Interfaith Catholic-Jewish challenges

marionp17

I am currently less than 2 months away from my wedding. There have been some hiccups and this week the largest speed bump came along and crushed me. I am Catholic, FI is Jewish we planned on doing interfaith from the beginning. We found a rabbi (which took some time) and I was able to get my home parish on board (apparently they have done interfaith before a handful of times). We got all the proper dispensations, went to precana, did our focus questions. We met with the rabbi and the Deacon marrying us multiple times (who had previously married my sister). My FI and I wrote up our ceremony using both the Catholic and Jewish ceremonies and sent it to the rabbi and Deacon. They both emailed back saying how it was beautiful, lovely, meaningful and incorporated both faiths. The rabbi mentioned adding something in for the Catholic part of the ceremony (the nuptial blessing) and the Deacon said we didn't need to add it in. We decided to send it to our parents so they would know what is in the ceremony. Of course, both sides had misgivings. It was extremely stressful so I called the Deacon to see if he had any ideas to help with a compromise with my parents (who are extremely religious and upset that it's not a full Catholic ceremony). He came up with a compromise and all was great. Again he talked about how wonderful our ceremony was. Then less than 48 hours later he called me again and started the conversation off with he couldn't marry me and how it would be a sin to marry us this way (?!?). I was flabbergasted to say the least and asked him to please explain and he said how we were missing the nuptial blessing and responsorial psalm and therefore it wasn't a true Catholic ceremony. I was blown away. We are open to changing the ceremony (which was why we sent it to them to begin with!) but it was a bomb dropped from no where. And the way he handled it was so poorly ... The rabbi has been fantastic and helpful. We have a backup priest outside the parish who is friends with the rabbi but we have to see if we can get our dispensations. The rabbi thinks it's better if we try to go with someone else in our parish (there is no way our original Deacon will marry us after that conversation - it was just too hurtful). I spoke with the priest who did our dispensations and our rabbi is going to speak with the Deacon and hopefully there will be some clarity.

To say I am heartbroken is an understatement.

I wanted to share my story as it seems a lot of people struggle with coordinating their interfaith weddings. Feel free to post your struggles as I am curious to hear what others experience has been since some of my friends had smooth easy interfaith weddings and now marriages. Hopefully there will be some resolution to all of this soon.

agapecarrie

Catholics must marry according to proper form. When Catholics marry a non-Baptized person, they can't have a full mass. If they marry someone baptized, they can. Either option does not change the validity of the marriage.

If you received a dispensation from form, and are marrying outside of the Catholic church building (but since you did all the other stuff, its still considered valid through the Church), the deacon/priest do not need to be there. 

If you are doing this in the Catholic church building, which means keeping in the proper form, then you follow the outline of a Liturgy of the Word. There isn't "Writing your own ceremony". A rabbi may come and say prayers of the faithful, or read an old testament reading but they cannot extend a formal blessing (One must be ordained in order to actually "bless" something.. and they do so with the sign of the cross). 

Jen4948

If you marry in a Catholic church then yes, you have to follow their rules, which can mean not having any non-Catholic or "personal" elements at all. If a Catholic priest or deacon feels that he can't conduct a wedding in a Catholic church that isn't 100 percent traditional Catholic, then you'll have to accept that if you're going to marry in a Catholic church. It would perhaps be nice if they were willing to be more flexible but nothing requires them to be.

marionp17

I should have clarified. I am getting married outside the Church and got a dispensation from the Diocese to do so. I had started the paperwork and meeting with the Church a year ago - if they felt uncomfortable it should've been stated a long time ago and not 6 weeks before the wedding. From my understanding speaking with other priests, as long as you have the Catholic vows according to the Rite, there is some flexibility in how you do the ceremony. It means a lot to me personally to try to get a deacon or priest and rabbi. I know there are other options still trying to make this work although the parish that has my paperwork is giving me some issues as to who they give it to. We will see how it plays out.

I was wondering if anyone else had struggles planning their interfaith wedding.