Chit Chat

Fuming right now.

Guys. I'm about to fucking lose it. Like my heart is pounding and my hands are shaking and I'm so. Fucking. Mad. 

My mom texted me about my sister. It was her typical overly dramatic guilt-trip bullshit. "All I want for Christmas is for you and your sister to have a conversation." I said it's not up to me, I'm not the one doing the avoiding (my sister skipped Thanksgiving to avoid me and the last time we were both at my parents house at the same time she wouldn't even come into the same room as me) and I'm not the one she should be pestering about this and I am not going to have this conversation. The end. 

She texted me AGAIN (another EXTREMELY long text) that "I'm just saying" blah blah blah, "You two don't even need to apologize, you just need to talk, and" blah blah blah. Well, this pissed me off. 

I reminded my nosy, meddling, suffocating mother that I DID apologize to lovely sister, even though I did not owe her an apology, and my apology got no acknowledgement from her, so I have done more than my part to end the feud. 

For some background, my apology to her came after a dramatic series of e-mails which my mother sent to BOTH of us (and when I mean dramatic holy shit you have no fucking idea). I was sick of the barrage of emails, texts, guilt trips, etc. So I e-mailed my sister (since she wouldn't answer her phone) and told her I just wanted to the fight to be done, I wasn't mad anymore, and I didn't need her to apologize or anything, and I was just so sick of "mom's fucking guilt trips. But I'm genuinely sorry for whatever I did that hurt your feelings." That's how it was worded. And this was a couple months ago. 

My mom just texted me back with "An e-mail that you are sick of your mom guilt tripping you is not an apology." 

Guys. I fucking lost it. I know I should not have responded. I know I should not have been responding to any of it. I know I should not engage. I know. But I fucking lost it. 
I said: "Wow. So my apology wasn't worded to your liking and that makes it not count? My apology has been disqualified. That's fucking psychotic. Stop texting me. I am done with all of your bullshit."

Why did I even say that? What good did it do? No idea. I just can't fucking take it anymore with her drama and theatrics and guilt trips and to fucking say my apology wasn't good enough? It wasn't good enough. I fucking apologized for something I didn't do and it has been dismissed because it wasn't worded to my mother's standard but it wasn't even an apology to my mother. I can't fucking handle this. And needless to say I can't WAIT for my next therapy session. Jesus. Fucking. Christ. With this family. 
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Re: Fuming right now.

  • Hopefully now she will leave you alone about it.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Ugh. I just tried to update my grocery list app on my phone cuz I'm going to the grocery store straight my office in a couple minutes, and I was being interrupted by texts. She's STILL texting me. 
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  • I'm so sorry you have to deal with this so often. I agree with @KatWAG. Turn off your phone and get wasted. 

    There is absolutely nothing that you can say to appease your mother short of having her write you a script. I doubt that even that would get your sister to be remotely bearable to be around.

    Write down how you're feeling and look forward to your next therapy session. Perhaps your therapist can give you some ideas for how to handle these people. Good luck
    __________________________________________________________________________

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  • Ahh so frustrating! It seems you can't win with these people. I agree that not answering, heck not even READING the texts, e-mails, etc will be beneficial.

    Because what happens when you DO engage? Or when you DO do what she wants by apologizing? The same "I wish you would talk to her blah blah"- it's the same BS no matter what you say, right? Once you stop engaging, they're just talking to themselves.

    Formerly martha1818

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  • UGH.  Booze.  STAT!

  • Seriously, with all your family stuff, I would have lost it a long time ago. Kudos for lasting this long and always being the bigger person. I echo all the pp's suggestion for booze. 
  • Thanks guys. And extra thanks for the puppy gifs!
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  • arrippa said:

    Seriously, with all your family stuff, I would have lost it a long time ago. Kudos for lasting this long and always being the bigger person. I echo all the pp's suggestion for booze. 

