Any advice for having a plus sized bridesmaid?

audreyjasmine17

Hello! So my fiancé and I picked out our bridal party and we couldn't be more excited. One of my bridesmaid is plus sized though and I'm worried about picking out the right dress. I don't like the idea of everyone wearing a different dress and I don't know if the style I like is something she'll like or that will fit her body. She told me that she'll wear anything I pick but being friends so long and knowing her taste, I know she is very picky and self concious about what's on her body. She's big in the tummy but she also has huge breasts. I believe she's a J size. She's a pretty masculine lesbian and she's always wearing shorts/jeans and a sweatshirt. I just want something that she won't feel uncomfortable in and will enjoy wearing for a whole night. I've thought about offering her the option of a lady suit but I'm honestly not sure what to do. She has also told me that she wants to lose weight but I don't want her to feel obligated to do so for my wedding. Any advice out there? 

My friends are important to me and so are their opinions. I want to make them happy and comfortable

doeydo

So she is more masculine/butch and wouldn't be caught dead in a dress sort of thing?  Then yeah, let her wear a suit or something like that and the other BMs can wear mismatched dressed (just give them a hem length, colour, and/or material) or even all the same dress (ask their budget privately with each one before shopping and stick to the smallest budget).  Your one BM could wear a tie or something that coordinates with the other BM's dresses.

Some examples:

To the left of the bride in white is a bridesmaid in a suit

Second from the far right  

And here are some articles I found:
http://www.butchwonders.com/blog/so-you-have-a-lesbian-bridesmaid

Dignity100

I agree to what's already been said.  Don't treat her any different because of size or sexual orientation - even if she opts to wear a suit, take her bridesmaid dress shopping (maybe she'll decide she wants to wear a dress -that needs to be her decision though) and make sure she is included wherever you're including the other bridesmaids.

audreyjasmine17

Thank you so much for this! It was very helpful!

QueerFemme

Give her the option of picking what she'd prefer to wear. If she isn't a dress person, you can easily have her in a suit and having a tie or vest that matches your bridesmaids dresses.  If you are using a Davids Bridal color, Mens Wearhouse has matching tux vests/ties. 

I realize you seem to prefer everyone in matching outfits, but try to remember that your photos will still look fabulous if people don't match, and if you let her pick her own outfit (within reason), it will show that you care more about your friend than you do your photos.

[Deleted User]

What about going dress shopping with her one on one before going with the other girls. Have her try on dresses that fit the budget and color. If she really wants to wear a dress, maybe consider going with a long dress. The reason I suggest that, long dresses are more forgiving if someone isn't sitting properly. With her bust size (I'm a J myself) I would recommend checking into an empire waist dress. Don't rule out strapless dresses because many strapless dresses come with optional straps or can have straps easily made out of scraps from alterations which may make her more comfortable. When trying on dresses, if you notice that she's just not finding anything she likes, or is comfortable in, offer her the option of a suit. I know that the local tux stores by us rent out tuxes/suits for women as grooms women are becoming a more popular thing. Go with the flow on what she seems to feel most comfortable with. It's great that you are concerned about your friends comfort. I tried to do that too with my BM & GM because I figured if they are comfortable they will be happier & that will show in my wedding pictures.

Knottie1512423

As someone who is also big in the tummy - look for an empire waist bm dress. It flatters just about all body types and helps camouflage the belly. Good luck!

babyfacejenn

I was a plus sized bridesmaid in my brothers wedding and the moh in my friends wedding. In my brothers wedding my sister in law was adamant about a specific dress for the girls. Definitely wasn't flattering for me being plus sized and I was very discouraged. Once she found out the style was discounted she changed the colour of the dresses and let us pick out our own. It was the best decision because I ended up getting the dress that was he most flattering. For my friends wedding she had picked out a colour that washed me out. The consultant actually had to tell her that it washed me out. In the end she had me as the moh in a lapis colour and the rest of the girls were in silver. It looked good in pictures. We were allowed to pick out our dresses. I received a lot of compliments on the dress! My advice would be to allow your girls pick the style that suits them the most. Everyone's body is different and what looks good on one might not on another. Other piece of advice, don't go on a Saturday because shops tend to limit your time and the number of dressing rooms. For my brothers wedding we went during the week and had over an hour and had about 5 dressing rooms for 4 girls. For my friends we went on a Saturday with 6 girls, were given an hour and a half and only 1 dressing room.

MesmrEwe

Late to the ballgame here - but the pleated/gathered styles (up the sides) are surprisingly very forgiving (I have the same curves with hips added into the mix) and very flattering to all body types.  For the love of all things holy, having a FF, strapless SUCKS after the three-hour mark becomes impossible (constantly jerking the thing back up into place and the girls slipping because of gravity no matter how great the corset).  That said, if she's more the personality to wear a pant suit or tux, let her!  You want her to feel comfortable and putting someone who's not a girly-girl into a bridesmaid dress is asking a lot even if she'd go to heck and back for you! 

Knottie3135957

If she wants to wear a dress, I'd suggest that the two of you go dress shopping together, or give her a color and have her pick something out she likes and make that the dress for the rest of the girls. I was in a bridal party in which we all wore skin-tight short dresses. I was what I'd consider "skinny" back then, and some of the other girls were about my size now. We looked like a bunch of hookers squeezing into gowns 2 sizes too small. The bride certainly didn't think of anyone's body type...ugh it was horrible.

SepiaTone

You might also consider keeping the same colour palette, but different styles of dress, or even separates. That way, your bridesmaids will match, but not be identical, and your friend can be comfortable. Also, if she'd feel better in a suit, consider getting a custom colour bridal suit for here instead of a dress. Ladies' suits are much more flattering than they used to be, and this might offer a more feminine cut - to match the other bridesmaids - without going super girl.

JoanE2012

@SepiaTone - You're responding to posts that are months old and the conversations are often long dead.  Please start a new thread if you'd like to talk about something or respond to the many recent, current conversations!