A Go Fund Me Christmas Story....

l9i

So last night I'm on Facebook and on my news feed I see a few friends have commented on this post from someone I do not know.  I look at the post (rather lengthy) and it's from a business owner who was raving about how her Christmas gifts were taken from her car.  (Side note: I thought the language and 'threats' used against 'whoever did this' was distasteful as a known business owner, but that's just me) Truly that is a sad circumstance and horrible, a lot of people were commenting their sympathy and support.  There were a lot of suggestions offered on how to proceed and then to find out the car they were stolen from wasn't locked.  Now this is the part where I'll turn into a grinch.... doesn't that make it your own fault?  It really is a shame there's horrible people who pray on easy targets, but you should also do everything you can to protect against that, same as you would lock your house from intruders.

Anyways..... someone sets up a Go Fund Me and soon enough they raised 2-3 times more than the value of what the gifts were worth.   Hmmmm....  what to do with the extra... they'll 'plan' to donate (yes I'm cynical).  I am glad the kids will get to experience Christmas without a hitch but I also feel this whole thing could've been avoided by simply locking the car??

I don't know, this whole thing kind of rubbed me wrong.  What are your thoughts?

lacqueredlover

I'm sorry but I HATE that you can basically do a Go Fund Me for anything.  To me, it should be for medical emergencies and life threatening situations.  If you can't be bothered to lock your own car and then are surprised when someone sees a bunch of shit in your car and steals it, nope.  

I sincerely hope she donates the excess money to a charity that helps other kids have holiday gifts but something tells me she won't.

theycallmelinz

ETA: I realized I dind't even speak to the topic at hand. My bad. This kind of rubs me the wrong way. I mean that's awful that someone stole the gifts, even if the car was unlocked, but I feel like we publize this kind of thing way too often. I'm way more likely to secretly donate this family money to purchase more gifts than to set up a public site for others to donate and make a huge deal of it. I don't know maybe that doesn't make sense. I haven't had my coffee yet.

 

I feel like Christmas has made me lose a little faith in humanity this year. I saw a post on Facebook (which doesn't mean it's true, you never know with FB) where people take gifts they've been donated and take them all back to the stores they came from to get the money back for them. Now IMO, putting food on the table is more important than your kid having a new toy and it's incredibly sad that it would ever have to come down to a choice between the two, but I still picture some sleezy parents (because that's who I tend to encounter a lot with my particular population) taking their kid's toys back to the store and buying cigarettes or beer with the money. Sad.

I also saw another girl post in an online virtual yardsale page on FB asking for money to buy her baby christmas gifts because she didn't have any money (yet you have money for internet access or at least a device that allows you to access FB) and I did some internet stalking because I'm nosy, and her personal page displayed a lovely public argument she had had with who I assume is her partner's ex. She was all "F* you MFing Cunt whore bag you broke his penis and I had to fix it stupid bitch" I was like wowwwwww. You really are something.

Not that the above makes her a bad parent, but I feel as though her priorities were a bit unorganized.

maeday2

I get where you're coming from. 

Last year around this time there was a story in my local news about a large amount of car break-ins at an apartment complex. The people interviewed had presents in their car overnight in plain sight. I was shocked at how many women whose purses were stolen said they just leave their purses on their front seats. 

I live in the country and wouldn't expect anyone to break into my car while I'm sleeping, but I still just make it a practice to never leave anything of value inside. 

blabla89

I can see how someone might forget to lock their car while running Christmas errands. It's holiday brain. But it's still her fault, and it shouldn't be anyone else's job to fix the consequences. And also, I hate GFMs. Do I sound like a grinch?

l9i

theycallmelinz said:

ETA: I realized I dind't even speak to the topic at hand. My bad. This kind of rubs me the wrong way. I mean that's awful that someone stole the gifts, even if the car was unlocked, but I feel like we publize this kind of thing way too often. I'm way more likely to secretly donate this family money to purchase more gifts than to set up a public site for others to donate and make a huge deal of it. I don't know maybe that doesn't make sense. I haven't had my coffee yet.

