If your spouse or significant other asked you what changes to make you happier, you would....

danamw

He is asking "me" so "I" would tell him how I would like him to change.

If he were just going to change for himself, he wouldn't have asked me.

wrigleyville

Oh, it's the opposite sex friend thing again.

Yeah, that's not okay. He's a douchebag if he expects you to drop all of your male friends, and you're a controlling harpy if you expect him to drop all of his female friends.

H is in bed right now, and I'm talking to one of my male friends on Facebook Messenger. It's no big deal. H was talking to one of his female friends earlier. Again, no big deal.

jenajjthr

I asked my ex-H to change. I asked him to stop freaking cheating. I'm pretty sure that is a change that I'm allowed to ask and one that a spouse should want to make IF they want to continue to be in the marriage. Alas, he did not, and so I left. 

Him talking to people of the opposite sex wasn't the issue. Everybody does that every day of their lives. If neither of you can trust each other to talk to some one of the opposite gender, then you have huge issues and shouldn't be getting married. Like PP's have said, trust is HUGE. Once it is gone, it is very hard to get back.

I trust my current H to talk to women, talking isn't cheating. Friendships isn't cheating. What is cheating is hiding and lying, sex, and anything in between. But just talking? No, not even close. Get some counseling, separate or together to work through this issue. 

flantastic

Do you have four posts across TK and TN about the same issue over several weeks because you're hoping that someone will eventually tell you that you're totally justified in wanting what you want and your husband needs to come all the way over to your point of view without compromise?

We've been on this merry-go-round and all the answers are either that this should be a non-issue between spouses because you trust one another, or that you need to decide jointly that certain boundaries with opposite-sex friends is something you both value.

I don't think you can do either, because a) you don't seem to trust him and b) he clearly doesn't have the same values on this issues. So you just keep hoping everyone's answer will change and you'll be clearly in the right. That's not going to happen, so since this is a persistent issue, I'd advise you two get some counseling on it.