Website etiquette question - attire

carrie0924

Quick question about our website. We currently have this wording:

Information for our guests

Ceremony & reception will be held at the (awesome venue) on (the happiest day of my life) at 6:00 pm. Child-free dinner and dancing to follow the ceremony.

Semi-Formal - dark suits or slacks and sport coats for men, cocktail dresses or equivalent for women

Parking is included.

I'm not exactly particular about what our guests wear, but personally, I like to be told what level of attire is expected for events. I don't want to show up in a cocktail dress if everybody else is wearing jeans, and vice versa. So this is purely intended for informational purposes for anybody who cares to seek it out. It's not on the invitation, only on the website. FI wanted to suggest formal, but he didn't realize that formal is really more like prom clothing, evening gowns, etc. So to the internet I went, and I found the semi-formal classification which I felt fits our venue, and just pulled the definition from that. Just want to emphasize we are NOT trying to dictate what people wear - just trying to give information to any who seek it. Does this wording work? Should I remove it entirely? Change up the wording? And yes I do realize after reading other threads that semi-formal isn't really "a thing", but I think this wording and definition works best with our venue. And no, our venue does NOT have a dress code or anything.

Couggal12

Meh, personally I would not include it on my website. Adults know how to dress themselves and what is appropriate for a wedding. Even if someone showed up in jeans you most likely wouldn't even notice. 

penguin44

carrie0924 said:

Quick question about our website. We currently have this wording:

Information for our guests

Ceremony & reception will be held at the (awesome venue) on (the happiest day of my life) at 6:00 pm. Child-free dinner and dancing to follow the ceremony.

Semi-Formal - dark suits or slacks and sport coats for men, cocktail dresses or equivalent for women

Parking is included.

I'm not exactly particular about what our guests wear, but personally, I like to be told what level of attire is expected for events. I don't want to show up in a cocktail dress if everybody else is wearing jeans, and vice versa. So this is purely intended for informational purposes for anybody who cares to seek it out. It's not on the invitation, only on the website. FI wanted to suggest formal, but he didn't realize that formal is really more like prom clothing, evening gowns, etc. So to the internet I went, and I found the semi-formal classification which I felt fits our venue, and just pulled the definition from that. Just want to emphasize we are NOT trying to dictate what people wear - just trying to give information to any who seek it. Does this wording work? Should I remove it entirely? Change up the wording? And yes I do realize after reading other threads that semi-formal isn't really "a thing", but I think this wording and definition works best with our venue. And no, our venue does NOT have a dress code or anything.

It isn't that semi-formal isn't a thing, it's the fact that you shouldn't be telling adults how to dress. Also, you don't need to specify child-free. If you aren't inviting children, it is already "child-free."

southernbelle0915

carrie0924 said:

Quick question about our website. We currently have this wording:

Information for our guests

Ceremony & reception will be held at the (awesome venue) on (the happiest day of my life) at 6:00 pm. Child-free Dinner and dancing to follow the ceremony.

Semi-Formal - dark suits or slacks and sport coats for men, cocktail dresses or equivalent for women

Parking is included.

I'm not exactly particular about what our guests wear, but personally, I like to be told what level of attire is expected for events. I don't want to show up in a cocktail dress if everybody else is wearing jeans, and vice versa. So this is purely intended for informational purposes for anybody who cares to seek it out. It's not on the invitation, only on the website. FI wanted to suggest formal, but he didn't realize that formal is really more like prom clothing, evening gowns, etc. So to the internet I went, and I found the semi-formal classification which I felt fits our venue, and just pulled the definition from that. Just want to emphasize we are NOT trying to dictate what people wear - just trying to give information to any who seek it. Does this wording work? Should I remove it entirely? Change up the wording? And yes I do realize after reading other threads that semi-formal isn't really "a thing", but I think this wording and definition works best with our venue. And no, our venue does NOT have a dress code or anything.

I edited for you.

It's inappropriate to tell people what to wear. Unless your venue will throw people out for not wearing something specific, then it's not ok to mention it - even on your website. Adults know how to dress themselves. 

I also deleted your reference to a "child-free" dinner. Just invite who you want to invite - only address invites to John and Jane Smith. It's against etiquette to say who's NOT invited (i.e. children).

Maggie0829

Unless there is a specific dress code at your venue, listing anything about attire is a no-no.  People know how to dress themselves.  And most likely you will just irritate those that know how to dress because it will seem like you don't trust them.  Those that will wear jeans to a wedding will do so regardless of what you put on your website.  Trust your guests, they aren't dumb.