 

I feel like Christmas has made me lose a little faith in humanity this year. I saw a post on Facebook (which doesn't mean it's true, you never know with FB) where people take gifts they've been donated and take them all back to the stores they came from to get the money back for them. Now IMO, putting food on the table is more important than your kid having a new toy and it's incredibly sad that it would ever have to come down to a choice between the two, but I still picture some sleezy parents (because that's who I tend to encounter a lot with my particular population) taking their kid's toys back to the store and buying cigarettes or beer with the money. Sad.

I also saw another girl post in an online virtual yardsale page on FB asking for money to buy her baby christmas gifts because she didn't have any money (yet you have money for internet access or at least a device that allows you to access FB) and I did some internet stalking because I'm nosy, and her personal page displayed a lovely public argument she had had with who I assume is her partner's ex. She was all "F* you MFing Cunt whore bag you broke his penis and I had to fix it stupid bitch" I was like wowwwwww. You really are something.

Not that the above makes her a bad parent, but I feel as though her priorities were a bit unorganized.

The bolded was the vibe of the original post.  The part about being a business owner with this kind of post just makes me not want to do any potential business because it's unprofessional.

As the the issue.  Yes, Christmas has become 'I get gifts'.  Perhaps it would've been an opportunity to get them something small and teach the kids (teenagers) to be thankful for what they do have. 

I think what gets at me most is that gifts for Christmas are not 'necessary'.  And then to leave the Go Fund Me open past the goal to replace the gifts so that it grew over twice of what was needed!  The reasoning 'in case anyone missed the opportunity and would like to contribute'.  To me it screams scam which is why I'm cynical the extra will be donated...

anjemon

maeday2 said:

I get where you're coming from. 

Last year around this time there was a story in my local news about a large amount of car break-ins at an apartment complex. The people interviewed had presents in their car overnight in plain sight. I was shocked at how many women whose purses were stolen said they just leave their purses on their front seats. 

I live in the country and wouldn't expect anyone to break into my car while I'm sleeping, but I still just make it a practice to never leave anything of value inside. 

Wow. I can't imagine doing that. I also can't imagine leaving anything as tempting as presents in my car overnight. 

theycallmelinz

l9i said:

theycallmelinz said:

ETA: I realized I dind't even speak to the topic at hand. My bad. This kind of rubs me the wrong way. I mean that's awful that someone stole the gifts, even if the car was unlocked, but I feel like we publize this kind of thing way too often. I'm way more likely to secretly donate this family money to purchase more gifts than to set up a public site for others to donate and make a huge deal of it. I don't know maybe that doesn't make sense. I haven't had my coffee yet.

 

I feel like Christmas has made me lose a little faith in humanity this year. I saw a post on Facebook (which doesn't mean it's true, you never know with FB) where people take gifts they've been donated and take them all back to the stores they came from to get the money back for them. Now IMO, putting food on the table is more important than your kid having a new toy and it's incredibly sad that it would ever have to come down to a choice between the two, but I still picture some sleezy parents (because that's who I tend to encounter a lot with my particular population) taking their kid's toys back to the store and buying cigarettes or beer with the money. Sad.

I also saw another girl post in an online virtual yardsale page on FB asking for money to buy her baby christmas gifts because she didn't have any money (yet you have money for internet access or at least a device that allows you to access FB) and I did some internet stalking because I'm nosy, and her personal page displayed a lovely public argument she had had with who I assume is her partner's ex. She was all "F* you MFing Cunt whore bag you broke his penis and I had to fix it stupid bitch" I was like wowwwwww. You really are something.

Not that the above makes her a bad parent, but I feel as though her priorities were a bit unorganized.

The bolded was the vibe of the original post.  The part about being a business owner with this kind of post just makes me not want to do any potential business because it's unprofessional.

