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Registry and Gift Forum
retterin
member
Uncomfortable with Registry--Tips?
So here's some background: FI and I have been living together for a few years, and are pretty established in the "essentials" of our home. For that reason, we originally decided to forgo a registry. However, just a few days after sending out our save the dates, we started getting calls and emails from generous family members and friends asking us where we are registered and noting that they prefer to have a list to go by.
This threw us off a little, as we really weren't expecting gifts (we are both in our thirties, and as I said, have already established a home), just the presence of our family that we get to see so little of. So, we opted to register at a few stores that we knew would be convenient for family and friends. We went to BB&B last night to begin our registry, and I was really uncomfortable with the whole experience.
Even though I know, intellectually, that my family wants a registry and that it is a completely normal and practical way of doing things, I can't get over the feeling that I'm being selfish and demanding, even though I have used registries as a guest in countless weddings with no problems. Part of the problem is that I grew up fairly poor, and in a culture that abhors asking for help/things. Scanning any item over $50 sent me into a fluster, and my FI kept having to talk me into scanning a wider price range of items. Even so, we spent 2 hours at BB&B, and I ended up with a whopping 12 items.
Has anyone else felt this anxiety over populating your registry? How did you get over it? I know it's completely irrational, but at this rate there won't be anything at all on the registry by the time the wedding comes around.
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Re: Uncomfortable with Registry--Tips?
I totally get it. But I think that if you're super uncomfortable asking for things, a registery is actually the better way to go. Even with a registry I had people asking me super awkward questions like, "Do you want something from your registry? Or do you just want cash?" What? Neither! I just want you to come to my wedding! I can only imagine how not having a registry would have led to a million additional interactions with people where I'd have to actually talk about gifts and money face to face. Which seriously slays me. I'm so awkward talking about money and asking for things.
Just know that if someone doesn't want to get you a gift, they won't. And if someone doesn't want to spend more than $50, they won't. And if someone wants to get you something off-registry, they will. (My two favorite gifts were off-registry.) (Hahaha and my my weirdest, straight into a drawer where no one will ever have to see it gift.) No one, no one no one no one, will judge you for having one, even if you are in your 30s, and even if you have already been living with FI. People are just really nice and want to get you something that you'll love.
They will only judge you if the only things you have on there are insane things. Like toilet paper. Or a $700 soap dish.
Just know that if someone doesn't want to get you a gift, they won't. And if someone doesn't want to spend more than $50, they won't. And if someone wants to get you something off-registry, they will.
Thank you! That helps quite a bit. For whatever reason, I've convinced myself that having more expensive gifts than that listed reads as "buy me this!" and that's the very last thing that I would ever want to convey to my friends and family.
ETA: I'm seriously starting to think TK's tech just generally hates me.
Think about why you have purchased from registries in the past. You wanted to get the couple something they wanted and would use, right? It's just there to make other people's lives easier. They don't have to fret over whether you will enjoy their gift or if it will match your other decor. And simply having things on the registry is not forcing anyone to purchase any of them. It's an option.
Yay!! I was in the same situation as you and my mom said all the things your did. People really want to buy you gifts, but they want to be sure it is something you want. Think of the registry as resurrance that yes, you like the gift they are buying for you.