PrettyGirlLost

carrie0924 said:

Quick question about our website. We currently have this wording:

Information for our guests

Ceremony & reception will be held at the (awesome venue) on (the happiest day of my life) at 6:00 pm. Child-free dinner and dancing to follow the ceremony.  Remove this line.  If you don't want to invite kids, then just don't.

Semi-Formal - dark suits or slacks and sport coats for men, cocktail dresses or equivalent for women  Unless your venue is at a country club that enforces a dress code, remove this.  Adults will know how to dress based on the time of your reception, the venue, and the style of invitations you use.   If your venue doesn't have a dress code, then it doesn't matter how your guests dress.  A guest showing up in jeans will not take away from the formality of your event.

Parking is included.

I'm not exactly particular about what our guests wear, but personally, I like to be told what level of attire is expected for events. I don't want to show up in a cocktail dress if everybody else is wearing jeans, and vice versa. So this is purely intended for informational purposes for anybody who cares to seek it out. It's not on the invitation, only on the website. FI wanted to suggest formal, but he didn't realize that formal is really more like prom clothing, evening gowns, etc. So to the internet I went, and I found the semi-formal classification which I felt fits our venue, and just pulled the definition from that. Just want to emphasize we are NOT trying to dictate what people wear - just trying to give information to any who seek it. Does this wording work? Should I remove it entirely? Change up the wording? And yes I do realize after reading other threads that semi-formal isn't really "a thing", but I think this wording and definition works best with our venue. And no, our venue does NOT have a dress code or anything.

Then remove all attire directives from your website- they are rude.  It's rude to tell adults how to dress.  And it doesn't matter how they dress anyways.

Include pictures of your venue along with the link to the website so guests can take a look at it and get a feel for how they should dress.

lovegood90

I agree with PPs. Unless the venue has a specific dress code that would not allow them entry if they don't comply, I'd take the attire off the website.  I'd just let your venue, time of day, formality of invites, etc give guests the hint of what to wear.

I also agree that any guests that won't get these hints (ie if they wear jeans everywhere no  matter what) won't follow any attire suggestions anyway.

lilacck28

"Child-free Dinner" makes it sound like you invited kids to the ceremony, but not the reception. This is a HUGE no no. It is one of those rude moves that even people who don't care all that much for most ettiquette will find really upsetting.

Anyone invited to the ceremony needs to be invited to the reception.

novella1186

I get why you wanted to put that on your website, OP, but it isn't necessary. When I originally started planning, it crossed my mind to include something about attire on my website only because my crazy aunt's crazy husband was CONSTANTLY bombarding me with questions about what he should wear, including what SHOES I wanted him to wear. I was like "Um... you're an adult dude. I'm sure you can manage to dress yourself." I ended up not putting it on my site for the same reasons PP's have noted. 

If anyone is really stuck on figuring out what to wear, they'll reach out to you, or one of your parents, or someone in the bridal party. So spread the word-- only by word of mouth-- to those people, just in case someone asks, but only if someone asks. 

Maggie0829

lilacck28 said:

"Child-free Dinner" makes it sound like you invited kids to the ceremony, but not the reception. This is a HUGE no no. It is one of those rude moves that even people who don't care all that much for most ettiquette will find really upsetting.

Anyone invited to the ceremony needs to be invited to the reception.

Ooh good catch.  I didn't even notice that.  Yeah, I would get rid of that as well.

chibiyui

If your ceremony is outdoors, I would mention that, otherwise people will figure out how to dress themselves.

KatWAG

The "awesome venue" and "happiest day of my life" sounds chilish. Nix that

Pass along the information that is needed: date, time location and that parking is included. Get rid of all the rest,

theartistformerlyknownas

We mentioned "Ceremony will be outdoors on the back lawn of the golf club, weather permitting" so that could help people's shoe decisions, and "Please note that the venue does not permit denim of any kind." That's it. You can't say who's not invited ("child-free"), you can't tell people what to wear. I know you think you're just giving suggestions, but it doesn't come off that way to everyone - it comes off rude and overbearing. If anyone asks you, you can give suggestions. But don't publish them on the website or anywhere near your invitations.

Fairyjen1

   People don't read that stuff anyway. I went to a wedding last year that was literally in a field with gopher holes and weeds and everything. The couples website mentioned this and suggested flat shoes and more casual attire (the only real etiquette breach they had, everything else was correct, unless you count having it in a field as a breach of etiquette, which I don't). 

