Divorced Parents

johnsonwedding15

My groom's parents are divorced and this has been the hardest thing to deal with in our wedding planning process. I feel bad for him because he has had to deal with the two of them for his entire life and I honestly don't know how he's done it. 

Let me start by saying that they hate each other. I don't mean they are slightly annoyed by each other's presence, I mean they hate each other. So much so that my fiance's grandparents have decided to take the rehearsal dinner into their own hands to avoid conflict. The two of them pretty much ruined our wedding shower because they were talking badly about each other from a table away and creating a scene. It's so hard to even chose where to seat people in our ceremony and our reception because I have to focus so hard on making sure to pick the perfect seat to avoid a war. It's completely exhausting. 

I guess I'm asking for advice on how to avoid conflict the day of the wedding. Should I personally have a talk with the two of them? I've asked my fiance before but he has no interest in talking to them about it. Any other advice would be appreciated.

GBCK

Your FI has known these people for 20+ years and knows the ins and outs...

So, why doesn't he want to talk to them?
Does he know it sets it up for failure?  or that they'll decide to piss e/o off out of spite?  or that it's an exercise in futiity?  or is he just being conflict adverse.

These are his parents--he needs to take the lead.  If their darling son says "hey, you 2, don't be jerks at the wedding", it'll be a conversation and then be over.

If their soon-to-be-new-daughter-in-law says "hey, you 2, don't be jerks at the wedding" it's going to be the start of a very VERY rough inlaw relationship.  You don't have the history of affection of a lifetime that gives you the solid basis to start from.

As for the real root, your FI is going to have to deal with this.  And you need to decide if you're OK w/ the avoidance technique or if you need a plan--a plan that would have involved kicking them out of the wedding shower for being jackasses.

If he's not willing to take action, then there's not much to do

Lauderdale Pink

Your FI already knows that if he "deals with it" it won't be dealt with and he will end up with all the stress.  Not good. This is where you bite the bullet, spend some money, and invest in a good month of/day of wedding planner.  It becomes this person's job to monitor the situation.  If grown folks start to act like foolish children, they are treated that way.  They are asked to step into the hall,or other room, and spoken to in a way that is firm, polite, and leaves little to the imagination.  Also, if FI's grandparents have taken charge of the rehearsal, then their grandson can also ask them to take charge of their own child.  As in "Gramps, if you see my (mom/dad) starting to have a problem, can you please intervene?"

*Barbie*

I'm i2i with GBCK. I think the only thing that needs to happen here is that your FI needs to sit down with each of his parents and ask them to behave like adults and co-exist with the other for one fucking day - and if either of them starts any trouble, they will be asked to leave/removed from the premisis.