Sound-Off: Weddings around the holidays

KnotRiley

Hey Knotties!

What are your thoughts on people having weddings on a holiday or holiday weekend? Do you think it's rude or just potentially inconvenient? 

Let us know what you think!

Jen4948

It doesn't violate etiquette but it can be very inconvenient to invited guests who have to choose between your wedding and spending the holidays as they see fit, especially if they're steeped in traditions, are deeply religious, or had other special plans. I wouldn't deliberately choose to schedule my wedding for the holiday season.

lyndausvi

I never think it's rude.  Inconvenient?  Depends on the holiday and where the wedding is taking place.  

 DH works all holidays, so it's a major inconvenience for us.  If it was local then attending would not be a big deal.  If it was OOT then it is pretty much a no-go for at least him regardless of who it is.  For me I would only attend if it was a sibling or best friend.   Well, assuming the travel costs didn't cost a fortune, which depending on the location it can cost.

WinstonsGirl

I actually like them, since I then have Monday to recover more, but I'm also in Canada, and I get the impression that we don't go hard on as many holidays as American's do.  Christmas would be off limits though.  

climbingsingle

It depends on the holiday and if travel is required. Memorial Day or 4th of July - totally fine. Thanksgiving or Christmas - ehh, I'd probably skip it. 

[Deleted User]

We're attending a wedding this month on the 28th of December.  FH is more annoyed that it's on a Sunday afternoon than that it's right between Christmas and New Years.  I feel like they're doing everything possible to get a small turnout, like they don't really want anyone to show up.

Iamnowmrsjms

As PP have stated, I don't hink it's rude, just potentially inconvenient.  If I had to go to a Cape Cod wedding during 4th of July wknd it would be a nightmare! One of the venues I was pretty dead set on had all Sept/Oct 2015 dates filled when we were ready to book.  They only had 2 Saturday's in Nov. open and one of them was the Sat after Thanksgiving.  I immediately thought "No way! Noone is going to want to attend a wedding 2 days after Thanksgiving!"

We ended up falling in love w another venue anyway and got  a Sept 2015 date

Maggie0829

I think any wedding that takes place between Thanksgiving and New Years is really inconvenient.  Most people already have a lot going on during that time with holiday parties and family gatherings and shopping and what not and then add in any travelling and people's schedules are always filled.

Other holidays, such as memorial day and labor day and 4th of July I am kind of eh on.  Those holidays, for me, aren't family-centric and mainly just an excuse to throw a bbq with friends and toss back a few drinks.  Having a wedding over those holidays means that the food I am eating and the drinks I am tossing back just won't cost me anything which is a plus in my book.

But really, any time of the year can be seen as inconvenient by someone.  You have a wedding during the school year then some families won't be able to travel to attend because school.  You have a wedding over the summer then some people can't attend because of vacation.  You have a wedding over the holidays people can't attend because they are too busy.

badbnagdway

Maggie0829 said:

I think any wedding that takes place between Thanksgiving and New Years is really inconvenient.  Most people already have a lot going on during that time with holiday parties and family gatherings and shopping and what not and then add in any travelling and people's schedules are always filled.

Agreed. It sucked to be in a December wedding. Between throwing a bridal shower, a bach party, buying the dress, getting a hotel room, buying presents for all events, I was out probably $1,300 right before Christmas. 

It's not rude per se, but it's definitely not convenient. Agree with others too that it is very dependent on the holiday. I have been to a couple of July 4th weekend weddings and had no problem with that. 

Maggie0829

badbnagdway said:

Maggie0829 said:

I think any wedding that takes place between Thanksgiving and New Years is really inconvenient.  Most people already have a lot going on during that time with holiday parties and family gatherings and shopping and what not and then add in any travelling and people's schedules are always filled.

Agreed. It sucked to be in a December wedding. Between throwing a bridal shower, a bach party, buying the dress, getting a hotel room, buying presents for all events, I was out probably $1,300 right before Christmas. 

It's not rude per se, but it's definitely not convenient. Agree with others too that it is very dependent on the holiday. I have been to a couple of July 4th weekend weddings and had no problem with that. 

Oh gosh I didn't even think about the financial part of it especially if you are in the wedding.  Holidays are already expensive but add on wedding party stuff and yeah that is just crazy.

thisismynickname2

There's no right or wrong answer. For some, it can be very convenient-- all the family comes in for the holiday anyway!  For others, the travel costs are prohibitive. 

I did attend one 4th of July weekend wedding and it was great. We had extra time off from work, and the rehearsal dinner was capped with going out to watch the fireworks. 

insertusernamehere

I think it's strange that people even want to get married around the holidays. My birthday and Christmas are close together, and I hate it. I wouldn't want my anniversary in December too!

