Should I ask her as my bridesmaid?

pearlluo

Two months ago,I asked one of my classmate in colloge in my school and she said"If you cover all the cost,then I will be very happy to be your bridesmaid".Then one month ago,I and other 4 bridesmaids(including her) went shopping for BM dresses together,Finally,we were all satisfied with a floor-lentgh purple one.But the dress at the store is very expensive,so I finally find one online and it is about 30% off.I give them the link and ask if it is ok to buy that one.They all said yes.So I bought four customized dresses acording to their sizes.
When I was thinking about what the bridesmaid dress would look like on them,she called me and said that dress on her would be ugly,she didn't want that dress.I was so surprised for she didn't say anything when they are trying on the dress,so I asked if she could get a similar BM dress herself for my budget is limited.Then she became very angry and said I once promised her that I will cover the whole cost why I don't pay hers now?I think she is very rude,the dress I bought for her is on the way and I don't know if they will return my money.I got it from a Chinese site and it seems my money will lose.Now I don't want her to be my BM now.

atlastmrsg

Kicking someone out of your wedding is a friendship ending move.  Is that what you want?

misshart00

I'm kind of confused by your post. If you're asking if you can ask her to "step down," no you can't unless you want to end the friendship.

As a side note, I really hope you get the dresses you want. The Chinese knock off sites are notorious for sending extremely substandard dresses if they send anything at all.

Viczaesar

pearlluo said:

Two months ago,I asked one of my classmate in colloge in my school and she said"If you cover all the cost,then I will be very happy to be your bridesmaid".Then one month ago,I and other 4 bridesmaids(including her) went shopping for BM dresses together,Finally,we were all satisfied with a floor-lentgh purple one.But the dress at the store is very expensive,so I finally find one online and it is about 30% off.I give them the link and ask if it is ok to buy that one.They all said yes.So I bought four customized dresses acording to their sizes.
When I was thinking about what the bridesmaid dress would look like on them,she called me and said that dress on her would be ugly,she didn't want that dress.I was so surprised for she didn't say anything when they are trying on the dress,so I asked if she could get a similar BM dress herself for my budget is limited.Then she became very angry and said I once promised her that I will cover the whole cost why I don't pay hers now?I think she is very rude,the dress I bought for her is on the way and I don't know if they will return my money.I got it from a Chinese site and it seems my money will lose.Now I don't want her to be my BM now.

Frankly I think you should start thinking about a back up plan now, since you ordered their dresses from a Chinese knock-off site.  I thought you said weeks ago that you would never order your wedding dress from one of those, so I'm surprised that you apparently ordered your bridesmaids' dresses from one. 

peachy13

pearlluo said:

Two months ago,I asked one of my classmate in colloge in my school and she said"If you cover all the cost,then I will be very happy to be your bridesmaid".Then one month ago,I and other 4 bridesmaids(including her) went shopping for BM dresses together,Finally,we were all satisfied with a floor-lentgh purple one.But the dress at the store is very expensive,so I finally find one online and it is about 30% off.I give them the link and ask if it is ok to buy that one.They all said yes.So I bought four customized dresses acording to their sizes.
When I was thinking about what the bridesmaid dress would look like on them,she called me and said that dress on her would be ugly,she didn't want that dress.I was so surprised for she didn't say anything when they are trying on the dress,so I asked if she could get a similar BM dress herself for my budget is limited.Then she became very angry and said I once promised her that I will cover the whole cost why I don't pay hers now?I think she is very rude,the dress I bought for her is on the way and I don't know if they will return my money.I got it from a Chinese site and it seems my money will lose.Now I don't want her to be my BM now.

Your friend/bridesmaid was really rude for saying yes to being a bridesmaid with the condition that you must pay for her dress -- which you are certainly not obligated to do. She's also being quite rude for saying she doesn't like the dress. It's not her choice, especially since you're paying for the dress! I would explain to her when you receive the dress that you already ordered that this is the dress you want for your wedding, and remind her that you already paid for it. I highly doubt the shop will accept your return, and let her know that. If she doesn't want to wear a bridesmaid dress that you have already paid for, then tell her she doesn't have to be in the wedding. 

[Deleted User]

When the dress comes in I would just say, I'm sorry I don't have the budget to get a different dress for you. I wish you would have said something sooner. If you don't want to wear this dress and are unable to buy a different dress yourself and don't want to be a BM anymore, I totally understand and no hurt feelings. I still hope you will come as a guest.

Then put the dress up on ebay or some local boards & try to sell the dress to recoup some of your money. Just be aware, that this situation could be a friendship ending issue. But I personally don't think it's nice to say yes, I'll be a BM if you pay for everything. One of my BM, said, thank you for asking and I'm honored, but I can't afford it so I'll have to say no. It was then by my choice that I offered to pay for her dress because she was my childhoold BFF and I couldn't imagine her not being there as a BM