  At least half the female guests showed up in stilettos and little cocktail dresses anyway.

lovegood90

Fairyjen1 said:

   People don't read that stuff anyway. I went to a wedding last year that was literally in a field with gopher holes and weeds and everything. The couples website mentioned this and suggested flat shoes and more casual attire (the only real etiquette breach they had, everything else was correct, unless you count having it in a field as a breach of etiquette, which I don't). 

  At least half the female guests showed up in stilettos and little cocktail dresses anyway.

Off topic, but funny story about the bolded- I went to a wedding this summer at a cottage in the middle of nowhere, B&G insisted it would be super casual (he wore khakis, she wore a white short, casual dress). I wore a sundress and some really casual flats (we were walking in the dirt!) and the bride said they were the perfect footwear, not to change, etc.

Well of course turns out I was the only female not dressed up in fancy heels. Even though the other women looked way overdressed, I felt so out of place! So maybe the tendency for women to wear heels no matter what is because they're afraid other women will also

climbingsingle

I agree with PPs. Don't put "child-free". I might insinuate that children are invited to the ceremony (and if that's the case, they should be invited to the reception too). 

Adults know how to dress themselves. They'll be able to figure that out by the venue and time. 

Jen4948

I agree-don't mention "adult reception" at all, and only mention a dress code if your venue enforces one. Having either of these on your website is a turnoff to your guests.

redoryx

KatWAG said:

The "awesome venue" and "happiest day of my life" sounds chilish. Nix that

Pass along the information that is needed: date, time location and that parking is included. Get rid of all the rest,

I'm giving the OP the benefit of the doubt on that one because I think she actually meant to use brackets to keep the actual venue location and date of her wedding private on the forums.

But, as for the rest, OP definitely listing to the PPs here regarding getting ride of the attire and child-free business.

lyndausvi

KatWAG said:

The "awesome venue" and "happiest day of my life" sounds chilish. Nix that

Pass along the information that is needed: date, time location and that parking is included. Get rid of all the rest,

I think that was a substitute for the real information.

Nix the child-free reception.

Attire - this is where I do go against etiquette and did put in on my website AND a FAQ card on in the invite envelope.

Now in my case weddings on both sides where ALWAYS Catholic church weddings with receptions at fairly nice places.  BOTH sides normally wear coats, dresses, sometimes even black tie.  Our wedding was on a beach.  They honestly did not understand what to wear because our wedding was honestly the first time they did not attend a wedding in a house of worship.

DH did not wear a jacket or tie. I didn't care of men wore jackets or ties, but I wanted to let them know it wasn't necessary as the groom wasn't.  Again, jackets and ties are the norm for weddings.  They would not even think about NOT wearing one.

Our website and FAQ card something like:

The ceremony is going to be on the actual beach, there will be a shoe valet for your convenience.

ATTIRE:  Jackets and ties are not necessary.

I 100% stand-by our decision on putting attire on our FAQ and website.  We were actually praised for addressing this issue as our families were totally confused.   I didn't care what they wore. A few males guests thanked me for not "making" them wear a jackets.  Umm, hello who wants to wear a jacket in the sun on a beach?  But they would have because wearing jackets it what they wear at weddings.

  I had 2 guests in jeans and a few male guests in suits.  One was because he didn't believe his wife when she said he didn't have to wear one. He saw the groom didn't have a jacket on and quickly took it off.   LOL.    Whatever, I didn't care, but wanted to give them a heads up for comfort reasons.

That all said, had I had a wedding that fit the norm for our families, I would not have put anything about the attire.  In my world at least standard attire are dresses/pant suits for woman and jacket and ties for the mean.   I do not see the need to mention something they would already know.  

I guess my point is, in this case I just don't see the need for attire.  If you were getting married on a sail boat in the islands and it will be more casual then they are us to then I feel it's okay. 

KatWAG

redoryx said:

KatWAG said:

The "awesome venue" and "happiest day of my life" sounds chilish. Nix that

Pass along the information that is needed: date, time location and that parking is included. Get rid of all the rest,

I'm giving the OP the benefit of the doubt on that one because I think she actually meant to use brackets to keep the actual venue location and date of her wedding private on the forums.

But, as for the rest, OP definitely listing to the PPs here regarding getting ride of the attire and child-free business.