As the the issue.  Yes, Christmas has become 'I get gifts'.  Perhaps it would've been an opportunity to get them something small and teach the kids (teenagers) to be thankful for what they do have. 

I think what gets at me most is that gifts for Christmas are not 'necessary'.  And then to leave the Go Fund Me open past the goal to replace the gifts so that it grew over twice of what was needed!  The reasoning 'in case anyone missed the opportunity and would like to contribute'.  To me it screams scam which is why I'm cynical the extra will be donated...

Holy. Shit. I can't even. My signature says it all.

l9i

blabla89 said:

I can see how someone might forget to lock their car while running Christmas errands. It's holiday brain. But it's still her fault, and it shouldn't be anyone else's job to fix the consequences. And also, I hate GFMs. Do I sound like a grinch?

She wasn't running errands.  It was at her house (during the night?)

And yes, typing the OP I felt like a grinch lol

novella1186

theycallmelinz said:

ETA: I realized I dind't even speak to the topic at hand. My bad. This kind of rubs me the wrong way. I mean that's awful that someone stole the gifts, even if the car was unlocked, but I feel like we publize this kind of thing way too often. I'm way more likely to secretly donate this family money to purchase more gifts than to set up a public site for others to donate and make a huge deal of it. I don't know maybe that doesn't make sense. I haven't had my coffee yet.

 

I feel like Christmas has made me lose a little faith in humanity this year. I saw a post on Facebook (which doesn't mean it's true, you never know with FB) where people take gifts they've been donated and take them all back to the stores they came from to get the money back for them. Now IMO, putting food on the table is more important than your kid having a new toy and it's incredibly sad that it would ever have to come down to a choice between the two, but I still picture some sleezy parents (because that's who I tend to encounter a lot with my particular population) taking their kid's toys back to the store and buying cigarettes or beer with the money. Sad.

I also saw another girl post in an online virtual yardsale page on FB asking for money to buy her baby christmas gifts because she didn't have any money (yet you have money for internet access or at least a device that allows you to access FB) and I did some internet stalking because I'm nosy, and her personal page displayed a lovely public argument she had had with who I assume is her partner's ex. She was all "F* you MFing Cunt whore bag you broke his penis and I had to fix it stupid bitch" I was like wowwwwww. You really are something.

Not that the above makes her a bad parent, but I feel as though her priorities were a bit unorganized.

SIB

FI and I "adopted" a kid for Christmas this year. My friend is the president of the not-for-profit company that organizes this stuff. She told me to make sure not to include gift receipts, gift cards, or cash (like if I wanted to just give cash to the family so they could buy what they need) because they've had problems in the past with parents returning things or using donations to get alcohol for themselves. So sad. 

As for the crowd-funding bullshit for non-serious reasons (cuz sorry leaving your car unlocked and getting gifts stolen is not a big deal when you look at what many other people have to face, and the fact that you NEED to buy more shit is kind of sad):

blabla89

l9i said:

blabla89 said:

I can see how someone might forget to lock their car while running Christmas errands. It's holiday brain. But it's still her fault, and it shouldn't be anyone else's job to fix the consequences. And also, I hate GFMs. Do I sound like a grinch?

She wasn't running errands.  It was at her house (during the night?)

And yes, typing the OP I felt like a grinch lol

Oh, yeah that changes things. In my neighborhood it's pretty much a given that if you leave potentially valuable things visibly sitting in your car, it's probably going to get broken into. Most people know better, but I don't feel very sorry for the people who get their stuff stolen because they were careless.

l9i

novella1186 said:

theycallmelinz said:

ETA: I realized I dind't even speak to the topic at hand. My bad. This kind of rubs me the wrong way. I mean that's awful that someone stole the gifts, even if the car was unlocked, but I feel like we publize this kind of thing way too often. I'm way more likely to secretly donate this family money to purchase more gifts than to set up a public site for others to donate and make a huge deal of it. I don't know maybe that doesn't make sense. I haven't had my coffee yet.

