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Do you still text old opposite sex friends?

I was wondering if it was still ok after getting married.  And please, no "depends on the couple."  Either you find it ok or you don't.
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Re: Do you still text old opposite sex friends?

  • I feel like you have very specific reasons why you're starting these threads...maybe if you gave more specific details posters could give more specific advice?
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  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
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    Are you still friends? I can text my friends, and it is not inappropriate. My H does not get jealous of my friends.
  • Basically, I want to get married but I don't want things to change with friends.
  • I think that's really up to you, unless you have a controlling SO, but in that case, don't get married. My relationships with my friends have changed over the years, even with friends I thought I would always keep in touch with. It had nothing to do with whether I was in a relationship, but with life changes. Friendships change. They will change before and after you are married, and it's only related to your marriage if you decide it is.

    And if friends treat you differently because they're married or you're married, then shame on them. Being married does not mean you get your friend card taken away.
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  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
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    Other than the facts that we just came back from a great vacation, my H now lives with me, we are now having sex, and occasionally I think about how we promised to do this for life, I don't think anything's changed. Certainly not with my friends.
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  • penguin44penguin44 Kansas City member
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    I don't understand why this would be an issue?

    To answer your question, most of my/our friends are of the opposite sex. 
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  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
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    If my FI ever told me I couldn't talk to my FRIENDS, I'd tell him to go take a short walk off a long pier. Unless he has good reason: my friend does drugs, my friend is an animal abuser (I had to put my foot down on this with one of FIs acquaintances. He no longer speaks to him after right told him he was not welcome in our house.) Tangent - sorry. Maybe if my friend had no respect for my relationship and kept trying to sleep with me (I'm irresistible. Let's face it). I'd probably understand the asking of me to end the friendship.

    However, any circumstance outside of that, absolutely not. I have a friend that I met thru my FI and lo! She and FI made out, like hardcore, before FI and I were official. Yeah, don't care lol she's my MOH. It doesn't matter to me. He's with me. Plain and simple. And if he doesn't trust me and I don't trust him, what's the point of getting married? Hint: There isn't one.

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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I laid down the law before I even met my now husband. Prior to us meeting in person, we were texting each other and I mentioned going out with some friends. He assumed they were female friends, but I said if he had a problem with me going out with male friends than this wasn't going to work. He didn't have a problem at all.

    So yes, you should still be able to text your male friends. If your FI doesn't trust you, you shouldn't be getting married.
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  • KytchynWitcheKytchynWitche Ridin' the Zebra member
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    I feel like the gender of the friends being texted is completely irrelevant. Your friends are your friends regardless of whether the pee standing up or sitting down, and the question should be "can I still text my old friends after I get married?", and the answer to that is a resounding yes, barring legitimate reasons as mentioned by mikenberger. If your SO is trying to tell you that you can't text your friends because they're guys, that throws up big flags regarding jealousy and control issues. And if that is the case, get out. Do not proceed. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200. Now, this is of course assuming that a text is merely a text. If we're getting into the realm of sexting etc, the no it is not okay, unless you and your SO are in a clearly defined open or polyamorous relationship.
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  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl The Cold North member
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    Well, I don't text, cos I don't have a phone, but I absolutely still talk to/call/facebook/e-mail my male friends.  DH doesn't care cos he trusts me and knows nothing inappropriate is going on.  Same for me with him.  

    When you get married, things won't change on your end if you don't let them change.  If your DH is preventing that, then you're got bigger red flags to deal with first.  If you want to make your friends a priority still, then do it.  I'm sure they will appreciate seeing both you and your DH together and on your own.  

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  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If you're gay do you have to stop texting your same sex friends? Or is the rule as arbitrary as it sounds as is and still applies to opposite-sex friends?
  • I don't have a problem with it, just like I don't have a problem with him texting his male friends.
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    My SO's best friend is female. I have zero problems with him texting her now and I won't care if he texts her when we are married. I also have a few male friends I am close with and text on a regular basis. He doesn't care and I seriously doubt he will care when we are married. 

