Interesting post on reddit

ChemFanatic25

I saw this post on reddit and I'm curious what you ladies would recommend. Here's the link.

So basically the bride does not like her FI's best friend because the best friend absolutely hates the bride. She insults the bride and has "no respect for their relationship." 

So the bride does not want the best friend to come to the wedding. She believes "someone who doesn't approve of the relationship should not be welcome."

Etiquette would dictate the bride still invite the best friend because she hasn't caused physical harm or slept with the groom correct? Or is this a hill the bride should die on?

I personally would not be thrilled that my SO's best friend didn't approve of me. I feel this is more a FH problem than a best friend problem. I would be less thrilled that my SO was friends with someone who could hate me so much BUT as always, there is always three sides to a story and we only have one. Based on that side, what do you think?

Edit: Oh I forgot to add that the best friend only invites the FI and will not allow the bride to come to any parties or activities.

southernbelle0915

ChemFanatic25 said:

I saw this post on reddit and I'm curious what you ladies would recommend. Here's the link.

So basically the bride does not like her FI's best friend because the best friend absolutely hates the bride. She insults the bride and has "no respect for their relationship." 

So the bride does not want the best friend to come to the wedding. She believes "someone who doesn't approve of the relationship should not be welcome."

Etiquette would dictate the bride still invite the best friend because she hasn't caused physical harm or slept with the groom correct? Or is this a hill the bride should die on?

I personally would not be thrilled that my SO's best friend didn't approve of me. I feel this is more a FH problem than a best friend problem. I would be less thrilled that my SO was friends with someone who could hate me so much BUT as always, there is always three sides to a story and we only have one. Based on that side, what do you think?

Edit: Oh I forgot to add that the best friend only invites the FI and will not allow the bride to come to any parties or activities.

To the bolded - absolutely not. 

The bride and groom can invite whoever they want to their wedding. If they decide not to invite Best Friend or even Great Aunt Milly, that's fine. 

However, if she invites the BF's FI, she has to invite the BF.

Best way to resolve: invite neither.

ChemFanatic25

southernbelle0915 said:

ChemFanatic25 said:

I saw this post on reddit and I'm curious what you ladies would recommend. Here's the link.

So basically the bride does not like her FI's best friend because the best friend absolutely hates the bride. She insults the bride and has "no respect for their relationship." 

So the bride does not want the best friend to come to the wedding. She believes "someone who doesn't approve of the relationship should not be welcome."

Etiquette would dictate the bride still invite the best friend because she hasn't caused physical harm or slept with the groom correct? Or is this a hill the bride should die on?

I personally would not be thrilled that my SO's best friend didn't approve of me. I feel this is more a FH problem than a best friend problem. I would be less thrilled that my SO was friends with someone who could hate me so much BUT as always, there is always three sides to a story and we only have one. Based on that side, what do you think?

Edit: Oh I forgot to add that the best friend only invites the FI and will not allow the bride to come to any parties or activities.

To the bolded - absolutely not. 

The bride and groom can invite whoever they want to their wedding. If they decide not to invite Best Friend or even Great Aunt Milly, that's fine. 

However, if she invites the BF's FI, she has to invite the BF.

Best way to resolve: invite neither.

**SIB**

Oh no, I think you misread the post. So the FI's best friend absolutely hates the bride. The bride does not want to invite the best friend. She wants to know if she is being unreasonable or has a leg to stand on?

lovegood90

So the groom's best "friend" is a female and she hates the bride?

Hmmm...shocking.

I've been to this rodeo before. It didn't end well.

ETA: This isn't a statement that men and women can't be friends. They totally can. But this situation sounds fishy.

southernbelle0915

ChemFanatic25 said: southernbelle0915 said: ChemFanatic25 said: I saw this post on reddit and I'm curious what you ladies would recommend. Here's the link.

So basically the bride does not like her FI's best friend because the best friend absolutely hates the bride. She insults the bride and has "no respect for their relationship." 