 

I feel like Christmas has made me lose a little faith in humanity this year. I saw a post on Facebook (which doesn't mean it's true, you never know with FB) where people take gifts they've been donated and take them all back to the stores they came from to get the money back for them. Now IMO, putting food on the table is more important than your kid having a new toy and it's incredibly sad that it would ever have to come down to a choice between the two, but I still picture some sleezy parents (because that's who I tend to encounter a lot with my particular population) taking their kid's toys back to the store and buying cigarettes or beer with the money. Sad.

I also saw another girl post in an online virtual yardsale page on FB asking for money to buy her baby christmas gifts because she didn't have any money (yet you have money for internet access or at least a device that allows you to access FB) and I did some internet stalking because I'm nosy, and her personal page displayed a lovely public argument she had had with who I assume is her partner's ex. She was all "F* you MFing Cunt whore bag you broke his penis and I had to fix it stupid bitch" I was like wowwwwww. You really are something.

Not that the above makes her a bad parent, but I feel as though her priorities were a bit unorganized.

SIB

FI and I "adopted" a kid for Christmas this year. My friend is the president of the not-for-profit company that organizes this stuff. She told me to make sure not to include gift receipts, gift cards, or cash (like if I wanted to just give cash to the family so they could buy what they need) because they've had problems in the past with parents returning things or using donations to get alcohol for themselves. So sad. 

As for the crowd-funding bullshit for non-serious reasons (cuz sorry leaving your car unlocked and getting gifts stolen is not a big deal when you look at what many other people have to face, and the fact that you NEED to buy more shit is kind of sad):

At work our department adopts a couple families each year.  I always support it and volunteer with the efforts.  When we talk to the families each year about what they need they are usually pretty modest and list true needs.  We just delivered goods and gifts to one family yesterday and the mom was so thankful she was almost in tears and wrote us a thank you card with the kids picture.  People like that I don't mind helping one bit.  The kids got things like a winter coat, boots, etc, things that are NEEDS.

sophhabobopha

I hate GFM. 

I have at least three people begging for money to pay for school. I email them the student loan website.

theartistformerlyknownas

FYI, it is still illegal to take something from an unlocked car. Hell, it's illegal to take something from a convertible with the top down, or off someone's front porch. It's unlawful entry and theft regardless of whether you had to break into anything to take the items. The fault here still lies with the criminal, same as with any other crime we wouldn't blame the victim for. Whether or not you could have prevented something doesn't make ANYTHING less of a crime. Ever. End of story.

That said, it's not anyone else's responsibility to replace them except her homeowner's insurance. 

alpacalunch

That's really sad that someone did that. It is. But in the town FI and I currently live in, you can't even leave change visible because someone will break in for the 4.27$. So I'm not particularly surprised. 

GFM is the worst, yeah, but it is nice that people are helping these kids have the Christmas they'd expect, even though their Mom made a stupid choice. 

... This is all based on my understanding that someone else started the GFM. That's where I think the line should be drawn.

Chipmunk415

Times when I find go fund me/similar sites to be ok:

Raising funds for life saving medical treatment not covered by insurance for a child.

Raising funds to clothe orphans because the orphanage burned down and they have no clothes except their pjs. Can use funds to buy those kids food too.

All other go fund mes that are not of the same nature as these examples are not ok

banana468

l9i said:

So last night I'm on Facebook and on my news feed I see a few friends have commented on this post from someone I do not know.  I look at the post (rather lengthy) and it's from a business owner who was raving about how her Christmas gifts were taken from her car.  (Side note: I thought the language and 'threats' used against 'whoever did this' was distasteful as a known business owner, but that's just me) Truly that is a sad circumstance and horrible, a lot of people were commenting their sympathy and support.  There were a lot of suggestions offered on how to proceed and then to find out the car they were stolen from wasn't locked.  Now this is the part where I'll turn into a grinch.... doesn't that make it your own fault?  It really is a shame there's horrible people who pray on easy targets, but you should also do everything you can to protect against that, same as you would lock your house from intruders.

