Chit Chat

So I don't love FIs dog...

We just moved the weekend over Thanksgiving. Yay! It's been great finally having our own space together after 6+ years together and living separately with our parents. So that's been good so far.

FI brought his dog with. Her name is Tequila. She loves me. I'm not especially fond of her.

Backstory... FIs parents got two Australian Shepherd puppies from a breeder almost 4 years ago. 3 years ago, one of the dogs was ran over. Really sad for everyone. Last year, the breeder contacted them to let them know they were retiring that dog's mom.. Tequila. FILs jumped on it and had her flown out here. Well, we all had no clue what we were walking in to. It's clear she had never been any sort of "pet" and was just used for breeding for 6 years. She was timid, aggressive towards strangers, no basic obedience or house training, etc. Over the last year she has really come around and although she is still timid, she's a nice dog.

We all say she "chose" my FI as her person. It just happened very naturally and they are quite the pair. Tequila basically hated me at first but has since come to really adore me. So when we got our house, we decided she would come live with us. They have 3 other dogs and she just seemed to get lost in the herd. She's been with us since the day we moved in, and has settled in pretty good.

She is VERY needy and clingy. While she loves me and is happy for my company, she prefers my FI. I'm glad she likes me and wants my attention... but...

I don't really love her. I'm a dog person. I love dogs. Mostly all dogs. I don't love this one. I just have zero emotional connection to her. It's not that I hate her... I just don't feel any kind of love or emotion for her. 

The only other experience I have with dogs have been with dogs we got from puppy age (8 weeks) and had till they died. So I always had a really strong bond with them. I feel horrible because this dog clearly loves me and likes to be with me... and I'm pretty indifferent. Curious if anyone else has experienced this with an older/rescue type? How did you go about trying to build that relationship and emotional connection? 
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Re: So I don't love FIs dog...

  • sarawifenowsarawifenow Denver, baby! member
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    This might come acoss as harsh, but what are you currently doing to have a relationship with the dog? It doesn't sound like you have any interest in her at all, so I am curious to know if you are doing anything with her?

     

    Maybe try taking her on walks just the two of you. Spend time with her.

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  • We don't have a dog (planning to get one this Spring) and I've never had a rescue, so I can't relate to not bonding with a dog. 

    However, when you say she's super clingy and needy, I'm wondering if she's not getting enough contact. If you and your FI work, she's probably alone a lot. And it sounds like she's been around lots of dogs her whole life. 

    If you're a dog person, what would you think about getting a puppy so she can have a "pack"? It might make her less clingy to you, FI would have "his" dog, and you could have "yours". Just a thought.
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  • tcnoble said:
    We just moved the weekend over Thanksgiving. Yay! It's been great finally having our own space together after 6+ years together and living separately with our parents. So that's been good so far.

    FI brought his dog with. Her name is Tequila. She loves me. I'm not especially fond of her.

    Backstory... FIs parents got two Australian Shepherd puppies from a breeder almost 4 years ago. 3 years ago, one of the dogs was ran over. Really sad for everyone. Last year, the breeder contacted them to let them know they were retiring that dog's mom.. Tequila. FILs jumped on it and had her flown out here. Well, we all had no clue what we were walking in to. It's clear she had never been any sort of "pet" and was just used for breeding for 6 years. She was timid, aggressive towards strangers, no basic obedience or house training, etc. Over the last year she has really come around and although she is still timid, she's a nice dog.

    We all say she "chose" my FI as her person. It just happened very naturally and they are quite the pair. Tequila basically hated me at first but has since come to really adore me. So when we got our house, we decided she would come live with us. They have 3 other dogs and she just seemed to get lost in the herd. She's been with us since the day we moved in, and has settled in pretty good.

    She is VERY needy and clingy. While she loves me and is happy for my company, she prefers my FI. I'm glad she likes me and wants my attention... but...

    I don't really love her. I'm a dog person. I love dogs. Mostly all dogs. I don't love this one. I just have zero emotional connection to her. It's not that I hate her... I just don't feel any kind of love or emotion for her. 

    The only other experience I have with dogs have been with dogs we got from puppy age (8 weeks) and had till they died. So I always had a really strong bond with them. I feel horrible because this dog clearly loves me and likes to be with me... and I'm pretty indifferent. Curious if anyone else has experienced this with an older/rescue type? How did you go about trying to build that relationship and emotional connection? 
    Give it time. You've only lived with her for what, two weeks?

    RebeccaFlower
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
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    Is she alone a lot? Is she getting exercise? That could maybe be a reason for the clingy-ness. 