    Like several PPs have said, they are friends and their genitalia does not make interaction with them inappropriate. Inappropriate interaction would make interaction inappropriate.


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  • charlieyankee03charlieyankee03 Atlanta member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited November 2014
    I'm confused. Why wouldn't it be okay to maintain friendships you had before you were married? I was a groomswoman in one of my best friend's wedding last year. He didn't kick me out the second their certificate was signed and told me we couldn't talk because he was married now. 

    FI has mostly female friends and he talks to them all the time. I don't worry because I trust him and vice versa. Unless you're inappropriately texting "friends" of the opposite sex, there should be no reason why your relationships would change after the "I Do's".

    ETA: Just saw the other thread the OP posted about a similar topic. I'm now calling MUD. And high schooler.
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
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    Basically, I want to get married but I don't want things to change with friends.

    I have plenty of male friends. I still text them. GASP, I still call them. I have a guy friend I've known for 10+ years. When we first met, we flirted and went out on a few dates. We both decided that there was no chemistry and just stayed friends. I attended his out-of-state wedding, as did he for mine.

    I have another friend whom I've known since the 8th grade - we've been friends for 20+ years. Right after he got married, I told him that I'm not used to this kind of change in a relationship and that I want to respect him and his wife. I told him to let me know if I crossed any boundaries. He said he appreciated it, but didn't see that being an issue. He is still one of my closest friends, and I am their daughter's Godmother.

    My husband has quite a few female friends. He dated one of them, but also determined they had no chemistry. She did a reading at our wedding.

    It comes down to trust. I have no problem when my husband calls or texts his female friends, as he has no issue with it for me. We both know that our marriage comes first.


  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited November 2014
    @taralee1983‌ does the 1983 in your name refer to when you're born? Are you really 31 and asking this??
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  • Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 Deep in the Heart of Texas member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
    We both still text friends of the opposite sex (they also generally are friends of both of us). If DH asks who I'm texting, I respond "Joe. He's telling me about his day at work." which is the truth. No hiding or lying and saying "nobody" or turning the phone away from your SO.

    It sounds as if there is distrust here, I agree with the PPs, if this isn't mud. You should be trusted to text others and be faithful in your relationship and you should trust him as well. If there's no trust, don't get married.

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  • I'm in agreement With other PPs, you should be able to text your friends, and their genitalia shouldn't be of concern. If you are questioning if what you're texting to your friends is appropriate, think of it like this: if my FI sent a text saying this to a member of the opposite sex, would I feel upset? I mean whatever you say sgouldn't be of concern in general, but if someone violates boundaries/doesn't respect your relationship with your FI, then you probably shouldn't engage with that person.


    What is the story behind this?? Is your FI not letting you text/hang out with your friends? Are there current trust issues within your relationship? Your FI sounds controlling. Are your friends (male or female) unsupportive of the relationship? Sometimes friends can see what we can't. If they have stated their concerns, and you find yourself in agreement, maybe it's something to really consider before you get married.
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  • wandajune6wandajune6 Chicago-ish member
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    I stopped texting male friends that I've slept with when I met DH. We stayed friends but it felt disrespectful to DH to do anything bordering on flirting. Nothing changed with other male friends.

    Nothing changed with DH and the majority of his female friends. The only exception is an old friend of his. We agreed that he had to stop responding to her texts after she crossed a line. However, he brought it to me first (though he knew I couldn't stand her) and told her that it was his decision.
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  • A very close friend of mine is male. I not only text him, but we occasionally go to lunch together. Just the 2 of us.


    His wife is fine with it.

    My Fi is fine with it.


    We also hang out the 4 of us, or in a larger group. It depends on life at the time. 
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  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    lc07 said:
    If you're gay do you have to stop texting your same sex friends? Or is the rule as arbitrary as it sounds as is and still applies to opposite-sex friends?
    Oh shit, I'm bi. Guess I don't get to text any friends any more. :(

    No friends for you.
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