Guys. I'm about to fucking lose it. Like my heart is pounding and my hands are shaking and I'm so. Fucking. Mad.
My mom texted me about my sister. It was her typical overly dramatic guilt-trip bullshit. "All I want for Christmas is for you and your sister to have a conversation." I said it's not up to me, I'm not the one doing the avoiding (my sister skipped Thanksgiving to avoid me and the last time we were both at my parents house at the same time she wouldn't even come into the same room as me) and I'm not the one she should be pestering about this and I am not going to have this conversation. The end.
She texted me AGAIN (another EXTREMELY long text) that "I'm just saying" blah blah blah, "You two don't even need to apologize, you just need to talk, and" blah blah blah. Well, this pissed me off.
I reminded my nosy, meddling, suffocating mother that I DID apologize to lovely sister, even though I did not owe her an apology, and my apology got no acknowledgement from her, so I have done more than my part to end the feud.
For some background, my apology to her came after a dramatic series of e-mails which my mother sent to BOTH of us (and when I mean dramatic holy shit you have no fucking idea). I was sick of the barrage of emails, texts, guilt trips, etc. So I e-mailed my sister (since she wouldn't answer her phone) and told her I just wanted to the fight to be done, I wasn't mad anymore, and I didn't need her to apologize or anything, and I was just so sick of "mom's fucking guilt trips. But I'm genuinely sorry for whatever I did that hurt your feelings." That's how it was worded. And this was a couple months ago.
My mom just texted me back with "An e-mail that you are sick of your mom guilt tripping you is not an apology."
Guys. I fucking lost it. I know I should not have responded. I know I should not have been responding to any of it. I know I should not engage. I know. But I fucking lost it.
I said: "Wow. So my apology wasn't worded to your liking and that makes it not count? My apology has been disqualified. That's fucking psychotic. Stop texting me. I am done with all of your bullshit."
Why did I even say that? What good did it do? No idea. I just can't fucking take it anymore with her drama and theatrics and guilt trips and to fucking say my apology wasn't good enough? It wasn't good enough. I fucking apologized for something I didn't do and it has been dismissed because it wasn't worded to my mother's standard but it wasn't even an apology to my mother. I can't fucking handle this. And needless to say I can't WAIT for my next therapy session. Jesus. Fucking. Christ. With this family.