For Those Who Eloped...

lovedryn

Do you ever regret that decision? Or would you change anything about it?

FI and I are seriously debating eloping in Ireland as opposed to all this family drama over hosting a big wedding. We could spend less than the wedding would cost and have the remaining funds for a downpayment on a house. Plus it would just be awesome to spend a couple weeks in Ireland and maybe the UK, and in the end all I care about is that we get to say I do!

zitiqueen

lovedryn said:

Do you ever regret that decision? Or would you change anything about it? FI and I are seriously debating eloping in Ireland as opposed to all this family drama over hosting a big wedding. We could spend less than the wedding would cost and have the remaining funds for a downpayment on a house. Plus it would just be awesome to spend a couple weeks in Ireland and maybe the UK, and in the end all I care about is that we get to say I do!

Have you done the research on marriage requirements in Ireland?

lovedryn

Yep we did research it. With our vacation time we should have no problem being able to meet their requirements, and if not, we can always elope stateside and still enjoy a honeymoon in Ireland.

lyndausvi

I didn't.  @Jells2dot0 eloped to Australia.  They way she talks there are ZERO regrets.   Not one.

I'm sure she will pop in at some point to let you know.

Jells2dot0

We eloped to Australia. We announced our marriage upon return, though word did get out when my photographer tagged me in photos on Facebook. I loved seeing the reactions! 

We don't regret our decision for a second. We did what we wanted on our own terms, without stress, and without drama. We ended up spending what most people spend on a big traditional wedding, but we also travel a lot and would have spent that money on a vacation anyway. Not everyone will feel the same way as we do, but knowing our families and our priorities, it just made sense. 

JennyColada

My parents eloped in Las Vegas some 33 years ago. Neither are the kinds of people who'd feel comfortable with a more traditional wedding.

It was great, because my own wedding planning was very low pressure thanks to that.

princessleia22

We didn't elope, but we had a small wedding on a cruise ship with only our closest family in attendance (25 guests).  We really didn't want the hassle of a large wedding either and this was a great alternative. And we have no regrets that our aunts/uncles/cousins/friends weren't there. But, we would have probably regretted if our parents weren't there. So, we wanted something small & simple that allowed us to still have our parents & siblings there.  In total, the whole trip cost us about what a typical wedding would (well, it depends on the wedding... we spent about $12k), but that included all the wedding & reception, wedding photos (that was 1/4 our budget), a 7 day cruise (with a spa suite), shore excursions, 5 days in New Orleans (where cruise left from... there was a 3 day waiting period on the marriage license, so we got there early then stayed a day after the cruise), airlines, spending money and everything.  

wrigleyville

We really really really wanted to elope, but I knew my parents would be absolutely crushed, so we compromised. We invited immediate family (parents, siblings, siblings-in-law, nieces) and a few of our absolute closest friends and their dates. 

We ended up with 43 people. It was perfect. It took so much stress off of us, and we were able to chat and hang out with everyone who came.

WhatawagSBNy

My first husband and I started planning a small wedding for right after college graduation, because that is what we wanted. Families got involved, mostly his wanting a huge expensive and fancy venue, which would take months to get together and delay us a minimum of 6 months. For a kind of wedding we did not want.
The fact they were offering to pay a huge amount for an elaborate 300+ wedding seemed to them to trump the fact that we wanted 75 people at the place we wanted, with money we had worked for and saved, followed by a cross country hiking, camping, kayaking trip for a month. Not a 9 month longer wait, not a gift of a fancy cruise.

I have never regretted eloping for a minute.
We had a courthouse wedding, a 2 month trip from New England to Alaska. Then 2 months nesting in our own apartment before grad school started.

We did not know my husband would die 4 months after our marriage. Thank god we had that time instead of endlessly planning for a future that would never happen.

Elope if that choice makes sense for you, then enjoy your marriage. Although you can arrange to marry abroad, it is often wise to have a civil ceremony here before going abroad. If any medical issue or legal one comes up, you can be each others next of kin. And I found out in Ireland a few years back that in many small inns and town family owned lodgings than an unmarried couple must rent 2 separate rooms. Local moral standards. Expensive.

jenna8984

I agree with @wrigleyville and @princessleia22 So many people think it has to be all or nothing, elope or massive expensive wedding. Having just immediate family and taking them out to eat after is still a wonderful option for low cost, low stress. You could probably do that and still afford the trip if you think it would mean a lot to them to witness it. 

princessleia22

jenna8984 said:

I agree with @wrigleyville and @princessleia22 So many people think it has to be all or nothing, elope or massive expensive wedding. Having just immediate family and taking them out to eat after is still a wonderful option for low cost, low stress. You could probably do that and still afford the trip if you think it would mean a lot to them to witness it. 