Anyways..... someone sets up a Go Fund Me and soon enough they raised 2-3 times more than the value of what the gifts were worth.   Hmmmm....  what to do with the extra... they'll 'plan' to donate (yes I'm cynical).  I am glad the kids will get to experience Christmas without a hitch but I also feel this whole thing could've been avoided by simply locking the car??

I don't know, this whole thing kind of rubbed me wrong.  What are your thoughts?

To the bold, NO!  There was just a thread on chit chat that went rather long about a member who thinks she was drugged.   Someone even chimed in to say that she should be more vigilant about her drinks and be careful - yadda yadda yadda.   Just as it's not her fault that her drink was laced with something, it's not this person's fault for having her packages stolen from a car.   Yes, it's not smart to leave the car unlocked and it's the season of people taking things that aren't nailed down but that hardly makes the victim complicit.   People took things that didn't belong to them and they suck.

However I don't know that this means the person is a charity and that a GFM is the appropriate course of action.   

abbyj700

Ugh...I hate go fund me. And this is just another one that makes me hate it more. Some days I wish I didn't care enough to start gofundme's for the shit that happens in my life. 

AND I really would think the person's home owner's insurance would cover stolen Christmas presents from the residents property. 

l9i

lolo883 said:

FYI, it is still illegal to take something from an unlocked car. Hell, it's illegal to take something from a convertible with the top down, or off someone's front porch. It's unlawful entry and theft regardless of whether you had to break into anything to take the items. The fault here still lies with the criminal, same as with any other crime we wouldn't blame the victim for. Whether or not you could have prevented something doesn't make ANYTHING less of a crime. Ever. End of story.

That said, it's not anyone else's responsibility to replace them except her homeowner's insurance. 

I get that I do and like I said it's sad you even have to worry about that but I do think you should take precautions against it (i.e. lock your car, your house, etc).  Unfortunately, criminals will be criminals and leaving the door unlocked just made it easier for them.  So, in no way am I say she deserves it because it was unlocked, but I am saying it could've easily been prevented.  Yes, this can get into a whole debate. 

According to the news (yes it made news) another unlocked car in the same neighborhood was combed through but nothing was taken because nothing of value was in the car.  To my knowledge there was not an attempt on any others.  I assume the person(s) were most likely looking for unlocked cars.

banana468

l9i said:

lolo883 said:

FYI, it is still illegal to take something from an unlocked car. Hell, it's illegal to take something from a convertible with the top down, or off someone's front porch. It's unlawful entry and theft regardless of whether you had to break into anything to take the items. The fault here still lies with the criminal, same as with any other crime we wouldn't blame the victim for. Whether or not you could have prevented something doesn't make ANYTHING less of a crime. Ever. End of story.

That said, it's not anyone else's responsibility to replace them except her homeowner's insurance. 

I get that I do and like I said it's sad you even have to worry about that but I do think you should take precautions against it (i.e. lock your car, your house, etc).  Unfortunately, criminals will be criminals and leaving the door unlocked just made it easier for them.  So, in no way am I say she deserves it because it was unlocked, but I am saying it could've easily been prevented.  Yes, this can get into a whole debate. 

According to the news (yes it made news) another unlocked car in the same neighborhood was combed through but nothing was taken because nothing of value was in the car.  To my knowledge there was not an attempt on any others.  I assume the person(s) were most likely looking for unlocked cars.

Was it not smart?   Yes.  

Was it her fault?   No.     The two are not the same thing.

climbingsingle

Someone stole my purse in 2009. I'm setting up a Go Fund Me. 

stefuhknee

I've supported some Go Fund Me accounts in the past. One was for a sorority sister of mine who lost her mother to cancer and was fundraising for a headstone. One that I did not donate to was one also for a sorority sister who wanted to travel to study abroad. I think that there are instances where it's okay to ask people for help because at the end of the day people have a choice whether to donate or not. So even though I don't think this instance necessarily warranted a GFM a lot of other people did and if you are in a position to donate extra cash to whomever for whatever then cool.

chibiyui

I'm surprised at how victim blamey this thread is.