    I'm sad for this dog - not because you don't feel a connection, but because it sounds like she didn't receive a lot of love and attention. You're probably right that she was used just for breeding and that's it. That breaks my heart. 

    doeydo
  • We don't have a dog (planning to get one this Spring) and I've never had a rescue, so I can't relate to not bonding with a dog. 

    However, when you say she's super clingy and needy, I'm wondering if she's not getting enough contact. If you and your FI work, she's probably alone a lot. And it sounds like she's been around lots of dogs her whole life. 

    If you're a dog person, what would you think about getting a puppy so she can have a "pack"? It might make her less clingy to you, FI would have "his" dog, and you could have "yours". Just a thought.
    Totally agree with this. My sister got her ex a dog (while they were still together) and the dog totally ended up being super attached to just my sister. So they rescued another dog, which was then the boyfriend's dog (even though they all lived together so really both people owned both dogs) and it worked out a lot better. My sister and her boyfriend worked long hours, so it seemed to help the original dog a lot to have a companion around so she wasn't sitting home alone all the time. And when the new rescue started acting up or doing something bad, original dog would bark at him and put him back in line. It was kind of funny, but kind of awesome how much the two dogs bonded. 
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
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    I'd give it time, and make an effort to walk her, play with her, etc.  But if after a while you still don't really care for you, that's ok.  Just like some people click together and others don't, you are not necessarily going to click with every dog.

    Just make sure your FI makes more of an effort to spend time with her as well.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • I took in an older Aussie (vet estimates between 7-8) and I very much had the same thoughts initially regarding the neediness. A friend told me they are called "velcro dogs" because they are so attached to one person and the attention they crave. Seriously - for true! 

    In my dog's case, he was dumped and I don't know his backstory. He won me over by putting a paw on my lap and I melted. It then became crazy annoying because those nails are lethal no matter how much I trim them and it was constant. He whines like a human when leave. He destroys all toys. It was a real adjustment period for both of us. I seriously doubted if I could keep him and provide the level of attention he needed. 

    Obviously indicated by my picture, I'm coo coo for coco puffs for this dog now. I have had dogs my whole life, and I feel terrible when saying that I love him more than any other dog. I think it's how much he needed me. Your dog sounds like she's in the same boat. Love her back and give her attention and I promise it will get easier.  

    Lots of exercise, too! 
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  • Oh boy, am I having issues with my older rescue dog!

    I'm not one to get puppies, so I've always had older dogs.  This one I drove like 7.5 hrs to pick up from a remote shelter in WV because I thought she looked like my other dog.  From the moment I saw her, I knew we didn't have a connection, but my boyfriend convinced me we couldn't leave her there, he would help with her, blah blah.

    Now I've broken up with that boyfriend and I still have her.  She is attached to me, but I'm very "eh" about her.  I have a responsibility to her, and that's about it.

    Unfortunately, she also has severe anxiety, including separation anxiety, and she's very clingy.  Now she's started fighting with my new dog, who I do feel very connected to.

    It's a mess.

    Anyway, the advice I've gotten for the dog is to teach her obedience stuff (very difficult, she doesnt have much of an attention span) and build up her confidence and our relationship.  She can't walk far, but I try to take her on walks and it does help some to see her happy.  Fake it til you make it, I guess!

    Aussies also need an incredible amount of exercise, so good luck with that! 

    Be careful about getting another dog is my best advice, and don't get a female!

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  • Wow, that makes me super sad to hear she was only used for breeding. Poor thing :(

    Do you ever take her for walks? To the dog park? Maybe if you did things with her other than just being at home with her you would form a bond. 


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  • blabla89blabla89 Atlanta member
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    I used to hate my mom's dog and he didn't like me either. He was a rescue (well technically he was stolen, but I digress...) and had a lot of behavioral problems. After my mom passed away I was guilted into taking the dog. I felt annoyed and resentful toward him at first, but we're buddies now. We got into our groove and now I can't imagine not having him around. He has also mellowed out a lot, and most of his behavioral problems have gotten better.

    Shortly after FI and I started dating he adopted a giant dog on a whim. I don't like big dogs, and this one is till rowdy like a puppy. But he's here to stay, so I try to just appreciate the good things about him, and he's growing on me.
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
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    luckya23 said:

    Oh boy, am I having issues with my older rescue dog!

    I'm not one to get puppies, so I've always had older dogs.  This one I drove like 7.5 hrs to pick up from a remote shelter in WV because I thought she looked like my other dog.  From the moment I saw her, I knew we didn't have a connection, but my boyfriend convinced me we couldn't leave her there, he would help with her, blah blah.

    Now I've broken up with that boyfriend and I still have her.  She is attached to me, but I'm very "eh" about her.  I have a responsibility to her, and that's about it.

