Oregon

Future Mama Drama!!! HELP!!!

So my fiancée and I are having some major issues with his mom about the rehearsal dinner and we need help. His mom wants to have an Italian themed rehearsal dinner with the colors red, green, and white and she wants to have a heavy and late dinner.  We both hate the idea we want something simple and romantic.  We want something light for dinner and something early, the rehearsal dinner isn’t and all night party.  We both hate that color combination and we are afraid it will look more like a fiesta or Christmas.  All she wants this rehearsal dinner to be is about is her family and how they are Italian,  my whole family is well aware that her and her family are Italians,  she really doesn’t have a lot of Italian in her and her husband has no Italian in him.  She is just making it about her side of the family.  On top of that her style if very old fashion and my FI and I are afraid she is going to make this tacky and cheesy.  We have already told her that we didn’t like this idea and she threw a fit like a little child.  Also our rehearsal dinner is going to have almost 50 guest which is half or wedding, these are all of her out of town family is there any way we can cut that down or do we have to invite all of her family from out of town.   I feel like we are being the selfish ones and we just shouldn’t say anything, but she is always is telling us how this wedding is about us and the decisions are ours to make.  So far my whole wedding has been what everyone else wants and what is convent for them and my FI and I are tired of this wedding be about everyone else.   We both care about the rehearsal dinner and want to to be simple and romantic.

Anyone that has suggestions please help me!!!

Thanks

Re: Future Mama Drama!!! HELP!!!

  • edited December 2011
    If you want to do something different, pay for it yourself. You could have just a rehearsal dinner with your bridal party and immediate family instead.
    If you guys want her to pay though, you need to respect her choices - have your FI talk to her and explain that you would like it to be smaller - and GIVE HER SUGGESTIONS. Saying you don't like it isn't very helpful.

    Why not an italian meal (let her decorate, who cares) but less people?
  • DramaGeekDramaGeek member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In my family, it's considered rude not to invite the out of towners, so personally I don't think you can leave them out.  However, a big part of the reason it's considered rude in my family is that A) the OOTers are likely staying with someone who is going to be at the RD and B) they flew at least 1000 miles to be there for the wedding, so the least we can do is feed them a meal the night before.

    Like beth said, if you want something different, you need to give her suggestions.  For instance, maybe you can stick with the Italian theme but have a lighter entree, like a scampi or primavera.  You don't like the green and red, but what if you suggest she decorate in Tuscan colors, so more earth tones and taking cues from the colors of wine and grapes.  Let her have her way - really, it's just the rehearsal dinner and trust me, everyone will know who planned it - but maybe you can get a little bit of your way too.

    In all honesty, I was pretty upset when my MIL announced we were doing pizza at the church for our RD.  I had been trying to push for Spaghetti Factory or La Caretta, but my ILs were paying for it so ultimately it was up to them.  It ended up being totally fine and I doubt if half the people there could even tell you what our RD was or where it was!  Whether it's what you pictured or not, it will be fine.  Your MIL is right - the wedding is about you guys, but in a lot of ways the RD is her time to show off the kids she's so proud of.
  • edited December 2011
    Lots of mothers-of-the-groom look at the rehearsal dinner as their moment in the spotlight.  It's the one event that they traditionally get to plan.  If his family is paying for it, it's really their gift to you and your fiance.  Try to think of it in that context- you hopefully wouldn't react negatively to someone who gives you a gift, so be nice, offer suggestions when asked, and be glad that you don't have to pay to feed all those people :)
  • Megz63426Megz63426 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ok, you all need to go somewhere, like a coffee shop, and sit down and talk about everything.  Tell her that you can make both ideas meet in the middle.  You can have a nice, romantic lite style italian dinner.. with a nice desert.  Kind of like Olive Garden? I know its more Tuscan, but still.  Tell her how you both feel and want to come to a conclusion.  That way you both get what you want!
    "It's not about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away" Wedding Countdown Ticker
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