That being said, as long as your VIPs are fine with it, and you're not needlessly putting an enormous financial burden on them,  I think it's fine. While you do need to be respectful of etiquette and your guests, there's nothing intrinsically rude about getting married in December. Just don't be surprised when, say, half your invites are declines.

twitterbird

My cousin got married on Dec 27 a few years ago. It was OOT for myself and my mom (and all the groom's extended family for that matter). We were pretty much the only ones who made the trip. They probably didn't want everywhere there as he has a giant extended family on his mom's side. All of the bride's extended family were local and went. Great wedding but the timing was super annoying. She is a teacher and had teacher friends who travelled from England and Austrailia to their Canadian wedding.

Cookie Pusher

I had a July 4th weekend wedding. Because of our work schedules (multiple jobs between us), summer is the only time we can guarantee that we won't end up with a huge conflict. Looking at our friends' and families' schedules, the date we picked was the best for us. We knew it wouldn't work for everyone, but the people who we absolutely could not have had the wedding without had no issues. We ended up with a 40% decline rate, which allowed us to reallocate money to upgrade our bar and still come in quite a bit under budget. We still got to party for 2 days with some of our favorite people in the world AND we were married. What more did we need?

I attended a wedding that was exactly a week before Christmas many years ago. It was super duper inconvenient for me since I worked retail at the time. It didn't matter how early I put in a request for time off, it was going to be denied so I had to no-show (and get in trouble for it). And missing work the Saturday before Christmas dropped my commission tremendously. The only reason I did it was because it was a close friend, but in hindsight, I really should have just sent my regrets and a gift. DH and I ended up in the red that year with our Christmas shopping because we came up so short in pay.

lilacck28

I'm getting married on the Sunday of Memorial Day Weekend next year (May 24, 2015). It also happens to be a Jewish Holiday (though neither FI or I, nor any of our parents, realized this at the time.... none of us are religious.)

It was the most convenient date for us and our VIPs that was available with our venue.  Most people have said "oh! That's so convenient! We'll be able to travel on Saturday or Monday and not need to miss work!" It worked for us, it worked for our venue, it works for most of our guests as far as we are aware, and I'm happy we picked that weekend. You can't please everyone.

We have had a few comments like "that's Shavout!" (though none of these people are going to let this stop them from coming.) A few rabbis wouldn't marry us because of it, but we did find one who will. We also got a "oh darn! But we wanted to go to our vacation home that weekend!" and then they realized that they also got married Memorial Day weekend so....

If people don't come to our wedding because it's Memorial Day or Shavout, that's okay. But as far as FI and I were aware, these were not highly celebrated days within our circles, so it had no bearing on our decision. Would we have picked Christmas, or Passover, or Easter, or Halloween , or Yom Kippur, or Thanksgiving? No.

MandyMost

To be honest, I consider holidays to be days to celebrate everyone, whereas weddings are a day to celebrate a particular person. Personally, I find it a bit self-involved to get married on a holiday--like taking a day where people would all be celebrating anyway and just making it about themselves. I feel like a holiday wedding is essentially stealing that holiday from me that year. 

I'd prefer a day around the holidays (like in December, or even December 27th or something) instead of on an actual holiday weekend like Memorial Day or 4th of July. Yes, there's a lot going on in December, but as long as it's not ON Christmas that it's fine. 

lilacck28

MandyMost said:

To be honest, I consider holidays to be days to celebrate everyone, whereas weddings are a day to celebrate a particular person. Personally, I find it a bit self-involved to get married on a holiday--like taking a day where people would all be celebrating anyway and just making it about themselves. I feel like a holiday wedding is essentially stealing that holiday from me that year. 

I'd prefer a day around the holidays (like in December, or even December 27th or something) instead of on an actual holiday weekend like Memorial Day or 4th of July. Yes, there's a lot going on in December, but as long as it's not ON Christmas that it's fine. 

But Memorial Day and July 4th ARE only one day.... just like Christmas. Why would the weekend of Memorial Day bother you, but the weekend of Christmas not?

daria24

It's potentially inconvenient, but not rude. Last year we attended a wedding on New Year's Eve and it was actually pretty convenient. We already had the time off, it was a Tuesday so we still had the weekends to ourselves. The only inconvenient part was the jacked up cost of the hotel.

Mkincaid2014

I loathe holiday weddings.  I've given up two Thanksgiving weekends, two Memorial Day weekends, and one Christmas/New Year holiday for weddings in the past few years.  I think it's incredibly selfish because you are pulling your guests away from time with their families or preventing people from scheduling fun trips around holidays to maximize vacation time.  Not to mention how expensive hotels/flights/gas are over holiday weekends.   