    Unfortunately, she also has severe anxiety, including separation anxiety, and she's very clingy.  Now she's started fighting with my new dog, who I do feel very connected to.

    It's a mess.

    Anyway, the advice I've gotten for the dog is to teach her obedience stuff (very difficult, she doesnt have much of an attention span) and build up her confidence and our relationship.  She can't walk far, but I try to take her on walks and it does help some to see her happy.  Fake it til you make it, I guess!

    Aussies also need an incredible amount of exercise, so good luck with that! 

    Be careful about getting another dog is my best advice, and don't get a female!

    Yep, they are meant to be working farm dogs.  They get very neurotic if they don't have a lot of exercise. . . I tend to think they are already pretty neurotic due to overbreeding.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
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    I think part of the reason for your lack of interest is because it isn't YOUR dog per se.  It was your FI dog and his families dog first.  And it wasn't a choice you necessarily made in getting/having a dog. This dog just came as a package deal with your FI.  I think you need to start looking at her as your dog and know that she is relying on you to take care of her and give her attention.

    I think it is great that she adores you.  That is a really good jumping off point.  And you also said you are a dog person so I think you can grow to have interest and some emotion for this dog.  And really as a dog person I am surprised that you aren't more interested in having some sort of bond with her, no matter how large or small that bond may be.  I mean it would make more sense if you just did not like dogs and are tolerating her for your FI sake.

    But you need to give it some time.  I am not saying that you have to"OMG I love this dog so much!!!" but you should try and show some interest.

    Do you walk her?  Do you play with her?  Do you just sit with her and pet her?  Do you do anything with her or do you just not interact with her?

    PrettyGirlLostdoeydo
  • This might come acoss as harsh, but what are you currently doing to have a relationship with the dog? It doesn't sound like you have any interest in her at all, so I am curious to know if you are doing anything with her?

     

    Maybe try taking her on walks just the two of you. Spend time with her.

    Don't worry about being harsh! I do take her on walks, we started that this week. She is also my buddy in the afternoons after FI drops her off from work and he goes to the gym. We are alike in that we enjoy lounging and watching TV in the afternoons and being lazy. She lays on her couch, I lay on mine. It's a comfortable situation.
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  • We don't have a dog (planning to get one this Spring) and I've never had a rescue, so I can't relate to not bonding with a dog. 

    However, when you say she's super clingy and needy, I'm wondering if she's not getting enough contact. If you and your FI work, she's probably alone a lot. And it sounds like she's been around lots of dogs her whole life. 

    If you're a dog person, what would you think about getting a puppy so she can have a "pack"? It might make her less clingy to you, FI would have "his" dog, and you could have "yours". Just a thought.
    She goes to work with my FI every day. He works at his parents' property - which is about 2 acres (big in Vegas) so she gets to be out with their other dogs, and spend time with him at the same time. He drops her off at home about the time I get home from work, and then goes to the gym. So she is rarely alone. I think it may just be a trait of the dog... and due to her history, I think she is worried she has us and may lose us.

    We talked about getting another dog - oh boy do I want one. But with our wedding only 3 months away, we felt that could just add another element of stress to things. So we have discussed waiting until Summer when I'm on break (I'm a teacher) so I have time at home. We aren't sure if she would feel more or less comfortable with another dog - she craves attention and we aren't sure if it would make her more insecure to compete with another dog for that.
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  • Is she alone a lot? Is she getting exercise? That could maybe be a reason for the clingy-ness. 

    I'm sad for this dog - not because you don't feel a connection, but because it sounds like she didn't receive a lot of love and attention. You're probably right that she was used just for breeding and that's it. That breaks my heart. 
    It's really sad. She must have been abused because if you move too quickly towards her she will shy away or run to her bed. If you touch her hindquarters suddenly (not even roughly) she will yelp. We think they must have handled her roughly, which we aren't sure why because she is so sweet. We have worked hard to make sure she knows all the luxuries that dogs deserve.
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  • sarawifenowsarawifenow Denver, baby! member
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    tcnoble said:

    This might come acoss as harsh, but what are you currently doing to have a relationship with the dog? It doesn't sound like you have any interest in her at all, so I am curious to know if you are doing anything with her?

     

    Maybe try taking her on walks just the two of you. Spend time with her.

    Don't worry about being harsh! I do take her on walks, we started that this week. She is also my buddy in the afternoons after FI drops her off from work and he goes to the gym. We are alike in that we enjoy lounging and watching TV in the afternoons and being lazy. She lays on her couch, I lay on mine. It's a comfortable situation.


    This sounds like you are doing everything you should! It very well may be that you and her will just not have a super close relationship and that is perfectly fine.

