For couples who got married after less than a year of dating?

taralee1983

Did you dump your friends soon after you got married?  I heard couples who marry on a whim after less than a year of dating are extremely likely to do this.  Or is this just an old wives tale?  I really want some peace of mind here.

holyguacamole79

I married my husband 11 months after we met. My friendships haven't changed.

WinstonsGirl

We didn't get married within the first year, but we would have been pretty close (1-2 months) if we hadn't postponed to allow guests to save up if they wanted to attend (DW).  Our friendships didn't change either, but we also see our friends less now that everyone is married and having kids.  Different priorities, and it's much harder to get out when you need to find a sitter for 3 kids.  When we do get together though, it's like nothing changed.  

taralee1983

Really?  I heard it's a huge change in mindset, and your views on friends change big time.  You really all kept your friends?

holyguacamole79

Well, I also got married at 33, so I'd like to think that there is some maturity that kept me from changing.

huskypuppy14

Why does it matter if you married less than a year after meeting or ten years later? Why would that affect your view on friends? I think being married doesn't really change much, it's after you have children (I don't have children, but what I have experienced with some friends.)  Your priorities change after marriage and children, but how long you were dating shouldn't have any affect on that.

alpacalunch

Sorry, that premise sounds like such bullshit. Doesn't apply to me, I'm not an OMH yet, but really. That's a matter of maturity, not marriage.

misshart00

Yep, dumped all of my friends and focused solely on my new husband.

taralee1983

Is that a joke/sarcastic?  It's hard to tell.

WinstonsGirl

holyguacamole79 said:

Well, I also got married at 33, so I'd like to think that there is some maturity that kept me from changing.

This.  I was 32 I think.  My close friendships are established.  People I were friends with, but not close have fallen to more acquaintances, but my core group from HS still hangs out, just not as often and now doing more family friendly things.  I'll go for weeks/months without talking to my BFF cos she lives far away.  We always pick up right where we left off.  

Sugargirl1019

My friendships definitely narrowed when we got engaged. I think it's a matter of maturity. But marriage hasn't changed the relationships that I kept.

Eta: but we dated for six years.

misshart00

taralee1983 said:

Is that a joke/sarcastic?  It's hard to tell.

I assume you're talking to me. Yes, that was sarcastic. I'm trying to figure out where you're going with this question.

bethsmiles

I'm not getting married after less than a year (we've been together 6) but I don't understand why I would get married and dump all my friends. I like to think I do a pretty good job of picking who I spend my time with and wouldn't need to re-evaluate those friendships just because I got married.

LadyMillil

We moved in together after 4 months. I saw my friends less after that because I moved out of the city to the suburbs and it made it more difficult for us to meet up as often as we had before.

holyguacamole79

Fwiw, one of my friends fell off the radar when she got serious with her husband. They were together a few years before they got married. They had just graduated from college, so I think it's more of a maturity issue.

vulpiepop

Not married yet but friendships did change after getting engaged. It wasn't a change of mindset though; there were multiple reasons why some friendships didn't keep. For the most part, it was because we were all graduating college and moving away from the small town that we met/studied/hung out in because there weren't any jobs there for us. Besides a few weird ones with some secret crush thing going on, the change in friendships had nothing to do with getting engaged. It had everything to do with graduating and moving and getting jobs. That's not to say that I didn't keep any of my friends. I am still in regular contact with some of them; others I only hear from every once in a while when they're not busy.

taralee1983

Once again, I  heard it's a big change of mindset.

flutteringinfl

Okay, but you have people telling you that's not their experience, so maybe calm down a little? That said, I can kind of see where this comes from, but I think it applies to very specific types of relationships, where one partner is abusive and wants to get married quickly to increase the chance of controlling the significant other. Like, the warning sings of abusive relationship include, "They want to get married very quickly" and "They encourage you or force you to stop speaking to your friends." Maybe that's where this is coming from?

misshart00

vulpiepop said:

Not married yet but friendships did change after getting engaged. It wasn't a change of mindset though; there were multiple reasons why some friendships didn't keep. For the most part, it was because we were all graduating college and moving away from the small town that we met/studied/hung out in because there weren't any jobs there for us. Besides a few weird ones with some secret crush thing going on, the change in friendships had nothing to do with getting engaged. It had everything to do with graduating and moving and getting jobs. That's not to say that I didn't keep any of my friends. I am still in regular contact with some of them; others I only hear from every once in a while when they're not busy.

This was me too. Just different points in life.

wrigleyville

Between this and the texting thread, I get the sense you're worried your FI is going to try and control who you are friends with. If that's the case, you need to figure out if you want to be with someone like that.

If you want to stay friends with people, stay friends with them. It's as simple as that.

mikenberger

I mean, I tend to not stay out as late or be as available as my single friends for spur of the moment road trips etc, but my friend circle hasn't changed since we got engaged and doesn't seem like its really going anywhere. I know for some couples, its so easy being just one on one all the time but for my relationship and soon marriage and my sanity and the health of my partner... Its good for both of us to have OUR time, ME time and time with everybody else. I wouldn't be with someone who disagreed with this.

theartistformerlyknownas

taralee1983 said:

Once again, I  heard it's a big change of mindset.

I think you should probably go ahead and forget whatever you heard about marriage.

WinstonsGirl

Nothing really changed for us when we got married, minder wise.  Yes, I spend more time with DH over my friends, but they're starting their own families too and we still see each other when we can.  If anything, I lost time for acquaintances, who I didn't spend a lot of time with before DH, but they weren't a priority in my life anyway.  

That said, I do always check with DH before I make plans with my friends, but that's more of a courtesy thing, to ensure we don't have other plans first, or to give DH the opportunity to do something with his friends.  It's not to ask for permission specifically.    

wrigleyville

Methinks you need to stop reading "Cosmo".

KytchynWitche

Yes, friendship dynamics may change when you get married (regardless of how long you've been with your partner), but they also may change when you (or your friends) leave school/college, if you move, if you have children, get divorced, get a new job or take up a new hobby. Or for any number of other reasons. Because dynamics change. It is what they do. That said, anyone who dumps a friend (or any number of them) simply because they've gotten married is really a total chopper who wasn't actually a friend to begin with.

lc07

What the fuck?

charlieyankee03

lc07 said:

What the fuck?

This.

climbingsingle

Huh? Seriously?

We got engaged after 5 months. It didn't affect my friendships. It certainly didn't affect my friendships after we got married.

This sounds like something a teenager would worry about.

AddieCake

Yeah, you definitely sound very young. To think that everyone loses their friends when they get married is silly. As PPs said, sometimes it changes because of kids and availability, etc, but just to think it's a different "mindset" automatically and that you suddenly won't have the same friends makes little sense.

charlottesmom0626

Wait.
You mean you guys didn't just move out of your parents castle off to a far away land into your new husbands castle and stay locked up in the tallest tower with only this forum to keep you sane? Weird.

mrscomposer

taralee1983 said:

Once again, I  heard it's a big change of mindset.

You're the one who makes the ultimate decision to change your mind.  If you don't want to drop your friends, don't drop your friends.

We started dating in April and were married in October.  I talk to my friends the same amount that I did before because I choose to.  I like them.  They're my friends.  This is kind of a silly question.