I feel like an idiot. My apologies to the OP.

carrie0924

Haha @Katwag no need to feel like an idiot. It made me giggle.

I do appreciate all the advice guys. I'll take it out, along with the child-free part.

weddingcactus

carrie0924 said:

Quick question about our website. We currently have this wording:

Information for our guests

Ceremony & reception will be held at the (awesome venue) on (the happiest day of my life) at 6:00 pm. Child-free dinner and dancing to follow the ceremony.

Semi-Formal - dark suits or slacks and sport coats for men, cocktail dresses or equivalent for women

Parking is included.

I'm not exactly particular about what our guests wear, but personally, I like to be told what level of attire is expected for events. I don't want to show up in a cocktail dress if everybody else is wearing jeans, and vice versa. So this is purely intended for informational purposes for anybody who cares to seek it out. It's not on the invitation, only on the website. FI wanted to suggest formal, but he didn't realize that formal is really more like prom clothing, evening gowns, etc. So to the internet I went, and I found the semi-formal classification which I felt fits our venue, and just pulled the definition from that. Just want to emphasize we are NOT trying to dictate what people wear - just trying to give information to any who seek it. Does this wording work? Should I remove it entirely? Change up the wording? And yes I do realize after reading other threads that semi-formal isn't really "a thing", but I think this wording and definition works best with our venue. And no, our venue does NOT have a dress code or anything.

No advice, but "Child-free dinner" made me giggle because it almost sounds a little like you're telling the guests that they won't have to eat children for dinner. Instead of "gluten-free dinner" or "meat-free dinner" you're serving a "child-free dinner". 

[Deleted User]

Agree with the PP, your venue and style of invitation can help to denote the level of formal attire required, as well as time of year.

Telling adults what to wear can be tricky.  We were recently told how we were expected to dress for a wedding and it was extremely off putting.  In addition the invitation and venues did not meet the expectations they were setting out.  Ultimately, we were uninvited because we could not conform to their exacting specifications.

crackktheskyy

Every time I realize that TK designates an "attire" section under the guest information on wedding websites, I feel like this:

lyndausvi said:

KatWAG said:

The "awesome venue" and "happiest day of my life" sounds chilish. Nix that

Pass along the information that is needed: date, time location and that parking is included. Get rid of all the rest,

I think that was a substitute for the real information.

Nix the child-free reception.

Attire - this is where I do go against etiquette and did put in on my website AND a FAQ card on in the invite envelope.

Now in my case weddings on both sides where ALWAYS Catholic church weddings with receptions at fairly nice places.  BOTH sides normally wear coats, dresses, sometimes even black tie.  Our wedding was on a beach.  They honestly did not understand what to wear because our wedding was honestly the first time they did not attend a wedding in a house of worship.

DH did not wear a jacket or tie. I didn't care of men wore jackets or ties, but I wanted to let them know it wasn't necessary as the groom wasn't.  Again, jackets and ties are the norm for weddings.  They would not even think about NOT wearing one.

Our website and FAQ card something like:

The ceremony is going to be on the actual beach, there will be a shoe valet for your convenience.

ATTIRE:  Jackets and ties are not necessary.

I 100% stand-by our decision on putting attire on our FAQ and website.  We were actually praised for addressing this issue as our families were totally confused.   I didn't care what they wore. A few males guests thanked me for not "making" them wear a jackets.  Umm, hello who wants to wear a jacket in the sun on a beach?  But they would have because wearing jackets it what they wear at weddings.

  I had 2 guests in jeans and a few male guests in suits.  One was because he didn't believe his wife when she said he didn't have to wear one. He saw the groom didn't have a jacket on and quickly took it off.   LOL.    Whatever, I didn't care, but wanted to give them a heads up for comfort reasons.

That all said, had I had a wedding that fit the norm for our families, I would not have put anything about the attire.  In my world at least standard attire are dresses/pant suits for woman and jacket and ties for the mean.   I do not see the need to mention something they would already know.  

I guess my point is, in this case I just don't see the need for attire.  If you were getting married on a sail boat in the islands and it will be more casual then they are us to then I feel it's okay. 

I don't know if this is etiquette approved, so lurkers beware, but my cousin did something similar. She got married outdoors in a beautiful garden but the chairs were placed on the lawn. She didn't say anything in her invitation suite but on her wedding website, she included a note that the ceremony would be taking place in the lawn in case anyone with heels would be more comfortable in flats. I totally appreciated this! (I'm terrible enough on solid ground with heels.)