    Yes. Ditto this. I'm sorry they're all so crazy.
  • Ugh, such BS. Do whatever you can to ignore your mom. Turn off your phone, block her number, whatever you need to do.
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  • Your mom is entirely 100% in the wrong here, and I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Booze it up.
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
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  • **Hugs** Lots and lots and LOTS of hugs! I know how you feel, novella. I am so sorry you are going through this. Just breathe and ignore everything your mom says. What she is doing is disrespectful and toxic. Just breathe and ignore her. You are doing awesome! More hugs!
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Thank you, really. I'm sure I will be portrayed as the horrible cold-hearted bitch who was mean to my mother when she retells this story to the known world. (Look for it in your local newspaper cuz it might appear there too). Just hearing from you guys that her behavior is nuts helps a lot, cuz at least I know I'm not totally nuts for getting mad.
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  • Want to just give her my mom's number and they can talk about how I won't apologize to my brother, either?
    lol yes! Maybe that's what my mom needs anyway. Someone else to throw her theatrics at. Ugh.
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  • I'm so sorry!!  I don't have a sister, but I fight ALL the time with my brother, and I know how much it sucks when the rest of the family gets involved and you get attacked from all sides.  I'm sorry!  Believe me, I know it's WAY easier said than done, but try to not let it get to you.

    *Hugs*.  If you ever need to vent or anything, please feel free to PM me.  I certainly don't have answers (my brother and I will almost certainly get in a screaming match at Christmas), but I'm happy to let you vent.

    And I agree with @KatWAG - liquor seems to be a great solution here :)
  • dcbride86 said:
    I'm so sorry!!  I don't have a sister, but I fight ALL the time with my brother, and I know how much it sucks when the rest of the family gets involved and you get attacked from all sides.  I'm sorry!  Believe me, I know it's WAY easier said than done, but try to not let it get to you.

    *Hugs*.  If you ever need to vent or anything, please feel free to PM me.  I certainly don't have answers (my brother and I will almost certainly get in a screaming match at Christmas), but I'm happy to let you vent.

    And I agree with @KatWAG - liquor seems to be a great solution here :)
    Thank you!
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  • Moms, right?
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  • larrygaga said:
    Moms, right?
    Muthafuckin right.
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  • levioosalevioosa member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2014
    *hugs*

    And ditto PGL. 

    You need a break from your family.

    Edit: because my internet is slow.


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  • levioosa said:
    *hugs*

    And ditto PGL. 

    You need a break from your family.

    Edit: because my internet is slow.
    Like nobody's business. I just need to get through the holidays. There will be much vodka involved, I'm sure.
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  • Novella, I have been following your family drama and I just wanted send you hugs.  I have an attention whore, martyr complex, over dramatic, alcoholic (s)mother.  I feel your pain.


    I have taken several breaks from my mom over the years (I'm on one right now after her latest drunken, public scene) and they really helped me cool off.  Give yourself some time, don't respond to the texts, poor a drink and binge watch one of your favorite TV shows.

  • **Hugs** Lots and lots and LOTS of hugs! I know how you feel, novella. I am so sorry you are going through this. Just breathe and ignore everything your mom says. What she is doing is disrespectful and toxic. Just breathe and ignore her. You are doing awesome! More hugs!
    This. I remember going through similar times with my mom and dad when I went on vacation with Fi, then BF. Since I am an only child she called up my uncle, FMIL, AND my dad (whom she hates and never talks to except for teaming up against me). 

    I learned tha HARD way what all PP have suggested and I keep myself a mile away from her crap and her drama


  • Guys. I'm about to fucking lose it. Like my heart is pounding and my hands are shaking and I'm so. Fucking. Mad. 

    My mom texted me about my sister. It was her typical overly dramatic guilt-trip bullshit. "All I want for Christmas is for you and your sister to have a conversation." I said it's not up to me, I'm not the one doing the avoiding (my sister skipped Thanksgiving to avoid me and the last time we were both at my parents house at the same time she wouldn't even come into the same room as me) and I'm not the one she should be pestering about this and I am not going to have this conversation. The end. 

    She texted me AGAIN (another EXTREMELY long text) that "I'm just saying" blah blah blah, "You two don't even need to apologize, you just need to talk, and" blah blah blah. Well, this pissed me off. 

    I reminded my nosy, meddling, suffocating mother that I DID apologize to lovely sister, even though I did not owe her an apology, and my apology got no acknowledgement from her, so I have done more than my part to end the feud. 