     

    I used to have an Aussie, Amaroo, who I loved. She was so high energy, though. Do you have any agility training courses near you? She was so much happier when I would take her to those.

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  • I think part of the reason for your lack of interest is because it isn't YOUR dog per se.  It was your FI dog and his families dog first.  And it wasn't a choice you necessarily made in getting/having a dog. This dog just came as a package deal with your FI.  I think you need to start looking at her as your dog and know that she is relying on you to take care of her and give her attention.

    I think it is great that she adores you.  That is a really good jumping off point.  And you also said you are a dog person so I think you can grow to have interest and some emotion for this dog.  And really as a dog person I am surprised that you aren't more interested in having some sort of bond with her, no matter how large or small that bond may be.  I mean it would make more sense if you just did not like dogs and are tolerating her for your FI sake.

    But you need to give it some time.  I am not saying that you have to"OMG I love this dog so much!!!" but you should try and show some interest.

    Do you walk her?  Do you play with her?  Do you just sit with her and pet her?  Do you do anything with her or do you just not interact with her?
    I totally admitted that to my FI.... that I think I resent her in some way because she isn't "mine". I told him I think it would be the same if I had brought my dog from my parents - he would be "mine", not "ours". I didn't get to pick her, we didn't even pick her together, she just kind of chose us. So I totally recognize that as part of my issue.

    I also think it saddens me that I don't feel that connection with her, because I do love dogs. But it's also an entirely new experience for me, as opposed to it being a family dog that I've always known and loved. So I think this is kind of normal, but still a bummer.

    I take her for walks when I get home from work early enough, and I'm the one who feeds her in the mornings and evenings. I brush her too, and give her treats. She isn't a big cuddler, but if she is next to the couch I'll keep a constant hand on her as that's what she likes/needs.

    The weirdest part is she is really a great dog. She doesn't have bad manners or bad behavior. She doesn't bark. She doesn't pee in the house. So that's what makes it all the harder for me to grasp. She's a nice dog, and I just have this feeling on indifference to her.

    I talked to FI this morning and said I think some of my problem is coming from the fact that we just moved and have REALLY taken a lot of time and energy to make sure Tequila is settled in and comfortable... and have taken the focus off of our relationship, which moving in together that's what the purpose was; to focus on us. So I think my feelings of discontent are being shifted to her. I'm hoping this is something that as we settle in more will get better.
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
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    tcnoble said:
    We don't have a dog (planning to get one this Spring) and I've never had a rescue, so I can't relate to not bonding with a dog. 

    However, when you say she's super clingy and needy, I'm wondering if she's not getting enough contact. If you and your FI work, she's probably alone a lot. And it sounds like she's been around lots of dogs her whole life. 

    If you're a dog person, what would you think about getting a puppy so she can have a "pack"? It might make her less clingy to you, FI would have "his" dog, and you could have "yours". Just a thought.
    She goes to work with my FI every day. He works at his parents' property - which is about 2 acres (big in Vegas) so she gets to be out with their other dogs, and spend time with him at the same time. He drops her off at home about the time I get home from work, and then goes to the gym. So she is rarely alone. I think it may just be a trait of the dog... and due to her history, I think she is worried she has us and may lose us.

    We talked about getting another dog - oh boy do I want one. But with our wedding only 3 months away, we felt that could just add another element of stress to things. So we have discussed waiting until Summer when I'm on break (I'm a teacher) so I have time at home. We aren't sure if she would feel more or less comfortable with another dog - she craves attention and we aren't sure if it would make her more insecure to compete with another dog for that.
    So, my co-worker's BF has an Australian shepherd. . . and he has more issues than Vogue.  My co-worker has had a lot of dogs throughout her life, and all rescues, and this shepherd is the worst, sad to say.

    He can't really help it, he's just got one too many screws loose.  But part of his issues are that he adores the BF and only the BF. . . sounds like that is a breed thing.  He tolerates my co worker because she won't stand for any of his shit,  but he hates my co workers other dogs.  However, the other dogs are balanced, and so they keep his neurotic behaviors in check because they don't tolerate them, especially not the alpha female dog, and so the whole pack is balanced.

    Now, it doesn't sound like your dog is like co worker's BF's dog, other than her intense love for you ;-)  But be very careful adding another dog into your "pack" and I agree, I would avoid another female.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • tcnoble said:

    This might come acoss as harsh, but what are you currently doing to have a relationship with the dog? It doesn't sound like you have any interest in her at all, so I am curious to know if you are doing anything with her?

     

    Maybe try taking her on walks just the two of you. Spend time with her.

    Don't worry about being harsh! I do take her on walks, we started that this week. She is also my buddy in the afternoons after FI drops her off from work and he goes to the gym. We are alike in that we enjoy lounging and watching TV in the afternoons and being lazy. She lays on her couch, I lay on mine. It's a comfortable situation.


