ugghh, stupid work politics

kaos16

Obviously it is almost Christmas.  There are about 20 attorneys on my floor.  We have one main boss and she has two assistants.  Half of us report to each of the assistants.  Starting last week people started giving the bosses Christmas gifts.  Some of the people on the floor, one specifically, is independently wealthy. . . . like loaded.  She got them insane, expensive gifts.  Everyone else has been slowly giving them gifts because they see others doing it.  Now I feel like I am being forced into giving them a gift so I don't look like the ass.  I certainly cannot afford something extravagant like the one girl, but this whole thing annoys me.

I feel like you should give gifts because you want to, not because you feel pressured into doing it because everyone else is!

flutteringinfl

Hear, hear. I hate the pressure of giving gifts. And call me old fashioned (or...not old fashioned, I dunno), but I don't think it's appropriate to give the boss or bosses gifts. Definitely not extravagant gifts. I think I mentioned this in another thread, but last year one of the girls in our department took it upon herself to buy a $50 gift card to our boss and pressured everyone in the office to give $10 towards it. I pointed out there were way more than 5 people in our office and she said, "Oh, we'll just give the rest as cash." So basically our boss got a pile of money from us for Christmas, which really rubbed me the wrong way. This year I was saved because someone else was put in charge of the gigantic boss gift and she didn't know where my office was. I felt bad, but I also feel strangely better for not participating.

novella1186

flutteringinftmyers said:

Hear, hear. I hate the pressure of giving gifts. And call me old fashioned (or...not old fashioned, I dunno), but I don't think it's appropriate to give the boss or bosses gifts. Definitely not extravagant gifts. I think I mentioned this in another thread, but last year one of the girls in our department took it upon herself to buy a $50 gift card to our boss and pressured everyone in the office to give $10 towards it. I pointed out there were way more than 5 people in our office and she said, "Oh, we'll just give the rest as cash." So basically our boss got a pile of money from us for Christmas, which really rubbed me the wrong way. This year I was saved because someone else was put in charge of the gigantic boss gift and she didn't know where my office was. I felt bad, but I also feel strangely better for not participating.

The bolded is totally tasteless. If I were that boss, I would have felt so awkward getting a bunch of cash from my employees. I don't blame you for being unhappy about it. 

To the OP, I hate gift-giving pressure too. It's just kind of gross for everyone involved. I'd say don't give the boss anything. Especially if you can't afford it. Chances are, since they're getting so much crap from so many people, they won't remember who gave what and won't even notice that you didn't gift them anything. 

flutteringinfl

novella1186 said:

flutteringinftmyers said:

Hear, hear. I hate the pressure of giving gifts. And call me old fashioned (or...not old fashioned, I dunno), but I don't think it's appropriate to give the boss or bosses gifts. Definitely not extravagant gifts. I think I mentioned this in another thread, but last year one of the girls in our department took it upon herself to buy a $50 gift card to our boss and pressured everyone in the office to give $10 towards it. I pointed out there were way more than 5 people in our office and she said, "Oh, we'll just give the rest as cash." So basically our boss got a pile of money from us for Christmas, which really rubbed me the wrong way. This year I was saved because someone else was put in charge of the gigantic boss gift and she didn't know where my office was. I felt bad, but I also feel strangely better for not participating.

The bolded is totally tasteless. If I were that boss, I would have felt so awkward getting a bunch of cash from my employees. I don't blame you for being unhappy about it. 

To the OP, I hate gift-giving pressure too. It's just kind of gross for everyone involved. I'd say don't give the boss anything. Especially if you can't afford it. Chances are, since they're getting so much crap from so many people, they won't remember who gave what and won't even notice that you didn't gift them anything. 

This. Don't let yourself give in. Trust me. You'll feel yucky and there's a very good chance your boss doesn't even want these huge gifts from employees.

kaos16

I happened to be in her office when she got the crazy extravagant gift.   She was like "oh it's gorgeous, now I have to yell at her."  Maybe they'll respect me more for not giving in, lol.  I did get something small for my secretary, a bottle of wine and a little gift card to a store I know she loves.  She got me a gorgeous little winter scarf.

VulgarGirl

I'm the boss at work. I'd be weirded out if my employees started giving me large gifts. This year they've given me some candy, a few nice cards, and we did do a secret Santa with a $15 limit. Anything more then that though just seems out of place.

novella1186

People at work threw a baby shower for my boss, and I was the new kid at the time. I got her a stuffed elephant that was adorable and several classic baby books. It was what I could afford, and I thought it was a nice gift. Well, everyone else got her totally over the top gifts. Like one person gave her 12 fucking outfits. 12. My gift looked so pitiful compared to everyone else's. It was nuts. 

For Christmas this year, I gave my boss a card with a nice message written in it. The end. 

wandajune6

I bought my boss a bottle of wine (it's cat-shaped so I knew she would love it) and made her a batch of gluten-free cookies. We agreed to no gifts but I knew she's love the bottle and she blindsided me last year breaking the agreement. It's all small and simple though.

I hate the politics of these things.

Fran1985

That sucks- I said this in the other thread but you should never gift up- if you work for the government there is actually rules about it.  I feel like Boss should really get out ahead of it with a policy where they cant accept gifts. I know it can be awkward to say it but as the boss I'd rather have to awkwardly announce that I wont accept gifts than have my whole staff be feeling that pressure.

jenna8984

Uuuugh I hate that. Your last sentence really struck me because I was just using this concept yesterday to explain Jack & Jill's to a friend. She said to me "I still don't understand why you hate them- it's the same as a shower just more casual and with men." And I went on a fucking tangent about how it's fundraising and it's gross, and that I want to be seen a friend they want to celebrate with, not a walking piggy bank. My gift to the couple should be optional because I want to, not because it's mandatory to get in and be part of the celebration.

mrsk616

i have never gotten my boss anything other than a card. actually when i was at another dealer my boss was not in and i never got the card to her (she was a crazy lady too) 

AddieCake

I absolutely hate the pressure gifting. 

princessleia22

I always feel like I should give something to my boss to show my appreciation, but it does seem weird to spend money on him. Kind of feels like I'm buying him a gift with his own money. So, the last couple years I've made it a habit to just give them a basket of baked goods.  Over the weekend I made a variety of breads and honey butter and gave him some of that.  It's simple, it's heartfelt, and it's not throwing money at him. And I think it shows more thought to give something that took my time, rather than a random gift card I picked up at the grocery store. I also gave a batch of goodies to my physical therapist, my in-laws, and anyone else I want to show appreciation for. 

ShellD13

I'm a boss at work as well.  I feel very awkward when I receive gifts from the people that work for me.  I say stick to your guns and don't give in to the office pressure/politics.  I like @Fran1985 's sentiment about not gifting up - it is good advice.

Jen4948

Is there an HR person or department at your office you can talk to about this and let them know that expensive gifts for bosses aren't working for you?

teddygirl9

I agree that gifts should be because you WANT to. I might just get a nice card or something, if you really feel the need to give something.

 

My boss has never had an assistant before (I'm not technically his assistant, but I'm really his only direct report in the office, everyone else is out in the field). He told me to go for a nice dinner and expense it, so I assume that is my xmas gift haha. I'm totally okay with it and booked a nice steakhouse for xmas eve

levioosa

My coworker surprised me with a gift this morning, and now I feel like an ass.  I'm wondering if I'll have time to bake something tonight to give out tomorrow.  I also hate buying my boss gifts because she's so well off that anything I could afford just seems sad in comparison.  It's awkward all around.