So the bride does not want the best friend to come to the wedding. She believes "someone who doesn't approve of the relationship should not be welcome."
Etiquette would dictate the bride still invite the best friend because she hasn't caused physical harm or slept with the groom correct? Or is this a hill the bride should die on?
I personally would not be thrilled that my SO's best friend didn't approve of me. I feel this is more a FH problem than a best friend problem. I would be less thrilled that my SO was friends with someone who could hate me so much BUT as always, there is always three sides to a story and we only have one. Based on that side, what do you think?
Edit: Oh I forgot to add that the best friend only invites the FI and will not allow the bride to come to any parties or activities. To the bolded - absolutely not. 
The bride and groom can invite whoever they want to their wedding. If they decide not to invite Best Friend or even Great Aunt Milly, that's fine. 
However, if she invites the BF's FI, she has to invite the BF.
Best way to resolve: invite neither.
**SIB**
Oh no, I think you misread the post. So the FI's best friend absolutely hates the bride. The bride does not want to invite the best friend. She wants to know if she is being unreasonable or has a leg to stand on?



***********SITB**************


No, I don't think I misread it. The couple is not obligated to invite ANYONE to their wedding. If they wanted to leave off the mother of the groom they could. Actions have consequences, of course, and it will probably sever the relationship.... 

But from a purely etiquette standpoint, they are not obligated to invite the best friend. 

tcnoble

We went through this with one of FI's female friends. They were super close in high school, but when she joined the Air Force their relationship understandably was distanced. Distanced so much that the ONLY time she calls him is when she comes to town (we live in Vegas) and she needs a personal taxi driver and place to crash.

Whatever. We all have "that" friend that we put up with because for some strange reason we still like them.

Shit started to hit the fan when she would come to town and take pictures in FIs bed with her then-girlfriend (she's bi) while he was working, and posting them to social media. Hell no you trashy broad. Take your shit somewhere else.

Then when we got engaged she all but DEMANDED she be FIs best man and he just laughed it off time after time like ha ha you must be kidding ha ha have you tried the bean dip?

So when I sent her an email asking for her address for STDs she replies "Oh honey how sweet you would allow me to attend but won't ask me to stand up in your wedding, on either side."

EXCUSE ME? 

I told FI and he was a little taken aback that she would talk to me like that, and said that's her shit to handle and if she doesn't apologize for being so snarky and just.. whatever.. she doesn't get an invite.

She never apologized.

BYEEE FELICIA.

ETF spelling

ChemFanatic25

Oh sorry, then i misread your response. 

Groom wants to invite the best friend though. So there is no "they". The bride doesn't want to invite the best friend. Groom wants to invite his best friend.

Maggie0829

This is a FI problem.  I don't get why she isn't pissed at her FI for still being friends with someone who won't allow him to bring his SO to her parties and who constantly bitches about his SO, presumably in front of him.

ChemFanatic25

Maggie0829 said:

This is a FI problem.  I don't get why she isn't pissed at her FI for still being friends with someone who won't allow him to bring his SO to her parties and who constantly bitches about his SO, presumably in front of him.

This I completely agree with. She doesn't seem to place any blame on him.

esstee33

ChemFanatic25 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

ChemFanatic25 said:

I saw this post on reddit and I'm curious what you ladies would recommend. Here's the link.

So basically the bride does not like her FI's best friend because the best friend absolutely hates the bride. She insults the bride and has "no respect for their relationship." 

So the bride does not want the best friend to come to the wedding. She believes "someone who doesn't approve of the relationship should not be welcome."

Etiquette would dictate the bride still invite the best friend because she hasn't caused physical harm or slept with the groom correct? Or is this a hill the bride should die on?

I personally would not be thrilled that my SO's best friend didn't approve of me. I feel this is more a FH problem than a best friend problem. I would be less thrilled that my SO was friends with someone who could hate me so much BUT as always, there is always three sides to a story and we only have one. Based on that side, what do you think?

Edit: Oh I forgot to add that the best friend only invites the FI and will not allow the bride to come to any parties or activities.

To the bolded - absolutely not. 

The bride and groom can invite whoever they want to their wedding. If they decide not to invite Best Friend or even Great Aunt Milly, that's fine. 