    For some background, my apology to her came after a dramatic series of e-mails which my mother sent to BOTH of us (and when I mean dramatic holy shit you have no fucking idea). I was sick of the barrage of emails, texts, guilt trips, etc. So I e-mailed my sister (since she wouldn't answer her phone) and told her I just wanted to the fight to be done, I wasn't mad anymore, and I didn't need her to apologize or anything, and I was just so sick of "mom's fucking guilt trips. But I'm genuinely sorry for whatever I did that hurt your feelings." That's how it was worded. And this was a couple months ago. 

    My mom just texted me back with "An e-mail that you are sick of your mom guilt tripping you is not an apology." 

    Guys. I fucking lost it. I know I should not have responded. I know I should not have been responding to any of it. I know I should not engage. I know. But I fucking lost it. 
    I said: "Wow. So my apology wasn't worded to your liking and that makes it not count? My apology has been disqualified. That's fucking psychotic. Stop texting me. I am done with all of your bullshit."

    Why did I even say that? What good did it do? No idea. I just can't fucking take it anymore with her drama and theatrics and guilt trips and to fucking say my apology wasn't good enough? It wasn't good enough. I fucking apologized for something I didn't do and it has been dismissed because it wasn't worded to my mother's standard but it wasn't even an apology to my mother. I can't fucking handle this. And needless to say I can't WAIT for my next therapy session. Jesus. Fucking. Christ. With this family. 
    Fucking good.  I've been waiting to see you call her out on being psychotic.
    Thank you, really. I'm sure I will be portrayed as the horrible cold-hearted bitch who was mean to my mother when she retells this story to the known world. (Look for it in your local newspaper cuz it might appear there too). Just hearing from you guys that her behavior is nuts helps a lot, cuz at least I know I'm not totally nuts for getting mad.
    So what.  Anyone who is smart and knows your mother will know she's full of shit, and anyone too dumb to see that, oh well, let them think what they want, they're dumb anyway.  Your mother and sister are clearly BSC, so stop trying to please either of them, it's clearly not going to happen, and not because it's your fault, but because they're clearly crazy.

    Just live your life and stop letting them bother you- as in your new go-to response to your mother's texts about your sister is "I don't give a shit."  No more even bothering to explain yourself, clearly being rational or logical doesn't work here.  Don't respond to a single text she sends until she texts you about something completely unrelated.  Any time she steers an unrelated conversation toward your sister, stop responding.  Nobody is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to participate in the conversation, so don't.  

    Let her say whatever she wants about you, because nobody worth knowing will believe her.  Just do what you want, say what you feel, live your life in a way that makes you happy- no matter who that excludes from your life- anyone who has a problem with it can fuck off.
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  • Novella, I have been following your family drama and I just wanted send you hugs.  I have an attention whore, martyr complex, over dramatic, alcoholic (s)mother.  I feel your pain.


    I have taken several breaks from my mom over the years (I'm on one right now after her latest drunken, public scene) and they really helped me cool off.  Give yourself some time, don't respond to the texts, poor a drink and binge watch one of your favorite TV shows.

    That sounds like a very good idea. Thank you!
    image
  • Guys. I'm about to fucking lose it. Like my heart is pounding and my hands are shaking and I'm so. Fucking. Mad. 

    My mom texted me about my sister. It was her typical overly dramatic guilt-trip bullshit. "All I want for Christmas is for you and your sister to have a conversation." I said it's not up to me, I'm not the one doing the avoiding (my sister skipped Thanksgiving to avoid me and the last time we were both at my parents house at the same time she wouldn't even come into the same room as me) and I'm not the one she should be pestering about this and I am not going to have this conversation. The end. 

    She texted me AGAIN (another EXTREMELY long text) that "I'm just saying" blah blah blah, "You two don't even need to apologize, you just need to talk, and" blah blah blah. Well, this pissed me off. 

    I reminded my nosy, meddling, suffocating mother that I DID apologize to lovely sister, even though I did not owe her an apology, and my apology got no acknowledgement from her, so I have done more than my part to end the feud. 

