or mentioning it to me! So yes, be prepared to have a super awkward discussion with people if they can't understand the intent behind your wording and insist on bringing their children along.

 Every precaution can't prevent silly people from trying to circumvent these issues. I ended up being lucky and my awesome MOH (my sister) offered to contact the cousin and have that awkward convo for me!

My wedding is in less than a month, so hopefully I won't have anyone show up uninvited, and won't have too many no-shows.

weddingcactus

Ok, I feel really stupid for asking this, but can someone explain the "M___________" line on the RSVP cards? Don't worry, I haven't yet mailed any invitations, so my stupidity has not yet impacted anyone else. I'm guessing it's name or something? But I just don't quite get it.

Love the suggestions of "# seats reserved in your honor" and "# accept" and especially numbering the RSVP cards in case someone's name isn't on them. 

thisismynickname2

weddingcactus said:

Ok, I feel really stupid for asking this, but can someone explain the "M___________" line on the RSVP cards? Don't worry, I haven't yet mailed any invitations, so my stupidity has not yet impacted anyone else. I'm guessing it's name or something? But I just don't quite get it.

Love the suggestions of "# seats reserved in your honor" and "# accept" and especially numbering the RSVP cards in case someone's name isn't on them. 

Stuck!

M__ allows someone to fill in Mr/Mrs/Miss/Ms. 

I did the # seats and numbering of RSVP cards and it worked perfectly.