Luckily, we had family that was very accommodating and never tried to pressure us to have any particular type of wedding. They knew from the start that we never wanted a big, fancy wedding and they were okay with us having the small wedding we wanted.  A lot of people, like, @WhatawaySBNy, aren't that lucky.  Having a small wedding can get a lot more complicated when parents start trying to pressure you into inviting more people or to feel guilty for excluding extended family. 

jenna8984

princessleia22 said:

jenna8984 said:

I agree with @wrigleyville and @princessleia22 So many people think it has to be all or nothing, elope or massive expensive wedding. Having just immediate family and taking them out to eat after is still a wonderful option for low cost, low stress. You could probably do that and still afford the trip if you think it would mean a lot to them to witness it. 

Luckily, we had family that was very accommodating and never tried to pressure us to have any particular type of wedding. They knew from the start that we never wanted a big, fancy wedding and they were okay with us having the small wedding we wanted.  A lot of people, like, @WhatawaySBNy, aren't that lucky.  Having a small wedding can get a lot more complicated when parents start trying to pressure you into inviting more people or to feel guilty for excluding extended family. 

True. We also did the 20 people thing. My mother in law freaked out at first and we were very firm with her and basically said deal with it because it's not up to you. She eventually got over it but I understand that won't fly in some families. 

ashley8918

WhatawagSBNy said:

My first husband and I started planning a small wedding for right after college graduation, because that is what we wanted. Families got involved, mostly his wanting a huge expensive and fancy venue, which would take months to get together and delay us a minimum of 6 months. For a kind of wedding we did not want. The fact they were offering to pay a huge amount for an elaborate 300+ wedding seemed to them to trump the fact that we wanted 75 people at the place we wanted, with money we had worked for and saved, followed by a cross country hiking, camping, kayaking trip for a month. Not a 9 month longer wait, not a gift of a fancy cruise. I have never regretted eloping for a minute. We had a courthouse wedding, a 2 month trip from New England to Alaska. Then 2 months nesting in our own apartment before grad school started. We did not know my husband would die 4 months after our marriage. Thank god we had that time instead of endlessly planning for a future that would never happen. Elope if that choice makes sense for you, then enjoy your marriage. Although you can arrange to marry abroad, it is often wise to have a civil ceremony here before going abroad. If any medical issue or legal one comes up, you can be each others next of kin. And I found out in Ireland a few years back that in many small inns and town family owned lodgings than an unmarried couple must rent 2 separate rooms. Local moral standards. Expensive.

You just made me cry so hard. I am so glad that you were able to marry the man that you love on your own terms, and that you didn't spend all of that time planning a wedding that you didn't want.

wrigleyville

princessleia22 said:

jenna8984 said:

I agree with @wrigleyville and @princessleia22 So many people think it has to be all or nothing, elope or massive expensive wedding. Having just immediate family and taking them out to eat after is still a wonderful option for low cost, low stress. You could probably do that and still afford the trip if you think it would mean a lot to them to witness it. 

Luckily, we had family that was very accommodating and never tried to pressure us to have any particular type of wedding. They knew from the start that we never wanted a big, fancy wedding and they were okay with us having the small wedding we wanted.  A lot of people, like, @WhatawaySBNy, aren't that lucky.  Having a small wedding can get a lot more complicated when parents start trying to pressure you into inviting more people or to feel guilty for excluding extended family. 

Same here. My parents were really excited because they're older and dealing with some chronic illnesses. They would have happily attended a big wedding, but you could see the relief on my mom's face when I told her we were having our reception in a giant hotel suite with big, comfy chairs.

My extended family was pretty upset, because our family always has huge weddings with cousins, second cousins, all of their kids, etc, but they got over it. I heard some comments like, "Well, that makes sense because you guys are older and a big wedding would be weird," but I let them roll off my back. Misguided and judgy? Yes. Was I relieved I didn't have to bean dip? Also yes.

ShesSoCold

We too had a very small wedding with basically immediate family only. We had 34 guests. Most people were understanding but my MIL totally lost her shit and did/said some things that have probably ruined her relationship with her son forever. Even with that, we weren't going to let her temper tantrums bully us into something we didn't want (and didn't want to pay for). We believe we made the right decision for us and wouldn't change anything if we had to do it again.

SBmini

We had a big wedding and there were so many times where we almost pulled the plug and eloped. It was so much stress and drama and it really put a damper on my mood. If I were to do it again, it would be a much smaller affair. However, a lot of times it is difficult to know what you want until after it is done. So many people will do a small ceremony and wish they did something larger and vice versa. The grass is always greener.