Maggie0829

crackktheskyy said:

Every time I realize that TK designates an "attire" section under the guest information on wedding websites, I feel like this:

lyndausvi said:

KatWAG said:

The "awesome venue" and "happiest day of my life" sounds chilish. Nix that

Pass along the information that is needed: date, time location and that parking is included. Get rid of all the rest,

I think that was a substitute for the real information.

Nix the child-free reception.

Attire - this is where I do go against etiquette and did put in on my website AND a FAQ card on in the invite envelope.

Now in my case weddings on both sides where ALWAYS Catholic church weddings with receptions at fairly nice places.  BOTH sides normally wear coats, dresses, sometimes even black tie.  Our wedding was on a beach.  They honestly did not understand what to wear because our wedding was honestly the first time they did not attend a wedding in a house of worship.

DH did not wear a jacket or tie. I didn't care of men wore jackets or ties, but I wanted to let them know it wasn't necessary as the groom wasn't.  Again, jackets and ties are the norm for weddings.  They would not even think about NOT wearing one.

Our website and FAQ card something like:

The ceremony is going to be on the actual beach, there will be a shoe valet for your convenience.

ATTIRE:  Jackets and ties are not necessary.

I 100% stand-by our decision on putting attire on our FAQ and website.  We were actually praised for addressing this issue as our families were totally confused.   I didn't care what they wore. A few males guests thanked me for not "making" them wear a jackets.  Umm, hello who wants to wear a jacket in the sun on a beach?  But they would have because wearing jackets it what they wear at weddings.

  I had 2 guests in jeans and a few male guests in suits.  One was because he didn't believe his wife when she said he didn't have to wear one. He saw the groom didn't have a jacket on and quickly took it off.   LOL.    Whatever, I didn't care, but wanted to give them a heads up for comfort reasons.

That all said, had I had a wedding that fit the norm for our families, I would not have put anything about the attire.  In my world at least standard attire are dresses/pant suits for woman and jacket and ties for the mean.   I do not see the need to mention something they would already know.  

I guess my point is, in this case I just don't see the need for attire.  If you were getting married on a sail boat in the islands and it will be more casual then they are us to then I feel it's okay. 

I don't know if this is etiquette approved, so lurkers beware, but my cousin did something similar. She got married outdoors in a beautiful garden but the chairs were placed on the lawn. She didn't say anything in her invitation suite but on her wedding website, she included a note that the ceremony would be taking place in the lawn in case anyone with heels would be more comfortable in flats. I totally appreciated this! (I'm terrible enough on solid ground with heels.)

I agree that this was a good idea.  The difference between this and what OP wanted to do was your cousin was letting her guests know details of the venue and ceremony location so that they could decide for themselves if they want to wear heels or not.  While OP was just trying to dictate attire.

Liatris2010

carrie0924 said:

Quick question about our website. We currently have this wording:

Information for our guests

Ceremony & reception will be held at the (awesome venue) on (the happiest day of my life) at 6:00 pm. Child-free dinner and dancing to follow the ceremony.

Semi-Formal - dark suits or slacks and sport coats for men, cocktail dresses or equivalent for women

Parking is included.

I'm not exactly particular about what our guests wear, but personally, I like to be told what level of attire is expected for events. I don't want to show up in a cocktail dress if everybody else is wearing jeans, and vice versa. So this is purely intended for informational purposes for anybody who cares to seek it out. It's not on the invitation, only on the website. FI wanted to suggest formal, but he didn't realize that formal is really more like prom clothing, evening gowns, etc. So to the internet I went, and I found the semi-formal classification which I felt fits our venue, and just pulled the definition from that. Just want to emphasize we are NOT trying to dictate what people wear - just trying to give information to any who seek it. Does this wording work? Should I remove it entirely? Change up the wording? And yes I do realize after reading other threads that semi-formal isn't really "a thing", but I think this wording and definition works best with our venue. And no, our venue does NOT have a dress code or anything.

No. My husband likes to wear his gray suit to weddings. Can he not wear that because it is light gray instead of dark gray? If he saw that on a website, I know he'd be upset and wonder if he mis-dressed for those other weddings. People who really want direction about what to wear will call and ask. People who actually need direction/usually dress so inappropriately will do so anyway, regardless of directions.

