Shy Ring bearer?

Knottie36752204

Hi all,

Were getting married in 6 months (eep) and I want my almost 4 year old nephew to be the ring bearer.

The problem is, he is extremely shy. And I don't think he will grow out of it by the time the wedding comes around. The other issue is that I don't have a wedding party (Very small wedding) and my brother, nephews father, is walking me down the aisle, so he will have no one to walk to except my fiancé and the officiant. 

Does anyone have suggestions on how to convince him to walk down the aisle? Or maybe somehow incorporate him walking with me and my brother?

Thank you!

Jen4948

I'd just leave it up to him and if he doesn't want to do it at the actual wedding, let it go at that without putting pressure on him.

artbyallie

Jen4948 said:

I'd just leave it up to him and if he doesn't want to do it at the actual wedding, let it go at that without putting pressure on him.

This. Or club him in the kneecap? I didn't think our ringbearer would follow through either, but he ended up breaking his leg two weeks before the wedding and had a cast all the way to his thigh. He rolled up in a wheelchair and was perfectly behaved.

(Note that I'm not actually suggesting you break a child's leg to make them perform--that was totally sarcasm)

Lauderdale Pink

Our ring bearer (my son's wedding) had a melt down the night before.  Seems he associated an aisle with "walking the plank".  When he got to the venue, he practiced walking with his dad a few times and was a show stopper when it really counted.  With the little ones, you do the best you can and that's it.  I think their parents are usually honored that they are asked and love the pictures.

atlastmrsg

If you're having a small wedding, why him?  Especially if it doesn't seem like something he'd want to do?  How about making sure you have a professional group photo with him/his family?

levioosa

If he really doesn't want to do it, then don't make him.  Take pictures later with the family. 

AddieCake

Our ring bearer freaked out at rehearsal until we gave him a phone to carry down the aisle and take pics with. He loved that idea. The plan day of was for him to carry a toy that would be his gift, but we scrapped that for the phone, and then day of, he didn't even want the phone and just wanted to walk with nothing, no problems. You just never know with kids. A friend of mine taped money to the floor at the front that was to be his when he got there.

slothiegal

For our flower girl, we put her mom at the end of the aisle.  As soon as she saw mommy, she squealed "YOU'RE HERE!" and she made it down, with a huge smile the whole way.

But like others have said, don't force the kid if he really feels uncomfortable.  I was a very shy kid, and walking down the aisle would have PETRIFIED me, for days leading up to the wedding.  Not worth it.  Just get cute pics after the ceremony.

Knottie36752204

Thank you everyone for the suggestions my brother is thrilled that I asked for him to be the ring bearer ..maybe il do some trial runs with a few friends for him to walk by to see how he is without his dad being beside him. If he's ok then il try and get creative for the big day lol.

I'm definitely going to try the toy bribery, he deserves it if he can make it down the aisle!

714hbbride

I have heard that having some candy or something like that at the end for them can give them some incentive to walk down the aisle if they are shy, then they have a prize to go to. Maybe have your fiance hold it and then give it to him?

thelastdreamer

I was totally prepared for both my ring bearer and flower girl to have meltdowns. I just decided that whatever happened happened and tried not to worry about it. One thing we did that I think definitely helped is we let the ring bearer (my cousin) walk down with my younger brother and the flower girl walk with DH's sister. I think it helped them to be able to hold their big cousins' hands. 

At the rehearsal, the flower girl (DH's cousin) started sobbing and saying she was scared. I pulled her aside and asked her what was wrong. Then I told her that I was pretty nervous about walking down the aisle too but I thought if I could be brave enough it might actually end up being really fun. That helped her and she did it the rest of the rehearsal. I still wasn't sure about how she'd do the day of though and DH's mom kept saying she thought she was going to meltdown (which was super helpful, not. lol). In the end both kids did great and there were no tears.

My point is you can't really force or predict this stuff. Let him see how he feels at the rehearsal and maybe see if there's someone who could walk with him but you can't force it.