    For some background, my apology to her came after a dramatic series of e-mails which my mother sent to BOTH of us (and when I mean dramatic holy shit you have no fucking idea). I was sick of the barrage of emails, texts, guilt trips, etc. So I e-mailed my sister (since she wouldn't answer her phone) and told her I just wanted to the fight to be done, I wasn't mad anymore, and I didn't need her to apologize or anything, and I was just so sick of "mom's fucking guilt trips. But I'm genuinely sorry for whatever I did that hurt your feelings." That's how it was worded. And this was a couple months ago. 

    My mom just texted me back with "An e-mail that you are sick of your mom guilt tripping you is not an apology." 

    Guys. I fucking lost it. I know I should not have responded. I know I should not have been responding to any of it. I know I should not engage. I know. But I fucking lost it. 
    I said: "Wow. So my apology wasn't worded to your liking and that makes it not count? My apology has been disqualified. That's fucking psychotic. Stop texting me. I am done with all of your bullshit."

    Why did I even say that? What good did it do? No idea. I just can't fucking take it anymore with her drama and theatrics and guilt trips and to fucking say my apology wasn't good enough? It wasn't good enough. I fucking apologized for something I didn't do and it has been dismissed because it wasn't worded to my mother's standard but it wasn't even an apology to my mother. I can't fucking handle this. And needless to say I can't WAIT for my next therapy session. Jesus. Fucking. Christ. With this family. 
    Fucking good.  I've been waiting to see you call her out on being psychotic.
    Thank you, really. I'm sure I will be portrayed as the horrible cold-hearted bitch who was mean to my mother when she retells this story to the known world. (Look for it in your local newspaper cuz it might appear there too). Just hearing from you guys that her behavior is nuts helps a lot, cuz at least I know I'm not totally nuts for getting mad.
    So what.  Anyone who is smart and knows your mother will know she's full of shit, and anyone too dumb to see that, oh well, let them think what they want, they're dumb anyway.  Your mother and sister are clearly BSC, so stop trying to please either of them, it's clearly not going to happen, and not because it's your fault, but because they're clearly crazy.

    Just live your life and stop letting them bother you- as in your new go-to response to your mother's texts about your sister is "I don't give a shit."  No more even bothering to explain yourself, clearly being rational or logical doesn't work here.  Don't respond to a single text she sends until she texts you about something completely unrelated.  Any time she steers an unrelated conversation toward your sister, stop responding.  Nobody is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to participate in the conversation, so don't.  

    Let her say whatever she wants about you, because nobody worth knowing will believe her.  Just do what you want, say what you feel, live your life in a way that makes you happy- no matter who that excludes from your life- anyone who has a problem with it can fuck off.
    You're totally right. I just need to re-read this every time she starts that shit.
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  • I don't know what your therapist has told you, and to be honest I really stopped reading after the 3rd reply here so I hope this hasn't already been covered buuuuuut.... I basically had the exact same situation with my sister. Teenager drama fights bullshit blah blah blah turned into my sister not talking to me for 6 years. I tried to reach out, I tried to apologize, I tried everything I could (respectfully, and no more than one attempt per year, just reminders to her that my door was always open and I wanted to be her sister) and my sister ignored me. For 6 years we did separate holidays with my mom. For 6 years mom guilt tripped and hinted and talked to us both separately about it. I kept telling her it wasn't up to me. I finally sent one last message to my sister asking her if we could move on. She sent a horrible nasty response. I started therapy two weeks later. The very first issue we worked on was boundaries. I'm not good at boundaries. Went home that day & told my mom "This is my relationship with my sister. We are adults. It is up to us to fix. You are not to discuss me with her or her with me. We will fix this in our own time in our own way. Please do not try to run interference. Please do not try to convince us to do a holiday together. Please just let us sort it out on our own." My mother backed down, although she did tell my sister that I had asked her to let us work it out on our own.
    Surprise of surprises.... my sister messaged me shortly after that extending the olive branch. Reverse psychology? I don't know exactly what happened, but my therapist said I had successfully drawn a boundary. I don't know if this will help or if you've already tried it and they are still being jerks but I sincerely hope this works out for you guys. It is really miserable being in your position, and I am so sorry :( Hugs
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