LondonLisa

I read "child-free dinner" like one would read "meat-free dinner" or "Gluten-free dinner". As if you were trying to make sure people knew you weren't serving a child as your meal. 

I would certainly hope your meal would be "child-free"!

carrie0924

Ya theknot is really mis-leading. After reading a LOT on the forums, I went through and hacked the entire wedding website to shreds yesterday. Fortunately, nobody other than a few close friends has seen the website yet, and I doubt anybody will go to the website anyway. However, I did feel like when making our website based on the template, I should fill out every section. Re-reading through a lot of it several months later, I felt very "Wow. Who the eff cares? Everybody knows how we got engaged. Everybody knows how we met. Everybody knows we aren't having a wedding party. If somebody wants to know about the honeymoon, they will ask." We are inviting people we know and love.... I feel like 75% of our website was assuming they were stupid and wanted to know absolutely every little thing about every hair on our head. I feel like the whole wedding etiquette thing can be a bit overwhelming and confusing. I do want to give our guests an idea of what level of dress they might feel comfortable in, but there really isn't a way to word it that doesn't sound insulting. And the child-free thing - I don't remember where I got it from, but it wasn't a made up idea. I feel like it came from theknot.com somewhere, which I'm slowly starting to realize doesn't seem to have real live humans contributing. Like maybe it's a money making machine that churns out stuff to generate ad revenue. Its all so confusing! I'm glad I have real life people to consult with in the forums...

dcbride86

carrie0924 said:

Ya theknot is really mis-leading. After reading a LOT on the forums, I went through and hacked the entire wedding website to shreds yesterday. Fortunately, nobody other than a few close friends has seen the website yet, and I doubt anybody will go to the website anyway. However, I did feel like when making our website based on the template, I should fill out every section. Re-reading through a lot of it several months later, I felt very "Wow. Who the eff cares? Everybody knows how we got engaged. Everybody knows how we met. Everybody knows we aren't having a wedding party. If somebody wants to know about the honeymoon, they will ask." We are inviting people we know and love.... I feel like 75% of our website was assuming they were stupid and wanted to know absolutely every little thing about every hair on our head. I feel like the whole wedding etiquette thing can be a bit overwhelming and confusing. I do want to give our guests an idea of what level of dress they might feel comfortable in, but there really isn't a way to word it that doesn't sound insulting. And the child-free thing - I don't remember where I got it from, but it wasn't a made up idea. I feel like it came from theknot.com somewhere, which I'm slowly starting to realize doesn't seem to have real live humans contributing. Like maybe it's a money making machine that churns out stuff to generate ad revenue. Its all so confusing! I'm glad I have real life people to consult with in the forums...

Yeah, I thought the website was a bit weird, too.  I think I put 1 sentence about the honeymoon, but mostly just said "if anyone has suggestions about what to do in Negril, Jamaica, we'd love to hear them!"

The "how we got engaged" page is also like 1 sentence, and I'm constantly considering deleting it.  My mom likes it, which is pretty much the only reason it's still up.  I do have the wedding party page up, but I kind of figure nobody will read it.  However, I don't want my BMs or any of FIs groomsmen to somehow feel like I'm being rude by not saying a sentence or two about each.

crackktheskyy

Maggie0829 said:

crackktheskyy said:

Every time I realize that TK designates an "attire" section under the guest information on wedding websites, I feel like this:

lyndausvi said:

KatWAG said:

The "awesome venue" and "happiest day of my life" sounds chilish. Nix that

Pass along the information that is needed: date, time location and that parking is included. Get rid of all the rest,

I think that was a substitute for the real information.

Nix the child-free reception.

Attire - this is where I do go against etiquette and did put in on my website AND a FAQ card on in the invite envelope.

Now in my case weddings on both sides where ALWAYS Catholic church weddings with receptions at fairly nice places.  BOTH sides normally wear coats, dresses, sometimes even black tie.  Our wedding was on a beach.  They honestly did not understand what to wear because our wedding was honestly the first time they did not attend a wedding in a house of worship.

DH did not wear a jacket or tie. I didn't care of men wore jackets or ties, but I wanted to let them know it wasn't necessary as the groom wasn't.  Again, jackets and ties are the norm for weddings.  They would not even think about NOT wearing one.

Our website and FAQ card something like:

The ceremony is going to be on the actual beach, there will be a shoe valet for your convenience.

ATTIRE:  Jackets and ties are not necessary.

