Rehearsal dinner booze question

charcoalandblush

(I also posted this in the etiquitte board, not sure which is more appropriate) I did a couple of searches and came up empty, so I'm hoping someone can give me some insight on booze for our rehearsal dinner.

Our rehearsal dinner is in a restaurant's party room, which has a private bar. The restaurant itself also has a separate bar in the public area of the restaurant (about 20 feet from the party room).

I know that (at the wedding reception, at least) it's rude to have alcohol available that your guests have to purchase themselves. The problem is, we don't want a completely open bar, and if we do a limited bar (beer) or non-alcoholic bar, there WILL be alcohol there that our guests can purchase (at the full bar outside the party room). Does this mean we're bound to have an open bar or else look tacky/cheap?

NYCMercedes

Will the bar in the private room be fully stocked, including a bartender? Will all the bottles be on display?

charcoalandblush

The bar in the private room will be fully-stocked with bottles on display, regardless of what we decide to offer. 

Whether there's a dedicated bartender depends on how many people we have. <50, there's one staff member who serves as a bartender and server (it's buffet-style, so very limited server duties). >50, there will be one bartender and one server. We're not positive how inclusive the rehearsal dinner guest list will be, which will change whether there's a dedicated bartender for just the party room.

They provided a few options (full open bar, drink tickets, hosted by time or dollar amount, etc.) when they emailed us the menu and price list. They didn't specifically say that we could choose a limited bar, but I'm assuming they'd be willing to accommodate that. (I definitely should have asked when we went to check it out, but it didn't even occur to me at the time. I'll definitely be calling or emailing to find out though) Limited bar is what we're leaning towards because of our budget/not being rude to our guests.

Jen4948

I think that it's always okay to have a limited bar and clearly indicate what you are paying for. If someone wants to pay for drinks for him or herself beyond that, there isn't really anything you can do about it at a rehearsal dinner. At your reception, I think you can request that your guests not bring unhosted alcohol into your area (check venue rules and local laws on this) but again, although it's rude of guests to purchase unhosted alcohol at a wedding reception, there just isn't too much you can do about it other than have venue staff enforce any rules about not bringing said alcohol back to your reception area.

Lauderdale Pink

Not really the same, but...When we hosted engagement parties for our daughter, then a year later, our son, we went with the time/money option.  After about two hours of open bar, the head waiter gave us an up to the minute total.  Each time, we added an hour because people were being reasonable.  When we neared our limit, pre-set with the head waiter, the service staff quietly went to each table and did a "last call". Nobody seemed bothered at all.  Just set your limit and go with it.

banana468

IMO, as long as you offer some alcohol you're fine. No, it's not required but I think it's in poor taste to have a dry rehearsal dinner at a bar.

Jen4948

banana468 said:

IMO, as long as you offer some alcohol you're fine. No, it's not required but I think it's in poor taste to have a dry rehearsal dinner at a bar.

Well, the OP's rehearsal dinner isn't taking place in the bar itself. I don't think it's improper to not have alcohol just because the venue has a bar, as long as it's made clear to the guests what is hosted and what isn't.

The two etiquette issues with this kind of situation that come to mind are that I think it's rude to spring the hosting limits on guests (they need to be indicated at the start of the event and apply throughout) and that it's rude of guests to assume that they are entitled to obtain any drinks or food beyond what is hosted, whether they have to pay for it or not.

Liatris2010

Print menus for the tables and a sign for the (private) bar that says "[What is hosted] compliments of the [hosts]." Then your guests will know what drinks they can and cannot order.

Lauderdale Pink

@LIatris2010-Perfect! And a well done sign can really look like part of the decor.