    This sounds like you are doing everything you should! It very well may be that you and her will just not have a super close relationship and that is perfectly fine.

     

    I used to have an Aussie, Amaroo, who I loved. She was so high energy, though. Do you have any agility training courses near you? She was so much happier when I would take her to those.

    Tequila seems to lack all natural Aussie instincts. She does enjoy chasing quail at my in-law's, but has no interest in the farm or horses. Physically, when she came to us she could hardly go up stairs because she had no muscle at all. She's gotten a lot more fit and runs around now, and I'm hoping regular walks will help up her fitness levels. I'm not sure if she would have an interest in agility. She's much more of a couch potato than a typical Aussie. FILs have 3 other Aussies who are SOOOO wild all the time and run around the farm like crazy, but Tequila would always just prefer to lay in the house. More of those "normal dog things" she just never learned. 
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  • tcnoble said:
    We don't have a dog (planning to get one this Spring) and I've never had a rescue, so I can't relate to not bonding with a dog. 

    However, when you say she's super clingy and needy, I'm wondering if she's not getting enough contact. If you and your FI work, she's probably alone a lot. And it sounds like she's been around lots of dogs her whole life. 

    If you're a dog person, what would you think about getting a puppy so she can have a "pack"? It might make her less clingy to you, FI would have "his" dog, and you could have "yours". Just a thought.
    She goes to work with my FI every day. He works at his parents' property - which is about 2 acres (big in Vegas) so she gets to be out with their other dogs, and spend time with him at the same time. He drops her off at home about the time I get home from work, and then goes to the gym. So she is rarely alone. I think it may just be a trait of the dog... and due to her history, I think she is worried she has us and may lose us.

    We talked about getting another dog - oh boy do I want one. But with our wedding only 3 months away, we felt that could just add another element of stress to things. So we have discussed waiting until Summer when I'm on break (I'm a teacher) so I have time at home. We aren't sure if she would feel more or less comfortable with another dog - she craves attention and we aren't sure if it would make her more insecure to compete with another dog for that.
    So, my co-worker's BF has an Australian shepherd. . . and he has more issues than Vogue.  My co-worker has had a lot of dogs throughout her life, and all rescues, and this shepherd is the worst, sad to say.

    He can't really help it, he's just got one too many screws loose.  But part of his issues are that he adores the BF and only the BF. . . sounds like that is a breed thing.  He tolerates my co worker because she won't stand for any of his shit,  but he hates my co workers other dogs.  However, the other dogs are balanced, and so they keep his neurotic behaviors in check because they don't tolerate them, especially not the alpha female dog, and so the whole pack is balanced.

    Now, it doesn't sound like your dog is like co worker's BF's dog, other than her intense love for you ;-)  But be very careful adding another dog into your "pack" and I agree, I would avoid another female.
    I'm definitely lucky that she loves me, and shows no aggression towards me when FI and I are together with her. She gets along great with their other dogs, but generally prefers our company. We thought she might be lonely, leaving their house and other dogs just to live with us, but she seems to like the peace and quiet. Probably an effect of her time as a dog in a big breeding operation (puppy mill!!!). 

    We talked a lot about another dog but worry another rescue/shelter dog would add a whole other mix of complexities that we aren't ready to deal with... when I'm just the one longing for that companionship. Wouldn't be fair to either dog. So we are waiting until Summer when things calm down. We have always talked about how we think she would be a great "mama dog" to puppies since she is so kind, so we are hoping that works out well when we add a pup or two.
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
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    tcnoble said:
    tcnoble said:

    This might come acoss as harsh, but what are you currently doing to have a relationship with the dog? It doesn't sound like you have any interest in her at all, so I am curious to know if you are doing anything with her?

     

    Maybe try taking her on walks just the two of you. Spend time with her.

    Don't worry about being harsh! I do take her on walks, we started that this week. She is also my buddy in the afternoons after FI drops her off from work and he goes to the gym. We are alike in that we enjoy lounging and watching TV in the afternoons and being lazy. She lays on her couch, I lay on mine. It's a comfortable situation.


    This sounds like you are doing everything you should! It very well may be that you and her will just not have a super close relationship and that is perfectly fine.

     

    I used to have an Aussie, Amaroo, who I loved. She was so high energy, though. Do you have any agility training courses near you? She was so much happier when I would take her to those.