However, if she invites the BF's FI, she has to invite the BF.

Best way to resolve: invite neither.

**SIB**

Oh no, I think you misread the post. So the FI's best friend absolutely hates the bride. The bride does not want to invite the best friend. She wants to know if she is being unreasonable or has a leg to stand on?

If she misread it, then I did too. I think you're conflating the idea that you can not invite someone's SO because the SO is a physical danger to someone. 

Like if John and Jane are getting married, and John's best friend Kate hates the bride, they can either invite her or not. Etiquette has no bearing on it. Now if they're inviting Kate, but Kate's husband has done something totally awful to warrant splitting up the social unit and inviting Kate but not her husband, that's where that exception comes into play. 

Whether they invite the best friend or not has nothing to do with etiquette, but with what the couple decides is the best course of action. 

climbingsingle

If the groom wants to invite her, I think etiquette would say that she should be invited. I could be wrong though. 

ChemFanatic25

Okay, but the problem the bride and groom don't see eye to eye and unfortunately the bride doesn't think she has a groom problem. So is it wrong of the bride to put her foot down about the friend being invited or deal with it because the groom wants her there?

southernbelle0915

ChemFanatic25 said:

Oh sorry, then i misread your response. 

Groom wants to invite the best friend though. So there is no "they". The bride doesn't want to invite the best friend. Groom wants to invite his best friend.

This isn't an etiquette problem, it's a relationship problem and something the B&G just need to sort out by themselves.

Personally, I have no idea why the groom would want to invite someone to their wedding who hates his wife, is a bitch to his wife publicly, doesn't include his wife, etc. Why the fuck would he want to continue a relationship with someone like that?

The wedding is one day... I'm more concerned that he lets this stuff happen regularly.

lovegood90

ChemFanatic25 said:

Okay, but the problem the bride and groom don't see eye to eye and unfortunately the bride doesn't think she has a groom problem. So is it wrong of the bride to put her foot down about the friend being invited or deal with it because the groom wants her there?

OK then IMO this is a bride problem, because she needs to first realize she HAS a groom problem.

Because ultimately this is a bride and groom problem, not an etiquette problem. They need to sort out their issues about standing up for each other when one of their friends disrespects the other.

esstee33

ChemFanatic25 said:

Okay, but the problem the bride and groom don't see eye to eye and unfortunately the bride doesn't think she has a groom problem. So is it wrong of the bride to put her foot down about the friend being invited or deal with it because the groom wants her there?

If my FI's best friend hated me and was talking mad amounts of shit, I would have a major problem inviting said friend to our wedding. Thankfully, because my FI sticks up for me, it wouldn't be a problem for long. 

I think she's well within her rights to put her foot down and say she doesn't want the girl there, but it's likely to cause resentment with her FI if he does want the friend there. 

Girlfriend needs to have a talk with her FI about why he allows that bullshit to continue, IMO. 

southernbelle0915

ChemFanatic25 said:

Okay, but the problem the bride and groom don't see eye to eye and unfortunately the bride doesn't think she has a groom problem. So is it wrong of the bride to put her foot down about the friend being invited or deal with it because the groom wants her there?

This isn't an etiquette question anymore. It's a relationship problem. 

Maggie0829

lovegood90 said:

ChemFanatic25 said:

Okay, but the problem the bride and groom don't see eye to eye and unfortunately the bride doesn't think she has a groom problem. So is it wrong of the bride to put her foot down about the friend being invited or deal with it because the groom wants her there?

OK then IMO this is a bride problem, because she needs to first realize she HAS a groom problem.

Because ultimately this is a bride and groom problem, not an etiquette problem. They need to sort out their issues about standing up for each other when one of their friends disrespects the other.

All of this.

Bride needs to say "Hey FI, your best friend is really mean to me and says nasty things about me. Why the hell aren't you telling her to cut that shit out?"

huskypuppy14

ChemFanatic25 said:

Okay, but the problem the bride and groom don't see eye to eye and unfortunately the bride doesn't think she has a groom problem. So is it wrong of the bride to put her foot down about the friend being invited or deal with it because the groom wants her there?