I don't care if she had a neon flashing sign that said "Steal my shit" pointing at her car, it's not her fault someone stole from her.

Bad choices does not equal blame or fault if somebody wrongs you.

l9i

 

chibiyui said:

I'm surprised at how victim blamey this thread is. I don't care if she had a neon flashing sign that said "Steal my shit" pointing at her car, it's not her fault someone stole from her. Bad choices does not equal blame or fault if somebody wrongs you.

Which is why I previously said this could get into a whole other discussion.

To clarify - yes the person that stole is at fault.  However we live in an imperfect world where people steal shit.  Can you look at this and say it could have been easily avoided?  Yes.  Ergo IMO there is some responsibility on her part. 

I am not blaming her saying "Good, she left her car unlocked, she was asking for it" but it is common sense to lock your car and that lack of action may have consequences.  I'm sad things like this are even an issue, but no matter what there will always be bad people.

theartistformerlyknownas

l9i said:

 

chibiyui said:

I'm surprised at how victim blamey this thread is. I don't care if she had a neon flashing sign that said "Steal my shit" pointing at her car, it's not her fault someone stole from her. Bad choices does not equal blame or fault if somebody wrongs you.

Which is why I previously said this could get into a whole other discussion.

To clarify - yes the person that stole is at fault.  However we live in an imperfect world where people steal shit.  Can you look at this and say it could have been easily avoided?  Yes.  Ergo IMO there is some responsibility on her part. 

I am not blaming her saying "Good, she left her car unlocked, she was asking for it" but it is common sense to lock your car and that lack of action may have consequences.  I'm sad things like this are even an issue, but no matter what there will always be bad people.

Most things in life can be avoided in some way or another. That STILL doesn't shift the blame. At all. This isn't like getting into a car accident because you were speeding or drunk - in that case, you brought a bad situation on yourself by doing something that's already bad/illegal/etc. You don't tell a cancer patient "eeshhh well... you should have eaten better/got more screenings/been more active. Truth hurts sucker, but you could have avoided this, so I don't really feel bad for you." Someone did an illegal thing by entering a car which they did not have permission to enter. They then did another illegal thing by taking items they did not have permission to take. The fact that it was avoidable does NOT make this excusable and should NOT make anyone shrug it off like "eh, she had it coming" because then you get desensitized to what the actual BAD thing was.

Saying "this is gonna bring on a discussion" doesn't really ever stop the discussion from happening. 

l9i

lolo883 said:

l9i said:

 

chibiyui said:

I'm surprised at how victim blamey this thread is. I don't care if she had a neon flashing sign that said "Steal my shit" pointing at her car, it's not her fault someone stole from her. Bad choices does not equal blame or fault if somebody wrongs you.

Which is why I previously said this could get into a whole other discussion.

To clarify - yes the person that stole is at fault.  However we live in an imperfect world where people steal shit.  Can you look at this and say it could have been easily avoided?  Yes.  Ergo IMO there is some responsibility on her part. 

I am not blaming her saying "Good, she left her car unlocked, she was asking for it" but it is common sense to lock your car and that lack of action may have consequences.  I'm sad things like this are even an issue, but no matter what there will always be bad people.

Most things in life can be avoided in some way or another. That STILL doesn't shift the blame. At all. This isn't like getting into a car accident because you were speeding or drunk - in that case, you brought a bad situation on yourself by doing something that's already bad/illegal/etc. You don't tell a cancer patient "eeshhh well... you should have eaten better/got more screenings/been more active. Truth hurts sucker, but you could have avoided this, so I don't really feel bad for you." Someone did an illegal thing by entering a car which they did not have permission to enter. They then did another illegal thing by taking items they did not have permission to take. Agreed The fact that it was avoidable does NOT make this excusable and should NOT make anyone shrug it off like "eh, she had it coming" because then you get desensitized to what the actual BAD thing was. Never said anything along the lines.