    Tequila seems to lack all natural Aussie instincts. She does enjoy chasing quail at my in-law's, but has no interest in the farm or horses. Physically, when she came to us she could hardly go up stairs because she had no muscle at all. She's gotten a lot more fit and runs around now, and I'm hoping regular walks will help up her fitness levels. I'm not sure if she would have an interest in agility. She's much more of a couch potato than a typical Aussie. FILs have 3 other Aussies who are SOOOO wild all the time and run around the farm like crazy, but Tequila would always just prefer to lay in the house. More of those "normal dog things" she just never learned. 
    That's good.  It's not safe to let dogs chase horses, they can get seriously injured.  And it's not fair to stress the horses out, either.  I board a horse at a stable and the owners have two german shephards they got as puppies. . . the 1st thing those dogs leaned was not to chase the horses.

    Aw, poor dog!  I'm glad she was retired though and can have a better life.  This is one reason I'm not a huge fan of breeders.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • tcnoble said:
    We don't have a dog (planning to get one this Spring) and I've never had a rescue, so I can't relate to not bonding with a dog. 

    However, when you say she's super clingy and needy, I'm wondering if she's not getting enough contact. If you and your FI work, she's probably alone a lot. And it sounds like she's been around lots of dogs her whole life. 

    If you're a dog person, what would you think about getting a puppy so she can have a "pack"? It might make her less clingy to you, FI would have "his" dog, and you could have "yours". Just a thought.
    She goes to work with my FI every day. He works at his parents' property - which is about 2 acres (big in Vegas) so she gets to be out with their other dogs, and spend time with him at the same time. He drops her off at home about the time I get home from work, and then goes to the gym. So she is rarely alone. I think it may just be a trait of the dog... and due to her history, I think she is worried she has us and may lose us.

    We talked about getting another dog - oh boy do I want one. But with our wedding only 3 months away, we felt that could just add another element of stress to things. So we have discussed waiting until Summer when I'm on break (I'm a teacher) so I have time at home. We aren't sure if she would feel more or less comfortable with another dog - she craves attention and we aren't sure if it would make her more insecure to compete with another dog for that.
    I think this is playing a huge part here. Maybe just because in my own rescue doggie situation I notice the same tendencies. He won't go through a door or down stairs first. He has to know that I will be right there with him. When he notices I've left the room, it's a stage 5 freak out to find me.

    I think with the right adjustment period you will love her as much as she loves you. It sounds like she is getting enough exercise for what she's able to do physically. It also sounds like she didn't know a real owner's love as she was just used to breed. I truly believe dogs know when they've been "saved" and express their appreciation. So cherish those quiet lazy times on the couch with her - it's a rarity for this super active breed! 
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    tcnoblePrettyGirlLost
  • You might just need to have a moment with Tequila. One of those moments that melt your Grinch heart (not that you have a Grinch heart, but whenever I have one of those moments, I picture the animated movie where his heart "grew two sizes that day" and I picture ice melting off my heart) :P 

    I used to hate my sister's BF's dog. It's a little dog, and was rescued when he was older so he just kind of does his own thing, but he's a shit starter with my dog, and then my dog gets scolded by everyone, even though my dog did nothing wrong. Little dog also shreds all the toys and makes huge messes and fucking barks incessantly. 

    One day the herd of dogs were going nuts (both mine and both my sisters' were all at my parents house) and little dog started getting trampled by my big dog and by my sister's big dog. I felt bad for the guy, so I stepped into the middle of the fray and lifted up little dog. Well --and I still can't believe this to this day-- he pressed himself against my chest, took his little tiny paws, wrapped them around my neck and clung to me, and nuzzled his face into my neck. Like he was relieved to have been lifted up and was thanking me or something with a hug. It was like a tiny human was hugging me. 

    Needless to say that was our moment, and my Grinch heart melted. Little dog still pisses me off with the barking, but I'm much more fond of him now than I used to be. 
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  • Also, I didn't fully realize that Harley was so much not my favorite until she started fighting with Kiki and I was always having to "choose sides."  Harley apparently knew it, though, which was part of her issue.

    Another thing that is helping is, as strange as it sounds, tucking her in at night (which only started when we were without power/heat for 2 nights).  Also generally trying to get cute photos of her to help appreciate her more.image

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  • tcnoble said:
    tcnoble said:

    This might come acoss as harsh, but what are you currently doing to have a relationship with the dog? It doesn't sound like you have any interest in her at all, so I am curious to know if you are doing anything with her?

     

    Maybe try taking her on walks just the two of you. Spend time with her.

    Don't worry about being harsh! I do take her on walks, we started that this week. She is also my buddy in the afternoons after FI drops her off from work and he goes to the gym. We are alike in that we enjoy lounging and watching TV in the afternoons and being lazy. She lays on her couch, I lay on mine. It's a comfortable situation.


    This sounds like you are doing everything you should! It very well may be that you and her will just not have a super close relationship and that is perfectly fine.

