NWR: DH's Xmas Gift, Need to Vent

ohmrs2014

So we were at the ILs house on Black Friday and DH was flipping through the Target flyer to see if anything good was on sale.  He saw that the iPads were on sale and made a comment about he was thinking that he wanted one.  I turned around and said I would get him one for Xmas.  He kept saying no because he wasn't sure if he really wanted one.  Ok fine.  We went to Target that nigh anyway for ornament hooks and we went right to the iPads, but they didn't have anymore.

Fast forward to tonight, I leave the gym and get a text from his sister saying that his mom wants to surprise him with an iPad for Xmas but does he need a lot of space.  I texted her back saying that I was going to get him one for Xmas but he's being indecisive about wanting one so its hard to tell what he wants.

Seriously??!?!  Do I have a right to be upset?  The conversation about the iPad happened in front of his mom while we were helping her shop online for herself that night.  UGH!!!!  I'm so mad.  But please put me in my place if I don't have a right to be frustrated and angry.  Thanks!

novella1186

Meh. I'd be annoyed too, but also try to give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she forgot the point of the iPad conversation and only remembered that DH wanted one, so she thought a couple days after the fact, "Ooh! I can get him an iPad!" Gift jacking is lame, but she may just be lacking in ideas. Why don't you give her a call and offer some more ideas of what she could get him? 

FI's mom kept asking us what we wanted and neither of us could think of anything, but we both remembered things the other had mentioned. So I sent her a wish list of stuff he wants, minus the stuff I've gotten him. He sent her a list of stuff I want, and he didn't include the stuff he's getting me. That way she has ideas, and there's no gift jacking or overlap. 

Be annoyed. Vent to us. Then move on All I can really take away from your post is that your DH is one lucky bastard. 

esstee33

ohmrs2014 said:

So we were at the ILs house on Black Friday and DH was flipping through the Target flyer to see if anything good was on sale.  He saw that the iPads were on sale and made a comment about he was thinking that he wanted one.  I turned around and said I would get him one for Xmas.  He kept saying no because he wasn't sure if he really wanted one.  Ok fine.  We went to Target that nigh anyway for ornament hooks and we went right to the iPads, but they didn't have anymore.

Fast forward to tonight, I leave the gym and get a text from his sister saying that his mom wants to surprise him with an iPad for Xmas but does he need a lot of space.  I texted her back saying that I was going to get him one for Xmas but he's being indecisive about wanting one so its hard to tell what he wants.

Seriously??!?!  Do I have a right to be upset?  The conversation about the iPad happened in front of his mom while we were helping her shop online for herself that night.  UGH!!!!  I'm so mad.  But please put me in my place if I don't have a right to be frustrated and angry.  Thanks!

I don't think you're overreacting. I'd be pretty miffed too. Did she respond to you saying he wasn't even sure he wanted one? 

Is there something else kinda fancy that he's been eyeing that you can direct them to instead? 

ohmrs2014

His sister hasn't responded at all.

And if I'm not mistaken we had said to pretty much everyone that if they wanted to get us something, they can get us something leftover from the wedding registry because there are still things we want for our place.

His mom is kind of good for this.  His sister will email us a list of things she wants, and she's pretty specific.  In the emails it will include links to purchase the stuff and everything, including who has it the cheapest.  And each year, she leaves us nothing to get her because she purchases everything herself.  One year, she left one gift and it was over the budget we had set aside for everyone.  Its pretty damn frustrating.

NYCMercedes

I'd just tell the sister that you're getting him the iPad and, duh, doesn't anybody remember that FI and I talked about it on Friday?

CMGragain

The first one to buy it wins.  You can always return it and exchange it for something else before Christmas.  I think it is good that the family is communicating so accidental duplications don't happen.

princessofgenovia

My mom has told many stories about my grandma doing the same thing when I was little. Mom would be planning to buy me a new coat, grandma would turn and around and buy me the new coat before mom could. I wanted a guitar for the longest time, mom and dad were saving up to get me a good one for Christmas, my grandma buys me one for my birthday. My mom no longer tells my grandma what she plans to get me and I give my parents and grandma different lists of "things I want". 

abbyj700

DH's mom did the same thing - only with his daughter. Two days after we said we were getting her a tablet for Christmas - she calls DH to tell him she picked her up a tablet. WTF?  I don't understand the gift steal. Just makes the theif of the idea look petty. That being said, be annoyed, laugh it off and buy him something else. 

princessleia22

I'd talk to his mom and see if maybe you can coordinate on the gift, since you both want to get the same thing.  Maybe go in together on it to get an iPad with more memory, a nicer case for it, and an iTunes gift card to purchase apps. 

And he may like it even more knowing that you and his mom worked together to coordinate it.  I know I'd be impressed if DH contacted my parents to coordinate a gift, because it shows some initiative to interact and really be a part of my family.

Inkdancer

princessleia22 said:

I'd talk to his mom and see if maybe you can coordinate on the gift, since you both want to get the same thing.  Maybe go in together on it to get an iPad with more memory, a nicer case for it, and an iTunes gift card to purchase apps. 

And he may like it even more knowing that you and his mom worked together to coordinate it.  I know I'd be impressed if DH contacted my parents to coordinate a gift, because it shows some initiative to interact and really be a part of my family.

I would do this. DH was SO SURPRISED last year when his dad and I went together to buy him a really nice amp for his guitar, and it was by far his favorite present.