Saying "this is gonna bring on a discussion" doesn't really ever stop the discussion from happening. Yes, but it's a way of saying 'I'll share a point but only a snippet because it can lead to an off topic discussion.'  The topic is more just sharing another use of GFM I didn't find appropriate, not a discussion on vicim blaming.  I really didn't say that to tell people how to post because that's pointless.

morewineplease

blabla89 said:

l9i said:

blabla89 said:

I can see how someone might forget to lock their car while running Christmas errands. It's holiday brain. But it's still her fault, and it shouldn't be anyone else's job to fix the consequences. And also, I hate GFMs. Do I sound like a grinch?

She wasn't running errands.  It was at her house (during the night?)

And yes, typing the OP I felt like a grinch lol

Oh, yeah that changes things. In my neighborhood it's pretty much a given that if you leave potentially valuable things visibly sitting in your car, it's probably going to get broken into. Most people know better, but I don't feel very sorry for the people who get their stuff stolen because they were careless.

I live in a major city and if you leave your car unlocked you will never know what you find the next morning. I never leave anything in the car visible or not, and I am positive a few weeks ago, when i forgot to lock my car, someone slept in it. I almost would not care if it did not smell like they had smoked a pack of cigarettes in there too. 

beethery

theycallmelinz said:

ETA: I realized I dind't even speak to the topic at hand. My bad. This kind of rubs me the wrong way. I mean that's awful that someone stole the gifts, even if the car was unlocked, but I feel like we publize this kind of thing way too often. I'm way more likely to secretly donate this family money to purchase more gifts than to set up a public site for others to donate and make a huge deal of it. I don't know maybe that doesn't make sense. I haven't had my coffee yet.

 

I feel like Christmas has made me lose a little faith in humanity this year. I saw a post on Facebook (which doesn't mean it's true, you never know with FB) where people take gifts they've been donated and take them all back to the stores they came from to get the money back for them. Now IMO, putting food on the table is more important than your kid having a new toy and it's incredibly sad that it would ever have to come down to a choice between the two, but I still picture some sleezy parents (because that's who I tend to encounter a lot with my particular population) taking their kid's toys back to the store and buying cigarettes or beer with the money. Sad.

I also saw another girl post in an online virtual yardsale page on FB asking for money to buy her baby christmas gifts because she didn't have any money (yet you have money for internet access or at least a device that allows you to access FB) and I did some internet stalking because I'm nosy, and her personal page displayed a lovely public argument she had had with who I assume is her partner's ex. She was all "F* you MFing Cunt whore bag you broke his penis and I had to fix it stupid bitch" I was like wowwwwww. You really are something.

Not that the above makes her a bad parent, but I feel as though her priorities were a bit unorganized.

Broken... penis.

theartistformerlyknownas

l9i said:

lolo883 said:

l9i said:

 

chibiyui said:

I'm surprised at how victim blamey this thread is. I don't care if she had a neon flashing sign that said "Steal my shit" pointing at her car, it's not her fault someone stole from her. Bad choices does not equal blame or fault if somebody wrongs you.

Which is why I previously said this could get into a whole other discussion.

To clarify - yes the person that stole is at fault.  However we live in an imperfect world where people steal shit.  Can you look at this and say it could have been easily avoided?  Yes.  Ergo IMO there is some responsibility on her part. 

I am not blaming her saying "Good, she left her car unlocked, she was asking for it" but it is common sense to lock your car and that lack of action may have consequences.  I'm sad things like this are even an issue, but no matter what there will always be bad people.

