Chit Chat

You Don't Want Advice!

Ugh!  I love my fiance, but he's driving me nuts today!  He interviewed for a job on Monday and was supposed to meet with the HR rep after meeting with the supervising manager, but before he even got to the interview, they cancelled the meeting with the HR rep and she said she'd call him "mid week" to follow-up.

So he was asking me if I thought he could call tomorrow, Friday, to follow up if I doesn't hear from her today, since technically it's after mid-week.  I'm advising he wait until late morning on Monday before he calls. 

Yes, she should call by the end of the day today because that's what she said she'd do.  BUT, I'm IN HR; I HIRE people, and I keep telling him that shit happens.  Stuff comes up, or the people he met with Monday haven't done what they're supposed to so the HR person is waiting to hear from them, and that giving her an extra day to get her / their shit together might be a good thing.

And he just keeps saying "but...." 

I have told him twice now that by just saying "but...." to every point I make isn't going to make me cave and "give this my blessing."  I gave you my advice, since you asked, but now you have to decide what to do- I'm not going to decide for you.

It is SO obvious he wants to call, and he's creating justifications to do so.  So, again, you didn't want my advice, you just want to do what you want to do and you want me to "bless" it for you.

Sorry, not going to happen.  You have to own this one buddy.

We're supposed to go to a party tonight... this should be fun- especially if he hasn't decide WHAT to do since he'll just agonize over it the whole time.

Re: You Don't Want Advice!

  • Am I married or your FI? He does this all. The. Time. With school and job stuff. But at least he's becoming more aware of it and acknowledges his behavior, even if he still does it. He'll even ask me to read emails for him and when I suggest different phrasing, say,,"well I should really say it this way because..." Dude, you're a grown up--you've got this!
  • Poor guy. I hope he's able to come to peace with either situation (whether he lets go of his worry until Monday or whether he decides to call today) and not agonize the whole weekend. And I hope you enjoy the party.

    Then happy I, that love and am beloved 
    Where I may not remove nor be removed.

     --William Shakespeare (Sonnet 25)

  • I feel so bad even venting about this because he is just such a quiet person, and he doesn't normally "rock the boat."  And I know he REALLY wants this job.  And I care about what he wants and I hope he gets it.

    So, I feel a little bad that I had to get kind of blunt with him, and tell him I wasn't going to cave or change my advice, but after three "buts..." it became obvious that he just wanted me to validate his decision and I was kind of tired of saying the same thing and it falling on deaf ears. 

  • So, he decided to call her and left a VM.  He said it made him feel better.  Now at least half of that worry is gone (about what to do- call or not), but I think he's going to spend the rest of the weekend now wondering when she'll call back next week...


  • scribe95 said:

    Either way he would have spent the whole weekend wondering about it. I personally agree that a call on Friday was the way to go.

    I agree.

    If the HR rep is anything like me, I just kind of stop working on Fri and push anything I can to Mon if it's not vital. I've actually given a fair amount of "early" job offers simply because the candidate called back and I figured "while I have you on the phone..."

    I've personally always been a big fan of following up with things before the weekend.

  • Either way he would have spent the whole weekend wondering about it. I personally agree that a call on Friday was the way to go.
    I agree. If the HR rep is anything like me, I just kind of stop working on Fri and push anything I can to Mon if it's not vital. I've actually given a fair amount of "early" job offers simply because the candidate called back and I figured "while I have you on the phone..." I've personally always been a big fan of following up with things before the weekend.
    Really?  Can't say I've ever done this.  I spend my Fridays still chasing down the people who were supposed to give me the offer approval on Tuesday but haven't yet... (and knotting).  I LOVE getting that "extra" day from candidates.

    As long as he feels more relaxed I guess that's all that matters.

  • Either way he would have spent the whole weekend wondering about it. I personally agree that a call on Friday was the way to go.
    I agree. If the HR rep is anything like me, I just kind of stop working on Fri and push anything I can to Mon if it's not vital. I've actually given a fair amount of "early" job offers simply because the candidate called back and I figured "while I have you on the phone..." I've personally always been a big fan of following up with things before the weekend.
    Really?  Can't say I've ever done this.  I spend my Fridays still chasing down the people who were supposed to give me the offer approval on Tuesday but haven't yet... (and knotting).  I LOVE getting that "extra" day from candidates.

    As long as he feels more relaxed I guess that's all that matters.
    The HR where I've worked in the past really sucked, but somehow they always got back to me quickly in terms of job offer approval.


  • November 2013 (before t-day) DH had 3 phone interviews and had to fly out for a tasting last year.  They said they had 3 more tastings and they would call around xmas.   Xmas came and went.  So did New Years.  DH gave up.     

    They called on Feb 5 and offered him the job.   They wanted him there in 2 weeks.  We lived in Indy at the time.

    His NOLA job took a while too, even thought they said they would get back to him in a week or so. It was more like 3 weeks.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Ha,ha!  Your FI reminds me of some of the newbies we get here on TK!  They don't want advice!  They just want to be told that it is OK to be what they want to do!
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  • I'm your Fi, haha!
    image




  • scribe95 said:

    Either way he would have spent the whole weekend wondering about it. I personally agree that a call on Friday was the way to go.

    I agree.

    If the HR rep is anything like me, I just kind of stop working on Fri and push anything I can to Mon if it's not vital. I've actually given a fair amount of "early" job offers simply because the candidate called back and I figured "while I have you on the phone..."

    I've personally always been a big fan of following up with things before the weekend.

    Really?  Can't say I've ever done this.  I spend my Fridays still chasing down the people who were supposed to give me the offer approval on Tuesday but haven't yet... (and knotting).  I LOVE getting that "extra" day from candidates.

    As long as he feels more relaxed I guess that's all that matters.

    The HR where I've worked in the past really sucked, but somehow they always got back to me quickly in terms of job offer approval.

    Ha ha! I am HR. I am the one chasing down the hiring managers for their okay to make the offer, finalize the amount, decide on negotiated vacation, etc.

    I've lost candidates a few times in my career because people were taking their sweet-ass time.
  • CMGragain said:

    Ha,ha!  Your FI reminds me of some of the newbies we get here on TK!  They don't want advice!  They just want to be told that it is OK to be what they want to do!

    Ha ha! I was actually thinking the same thing. At least he waited until AFTER the time she said she'd call ( and didn't) but I gave him my advice when asked and instead of just saying okay and moving on and/or doing what he wanted, I really felt like he was trying to get me to change my advice so he felt better.
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