I 100% stand-by our decision on putting attire on our FAQ and website.  We were actually praised for addressing this issue as our families were totally confused.   I didn't care what they wore. A few males guests thanked me for not "making" them wear a jackets.  Umm, hello who wants to wear a jacket in the sun on a beach?  But they would have because wearing jackets it what they wear at weddings.

  I had 2 guests in jeans and a few male guests in suits.  One was because he didn't believe his wife when she said he didn't have to wear one. He saw the groom didn't have a jacket on and quickly took it off.   LOL.    Whatever, I didn't care, but wanted to give them a heads up for comfort reasons.

That all said, had I had a wedding that fit the norm for our families, I would not have put anything about the attire.  In my world at least standard attire are dresses/pant suits for woman and jacket and ties for the mean.   I do not see the need to mention something they would already know.  

I guess my point is, in this case I just don't see the need for attire.  If you were getting married on a sail boat in the islands and it will be more casual then they are us to then I feel it's okay. 

I don't know if this is etiquette approved, so lurkers beware, but my cousin did something similar. She got married outdoors in a beautiful garden but the chairs were placed on the lawn. She didn't say anything in her invitation suite but on her wedding website, she included a note that the ceremony would be taking place in the lawn in case anyone with heels would be more comfortable in flats. I totally appreciated this! (I'm terrible enough on solid ground with heels.)

I agree that this was a good idea.  The difference between this and what OP wanted to do was your cousin was letting her guests know details of the venue and ceremony location so that they could decide for themselves if they want to wear heels or not.  While OP was just trying to dictate attire.

Agreed! Had she said something like, "garden attire requested" I would have shown up in flood pants, a wide brimmed hat, and brought along some shears. 

Just kidding, but I never really know what all of these designations mean. I always appreciate details about footwear, though!

dcbride86 said:

carrie0924 said:

Ya theknot is really mis-leading. After reading a LOT on the forums, I went through and hacked the entire wedding website to shreds yesterday. Fortunately, nobody other than a few close friends has seen the website yet, and I doubt anybody will go to the website anyway. However, I did feel like when making our website based on the template, I should fill out every section. Re-reading through a lot of it several months later, I felt very "Wow. Who the eff cares? Everybody knows how we got engaged. Everybody knows how we met. Everybody knows we aren't having a wedding party. If somebody wants to know about the honeymoon, they will ask." We are inviting people we know and love.... I feel like 75% of our website was assuming they were stupid and wanted to know absolutely every little thing about every hair on our head. I feel like the whole wedding etiquette thing can be a bit overwhelming and confusing. I do want to give our guests an idea of what level of dress they might feel comfortable in, but there really isn't a way to word it that doesn't sound insulting. And the child-free thing - I don't remember where I got it from, but it wasn't a made up idea. I feel like it came from theknot.com somewhere, which I'm slowly starting to realize doesn't seem to have real live humans contributing. Like maybe it's a money making machine that churns out stuff to generate ad revenue. Its all so confusing! I'm glad I have real life people to consult with in the forums...

Yeah, I thought the website was a bit weird, too.  I think I put 1 sentence about the honeymoon, but mostly just said "if anyone has suggestions about what to do in Negril, Jamaica, we'd love to hear them!"

The "how we got engaged" page is also like 1 sentence, and I'm constantly considering deleting it.  My mom likes it, which is pretty much the only reason it's still up.  I do have the wedding party page up, but I kind of figure nobody will read it.  However, I don't want my BMs or any of FIs groomsmen to somehow feel like I'm being rude by not saying a sentence or two about each.

I honestly ended up changing most of the tabs on our website to suit our own purposes. For example, we have shuttles available so I changed the honeymoon tab to "shuttle times" lol.

dcbride86

crackktheskyy said:

Maggie0829 said:

crackktheskyy said:

Every time I realize that TK designates an "attire" section under the guest information on wedding websites, I feel like this:

lyndausvi said:

KatWAG said:

The "awesome venue" and "happiest day of my life" sounds chilish. Nix that

Pass along the information that is needed: date, time location and that parking is included. Get rid of all the rest,

I think that was a substitute for the real information.

Nix the child-free reception.

Attire - this is where I do go against etiquette and did put in on my website AND a FAQ card on in the invite envelope.

Now in my case weddings on both sides where ALWAYS Catholic church weddings with receptions at fairly nice places.  BOTH sides normally wear coats, dresses, sometimes even black tie.  Our wedding was on a beach.  They honestly did not understand what to wear because our wedding was honestly the first time they did not attend a wedding in a house of worship.