My husband (yay, finally my husband!) and I live two hours away from my family and 8 hours away from his family (that's if there's no traffic).  We really only get to see his family on holidays because we don't have enough vacation time to take a random week off here and there throughout the year.  When someone has a wedding immediately after Christmas or Thanksgiving, that gives us about 36 hours on the ground with his family for a year.  I was in most of these weddings, so it was more complicated than simply declining as a guest.  We had no way of knowing that the Christmas we cut short (to participate in a wedding halfway across the country) would be his grandmother's last, so it's even more painful to look back on.

Do your friends and family a favor and avoid major holidays!    

     

flutteringinfl

It can go both ways. My dad got married on Memorial Day weekend and it was great because I was coming from out of town and didn't need to miss any work. But there's always going to be conflicts. I would avoid the larger holidays, however.

holyguacamole79

It depends on the couple and the timing. One of my best friends got married on the Saturday between Christmas and New Year. I was happy to attend.

mikenberger

KnotRiley said:

Hey Knotties!

What are your thoughts on people having weddings on a holiday or holiday weekend? Do you think it's rude or just potentially inconvenient? 

Let us know what you think!

We have traditions on Memorial and Labor Days. I have two friends getting married in 2015/2016 and they've chosen Memorial Day and Labor Day. I'm pissed. I understand why they chose the days. It's nice for the three day weekend, but dang it. I'm going to miss my traditions that I've been partaking in for 10 years. Of course I'll get over it and attend the weddings but man. Much annoyance over it. 

New Years Eve weddings piss me off too. Mainly because I find NYE to be amateur hour and I hate to be out driving in it.

Viczaesar

I'm not a fan.

saacjw

insertusernamehere said:

I think it's strange that people even want to get married around the holidays. My birthday and Christmas are close together, and I hate it. I wouldn't want my anniversary in December too!

That being said, as long as your VIPs are fine with it, and you're not needlessly putting an enormous financial burden on them,  I think it's fine. While you do need to be respectful of etiquette and your guests, there's nothing intrinsically rude about getting married in December. Just don't be surprised when, say, half your invites are declines.

Sometimes it's not a matter of wanting to get married in December, personally I would have preferred a summer or fall wedding. We got married in early December because there literally wasn't another time of year our VIPs could do it unless we waited 3 + years to get married, in no small part because my brother does international aid work. My best friend did the same thing and I know several more people who got married in December because of VIP timing (it's easier to have a wedding at home when siblings are home from university, for example). We got married several weeks before Christmas and did have declines because people couldn't afford to do the wedding and travel for Christmas, which we expected, but actually had more declines because we chose a date that happened to be final exam time for a lot of our friends in grad school. But- you could easily have the same thing happen getting married in May. 

Now, I will say, I have been to two weddings over Thanksgiving weekend and uggh. It's not the worst, because my husband and I already had the time off, but we only could make it to one because we moved closer to family, which happened to be closer to the location of this wedding. The other, we had to leave my family's house early, which sucked because we don't live that close to them. I know a ton of people declined both weddings because they didn't want to leave family over Thanksgiving. 

Personally, and this is maybe my own Scroogeness- Christmas does not own the month of December. I hate the assumption that nothing else can or should happen in December (well really, between Thanksgiving and New Years) because of it. Like with all weddings, people do have to make choices about spending money to travel or do something else. My husband's cousins wouldn't have been able to make it pretty much any time of the year because they saved their vacation days for Christmas. 

Jessie42613

IDGAF when a couple decides to get married.  Christmas day, Wednesday morning, 4th of July, Saturday night.. whatever.  I either attend, or if it's inconvenient, I don't.  Simple as that.

I will admit I'm sorta dreading the NYE PPD we got invited to (for many, many reasons), but that's mostly because of what someone said above about NYE being amateur hour.  Kinda worried about being taken out by a drunk heading home.

marie2785

For me, it's NBD. I can see it being a good idea for families where everyone is ALREADY travelling home for the holidays, because then you save money and don't need to travel a second time. In fact, I wish my cousins WOULD get married around Christmas, because that's one of the only times I can afford to fly home during the year and I always miss their summer weddings.

If the guest list is heavy with people who did not already plan to be around the wedding location on those dates though, it could be a major financial burden since flights and hotels tend to cost more money during holidays. 

My only exception would be people getting married ON the actual holiday, but thats a personal thing. I will not attend weddings ON the 4th of July, Christmas/Christmas Eve, or Thanksgiving since those are focused on just immediate family events, but the days around them would be fine. 

weddingcactus

I have mixed feelings about this. If the wedding is on the day of a major holiday (like Christmas Day or Thanksgiving), it seems both rude and inconvenient. Most people have their own family traditions and will have to set them aside to attend the wedding. 