Most things in life can be avoided in some way or another. That STILL doesn't shift the blame. At all. This isn't like getting into a car accident because you were speeding or drunk - in that case, you brought a bad situation on yourself by doing something that's already bad/illegal/etc. You don't tell a cancer patient "eeshhh well... you should have eaten better/got more screenings/been more active. Truth hurts sucker, but you could have avoided this, so I don't really feel bad for you." Someone did an illegal thing by entering a car which they did not have permission to enter. They then did another illegal thing by taking items they did not have permission to take. Agreed The fact that it was avoidable does NOT make this excusable and should NOT make anyone shrug it off like "eh, she had it coming" because then you get desensitized to what the actual BAD thing was. Never said anything along the lines.

Saying "this is gonna bring on a discussion" doesn't really ever stop the discussion from happening. Yes, but it's a way of saying 'I'll share a point but only a snippet because it can lead to an off topic discussion.'  The topic is more just sharing another use of GFM I didn't find appropriate, not a discussion on vicim blaming.  I really didn't say that to tell people how to post because that's pointless.

I know you didn't necessarily say those things, but I think it's a slippery slope. I don't think when someone has seen the brunt end of the shit stick people should say "wellllll it was KIND OF your fault..." That's all.

novella1186

lolo883 said:

l9i said:

lolo883 said:

l9i said:

 

chibiyui said:

I'm surprised at how victim blamey this thread is. I don't care if she had a neon flashing sign that said "Steal my shit" pointing at her car, it's not her fault someone stole from her. Bad choices does not equal blame or fault if somebody wrongs you.

Which is why I previously said this could get into a whole other discussion.

To clarify - yes the person that stole is at fault.  However we live in an imperfect world where people steal shit.  Can you look at this and say it could have been easily avoided?  Yes.  Ergo IMO there is some responsibility on her part. 

I am not blaming her saying "Good, she left her car unlocked, she was asking for it" but it is common sense to lock your car and that lack of action may have consequences.  I'm sad things like this are even an issue, but no matter what there will always be bad people.

Most things in life can be avoided in some way or another. That STILL doesn't shift the blame. At all. This isn't like getting into a car accident because you were speeding or drunk - in that case, you brought a bad situation on yourself by doing something that's already bad/illegal/etc. You don't tell a cancer patient "eeshhh well... you should have eaten better/got more screenings/been more active. Truth hurts sucker, but you could have avoided this, so I don't really feel bad for you." Someone did an illegal thing by entering a car which they did not have permission to enter. They then did another illegal thing by taking items they did not have permission to take. Agreed The fact that it was avoidable does NOT make this excusable and should NOT make anyone shrug it off like "eh, she had it coming" because then you get desensitized to what the actual BAD thing was. Never said anything along the lines.

Saying "this is gonna bring on a discussion" doesn't really ever stop the discussion from happening. Yes, but it's a way of saying 'I'll share a point but only a snippet because it can lead to an off topic discussion.'  The topic is more just sharing another use of GFM I didn't find appropriate, not a discussion on vicim blaming.  I really didn't say that to tell people how to post because that's pointless.

I know you didn't necessarily say those things, but I think it's a slippery slope. I don't think when someone has seen the brunt end of the shit stick people should say "wellllll it was KIND OF your fault..." That's all.

Just chiming in to ask a question. Is it possible to make a logical comment, such as "it's a good idea to keep your car doors locked" without sounding victim-blamey? I mean there's a reason car doors have locks. If you have a ton of valuable stuff in your car, protect it by locking the car. Saying she should have locked it is not saying it's her FAULT stuff got stolen. The thief is the only one at fault. But can't people point out some common sense thing like that without implying the victim is at fault? Really, just curious to know opinions on this. 

And obviously this is the ONLY situation where I would even pose such a question because luckily the woman was not physically harmed at all, and just material possessions were stolen. So that's the only reason why I wonder if, in this particular instance, a person could point out "well lock the car, duh!" without it seeming as if they're saying "it's her fault" or "she had it coming" 

banana468

IMO, it makes sense to say, "Come on!  Lock your doors to prevent the bad people from getting your stuff!"

But that doesn't mean that it's OK to steal if it's easy to take the stuff.  The thief is the one at fault here.