Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

Step parents on invites

I am sure that it is not uncommon for a couple to have divorced parents but how would you address the topic of naming parents in your invitation? Do you include the current spouse of the couples parents? I say it that way because in our case some of them have been married quite a few times. Three out of four of the marriages are only from within the last few years the fourth have been together for 12 years. I think listing four couples on the invitation is ridiculous, honestly if I were going to add anyone's name it would be our child.

Is there a different wording that we could use that could side step this issue?

Re: Step parents on invites

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2014
    Well, a married person who is hosting does have to be listed together with their spouse.

    That said, when that means that there are too many names to list, you can use "together with their families" with just the bride and groom's names. Also, non-hosting parents need not be listed. The invitation is not a playbill or a family tree and it's not an "honor" to be listed on the invitation. The only persons "honored" by wedding invitations are the recipients.
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2014
    Who is hosting your wedding?  You do not list your parents on your invitation at all.  The invitation is a formal note from the HOSTS to the guests telling them who, what, when and where.  It is not a place to list relatives unless they are actually hosting. If your parents are hosting, they usually appear on the invitation.   Children are NEVER named on an invitation!

    This post really belongs on the Invitations board.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • All four couples are making contributions to the wedding expense and we are paying for the rest.
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2014
    Hosting does not necessarily mean paying.  If someone hands you a check for your wedding, then that is not hosting.  Who is acting as point of information?  Who is keeping track of RSVPs?  Who is planning the wedding? Who will welcome the guests at the reception?

    If you are still confused, use this non-traditional wording:

    Together with their parents
    Bride's Full Name
    and
    Groom's Full Name
    request the pleasure of your company
    as they are united in marriage
    Day, date
    time o'clock
    Venue
    Address
    City, State

    If you are having a church wedding, you "request the honor of your presence".

    Of course, you do list them all by name in your wedding program.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    mikenbergerMairePoppy
  • okay I guess we are hosting the wedding and will do all of things you mentioned except maybe greeting them upon arrival. I was unsure if because of them contributing we should put them on there. It is a low key out door ceremony and reception I think we'll go with the "with their families" bit. Thanks for the feedback.
    Sorry this ended up in the wrong section, thought it was paper and invites when i posted it
  • If you are hosting your own wedding, this is the traditional wording:

    The pleasure of your company is requested
    at the marriage of
    Bride's Full Name
    and
    Groom's Full Name
    Day, date (etc.)

    If the parents get upset with this one, use the "Together with.." format.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    MairePoppy[Deleted User]
  • We have the same situation. Both sides of our families are very involved in the planning. Mom is taking over RSVPs and she is the main contact on the weddings day. Out of respect for not excluding the other parents, we worded ours "together with their parents, J and J request the honor of your presence at their wedding...and so on"
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • lbdlovelbdlove member
    First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited January 2015
    My FI mother has passed and his stepmom is not married to his father instead they been engaged for 12+ years. Even though she is not legally his stepmom, she has been there for him and we consider them a married couple.  However, we are not putting her name on the invites because she is not the biological parent. We are putting his fathers name and the late mrs...... for his mother

     I feel like even with a divorce, especially if there had been so many you can just put the fathers name and people should understand since it is his biological son and not hers. I don't think anyone would take offense. But who knows everyone is so sensitive nowadays 


  • lbdlove said:
    My FI mother has passed and his stepmom is not married to his father instead they been engaged for 12+ years. Even though she is not legally his stepmom, she has been there for him and we consider them a married couple.  However, we are not putting her name on the invites because she is not the biological parent. We are putting his fathers name and the late mrs...... for his mother

     I feel like even with a divorce, especially if there had been so many you can just put the fathers name and people should understand since it is his biological son and not hers. I don't think anyone would take offense. But who knows everyone is so sensitive nowadays 


    It's really not appropriate to list a deceased person on the invitation. If his father is being listed by name, it needs to be alongside his current wife.
    image
  • lbdlove said:

    My FI mother has passed and his stepmom is not married to his father instead they been engaged for 12+ years. Even though she is not legally his stepmom, she has been there for him and we consider them a married couple.  However, we are not putting her name on the invites because she is not the biological parent. We are putting his fathers name and the late mrs...... for his mother


     I feel like even with a divorce, especially if there had been so many you can just put the fathers name and people should understand since it is his biological son and not hers. I don't think anyone would take offense. But who knows everyone is so sensitive nowadays 


    The names of children and deceased persons properly never appear on invitations because they are not the honorees (the couple) or the hosts. Nor is anyone other than the guests who are sent the invitation "honored" by being named, because the invitation is not a playbill or family tree. It is simply a request by the hosts that its recipients attend an event and the logistical information (what, when, where).

    It's not about "sensitivity" or "taking offense" but understanding the purpose of the invitation. If you need something in which to list the names of other people besides the hosts and honorees, use a program.

    Parents are only listed on invitations if they are hosting. Hosting does not mean "paying" (who's paying is none of the guests' business). It means who are the "point persons" (who is issuing invitations, receiving responses, greeting guests, planning the wedding to insure that guests' needs are met during the wedding and reception, and acting as the guests' sources of information. Only live adults can do those things-not deceased persons or minor children.
  • Jane Smith and Bob Jones along with their families would like to invite you to.....
  • lbdlove said:
    My FI mother has passed and his stepmom is not married to his father instead they been engaged for 12+ years. Even though she is not legally his stepmom, she has been there for him and we consider them a married couple.  However, we are not putting her name on the invites because she is not the biological parent. We are putting his fathers name and the late mrs...... for his mother

     I feel like even with a divorce, especially if there had been so many you can just put the fathers name and people should understand since it is his biological son and not hers. I don't think anyone would take offense. But who knows everyone is so sensitive nowadays 


    So you are completely discrediting the fact that his father is in a long term relationship?

    Okay.

    image
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