Bad gift giving

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,
My husband is all the usual things: Smart! Funny! Caring! He has, however, turned into a horrible gift giver. He used to be quite creative, but our lives have become busier as we’ve become older. We have a child, a house, and more demanding careers. I’m not looking for extravagant gifts, I’m just looking for a little consideration and I know he has it in him. For the price of the half-dead grocery store flowers I received on our recent anniversary, I would have loved to have been taken out to my favorite bar for a drink. This wouldn’t be a big problem, except for the fact that we are hosting the holidays this year. My entire family will be with us on Christmas morning. I’m still smarting from the flowers, and I’m afraid if I open another so-so gift I’ll cry! We are a really close family and they’ll be able to read my face no matter how hard I try to keep it in check. We also are the kind of family that opens each present painfully slowly and ohh and ahh over every one. Should I bring this up with my spouse, and how do I not sound shallow?

—No Poker Face

dharmabunny

What's wrong with a wish list?

If it really is the case of being busy, a list with links might be an intense relief for everyone.

mrsconn23

DH and I will go shopping together and I will point out stuff I want and he will take pics with his phone of said items.  Everyone is happy. 

I get the feeling she wants him to 'just know' and then get what she wants.  It's not how it works IRL.  

dharmabunny

mrs.conn23 said:

I get the feeling she wants him to 'just know' and then get what she wants.  It's not how it works IRL.  

Yeah, I thought the same thing. It may be a fun little game if you have NOTHING else to do. But when life ends up being an assault of odds and ends that demand all of your attention...it's irritating game-playing.

PMeg819

I'm going to generalize, but this is a woman thing that pisses me off. I know so many people who bitch about this but they refuse to say anythign to their SO or make the process easier for them. "Oh but he should KNOW me." Again, it's generalizing to say guys are clueless but ffs he can't know he's wrong and correct it if you don't say something.

VarunaTT

I get where she's coming from, but this is real life.  I wish DH was a thoughtful gift giver who would pay attention to every little offhand thing I say and remember and surprise me.  Why?  B/c that's what I do.  Well, he's not me.  And I'm really glad to not be married to me.  So, I gave that up.

So, we do wish lists.  And, even on that wish list, he's surprised me with something that I never thought he'd pick from it.  

MNNEBride

I'm with V.  I give him a wish list and last year sent it by email with links.  He was very appreciative!

kerbohl

Ah, but sometimes guys are bad gift givers even with a wish list.  My husband is like that.  I have literally pointed something out, made a wish list with links, and he will still go and get me something completely different.  The problem is that HE thinks he knows me better than I do, so of course I'll love this thing that actually is just something that he wanted.  It isn't always the problem that a woman hasn't been vocal about what she would like or hasn't given suggestions.  Sometimes guys (and girls I'm sure) just suck at gift-giving. 

Heffalump

VarunaTT said:

I get where she's coming from, but this is real life.  I wish DH was a thoughtful gift giver who would pay attention to every little offhand thing I say and remember and surprise me.  Why?  B/c that's what I do.

::sits with V::

To make it worse, my whole family is like this, so I took thoughtful gifts for granted.  And DH is a crap gift giver, just awful.  It took me a few go-rounds not to be all butthurt, but it can be done.  So mrs.conn needs to let it go already.