Wedding Party

Bridesmaid Conundrum

I've been engaged for 15 months and, as you probably would assume, have been wedding planning the whole time. I was staying stress free and being super optimistic up until, everything started to hit the fan a few months ago. 

One of my best friends and bridesmaids was killed in a car accident. 

Another one of my bridesmaids tried to make me invite someone I'm not friends with to my wedding (we since hashed that out). 

My soon to be sister-in-law who is also a bridesmaid recently went behind my back and complained about me not picking dresses soon enough, even though I've asked her to look online at dresses or sent her pictures of dresses and all she had to say was she didn't like it or it's not her style.

I'm a very patient person, and I'm pretty good at delegating and staying relatively sane when it comes to stressful situations, but I'm at my breaking point and I don't really know what to do! Luckily my MOH has been the best and has been there for me constantly, but there's only so much she can do. I'm trying my best to make sure the dresses we pick are a good price as I know everyone can't afford to be paying $250+ on a dress (I originally said I would keep the dresses at $200 or less), and all my girls are totally different when it comes to what looks good on them, so finding something to suit everyone, or even matching colours in different styles, is hard because of lack of cooperation.

Any suggestions on how not to turn into a bridezilla??? :(

Re: Bridesmaid Conundrum

  • I'm really sorry about your friend who was killed in the accident. That's very sad.

    Regarding your FSIL who keeps complaining about the dress, tell her that she has until the wedding to choose from one of the selections you sent her and to show up in it sober, on time, and in good spirits, and that since that's all you're asking her to do (and that's all that's required of any bridesmaid), you're not willing to listen to any more complaints from her about the dress and to knock off her whining.

    And since you've already hashed out the third bridesmaid's issue, if it comes up again then let her know that when it's her wedding or she's paying for yours she gets a say in the guest list but as neither is the case with your wedding she does not get a say in your guest list.

    And then take a deep breath. It might help to just take a break from wedding planning and from your bridesmaids for a while and just have some fun on your own or just with your FI.
    AddieCakeesstee33[Deleted User]
  • augsum15 said:
    I've been engaged for 15 months and, as you probably would assume, have been wedding planning the whole time. I was staying stress free and being super optimistic up until, everything started to hit the fan a few months ago. 

    One of my best friends and bridesmaids was killed in a car accident. 

    Another one of my bridesmaids tried to make me invite someone I'm not friends with to my wedding (we since hashed that out). 

    My soon to be sister-in-law who is also a bridesmaid recently went behind my back and complained about me not picking dresses soon enough, even though I've asked her to look online at dresses or sent her pictures of dresses and all she had to say was she didn't like it or it's not her style.

    I'm a very patient person, and I'm pretty good at delegating and staying relatively sane when it comes to stressful situations, but I'm at my breaking point and I don't really know what to do! Luckily my MOH has been the best and has been there for me constantly, but there's only so much she can do. I'm trying my best to make sure the dresses we pick are a good price as I know everyone can't afford to be paying $250+ on a dress (I originally said I would keep the dresses at $200 or less), and all my girls are totally different when it comes to what looks good on them, so finding something to suit everyone, or even matching colours in different styles, is hard because of lack of cooperation.

    Any suggestions on how not to turn into a bridezilla??? :(
    Can all of your BMs comfortably afford $200 for a dress? You should have asked them privately and individually what their budgets are instead of assuming $200 is reasonable for everybody when it may not be.
    holyguacamole79redoryxdoeydoesstee33
  • So you have one major tragedy and two minor irritations. I think therapy, to help you get back together and have the mental room to deal with the minor stuff. And until then, remind everyone that you're in mourning and they need to calm down.
  • I'm very sorry about your friend. As far as your FSIL goes, I think you may be best served to give your bridesmaids some guidelines and let them find their own dresses that match their budget and style. You can tell them a color, length, fabric, designer, or any combination you find important.
    __________________________________________________________________________

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  • I'm so sorry about your friend, that is awful.

    As for the dresses, the first step you should take is to individually reach out to your bridesmaids and ask them their budgets. Then you can choose a dress based on their lowest budget, if you want them to wear the exact same dress.

    Or you can just give them a colour and a style and tell them to get any dress they want from there. Ie "Ok knee-length black dress, go!"

    Formerly martha1818

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    doeydo
  • Thank you all :)

    And yes, I did make sure that $200 would be reasonable for each girl.
  • esstee33esstee33 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2014
    augsum15 said: Thank you all :)
    And yes, I did make sure that $200 would be reasonable for each girl.
    *****************
    That's not really the same thing as asking for their budgets. 

    I can afford $200 for a bridesmaid dress, but if a bride whose wedding party I was in asked me my budget, I'd say closer to $100, because in no universe do I actually want to spend $200 on a dress I'll wear once and maybe never again. Asking them if $200 is OK can really put them on the spot and make them feel embarrassed and like they have to say yes, even if they can't really afford that (or just don't want to spend that much). 
  • Jen4948 said:
    I'm really sorry about your friend who was killed in the accident. That's very sad. Regarding your FSIL who keeps complaining about the dress, tell her that she has until the wedding to choose from one of the selections you sent her and to show up in it sober, on time, and in good spirits, and that since that's all you're asking her to do (and that's all that's required of any bridesmaid), you're not willing to listen to any more complaints from her about the dress and to knock off her whining. And since you've already hashed out the third bridesmaid's issue, if it comes up again then let her know that when it's her wedding or she's paying for yours she gets a say in the guest list but as neither is the case with your wedding she does not get a say in your guest list. And then take a deep breath. It might help to just take a break from wedding planning and from your bridesmaids for a while and just have some fun on your own or just with your FI.
    All of this, and I'm very sorry for your loss. 

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