If it's a day or two away from a major holiday, I don't think that's terrible, but there needs to be enough notice if any travel might be involved for guests. Any other less celebrated holiday would not bother me one bit (4th of July, Memorial Day, Halloween etc).  

And having a wedding three or more days away from any holiday seems like no different than any other day of the year either. Certainly you cannot expect the entire month of November or December to be off limits. 

I did have a good friend schedule a wedding on December 27th when I and most of her family live in another state. I think we had maybe a few weeks of notice and that was a little tricky to arrange travel, time off, lodging, attire, etc. I ended up flying out on Christmas Day. I think if she'd provided a little more notice it would not have been an issue at all for me. Some people might have been miffed to have to travel on Christmas Day, but I didn't mind. 

vikinganna87

I generally don't mind, but I agree that you should clear the date with VIPs first.

My sister hijacks holidays.  Didn't mind so much that her wedding was Labor Day weekend - nice to have an extra day off afterwards, easy to remember her anniversary.  But she had an engagement party on Halloween, the year that Halloween fell on a Saturday.  At 6PM, right around the time kids start trick-or-treating.  My other sister and I joked that we'd dress up as runaway brides for the engagement/Halloween party.  Come to find out engaged sister HATES Halloween and costumes were not allowed.  Less offensive was scheduling her child's christening at the exact same start time as a Patriots game last year...but all the guests were disappointed that the game wasn't on TV at sis' house for the reception afterwards. 

You really can't please everyone.  Some people love going to weddings on holidays, others don't.  They have the choice to say no if they don't like the date.

lyndausvi

weddingcactus said:

I have mixed feelings about this. If the wedding is on the day of a major holiday (like Christmas Day or Thanksgiving), it seems both rude and inconvenient. Most people have their own family traditions and will have to set them aside to attend the wedding. 

If it's a day or two away from a major holiday, I don't think that's terrible, but there needs to be enough notice if any travel might be involved for guests. Any other less celebrated holiday would not bother me one bit (4th of July, Memorial Day, Halloween etc).  

And having a wedding three or more days away from any holiday seems like no different than any other day of the year either. Certainly you cannot expect the entire month of November or December to be off limits. 

I did have a good friend schedule a wedding on December 27th when I and most of her family live in another state. I think we had maybe a few weeks of notice and that was a little tricky to arrange travel, time off, lodging, attire, etc. I ended up flying out on Christmas Day. I think if she'd provided a little more notice it would not have been an issue at all for me. Some people might have been miffed to have to travel on Christmas Day, but I didn't mind. 

I've flown on Thanksgiving day, Christmas day and NYE (red-eye into New Years Day).  I loved flying those days.  As long as the weather is good the flights are often quicker because there is less air traffic.

My "beef" with a December wedding is between work parties (sometimes one for each of us), friend and family parties, then visiting family/friends on xmas eve and xmas day, then NYE.... well I'm in social overload.    I'm just plain exhausted.  Throw in a wedding and ugh.    

Plus expenses tend to be higher in December even without traveling. 

Not a deal breaker, but not be my favorite either.

wrigleyville

This is a big grey area for me.

If a couple has a wedding on a three-day weekend because family always comes to their hometown that weekend anyway, I can get down with that. Like, our family always gets together for Labor Day, so a wedding that weekend would be no big deal.

What I don't like is the whole attitude, "Well, we planned it for Memorial Day weekend so people could make a vacation out of it." Unless people already travel to you that weekend, it's presumptuous and comes off as a bit princess-y. Just own your decision to have it on a holiday weekend. Don't plan other people's vacations for them.

Personally, if I'm invited to a wedding on a holiday weekend, I almost always decline. It's too expensive to travel, and unless I'm super close to you, I don't want to spend tons of money to attend a wedding. I'd rather stay home and enjoy having three days off.

As far as December weddings are concerned, if I can afford to go, I do. I really like when someone incorporates winter/Christmas into their wedding (as long as it isn't super cheesy).

My biggest peeve is when someone schedules a Sunday wedding during a three-day weekend. I can see the reasoning (travel on Saturday and Monday to save vacation time), but it's right smack in the middle of the weekend. I decline these. If they have a wedding on Saturday, that gives me Sunday to travel or relax, and then I still have that bonus Monday off. If the wedding is on Sunday, my whole weekend is gone.

luckysnorkel

Memorial Day, Labor Day, 4th of July weekend weddings don't bother me.  With enough advance notice I can plan around it.  But a wedding around Christmas would probably be an auto-decline.  DH and I live on the other side of the country from both our families, and Christmas/New Years is basically the only quality time we get to spend with them.  We would attend a December wedding if it happened to be where we were already planning on traveling, but we wouldn't change our plans for it.