How to not invite a couple's kids that will hang all over one of my bridesmaids and ruin her night?

jacobsmawedding15

One my bridesmaids and I are really close with one of our college professor's family. They have 4 children who will be aged 14, 12, 10, and 8 at the time of the wedding. I'm really close with the 14 and 12 year old and want them there at my wedding, and while I also have a good relationship with the 10 and 8 year old, I know they will spend the entire reception hanging on one of my bridesmaids and completely ruining her night. She's too nice to tell them to go away (and I love her for it). Is it acceptable for me to ask my professor's wife not to bring the 10 and 8 year old, or at least a nice way of saying it? I thought about making up a rule that only children over the age of 12 other than immediate family are invited, but that's not really true because there will be at least 4 other kids at the reception who are clearly not my immediate family. I have absolutely no problem with them being there except for the fact that they will be a nussiance to my poor sweet bridesmaid, and I'd really like to just avoid putting her in that situation. Any suggestions?

Jen4948

Unfortunately, about the only thing you can do is invite all or none of the kids. Splitting families is considered a big etiquette no-no.

mikenberger

jacobsmawedding15 said:

One my bridesmaids and I are really close with one of our college professor's family. They have 4 children who will be aged 14, 12, 10, and 8 at the time of the wedding. I'm really close with the 14 and 12 year old and want them there at my wedding, and while I also have a good relationship with the 10 and 8 year old, I know they will spend the entire reception hanging on one of my bridesmaids and completely ruining her night. She's too nice to tell them to go away (and I love her for it). Is it acceptable for me to ask my professor's wife not to bring the 10 and 8 year old, or at least a nice way of saying it? I thought about making up a rule that only children over the age of 12 other than immediate family are invited, but that's not really true because there will be at least 4 other kids at the reception who are clearly not my immediate family. I have absolutely no problem with them being there except for the fact that they will be a nussiance to my poor sweet bridesmaid, and I'd really like to just avoid putting her in that situation. Any suggestions?

Well how neat is this?! This is about the easiest solution possible: Not. Your. Problem. Someone else's kids hanging on someone who is not you is not a problem you should take onto yourself. If your BM can't tell the kids "You're going to ruin my pretty dress!" or something of the like, its not your problem to solve. And if the parents don't intervene. Still. Not your issue to parent.

Personally, I can't imagine a 10 and 8 year old hanging on anybody. My nieces and nephews are of similar age and are too involved in their Idoodles and whatnot to pay attention to anybody else.

You cannot not invite them and invite the rest of the family just because you feel they're going to be a nuisance to your bridesmaid.

downtondiva

How do you know that having the kids around your bridesmaid that much would ruin her night? Has she told you that? 

Either way, the reality is, as PP said, these kids hanging on your bridesmaid is not really your problem. That is something for your bridesmaid and the children's parents to deal with. 

redoryx

jacobsmawedding15 said:

One my bridesmaids and I are really close with one of our college professor's family. They have 4 children who will be aged 14, 12, 10, and 8 at the time of the wedding. I'm really close with the 14 and 12 year old and want them there at my wedding, and while I also have a good relationship with the 10 and 8 year old, I know they will spend the entire reception hanging on one of my bridesmaids and completely ruining her night. She's too nice to tell them to go away (and I love her for it). Is it acceptable for me to ask my professor's wife not to bring the 10 and 8 year old, or at least a nice way of saying it? I thought about making up a rule that only children over the age of 12 other than immediate family are invited, but that's not really true because there will be at least 4 other kids at the reception who are clearly not my immediate family. I have absolutely no problem with them being there except for the fact that they will be a nussiance to my poor sweet bridesmaid, and I'd really like to just avoid putting her in that situation. Any suggestions?

No. No it is not acceptable to do this and the fact that you are trying to find a "nice" way to do it suggests you already know it's probably not acceptable.

Your options are 1) Invite the entire family, including all of the kids or 2) Invite only the parents

climbingsingle

No. You cannot invite two of the kids and not the other two. Invite all of them or none of them. 

novella1186

mikenberger said, it is the parents' job to parent their children. It is the bridesmaid's job to make sure she has a good time. This should be none of your concern. 

And as all the PPs have said, no, you cannot invite two children and leave the other two out. This would probably be very hurtful and upsetting to the family, especially since other children are allowed to come. 

levioosa

Nope, it's all or none. And not your problem. 

Out of curiosity, why can't your BM draw her own boundaries? 

"It's been great hanging out with you little Johnny, but I'm going to go dance now.  See you later!"

Seriously though, the kids are 8 and 10.  How much "hanging" can they really be doing? 

lovegood90

I agree with PPs. You're perfectly within etiquette to not invite some children even if other children will be there, however this doesn't apply to families- you can't split up families. If you're that concerned just don't invite any of the professor's children.

I'm also wondering- has your BM actually asked for help in dealing with this? If she hasn't I don't think you should concern yourself with it.

MyNameIsNot

Either invite the whole family or don't. It's technically ok to invite some kids but not all, but if you have an active relationship with these friends' kids, they're going to wonder why their kids were not invited while other non-family kids are there.

Tell your BM to grow up and learn how to get away from kids if she doesn't want to hang out with them all night. It's not your place to invite or exclude people from a party because you think another guest won't want to spend the whole night with them. She's a big girl. She needs to learn how to handle herself in a social situation.

[Deleted User]

The only solution is not to invite any of the kids.

southernbelle0915

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

If you're worried about the kids hanging all over her, don't invite any of their children. What you cannot do (at least within good etiquette) is to split up the family. Not only would that be against etiquette, but you can expect her to be pretty pissed off that you're favoring 2 of her kids and not the others. 

lovegood90

Also, why do you think you need to run this by the wife? You're close to your college professor and not the wife, right? They're his kids too...

AddieCake

If your bridesmaid cannot draw her own boundaries, that is her problem. I cannot believe you are worrying about this. You're upset that you didn't get an email from TK that you are 7 months out, and you are worrying about kids pestering your bridesmaid. If you are worrying over these kinds of things, it is going to be a very long and stressful time for you planning this wedding, and I suggest you get a margarita habit going.

danamw

Since it isn't a 'no kids' event, you really can't exclude just these 2. The bridesmaid gave the kids the impression they can 'hang all over her', so she can give the impression, fun's fun, but enough is enough. It is up to her.

It isn't your worry.