     

    I used to have an Aussie, Amaroo, who I loved. She was so high energy, though. Do you have any agility training courses near you? She was so much happier when I would take her to those.

    Tequila seems to lack all natural Aussie instincts. She does enjoy chasing quail at my in-law's, but has no interest in the farm or horses. Physically, when she came to us she could hardly go up stairs because she had no muscle at all. She's gotten a lot more fit and runs around now, and I'm hoping regular walks will help up her fitness levels. I'm not sure if she would have an interest in agility. She's much more of a couch potato than a typical Aussie. FILs have 3 other Aussies who are SOOOO wild all the time and run around the farm like crazy, but Tequila would always just prefer to lay in the house. More of those "normal dog things" she just never learned. 
    That's good.  It's not safe to let dogs chase horses, they can get seriously injured.  And it's not fair to stress the horses out, either.  I board a horse at a stable and the owners have two german shephards they got as puppies. . . the 1st thing those dogs leaned was not to chase the horses.

    Aw, poor dog!  I'm glad she was retired though and can have a better life.  This is one reason I'm not a huge fan of breeders.
    Their Aussies learned real young not to get tangled up in horse legs. They aren't allowed in the arena when someone is riding but their oldest Aussie is best friends with one of their geldings and they play together, it's cute. The oldest one also is allowed to follow on trail rides, but he doesn't chase the horses at all. She just hasn't shown any herding instincts when the horses are out. She prefers to sleep in the tack room :)

    She was definitely bred a lot... we call it her "big mama tummy". Her tummy noticeably hangs down.. we don't know much about breeding but we imagine she had to have carried a lot of puppies to have that going on. Poor girl.
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    tcnoble said:
    Is she alone a lot? Is she getting exercise? That could maybe be a reason for the clingy-ness. 

    I'm sad for this dog - not because you don't feel a connection, but because it sounds like she didn't receive a lot of love and attention. You're probably right that she was used just for breeding and that's it. That breaks my heart. 
    It's really sad. She must have been abused because if you move too quickly towards her she will shy away or run to her bed. If you touch her hindquarters suddenly (not even roughly) she will yelp. We think they must have handled her roughly, which we aren't sure why because she is so sweet. We have worked hard to make sure she knows all the luxuries that dogs deserve.
    That poor dog. Ugh. I'm happy she has you and H now. 

    tcnoble
  • Thanks for all the helpful posts and suggestions everyone. I talked to FI and I'm going to look in to some basic obedience or agility classes - I think it might be good for us to have something that is just for her and I.
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    tcnoble said:
    tcnoble said:
    tcnoble said:

    This might come acoss as harsh, but what are you currently doing to have a relationship with the dog? It doesn't sound like you have any interest in her at all, so I am curious to know if you are doing anything with her?

     

    Maybe try taking her on walks just the two of you. Spend time with her.

    Don't worry about being harsh! I do take her on walks, we started that this week. She is also my buddy in the afternoons after FI drops her off from work and he goes to the gym. We are alike in that we enjoy lounging and watching TV in the afternoons and being lazy. She lays on her couch, I lay on mine. It's a comfortable situation.


    This sounds like you are doing everything you should! It very well may be that you and her will just not have a super close relationship and that is perfectly fine.

     

    I used to have an Aussie, Amaroo, who I loved. She was so high energy, though. Do you have any agility training courses near you? She was so much happier when I would take her to those.

    Tequila seems to lack all natural Aussie instincts. She does enjoy chasing quail at my in-law's, but has no interest in the farm or horses. Physically, when she came to us she could hardly go up stairs because she had no muscle at all. She's gotten a lot more fit and runs around now, and I'm hoping regular walks will help up her fitness levels. I'm not sure if she would have an interest in agility. She's much more of a couch potato than a typical Aussie. FILs have 3 other Aussies who are SOOOO wild all the time and run around the farm like crazy, but Tequila would always just prefer to lay in the house. More of those "normal dog things" she just never learned. 
    That's good.  It's not safe to let dogs chase horses, they can get seriously injured.  And it's not fair to stress the horses out, either.  I board a horse at a stable and the owners have two german shephards they got as puppies. . . the 1st thing those dogs leaned was not to chase the horses.