DH did not wear a jacket or tie. I didn't care of men wore jackets or ties, but I wanted to let them know it wasn't necessary as the groom wasn't.  Again, jackets and ties are the norm for weddings.  They would not even think about NOT wearing one.

Our website and FAQ card something like:

The ceremony is going to be on the actual beach, there will be a shoe valet for your convenience.

ATTIRE:  Jackets and ties are not necessary.

I 100% stand-by our decision on putting attire on our FAQ and website.  We were actually praised for addressing this issue as our families were totally confused.   I didn't care what they wore. A few males guests thanked me for not "making" them wear a jackets.  Umm, hello who wants to wear a jacket in the sun on a beach?  But they would have because wearing jackets it what they wear at weddings.

  I had 2 guests in jeans and a few male guests in suits.  One was because he didn't believe his wife when she said he didn't have to wear one. He saw the groom didn't have a jacket on and quickly took it off.   LOL.    Whatever, I didn't care, but wanted to give them a heads up for comfort reasons.

That all said, had I had a wedding that fit the norm for our families, I would not have put anything about the attire.  In my world at least standard attire are dresses/pant suits for woman and jacket and ties for the mean.   I do not see the need to mention something they would already know.  

I guess my point is, in this case I just don't see the need for attire.  If you were getting married on a sail boat in the islands and it will be more casual then they are us to then I feel it's okay. 

I don't know if this is etiquette approved, so lurkers beware, but my cousin did something similar. She got married outdoors in a beautiful garden but the chairs were placed on the lawn. She didn't say anything in her invitation suite but on her wedding website, she included a note that the ceremony would be taking place in the lawn in case anyone with heels would be more comfortable in flats. I totally appreciated this! (I'm terrible enough on solid ground with heels.)

I agree that this was a good idea.  The difference between this and what OP wanted to do was your cousin was letting her guests know details of the venue and ceremony location so that they could decide for themselves if they want to wear heels or not.  While OP was just trying to dictate attire.

Agreed! Had she said something like, "garden attire requested" I would have shown up in flood pants, a wide brimmed hat, and brought along some shears. 

Just kidding, but I never really know what all of these designations mean. I always appreciate details about footwear, though!

dcbride86 said:

carrie0924 said:

Ya theknot is really mis-leading. After reading a LOT on the forums, I went through and hacked the entire wedding website to shreds yesterday. Fortunately, nobody other than a few close friends has seen the website yet, and I doubt anybody will go to the website anyway. However, I did feel like when making our website based on the template, I should fill out every section. Re-reading through a lot of it several months later, I felt very "Wow. Who the eff cares? Everybody knows how we got engaged. Everybody knows how we met. Everybody knows we aren't having a wedding party. If somebody wants to know about the honeymoon, they will ask." We are inviting people we know and love.... I feel like 75% of our website was assuming they were stupid and wanted to know absolutely every little thing about every hair on our head. I feel like the whole wedding etiquette thing can be a bit overwhelming and confusing. I do want to give our guests an idea of what level of dress they might feel comfortable in, but there really isn't a way to word it that doesn't sound insulting. And the child-free thing - I don't remember where I got it from, but it wasn't a made up idea. I feel like it came from theknot.com somewhere, which I'm slowly starting to realize doesn't seem to have real live humans contributing. Like maybe it's a money making machine that churns out stuff to generate ad revenue. Its all so confusing! I'm glad I have real life people to consult with in the forums...

Yeah, I thought the website was a bit weird, too.  I think I put 1 sentence about the honeymoon, but mostly just said "if anyone has suggestions about what to do in Negril, Jamaica, we'd love to hear them!"

The "how we got engaged" page is also like 1 sentence, and I'm constantly considering deleting it.  My mom likes it, which is pretty much the only reason it's still up.  I do have the wedding party page up, but I kind of figure nobody will read it.  However, I don't want my BMs or any of FIs groomsmen to somehow feel like I'm being rude by not saying a sentence or two about each.

I honestly ended up changing most of the tabs on our website to suit our own purposes. For example, we have shuttles available so I changed the honeymoon tab to "shuttle times" lol.

That's a great idea!  I've deleted several tabs - the ceremony and reception are at the same place, so I certainly didn't need 2 separate tabs.  Maybe I'll change the guest information to just "hotels and accomodations" and make a separate one with just restaurant suggestions, metro maps, etc.