This is a groom problem. No I don't think it's wrong of the bride to not want this person at her wedding, but it doesn't matter what I think. They have communication issues, and if they can't agree about inviting someone to their wedding, how are they going to compromise on much more important issues in the future.

JellyBean52513

There is no way in hell that I would marry someone who would allow one of their friends to disrespect me, treat me like shit, and who would accept party/social invites that SPECIFICALLY exclude me. "Hey, I'm meeting up with someone people on Friday, you should totally come! ...Ok, cool, see you there, just make sure you don't bring your FI, she's not invited." GTFOH. 

Yep, this is a relationship problem between bride and groom.

Fran1985

ClimbingBrideNY said:

If the groom wants to invite her, I think etiquette would say that she should be invited. I could be wrong though. 

I totally disagree. I think the thing people get confused about is this isn't an etiquette problem at all- its a relationship problem. If the groom wants to invite his mistress, and the bride doesnt want a mistress there, neither necessarily "trumps" the other. (Not saying this girl is a mistress. just saying that one party doesn't get to unilaterally decide yes this person is coming) The groom wanting to invite someone doesn't mean that etiquette wise they have to invite the person, but the bride doesn't get automatic veto power on everyone either. Both people need to communicate. 

The real problem here is the groom is a dbag for not standing up for his FI, and the FI is kind of a doormat for not recognizing it. 

Liatris2010

I wouldn't marry someone who was best friends with someone who treated me like garbage and didn't respect our relationship. No wedding, no guest list problem.

PrettyGirlLost

lovegood90 said:

So the groom's best "friend" is a female and she hates the bride?

Hmmm...shocking.

I've been to this rodeo before. It didn't end well.

ETA: This isn't a statement that men and women can't be friends. They totally can. But this situation sounds fishy.

We only have one side of the story, though. It's entirely possible the bride to be is just as much if a wench as the BF supposedly is. . . She's just not going to give those details in her post bc she wants ppl to be sympathetic to her plight.

In my experience either the BF has feelings for the groom and is jealous, or both women involved are jealous and a tad cray cray.

ETA: But I agree this is a groom problem bc why is he friends with someone who is so nasty and disrespectful to his future wife.

downtondiva

This bride has much bigger problems than who should or shouldn't be invited to her wedding. Why is she marrying someone who is so okay with his friend being nasty to her?

sophhabobopha

Yeah I wouldn't marry someone who lets people treat me like shit.

JBee85

Most of the posters on /weddingplanning are just as bad as the members from Wedding Wire. Pay no attention to them.

Knottie48804623

JBee85 said:

Most of the posters on /weddingplanning are just as bad as the members from Wedding Wire. Pay no attention to them.

What do you mean?

ChemFanatic25

Hi Ladies,

I have been away from my computer all weekend (planning for traveling for Christmas and need to get things done!) but I took what everyone said and condensed it down. I provided advice based on that to the bride, explaining that she has a groom issue not an ettiquete issue. Hopefully she recognizes something is wrong (and doesn't think it's just the other woman) and they work through it or she gets out of what sounds like an un-heatlhy relationship. 

ChemFanatic25

Knottie48804623 said:

JBee85 said:

Most of the posters on /weddingplanning are just as bad as the members from Wedding Wire. Pay no attention to them.

What do you mean?

This was on /r/relationships. I don't frequent the weddingplanning sub but that's because I am not planning a wedding (but just in case, I'm on the knot because I love the community - not planning a wedding).

Hopefully the bride recognizes she has a grooms issue. 

tammym1001

I know you already gave some advice, but I just wanted to add: how is it ok to her FI that his friend won't invite the bride to her parties, but he wants the bride to invite friend to their party. Why are his friend's feelings more important than his soon to be wife? That's some BS!

badbnagdway

Agreed this is certainly a bride with a groom issue, not a bride with a guest list issue. Huge red flags when your SO takes the side of a female friend, does not stand up for you when that female friend badmouths you, and goes to social events with that female friend and doesn't ever take you with him.  Even if the BF was a dude, it would still be an issue with the groom.