    Aw, poor dog!  I'm glad she was retired though and can have a better life.  This is one reason I'm not a huge fan of breeders.
    Their Aussies learned real young not to get tangled up in horse legs. They aren't allowed in the arena when someone is riding but their oldest Aussie is best friends with one of their geldings and they play together, it's cute. The oldest one also is allowed to follow on trail rides, but he doesn't chase the horses at all. She just hasn't shown any herding instincts when the horses are out. She prefers to sleep in the tack room :)

    She was definitely bred a lot... we call it her "big mama tummy". Her tummy noticeably hangs down.. we don't know much about breeding but we imagine she had to have carried a lot of puppies to have that going on. Poor girl.
    I know they aren't your dogs, I'm not picking on you, but it's still not good to let dogs activley chase or herd horses.  It's unsafe for all involved, and it unduly stresses the horses out.  Dogs are predators to them.  So while the dogs might be having fun, chances are the horses are not. . . that particular gelding aside.  Plus there's a chance the horses can trip in a groundhog hole, slip on muddy ground, etc and get seriously hurt.

    Now going along on trail rides and such is fine, as long as they are just following along and not messing with the horses.  The barn shepherds do that with us.  And they are only allowed in the arena if they are going to lay down next to the owners while they give lessons. . . which isn't often because they would much rather be outside elsewhere chasing each other and looking for moles ;-)

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    tcnoblenovella1186
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    tcnoble said:
    Thanks for all the helpful posts and suggestions everyone. I talked to FI and I'm going to look in to some basic obedience or agility classes - I think it might be good for us to have something that is just for her and I.
    Aw I hope she likes it!  I bet she will.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • tcnoble said:
    tcnoble said:
    tcnoble said:

    This might come acoss as harsh, but what are you currently doing to have a relationship with the dog? It doesn't sound like you have any interest in her at all, so I am curious to know if you are doing anything with her?

     

    Maybe try taking her on walks just the two of you. Spend time with her.

    Don't worry about being harsh! I do take her on walks, we started that this week. She is also my buddy in the afternoons after FI drops her off from work and he goes to the gym. We are alike in that we enjoy lounging and watching TV in the afternoons and being lazy. She lays on her couch, I lay on mine. It's a comfortable situation.


    This sounds like you are doing everything you should! It very well may be that you and her will just not have a super close relationship and that is perfectly fine.

     

    I used to have an Aussie, Amaroo, who I loved. She was so high energy, though. Do you have any agility training courses near you? She was so much happier when I would take her to those.

    Tequila seems to lack all natural Aussie instincts. She does enjoy chasing quail at my in-law's, but has no interest in the farm or horses. Physically, when she came to us she could hardly go up stairs because she had no muscle at all. She's gotten a lot more fit and runs around now, and I'm hoping regular walks will help up her fitness levels. I'm not sure if she would have an interest in agility. She's much more of a couch potato than a typical Aussie. FILs have 3 other Aussies who are SOOOO wild all the time and run around the farm like crazy, but Tequila would always just prefer to lay in the house. More of those "normal dog things" she just never learned. 
    That's good.  It's not safe to let dogs chase horses, they can get seriously injured.  And it's not fair to stress the horses out, either.  I board a horse at a stable and the owners have two german shephards they got as puppies. . . the 1st thing those dogs leaned was not to chase the horses.

    Aw, poor dog!  I'm glad she was retired though and can have a better life.  This is one reason I'm not a huge fan of breeders.
    Their Aussies learned real young not to get tangled up in horse legs. They aren't allowed in the arena when someone is riding but their oldest Aussie is best friends with one of their geldings and they play together, it's cute. The oldest one also is allowed to follow on trail rides, but he doesn't chase the horses at all. She just hasn't shown any herding instincts when the horses are out. She prefers to sleep in the tack room :)

    She was definitely bred a lot... we call it her "big mama tummy". Her tummy noticeably hangs down.. we don't know much about breeding but we imagine she had to have carried a lot of puppies to have that going on. Poor girl.
    I know they aren't your dogs, I'm not picking on you, but it's still not good to let dogs activley chase or herd horses.  It's unsafe for all involved, and it unduly stresses the horses out.  Dogs are predators to them.  So while the dogs might be having fun, chances are the horses are not. . . that particular gelding aside.  Plus there's a chance the horses can trip in a groundhog hole, slip on muddy ground, etc and get seriously hurt.

    Now going along on trail rides and such is fine, as long as they are just following along and not messing with the horses.  The barn shepherds do that with us.  And they are only allowed in the arena if they are going to lay down next to the owners while they give lessons. . . which isn't often because they would much rather be outside elsewhere chasing each other and looking for moles ;-)
    I agree 110%. My mare hates dogs. They don't even have to be chasing her, she just doesn't like them. If they come and mess with her in the crossties, she will nip at them. She just doesn't like them. She isn't boarded at my FILs, but at the barn she is at the dogs like to "play" when horses are turned out but she gets suuuuper whipped up about that and last thing we need is a broken leg. It's always a plus when barn dogs are well trained and a simple "OUT!" will clear the arena :) 
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